Kenneth's Thread *2/15/10 - Pictures of Progress*

** Monday May 19, 2008 **

I don't know what else to say at this point... all I can say is thank you from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you so much for every prayer, well wish, positive/caring thought, etc. My family and I appreciate it SO much at this time which is, for all of us, the most difficult time of our lives. I don't have much of an update - just that he has come out of his surgeries very well - and although he is unconscious still and has remained that way so far they are very optimistic b/c he is stable. He squeezed my Mother's hand right before we left - so, that made us all feel a little bit of comfort and apparently, he CAN hear us when we are talking to him - I talked to him so much today so that made me feel better to know he can hear some of the things we are saying.

I just got home from the hospital to TRY and rest, shower, change and then we will be going back up early tomorrow AM. My parents are sleeping at the hospital. God, I just think about his son (my 6 year old nephew) and my mother - more than anything else. I am positive that he WILL be alright - I need that because I have nothing else to hold on to - just pure HOPE that he will be OK... somehow.

I truly appreciate and will answer each FM I rec'd - just give me some time once things, hopefully, get more settled. Thank you to everyone - all my friends who called, left messages, reached out - anything and everything helps and all we ask for now is just to pray for him - we will take ANY prayer we can get. He is such a wonderful person and such a dedicated Father as well as an extremely dedicated and proud Police Officer. I can't even describe or talk about what we went through today - with the media, everyone being up there, seeing him - everything was just horrible... beyond words. But, more than anything, the Nassau County Police Department has been AMAZING and I can't even thank them enough for their support - especially for my mother and father.

I keep listening to this song from Les Mis over and over. It makes me feel better - I keep asking God - I keep singing this song or saying the words to God. I told Kenneth tonight that he needs to tell God that it is NOT his time right now - that he has so much more good to do here on earth first - that he has a son to raise - to tell God NO, not right now... I just told him to fight and he is a fighter - the strongest person I know. He is my hero, he is everything to me. Here are the lyrics to Bring Him Home - what I've been listening to and what I'm hoping for...

God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there

He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home.

He's like the son I might have known
If God had granted me a son.
The summers die
One by one
How soon they fly
On and on
And I am old
And will be gone.

Bring him peace
Bring him joy
He is young
He is only a boy

You can take
You can give
Let him be
Let him live
If I die, let me die
Let him live
Bring him home.


...I'll update this post as soon as I can and when I know more. I've seen all the other posts and read each of them - thank you so very much.



*First Update: Tuesday May 20th*

Yesterday, early on was better for me - I was positive and upbeat b/c of the signs of movement he was showing. Then, as the day went on and I heard the press conference and it was just so hard. I wanted to hear it to know everything and see everything - that helps BUT I didn't want the media swarming us again like they have been doing every time I just try to step outside to get cell service or something like that. Luckily, there was a little outside room I was able to stand in and look/hear everything but no one could see me so that was good. But as the day went on I just got more and more upset - I guess in this situation we are going to have good days and bad days - upsetting days and ones where we are feeling much better and that's alright - I'll take as many bad days as I need to take for Kenneth - as long as he is OK in the end I don't care how long that road is for us.

The outpouring of response from people has been amazing - we had strangers come up who have had head injuries and are now OK and living a great life - they came up JUST to show themselves as a sign of hope and to lift our spirits. We had people make cards, writing letters, etc and sending them up - we have gotten phone calls from other STATES - it was on CNN and a distant family relative saw it in Georgia. My friend saw it on the news in Philly - it is amazing b/c the more people they reach, the more people will pray and that's all we want.

The only hard part is trying to reach everyone you know will be seeing this - trying to think of everyone and not getting service in the hospital is hard - but the reporters are getting better about approaching us -- and SOME of them don't know who i am which is great -- but they are getting better about coming up to us when I'm just trying to make calls and update people or thank people who have called. I felt awful that our best man, Vinny's first cousin, heard about this as he was riding on the train to work - he read it in the newspaper and called all upset from his office in Manhattan yesterday - but you can't reach everyone and that is what is hard.

OK - rambling as I'm waiting for my sister to get ready so we can go back up to the hospital - she is just taking a quick shower and we'll be off. I have this little angel I put by Kenneth with a rosary - we have holy water and oil from Lourdes and the Vatican to put on his face - so, everything is working and the prayers ARE working - I JUST KNOW IT - God is hearing how much everyone loves him and how much people feel he needs to be HERE b/c he still has so much good to do - and he has his son to be here for! So, God knows that and will get him better for us. I picked through all my proofs to get the pictures of him with us - His whole FACE is the front of Newsday today - I saw that last night when they early released the cover and it gave me CHILLS and then I got really upset - BUT it is good to know everyone cares - they wouldn't cover a story people didn't care about and the more people care - the better for him!

...I just wish it wasn't that awful police ID picture where you can't smile and he just doesn't look like himself. I did give one reporter a picture - the only one I had on me of him and myself from my wedding just so hopefully they print a picture of the real him - smiling.

OK - she's ready - thank you for letting me ramble - it really helps to just VENT and just get it out - helps a lot.

More updates as soon as I can - I promise -- and the best medical update you can get is from the press conf. which is on this link - you can click on the video - the man with the goatee (one of his docs) has been SO NICE - thank god for him!!

Click Here - video of press conf on how he is doing and the latest-

...This is better than anything I can say b/c it is so hard to even get into everything - the docs know best.

BTW - real quick - Kathleen Rice (Nassau DA) came up yesterday to meet us - she has been a HERO of mine since the Katie Flynn trial where she got the guy a REAL sentence - 20 years! Thank God for people like her who are crusaders! She personally asked the person who worked with her on that case to work on my brother's case!!! This is wonderful - I was SO honored and happy to meet her - just wanted to say that - she was so good to my family yesterday!

"Hope is a key word in the vocabulary of men and women like myself and so many others who discovered in America the strength to overcome cynicism and despair. Remember the legendary Pandora's box? It is filled with implacable, terrifying curses. But underneath, at the very bottom, there is hope. Now as before, now more than ever, it is waiting for us."

- from Elie Weisel, a fave quote of mine.

*Second Update - 5/21/08*
Just got home - exhaustion is setting in and I find myself forgetting things, starting sentences and not being able to finish them - totally losing my train of thought, etc. Since I got 2 hours sleep last night and an hour the night before it is amazing what it is doing to me physically - but, tonight I took a simply sleep so that will help, I'm sure.

On to Kenneth!! He didn't have a bad day but it wasn't a day where he moved in a positive direction either - but that's ok! There are going to be days where he is just consistent and the same - and other days where he is doing better - we just want to avoid the days where he gets worse and so far, we have!

He looks a little worse only because the swelling has increased BUT that is par for the course - that is totally expected and now that it has peaked, it will, start to decrease slowly.

I have every article, picture, blurb, EVERYTHING about him - from the web, the papers and I'm going to be making a scrapbook so he can see what he overcame when he is all better! He will be, and should be, so impressed!

Again - so many people, visitors, well wishes, prayers, support - everything means so much. My heart dropped when I saw the cover of newsday today - I can't even believe this is my reality right now - this is our world. My parents are hanging in there - I'm trying to be strong for my sister, my mother, father and husband - they are all really fragile and I can be their rock right now b/c Kenneth, who usually is, cannot at the moment.

Heading to bed - just wanted to say that there will be good days and - I don't want to say bad b/c it wasn't a bad day - just consistent days! Thank you for all the FM's, voicemails (Shorty - thank you!), texts (Jules, Penny) and visits - Melissa, especially - you are my rock!

We are hoping to meet our angel firefighter tomorrow!

Phew Again, thank you for being my outlet.

****May 22, 2008****

Today was a good day!

I knew it would be after yesterday was just a "steady" day -- as long as we are moving forward or staying the same I'm fine! But today was great - the swelling went down SO much in his head b/c they sedated him a lot yesterday in order to allow the pressure to go down - and it worked! He has his features back - he looks fabulous!

Then, they did a very special procedure where they put a mechanism inside his leg that looks like a little umbrella with wires -- it keeps the blood from clotting! Just as a precaution - they are staying one step ahead of EVERYTHING! It went well - they did it bedside for him and then they put pins in his pelvis and around him just to secure it until he can have the surgery (scheduled now for next wednesday!) So, that went well also. One funny moment - I walked in to see him and they were just finishing up and well, they didn't have him as covered as he should be - Dear God this is my brother! It was my first laugh (and in a while!). LOL! The nurse got a kick out of it - definitely MORE than I should have seen

We have had visitors upon visitors - I put together a scrap book today - took me like three hours but I was determined to get all the stuff I had (pics and articles and cards -- so far) in there so then whenever I get more I just keep adding it -- it looks great and I'm SO EXCITED for him to wake up and see all that happened - he will be amazed - floored!!!

Again - a thank you to the PBA and the ENTIRE Nassau County Police Department, Kathleen Rice (the amazing DA who is going to be taking care of our case!!!), Tom Suozzi and the "Commish". Then, the doctors (especially his neurosurgeon Dr. Mehta) who actually TOLD me that his craniotomy was "simple" what an amazingly humble man!!!!

OK - looking forward to the next couple of days to continue this great improvement as they start to take him slowly off of the heavy meds so he can, hopefully , wake up for us! I would give ANYTHING to hear his voice - can't wait for that!

Looking forward to the walk on June 1st - I'm going to speak with a rep from MADD tomorrow about it - hoping to see everyone there so I can just say thank you and give a hug!

Our hero ANGEL lifesaving fireman is coming either Friday, Saturday or Sunday - depending on his schedule... we'll be there! I spoke with him myself on the phone today and he is actually a living angel walking among us.

OK - thank you again for allowing me to ramble - it is one of the highlights of my days to do this and it is my "therapy" during this time.



***May 23, 2008***

First and foremost, I just have to say how blown away I am by the FM's and emails I am receiving - You have no idea how much it comforts me when I come home each day and they are the first things I read - I can't wait until everything with him is all better so I can write each and every person back saying 'your prayers worked! he is awake and talking and happy!!!!'

today was a pretty good day but started off a little rocky. i always get most nervous driving back up to the hospital in the morning wondering "what are we going to encounter today??" - so, the docs went in to check out some fluid he had in his lungs thinking perhaps it was pneumonia. they immediately gave him a dose of antibiotics to be safe and went in to check it out -- turns out, it is just regular fluid build up that can happen - not pneumonia but he does have a little case of strep throat so they will continue the antibiotics -- i mean, germs are everywhere and he is very susceptible to strep - has gotten it in the past many times. so, the drugs will knock that out and they put a scope in to remove the fluid and then he was breathing much better and clearer. so, it was a little scary but in the end - worked out well. then, they did another cat scan and more swelling BUT again - nothing that is unexpected -- it is actually "par for the course" at this point b/c the swelling peaks before it goes down and he had so much movement yesterday in terms of them moving him around during the bedside surgery and the alignment and the bath, etc etc etc. So, he had a lot going on which could have caused just a bit more swelling - it will go down - it just takes time and patience.

he looks great - a little scruffy lol but the nurse - SO nice - commented on how cute he is so i said "well, he would be MORTIFIED if he knew how scruffy he was - he likes to be clean shaven but that's alright" and she said "omg! buy him an electric razor - i'll be happy to shave him!" so, my dad went right across the street and got him one so tomorrow he'll be all spiffed!! he'll be so happy when he wakes up to see that he is dapper and cleaned up

the nurses exposed him to me again twice today - i'm getting used to it god help me! haha!

something is going to happen tomorrow - BIG - and i'm not allowed to say what yet - we were asked not to but i'm sure you guys will see/hear about it and if not, i'll tell you tomorrow evening during my update.

...it is really amazing and i'm just floored - no words!

so, sorry to tease but tomorrow is only a day away!

ok, time for bed - BIG day tomorrow and we are going to have dinner with christopher tomorrow night and spend some time with him!!!! so excited for that and the police commissioner brought some toys for christopher - police cars, hats, etc! so nice - can't wait to give him everything and i'm so upbeat and i have such a wonderful feeling in my heart - everyone is so comforting - the police - i have never hugged so many men in my LIFE!

OK, see you guys tomorrow - xoxoxoxo - you guys are the best best BEST!!!


****May 24, 2008****

Wow - how amazing was the announcement regarding Big Brown?? I just can't believe it - my poor father CRIED when he heard it like I've never seen before - we all did. And then to see Christopher on the news - wow! He is so strong and such a wonderful little boy - he is so much of my brother. The whole conference was really amazing and supportive -- a little draining and emotional b/c it was tough but gave us such a great feeling in our hearts -- and to be able to hug and thank the owners was great. They offered us a spot in their private box on the day of the race and then they mentioned that if our favorite horse wins we will get to go in the winner's circle with them! HOW NICE are these people?!!! It gives me so much hope in the human spirit - it really does.

Kenneth did well today - everyone on the news is now calling Kenneth 'Kenny' b/c that is how Mr. Suozzi and the "commish" refer to him lol so everyone is doing it now!! It makes me feel good in a way because my friend who was killed by a drunk driver 6 years ago - his name is Kenny! So, it is like he's saying "don't worry danielle, i'm watching over him" which is a great feeling.

The docs started taking him off of all his pain and sedation meds today so they could do some response tests - well, he is responding a lot! and that was great -- and, more than ever, when we go in there and talk to him his numbers and the machines start going crazy and he starts to react a little in his face and body and breathing - it is AMAZING. but then we tell him "calm down kenneth, it is OK - that's enough, don't work yourself up honey" ...so, but it is great because he recognizes our voices IMMEDIATELY once he is off of the drugs and sedation. his temp is still a little high but being controlled. it is going to be at least another four/five days before he has a chance of being able to open is eyes and actually be there and "awake" -- that's OK... the swelling that needs to go down takes a long time and I have all the patience in the world for him!

he looks great - they have him sitting upright a little and he looks so peaceful and the swelling has definitely decreased a little - so, bit by bit we are getting there.

i'm filled with so much faith/hope!

My hero!!

the one thing i can't believe is that it has been a week already - well, saturday evening - very late, early sunday morning will mark one week. at times it feels like this has been in slow-motion and has been going on for YEARS -- other times, it feels like yesterday. it is weird going all these days without hearing his voice or talking to him - i miss him a lot. but, at least i can hold his hand, talk to him and sing to him. i sing bring him home to him everyday and i read books to him about ronald reagan - he is a big history buff.

christopher made a recording for him that i played for kenneth today "hi daddy, it is chris. i love you very much... with all my heart. you are the best daddy in the WHOLE world" then he proceeded to sing his end of the year concert song "new york, new york" but instead it is "first grade, first grade" b/c he is going into first grade LOL! i love it!

thanks again girls - i can't get over this! everyday is more and more support -- just when you think you can't get through another day - the support just LIFTS you up!!!

mr. suozzi told us today that there will be a fund set up if people are generous enough to offer any type of monitary support/response. I know some people have offered to have a fundraiser but instead of you having to go to all that trouble -- they are going to set something up and if you want to donate - well, i have no words - how do you say thank you? even ONE dollar blows me away - that someone would be kind enough to do that for us - it is just inspirational.

ok - actually got home "early" tonight lol it is 12:43!

goodnight everyone - hope is waiting for us!

********may 25th 2008*********

a lot of people will make it home alive tonight b/c they are doing checkpoints in honor of kenneth. no one will ever know just how many lives this happening to my brother will save - it is a bittersweet silver lining to a terrible situation. i will be a lot more upbeat about it when he comes out 100% OK.

we passed the checkpoints on the way home - it is a BIG deal and i'm glad. it makes you feel better that something is being done.

kenneth did well today - same situation as the past couple of days but really, the docs told us this was going to be this way. what they are doing is keeping him sedated because they DON'T want him to wake up -- if he wakes up, starts to come to and move around he risks increasing the swelling in the brain b/c the more you move around and such the more pressure gets in there -- that could cause a stroke or something worse. so, for the next few days and for the past couple of days they are going to keep him very comfortable and sedated -- that way, he has a chance to really heal - then, after a while, they will take him off slowly and start to monitor what is going on -- and hopefully, the swelling will be much better so that he CAN come off the meds and CAN come back to us and talk to us w/o the worry of causing problems with his head injury.

so, i keep telling myself what they keep telling us -- he could wake up right now or come to a little bit IF we were to take him off of sedation and pain meds -- BUT we can't b/c it'll be too much pain and cause swelling. when they are almost certain it'll be ok is when they will do that -- and that will just take time and patience. so, i keep reminding myself - it is not that he can't wake up - it is that they don't want him to yet.

phew - but today was hard b/c it marks one week (very late tonight - about 6am sunday morning)... and i think my mom just expected more change by now. but we need to think about what i just wrote above -- and we need to think about how his heart, his organs, his vitals - everything is wonderful. he could have: heart failure, organ/kidney failure, stroke, seizures, no brain activity, no reactions, etc. ...he has TONS of brain activity, movements whenever they reduce his meds to test him, organs/vitals are perfect -- so, i mean, think about all those positive things!! how amazing is that considering he would have been dead if it wasn't for the firefighter??

i just have to hold onto that -- and i have to TRY and be patient with the docs that hey know what is best, of course, and that they just want to keep him "out of it" for a while - just to make sure he is OK to come back to us before he does. i just feel bad for my mom b/c ALL she wants is for him to open his eyes and say "hi mom"



btw - they are going to be releasing the photos and names of the irresponsible and selfish individuals who decide to drive drunk this weekend --- i think it is an excellent idea and they have never done this before around our area... i will be posting that information when i get it. i would like a lot of "bump" support so that more people that see it, the better. that way - if anyone knows one of those people or ever sees them we can say SHAME ON YOU!

Thanks guys - enjoy your weekend everyone - have fun but be safe! having fun is OK - being reckless is NOT!

a big thanks to mr. suozzi, the commish and the ENTIRE nassau county police dept for what they have done and are going to be doing this entire weekend!!! they arrested 44 people last night alone -- and they are only doing ONE checkpoint, in ONE area, for a few hours!!!!!! and there is a big neon sign saying "SOBER STATION" duhhh!!!! and we still got 44 people - scary! so, more tonight & tomorrow i'm sure.

we are going to church tomorrow for kenneth and then to the hospital.


***part two of 5/25/08 update***

since it is not after midnight it is still, technically, may 25th's update! i'm shocked that i'm home before midnight, actually! well, i had to come home early b/c my husband and i are just EXHAUSTED - i have never been this tired in my entire life. not after my wedding, my honeymoon w/ the jet lag - never! so, i fell asleep in our little family room we wait in at the hospital and then i said to vin (around 6ish) that we had to go home -- i napped and relaxed and now i'm up for a little bit before going to bed.

we got to see christopher today and he made kenneth a drawing that says "I love you Daddy, so much" and then he wrote "Get Well Soon"... I put it in Kenneth's room. it was great seeing him - he can't come to the hospital - we feel it is too upsetting for him at this point - but he'll come up the second kenneth wakes up and is off the breating tube, etc. he keeps asking when but he is being so patient - he just wanted to know when b/c he is worried kenneth won't make his kindergarten graduation - which, he most likely won't. it is upsetting to me - my brother's whole world is christopher so for him to not make his graduation - it just angers me - it is yet another thing that my brother is being robbed of due to a driver being careless and selfish. so far, he has missed countless baseball games, lacrosse, kenneth bought tix to the lion king - just him and christopher were going to go and he'll miss that along with HIS college graduation and now christopher's graduation.

i can't think about it - but sometimes, when there is nothing else on my mind - it wanders to that and all that he has been through - and i just cry.

we met our angel firefighter late last night - what a wonderful man. there really are no words to describe the type of person he is - it is just unbelievable. thank GOD for him - b/c without him kenneth wouldn't be here right now - there is no doubt in my mind he completely and totally saved his life that morning.

he was very comforting to my parents and it was quite emotional. he brought him a patch from his firehouse -- where everyone who responded to 9/11 that morning died but him - just amazes me how everything lined up -- all the stars -- to help kenneth that day.

he said he looks forward to being able to talk to kenneth when he wakes up -- and i know kenneth will be able to personally thank him.

well, i'm going to go rest now - it feels weird to me b/c this is the first time i've been home since last week at this time -- i need time to myself though - it is just too much and i have to allow myself to get upset b/c i try so hard to be the strong one around my parents. a very nice man brought up a padre pio story of this amazing man who works miracles - i truly believe in it and i put it by kenneth in his bed.

ok - thanks guys! status is the same with kenneth but next week i truly believe we'll have some major changes and some GREAT news coming b/c the docs are planning on removing the breathing tube, the swelling and pressure should be getting better and better each day AND he is having (if all goes well) his pelvic surgery -- i'm very optimistic about next week.



BTW - so far, they have arrested 77 drunk drivers in just two days and a total of six hours - three hours each day at just ONE major checkpoint. thank god for all those officers and the county exec for doing this - god knows how many lives they saved!!!!

********5/27/08*********

OK - I find myself at a loss for words. First, I want to say the positive but it sounds way too optimistic and then to get hit with the negative is crushing. Basically, the doctors come in each day and hit us with the worst case and then try to lift our spirits by saying "but he's..." and listing the good.

It is one big roller coaster - just when you are feeling strong and confident you get knocked down and you just want to cry. Today, Kenneth's neurologist told us that the latest cat scan is showing major damage... the word he used was "horrible". He was able to see more on this scan b/c the swelling/pressure has gone down a bit and he is upset by what he sees. He said there is "extensive damage".

Then, when you want to just fall on the floor, he tells you that Kenneth IS responding really well... that he is moving (when they test him) both legs, both arms, his head a little, he tries to blink/open his eyes, etc. The doc said that he has had cases where the CT looks GREAT and the patient is totally not responding -- and then, like with Kenneth, the CT looks awful but the patient is responding really well.

It was hard to hear him tell us that the fact that he has made it this far is a miracle in itself - that they did not expect him to make it through the first day -- That is very hard to hear.

So, you try to take the positive that they are giving you and go with that but the hardest part is the unknown - people keep saying to me "are they telling you a time frame?" "do they know when he will wake up" and the answer is NO to everything - and that is because they have NO clue. They have no way of knowing how the damage will effect him, how much he will be able to overcome with rehab, how well he will do from here on out -- when he will wake up - if he will even be able to speak when he wakes up, etc.

They have no clue and all they can tell us is that it is in God's hands now. I truly believe the power of prayer - I believe IN IT because I have to. I believe in my brother and his strength and I believe that God will help us if we ask him. So, if everyone can continue to pray - I know you all have been and I truly appreciate it but he is still SO far from being out of the woods and I need that faith for him.

The docs and nurses keep telling us it is like he is inside that body just FIGHTING to come out.

Today is one of the harder days on this roller coaster.

They arrested 109 drunk drivers in there little operation this weekend. That is just by doing it for a few hours each night AND they announced that they were going to be doing it - so, it is very scary. They will be releasing the information shortly - I'm sure.

I'm clinging to hope.


******May 28th 2008******

OK, we are hanging in there... Today Kenneth opened both of his eyes all the way and looked at my Mother. My Mom said (again - she has been saying this but just to make sure he knows and doesn't worry/wonder where he is or what happened) my Mom said "Kenneth, it is OK - you have been in an accident but you are doing SO well and are doing better and better each and everyday. You keep fighting and we are ALL here with you. You have been here just over a week and are showing such great signs each day" and just as she was saying this to him a tear came from his eye and rolled down his cheek. I was devastated and at the same time amazed... he understands! He understands what happened and has registered an emotion to the story. It sent a sense of pain throughout my body like I have never experienced before and at the same time part of me said "wow, THANK GOD, what a sign - he understands".

Then, at one point, he looked SO exhausted from trying to communicate with us all day, squeeze our hands, etc. so I was singing to him and I said "Kenneth, if you want to close your eyes and sleep then you can - it is OK - I'm with you no matter what - don't feel bad, close them and rest" and he did.

They allowed him to breathe on his own today -- still had the tube in but turned the machine off. He was doing great on his own but they put it back on so he doesn't over do it. It is unbelievable how we can get such AWFUL news from the CT scan and then have such wonderful outcome from Kenneth.

It is like the minute we get a bad result he says "$crew that stupid scan - look how good i'm doing!". that's just his way - and i'm not even surprised by it. he always went above and beyond - always had a way of being the one to "defy the odds".

i feel hopeful and i needed that hope after the news we got from the scan - i cannot tell you how amazing the stories i've read -- either through posts or FM's -- of people recovering and going against the odds -- thank GOD for them b/c just when i'm at rock bottom - it lifts me up.

thank you for the prayers and if i could just ask for them to be continued as he fights and fights to get back to us. the nurse keeps saying it is like he is inside fighting to come out to us.

it is so hard to see someone you love so much experience this and start to understand what is happening or what has happened to him -- he just looks into my eyes like "why can't i talk?" "help me - what happened to me?" and he has all these questions and just looks at you and i just keep telling him he is going to be OK. it is absolutely heart breaking - i wouldn't wish this on anyone.

before i left tonight i told him to just rest for the night - he had spent a good portion of the day up, squeezing our hands, trying to move here and there, looking at us, listening to us -- it is exhausting for him so i told him i was going to sing him to bed. i sang to him until he fell asleep and then i left him in the care of the docs and all of his police brothers for the night.

i realized tonight the kind of love i have for him and how much he means to me - there is nothing in this world i wouldn't do for him and i would trade places with him in an instant.



******may 29th 2008******

typing w/ the puppy on my lap so bear with me ... she is lonely b/c she is not used to me being out of the house this much and i feel so bad for her. luckily, she gets SO much attention from my in-laws and vin.

kenneth is amazing - he just blows me away. just when i am down and think 'omg this is awful' he just makes me and i'm like 'wow - he's going to pull through real well!!' ... it is unbelievable. we are at (roughly) day 10 and today he: blinked his eyes on command when i asked him to, squeezed my hand multiple times when i asked him to, looked right at me when i said "kenneth, it's danielle - can you open your eyes or are you sleeping?" he opened his eyes - turned his head and looked right at me -- i said "i love you" and he looked at me, tried to move his mouth (but the tube is in there) and nodded his head up and down almost to motion "i love you too". tomorrow, when he is on less pain meds (b/c all of these reactions are with him on HEAVY meds!!) i'm going to ask him to do more specific things -- but now he is a little loopy so it is hard to ask him to do more stuff.

it takes a lot out of him to do this stuff but b/c his blood pressure went up a little - they think b/c of the pain from the pelvic injury that we are still holding off on operating on -- they think that caused a raise in pressure so they increased his morphine and then it went down to just about normal.

they are planning on taking the tube out tomorrow (thank yaaaa jesus!!!) b/c he *HATES* that thing... and they are going to put a breathing thingy in his throat -- much more sanitary, much more comfortable - better all around!! he CAN breathe on his own but they don't want him a. doing that much work when he doesn't have to be and needs to focus all his energy on getting better with the head injury and b. they want him taking in the most oxygen possible -- helps heal better AND it is better for the brain function/flow.

then, on monday, they are planning on doing the pelvis surgery -- since it is not life threatening and they did put that brace on him for now they wanted to hold off so that his swelling in the brain can decrease.

we are no longer listening to doctors lol lol but after a while of being pretty "gloom and doom" i'm done with listening to them - well, the negative ones at least. we take the positive ones and are happy to hear them. as far as his cat scans go it really doesn't matter HOW they look now b/c the swelling in his brain is masking (like a cloud cover) any and all actual "damage" that was done -- so WHY are we even making ourselves crazy right now?? When that swelling goes away we will look at the CT's and then be able to tell WHAT is WHAT. for now, we take it one day at a time and are THRILLED to have him shocking the shiit out of the docs w/ how much he is responding and moving.

they feel as though all of the swelling has peaked -- his ICP (inter cranial pressure) has been at a perfect level for two days now!!!!!! and that means that now the swelling has PEAKED and will start to decrease little by little.

the hard part is that he is frustrated - he doesn't quite know what is going on -- he understands some but i can tell he has so many questions and is annoyed at the whole situation. my brother is a mover and a shaker - he will NOT tolerate this for long which will just give him increased drive to get the helll out of there and work, work, work at getting 100% again.

people ask me a lot "so he's going to be OK, right??" and i just say "we are taking it step by step" i think people think b/c he didn't die that he is going to be just fine -- and almost overnight. well, it doesn't quite work like that. brain/head injuries are a complicated thing... there is A LOT of space between a person being dead and a person being totally healthy and doing great.... and he is in between right now. i'm just glad he is not worse than he is or worst of all... so, i thank god for that and just say we'll keep getting better and take baby steps... i'm in NO rush.

we have the madd walk on sunday - hope to see as many people there as possible. it would be an honor to meet anyone who has posted, sent an FM, cares/concerns/prayers, etc. It really would be my honor to say thank you in person -- so, i'm looking forward to that. our shirts are supposed to come tomorrow - thanks again gerty!!!!! and then on june 5th we have the first court hearing for the case against the drunken driver who hit my brother... i will be attending to represent my family along with a *TON* of his fellow police brothers. it's going to be tough but i'm strong - i'll be fine... i'll do good for kenneth.... ooh! he would correct me right now "you'll do WELL" lol he always does that -- whenever i say "oh christopher did so good at little league today" he'll say "he did WELL"

the prayers and faith... that is what keeps us all going.

we still have tough days but we are so hopeful and seeing him look at me today - when i said i love you -- he looked right THROUGH me -- so deep in my eyes -- i saw HIM for the very first time - the real him and he is just going to continue to come out - like a ball of fire - that is just his nature.




*****May 30, 2008*****

Today is a good day.

We hate to get TOO excited when we get good news but today we rec'd more good news than we have in all the past days combined... so, I have to be happy. Even if we have more set-backs down the road - today is a happy day...

The docs did another CT and said that it looks "very good" That is AMAZING considering we heard the word "horrible" just a few days ago. I truly believe in the power of prayer and in Padre Pio - our wonderful Saint who we have been praying to everyday, multiple times a day. Thank God for the man who offered to come up and pray over Kenneth to Padre Pio -- he can channel him and I believe he did because ever since that day it has been a STEADY climb UP.

Also, the docs said: he is 100% better since the last time they really examined him which was about four days ago. He is moving a lot, wide awake, clear eyes, off all of his meds that made him loopy AND they feel he is on "the right path". He has also been cleared for both of his surgeries -- moving the tube to the throat AND his pelvis surgery which he really needs to be able to be in LESS pain AND so they can take his leg out of this "track" they have it in to keep the pelvis straight for now.

I have to just thank GOD and every single person who has prayed for this good update... Everyone, IT IS WORKING - So, keep the prayers up and when you do - KNOW in your HEART like I do that it IS working.

And for Kenneth - my fighter...

Well I wont back down, no I wont back down.
You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I wont back down.

Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around. And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down.
Gonna stand my ground and I wont back down.

Hey baby, there aint no easy way out.
Hey I will stand my ground,
And I wont back down.

Well I know whats right, I got just one life. In a world that keeps on pushin' me around, but I'll stand my ground... and I wont back down.



works.

******* 6/1/08 *******

Today was another good day - We are so blessed! The neuro doc came in to take a look at Kenneth early this AM and he was pleased with his responses. Kenneth is set up for his surgery which was moved from tomorrow (Monday) to Wednesday only because the doc who is doing it wants the very best people assisting him in the surgery... and, in order to get them, they needed to schedule it a little further in advance - so, Wednesday is the day. PLEASE pray that Kenneth does well with this surgery - it is a MAJOR surgery where they will be fusing his pelvis back together using titanium rods...

So, if everyone can just be thinking about him on Wednesday and praying that God keeps him safe during the three hour surgery I would truly appreciate it -- once he is done with this surgery he has made it over a MAJOR hill and is well on his way to recovery I have to say - he is blowing us and the doctors away -- today he was pretty alert but still on a lot of meds... that is another thing that fixing the pelvis will help to eliminate -- once that surgery is done he'll be able to sit up - maybe get out of the bed, he'll be more awake b/c he'll be on less medications for pain/sedation... so, we are very excited about the next week or so to come!

Also, along with the pelvis surgery they are moving the tube to the throat -- finally! That will also make a huge difference and I'm excited to see the strides he'll be making in the next coming week or so. Thank you EVERYONE for all you are doing -- I just can't even put into words HOW MUCH it all means.

We did the MADD walk today and it was wonderful - it is on News 12 if anyone wants to check it out. Thank you to Bonnie -- for coming out to walk with us -- that was so very kind of you and we are very lucky to have such great support. Also, of course, thanks Jodi, Nicole, Tony & Tony for walking with us not only for Kenny and his memory but now for Kenneth and his hopefull future and recovery!



******June 4th******

He had surgery on his pelvis today and it went VERY WELL!

The doc who did it, he was fabulous, came out of surgery VERY pleased with kenneth - commented on how he is in such great shape and how that helped. He gave us an updated X-ray with it all fixed. It was a BAD break - completely uneven - you should see the X-ray, it is unbelievable! But, all patched up with titanium rods and screws. Something tells me Kenneth will have a difficult time the next time he travels on an airplane going through the security checkpoint

He was pretty loopy for a couple of hours following the surgery/recovery because of all the meds but then he was wide awake at night -- his BP went up a little which they suspected was from pain so they gave him some pain meds and he went RIGHT to sleep! He looks VERY peaceful and this big contraption they had him rigged up to to keep his pelvis straight until surgery could be done is GONE!

There is a very well known and highly rated rehab facility who contacted kenneth's neuro doc requesting him to be sent there. I can't believe it! This is the type of place that is extremely difficult to get into and they are ASKING us?? We have been offered a tour of the facility next week. The docs are thrilled with Kenneth's recovery so far and his progress is amazing - a true miracle so hopefully, that will continue!! They prayers are working SO WELL and as long as they continue I *KNOW* Kenneth will continue to improve. God has heard our prayers and has answered them!!

His swelling has gone down so much that you can see the little indent where his skull was removed!! That is great and they are talking about putting the skull back where it belongs sometime next week! Then, the neuro guys are VERY eager to get him into rehab ASAP because they want him "up and out of that bed"... I'm truly blessed to have his recovery, so far, be so miraculous!

I hope, pray and KNOW it will continue - we have all the faith in the world. He is over all the major hurdles and with his amazing spirit - I know in my heart that he will breeze through rehab.

I have to say thank you again because I can't say it enough to every single person who has supported us and cared for Kenneth -- everyone who sends me texts, FM's, emails, leaves VM's -- I get EVERY one of them and although I can't always write back - it truly touches my heart and God HEARS them and goes out of His way to watch over Kenneth.

Today was another GOOD DAY!

Tomorrow is court and then on Monday I have to go back to testify in front of the Grand Jury

Then, Saturday will be a great day - Belmont! Let's go BIG BROWN!!!!




oooppsss-- forgot to add: he did NOT have the tube moved to the throat - they felt it was risking exposing him and the air to way too much bacteria (when you remove that tube lots of germs come out obviously) so they didn't want to risk it PLUS they think if they wait just a little bit longer they can avoid doing the throat procedure at all and he can breath on his OWN completely - all the time. We hope for that!!!

****June 8, 2008****

Kenneth is chugging along - doing very well and staying consistent. The pelvis doc came in this AM and checked him out - said everything looks the same and that is great.

He has a slight infection which is totally normal for being in a hospital (infection meaning like a cold or a virus)... It happens a lot in hospitals but it is causing him to have a fever and they are treating it with antibiotics.

We had Belmont which was really a great day even though Big Brown didn't win which was sad for me - I feel like, for some reason, that would give us a little wind in our sails for Kenneth recovering - in reality, one has nothing to do with the other but the people who own BB are such nice people and they have been so good to us - I wanted their horse to win b/c they deserve it. He still did the best he could - just wasn't his day.

I know Kenneth doesn't know the difference and when he is all better I'll explain to him how nice those owners were to us at a time where we can use every shoulder we can get to lean on --- and I'll tell Kenneth all about how we felt like celebs for the day - the owners had us treated like gold and that was just so nice of them - they didn't have to do any of that but it helped to distract us, even just for a few hours, from all that is waiting for us back at the hospital -- it's like no matter what happens, no matter what goes on in our life at the end of the day or in the back of your mind - in a split second - there's Kenneth.

On Monday I have to testify in the Grand Jury hearing. They are looking to indict the guy that hit Kenneth and I have to basically answer questions about Kenneth's health and well being before the accident and then they are going to show pictures of him now and I have to explain how he is now and state that the pics are true to his condition at this time.

I'm *NOT* looking forward to it but my sister and I went on Thursday - we didn't see the guy (he won't be produced in court until after indictment) but we did see his scumbag lawyer who tried to argue down some of the charges and get them "lowered"... The judge denied all requests for any of that.

I'm sure most of you have read my rant on the other page - I'm pretty emotional and I just thank all of you guys for understanding that -- and, most of all, for defending me/sticking up for my brother and what is "right".



***** June 10th *****

Kenneth had surgery yesterday on his head to put the skull back where it belongs. This is great b/c it means the brain swelling has gone back to "normal"... enough to put the skull back on!! Basically, they took the piece that they removed from his belly where it has been for safe keeping and put it back in his head and attached it to the skull with metal clips. Over time, his skull will fuse together and join but the clips will always remain in there. He did very well - the surgeon who originally did his amazing life-saving surgery did this one also. He was very pleased. They also moved, FINALLY, the tube from his mouth to the throat. They, again, only have that in so it is easier for him (less work) and so he gets the most amount of oxygen. He really doesn't "need" it b/c he is breathing on his own and before he leaves for rehab they will remove it.

The only hard part about this surgery was that it is, somewhat, very similar to the original surgery so we feel like we are back at square one when we look at him because he looks like he did on the very first day and second day. He is back to having the gauze wrapped around his head, back to having four drains (two out of his head, one out of his stomach and another for the pelvis), the staples are back in after just recently being removed and most of all the swelling has returned... meaning, swelling when you look at his face -- the brain swelling is fine. It is really all "cosmetic" so it LOOKS worse than it really is -- inside, he is doing great but it looks not so nice for now. Today his eye was swollen shut and overall - he is very puffy. It is totally expected -- the doc said he did the SAME surgery only reversed (putting back vs. taking out) and this time he didn't have to remove a blood clot like he did the first time - that was the only difference. So, he expected all of this - but we didn't. So, we feel like it is deja-vu all over again haha but all in all, he is DONE with all of his surgeries!!! So, we are thrilled about that and in a few days the swelling will go away, the drains will be removed and he'll lose the "turban" look. Then, the staples will be taken out and he'll start to heal.

I am happy, though, because I can SEE his mouth now that the tube is GONE -- they shaved him, he looks GREAT because I can see HIM -- yesterday was better because it was before all the swelling from the surgery set in -- but I was like "wow I feel like he is himself again" so that is really nice but then it got puffy--- that will go away though real soon. I'm so happy for him with the tube in the throat because it is SO much more comfortable - you can tell he is a happy camper.

The only thing is-- he threw up from the anesthesia and just in general - the meds, the FEEDING tube being moved (along w/ the breathing) from his mouth to his stomach causes that. I was with him today and all of a sudden he just threw up - I almost DIED it was so sudden and then scary but his wonderful nurse was right there, assured me it is normal and cleaned up right up. That should be over with real soon, the nurse said.

I feel as though he is half-way there -- I think this marks the half-way point in his recovery. I know that rehab will be a long time - it is not that - I just feel that this is the half-way point to where he will be able to function somewhat normally... and I'm excited to be able to communicate with him and everything else -- so, that is what I'm looking forward to.

We are going to check out some rehab places and make our decision of where he will go this week and next week. The docs are very eager to get him in to a place.

I did the grand dury thing and testified -- that went really well and it wasn't TOO bad although people were crying as I gave my accounts of his injuries and answered the questions -- and that overwhelmed me a bit. Next week the person who hit Kenneth will be presented in court for the first time (aside from initial arraingment) and he will be formally indicted on the charges -- I will be there for that as the family spokesperson along with his fellow Police brothers.

I think that is pretty much it for now - I know it is a lot of information. I look forward to him being able to come to us a little -- be on less meds more and more as things heal now that his surgeries are over (god willing we have no problems with infection - i don't want to jinx myself)... but all in all, he is on his way and I can't wait for him to really start to come around now that he has the opportunity.

I have to say thank you again to everyone -- the support has been amazing -- I think I am at the point where I can start to answer emails and FM's now!! Stay tuned

Take care

***Father's Day - June 15th***

Everyone give their Dads, Grandfathers and Brothers a big hug today! They deserve it and it is so important to show your loved ones how much you care about them b/c life is so fragile. I hope everyone enjoys their day and truly appreciates the ones they love!

...Newsday did a WONDERFUL story on Kenneth and his relationship with his son, Christopher. I just read it - it will be in tomorrow's paper so try and pick one up if you can.

Here is the link to the story online: CLICK HERE - NEWSDAY ARTICLE

It is so touching, well written and made me cry.

Then, there are pics:

Nassau County Police Officer Kenneth Baribault with his son, Christopher, 6.


Jennifer Baribault of Nesconset and Danielle Rella, of Fort Salonga, sisters of NCPD Officer Kenneth Baribault, at Nassau University Medical Center in East Meadow.


A detailed view of a some of the family memoribilia and get well wishes on display in a public area outside the Intensive Care Unit where Nassau Police Officer Kenneth Baribault is recovering from severe injury.




Danielle Rella, of Fort Salonga, sister of NCPD Officer Kenneth Baribault at Nassau University Medical Center in East Meadow.


Jennifer Baribault of Nesconset and Danielle Rella, of Fort Salonga, sisters of NCPD Officer Kenneth Baribault, inspecting the table of get well wishes that sits next to Baribault's bed at Nassau University Medical Center.


A get well card from Christopher Baribault.


Christopher Baribault in his room inside his family's home in Nesconset.


Christopher Baribault holds a photo of his father while inside his family's home in Nesconset.


Sisters of injured officer Kenneth Baribault, Danielle Rella, 24, left, and Jennifer Baribault, 33, along with Kenneth's son, Christopher inside their Nesconset home Saturday.


**I will update his condition by the end of today**

***June 15th***

Kenneth was very tired today - for the last two days the docs have been taking him slooooowly off of his meds, sedation and the vent. They want him to start to come around, be able to be w/o so much medication and they want to get his lungs nice and strong to breathe on his own all the time. The only thing is - by having him breathe on his own the whole day (since he's not used to it) he is WIPED out by the end of the day. Then, they'll put him back on the assist of the vent to help him along a bit. It is also better for his healing. But, he is progressing at a great pace by them slowly getting him to a place where he is ready to be moved and go to a rehab center.

Christopher came up to see him - but he was sleeping at the time - he did open his eyes a little but still has some pain meds in him and overall he is so exhausted that it is hard for him to be awake for very long... But Christopher was DELIGHTED to see him. We were all worried how he was going to handle it and take it but when he walked in the room he said "there's my dad!!" and just SMILED from ear to ear. We prepared him for what he was going to see so that was taken care of and he just seemed so thrilled to be holding his hand. He talked to him softly and told him how much he loved him. Then, we went to dinner (out of the hospital!! wow! lol lol) and it was a really nice thing for all of us -- stressful but nice. I was relieved that he did so well. Christopher seems like the weight of the world has been lifted off of him now. The nursing staff and docs were great about hiding the machines as much as possible, putting a blanket on him along with a little surgical cap to hide the staples and scar in his head - it was wonderful. And he does look good - all shaved and clean.

This week coming up is busy -- for us, at least. Kenneth will be taking it nice and easy as he has NO procedures scheduled and nothing but routine CT scans on the "to do" list which is great -- he needs this time to just HEAL, RELAX and get strong for rehab. But for us, we will be busy checking out some places (we put it off until this week because last week was so busy with him having the last of his surgeries). Then, on Wednesday, we have to go to court b/c the guy that did this will be indicted (formally) on the charges and presented before the Judge. We will be there to support Kenneth along with his police brothers.

Other than that - he is just taking it easy. We aren't even talking to or stimulating him that much and we are keeping visitors, at this point, to a minimum because he needs the time to really rest... now that he is becoming more and more aware (less and less meds) his BP and pulse go up SO much when people talk to him -- especially people he knows well (us and close friends) so, we want to be careful about that and he needs the peace and quiet to heal up.

The rehab places to see and choose from: Kessler in NJ (where Christopher Reeve went -- they have both a spinal cord and a brain injury unit), Helen Hayes in Westchester and St. Charles in Port Jeff. Those are the ones we have narrowed our search down to based on ratings, staff and everything else along with his neuro docs recs. We are thinking either HH or Kessler FIRST for 6-8 weeks and then when he needs to move closer to home and has come a long way we will utilize Port Jeff as his secondary location. We are very fortunate to have each of these places seeking us out and offering their services to him so that we don't have to worry about being "accepted" -- this is one less bump in the road and we are thankful for that.

OK - the prayers, they are being answered and thank God for each and every person who takes a moment out of their busy day to think about Kenneth, our family, Christopher, etc... and to pray for him/wish him well and ask for God to help him out... THANK YOU.

Christopher wanted to know if he could bring in the newspaper with him on the cover to school - wants to show off how cool he is

***Thursday June 19th***

We were in court yesterday and the person who did this to my brother was presented in front of the Judge. They DA's office have been doing an amazing job on this case and they make sure they cross every T and dot every I.

The defense attorney tried to argue down bail for his client and the judge denied it - keeping it the way it was so that the person who hit my brother cannot get out of jail at this time. His family does not have the money to post bail for him and because of his COUNTLESS incidents of reckless behavior in the past the Judge was worried he is a "flight risk" and feels he should remain in jail. I agree with this decision and I am so happy in the Judge's ruling and handling of this case, so far. I feel if Kenneth can't go home yet - neither should the person responsible for this.

It was very difficult seeing him in person for the first time. His lawyer attempted to draw a connection between my brother and his client. He tried to say that his client took the NYC police test (because that means he is a good person??) and that his client has a son just like my brother does... The only difference is my brother was just trying to make a living and support his son while this guy was out on the road when he had NO business being there in the first place.

We also found out that in addition to having his license revoked in New York AND New Jersey -- he also had one in Georgia that was suspended! Yeah, he's a real gem - and the similarities between him and kenneth are just endless So, it is frustrating as you can see but we just keep focused on the fact that this is an open and shut case and the amount of GROSS negligence is alarming.

I know it has recently become public that he was infact DRINKING WHILE HE WAS DRIVING... he was operating his car and drinking an orange juice bottle that contained 40% vodka in it... there are eye witnesses to this as well as different tests that prove it. It is so disappointing to me that someone can behave this way and then try to make a courtroom feel bad for him because he hasn't seen his son and he is the sole provider for his son. It's scary.

As for Kenneth's condition - I continue to be amazed by his strength and perseverance. The night before we had to go to court (Tuesday night) he was SO alert as they continue to take him off his meds so we can get a better idea of his actual condition... They are doing this so prep him to go to a rehab facility on Monday (hopefully). We chose Kessler in NJ because they were AMAZING -- just blew us away with their facility and staff!! They are so eager to get Kenneth!

So, Tuesday night it was my Mom, sister, me and Kenneth in the room and he was moving his left hand so much (the right is harder because his injury is on the left side of the brain which effects his right or opposite side)... This is good in a way because Kenneth is right handed so it is a positive that the "stronger" side was the one damaged rather than the weaker -- we try to find the silver lining in everything. If his left side was damaged it would be so much harder to heal because it is the weaker side.

Anywho, we asked him to give us one finger and he (it took a second) but he did it!! It was amazing to see and brought tears to my eyes. Then, we asked him to do TWO fingers which he had trouble with so he did FOUR and then tried to eliminate two (lol) and give it a whirl that way -- he was able to do it ONCE and that was it but still - he did it and we were thrilled. Then, he is squeezing my hand so hard -- I went to walk over to the sink in his room and he reached OUT for me and grabbed me almost like "don't go" and I said "oh no Kenneth, I'm just going to the sink - I'm still here". It brought tears to my eyes. Then, what he did with my Mom was amazing -- she was rubbing his arm and telling him it was going to be OK and that he was going to overcome this and he LIFTED his hand off the bed and cradled her face with his hand Then, I started to really cry and my Mom was like "don't cry in his FACE!" lol lol because we don't want him thinking "holy shiit, I'm in bad shape - they are all crying" KWIM?? So, I collected myself but it was amazing to see.

Then, when I put my hand up against his - palm to palm - he slinks his fingers down in between mind and squeezes - everytime I do it! Then, I was rubbing his hand and saying that it is OK and he is doing well and he started rubbing my hand back -- it was like who is consoling who here?? I was, overall, thrilled with his reactions -- we will try more stuff like him sticking his tongue out at me and things like that as he continues to get off the meds. But, Wednesday he was SO alert and SO clear that he pulled his feeding tube out of his nose He's bad! So, the nurses were all amazed BUT they had to restrain his one hand (the one he did all that stuff with) and they gave him some sedation meds to control his behavior It's like he just wants to get the helll out of there!

Then, he tried to pull off his finger sensor! THEN, he tried to get the trach out -- so, needless to say they are keeping him with that restraint on for a little while until his behavior improves (lol).

I'm continually amazed by everyone's support and concern for Kenneth. My Dad went home last night a little earlier to get Christopher and hang out with him -- they went to Patio Pizza in St. James and they had a collection going for Kenneth with his picture! My Dad was so shocked and overwhelmed he couldn't even bring himself to SAY something to the guys working there that he is Kenneth's Dad. Then, they had the same thing going on in the Deli next door! It is just AMAZING. People ask me everyday if they can donate and STRANGERS send us checks in the mail for 50 dollars - 100 dollars and sometimes even more. They write notes like "use this towards dinner with kenneth when he is better" or "thank you for the service you give to us - we're giving back" It really renews your faith in the human spirit.

That's the update for now - I know it is a biggie. For all of the people that continue to ask about donating (which just AMAZES me) the police dept people are ALMOST done setting up a fund for Kenneth and Christopher -- they are just about complete with that and I'll definitely post it here and then when people ask I can tell them what to do. Thanks so much everyone! He is taking baby steps but to us they are WONDERFUL and shock us. A ten minute session of hand squeezing leaves him EXHAUSTED -- so, he usually sleeps for a few hours after that. Also, he is breathing totally on his own - they are just giving him treatments here and there through the trach!

Kessler: Here we come!! ()



****Friday June 20th****

I call days like these "hiccup" days.

I hate to do this to you guys after having such a great update -- and the Doctor hated doing this to us after having such a great few days but Kenneth had a *SMALL* seizure last night. It was just as we were about to leave so we ended up staying a good portion of the night waiting on an emergency CT scan they sent him to. It seemed like I waited fourteen years to hear the Doctor come back and give us the results.

Basically, he experienced a small seizure which only lasted a few seconds - less than five - and the Doctor didn't even have to give him meds to get it to stop - it stopped on it's own. Then, he explained to us that one of the most common things with this type of injury are seizures --- it was just really upsetting because we were doing so well and to have this "rollercoaster" situation is tough -- especially on my mom who was just hanging on by a THREAD until he gets to rehab -- it's just that it has been four weeks + and she wants OUT of there and she wants him into a facility already and I can't blame her - I want the same.

So, the docs increased his anti-seizure meds which was already on -- all TBI patients need to be on some -- so, they figured it wasn't enough and gave him a little more and gave him a calming med to help with these movements he was having (like hiccups or tremors). So, believe me, it was REALLY hard to see and to see someone you love so much suffer even a little bit is absolutely awful -- I feel so bad for him.

Now, they say that seizures are most common about 5 days after the initial injury -- If it doesn't happen then which it didn't for Kenneth (we were so lucky before this - no blips!) But then they are most common about one month after the accident and we were at our one month mark on Wednesday so it makes sense. They think what "aggrivated" it was that they needed to go BACK in and re-adjust his internal permanent drain (the shunt) and when they did that they put in a temp outer drain in a new spot -- they think doing that annoyed his brain, basically, and sparked this.

A seizure is like a power surge - it is NOT life threatening - they assured us that and it is something to be almost "expected" with this injury -- is it still REALLY upsetting and devastating? Absolutely. BUT, I am hanging onto hope here because I have to -- and I am just hanging tough until he gets into rehab which is only a few days away.

When the doc came back in to tell us the results of last night's CT that was ordered right away after the seizure he looked different then when he came in to tell us that he had the seizure so I knew it was good news. He said the scan looked fine - no damage as a result, nothing moved or changed - the shunt was still in OK so that was, in that situation, the BEST news we could have gotten and I thank God for that -- for those LITTLE miracles.

He may continue to have a few here or there or he may not -- the doc told us it is common for patients IN rehab to have them but that they almost always subside -- this is something that is part of the injury. Phew. I hate having to give anything but good news but there are going to be good days and bad on the road to recovery...

The road to recovery
is sometimes slow.
But may your path
be made easier
just by knowing
that God is watching over you
while friends and family
stand beside you,
caring and concerned.
Together,
they all join forces for you,
praying that your recovery
will be complete and full
and soon.



***June 21st***

Update on the seizure incident... So far, since then, he has not had any more seizures :::knock wood::: and the docs are VERY pleased with his numbers and his CT scans - ever since then - look totally fine and normal. They think it was ONE external drain that they put in which caused an irritation and the brain reacted with the seizure -- it was VERY quick.

So, they want him to REST as much as possible - they gave him meds to calm him down because as he starts to move a lot (b/c he is improving and moving more and more each day which is great) but it over stimulates the brain which makes him more at risk to have another -- so, for a little while he needs to just sleep as much as he can and relax as much as possible. We are not allowed to even speak to him because he reacts SO much to our voices.

Other than that the docs are very pleased and they think that this order for as much rest as possible is just what he needs - and just what his brain needs to get back to normal and not be so irritated. We are very excited for him to get past this little rough patch -- and now that his procedures are definitely all done (hoping nothing new pops up in the future) they won't be going in there anymore and pisssing off his brain so we should have no more seizures -- thank GOD!

OK, that's all for now - it is going to be a quiet couple of days with him relaxing 24/7 and no noise or stimulating going on! Hopefully, they think, that this little hiccup will NOT affect him going to rehab next week (Monday or Tuesday).

On Tuesday they are having a special presentation that my sister, myself and Christopher will be attending in honor of Kenneth. They are going to promote him to "Bureau of Special Operations" it is a tactical unit of elite police officers that Nassau County has -- it comes with a pretty nice pay increase and it is a very "elite" type of job that people have to really go above and beyond to get. They said they felt since Kenneth always went above and beyond to get drunk drivers -- and to do a great job overall being a very active cop that they want him to be promoted to this and they are very excited for him to recovery 100% so that he can come and work in that unit.

They will also, at this event, announce his charity and they are going to be organizing a fundraiser -- which is so nice. So, there will be a lot of things going on and they are going to have some press there so maybe they'll cover it which will be cool.

I am hoping he moves to Kessler Monday so that the ceremony Tuesday doesn't interfere with us going to see him into Kessler.

Funny story: Yesterday, there was a bank robbery near the hospital and the two jerks who robbed the bank and gunpoint ran into NUMC to hide! So, they got one and were still looking for another -- they later found him hiding in the parking garage. But, at one point the whole place was on lockdown and when my Dad went to come in (in the morning) to spend the day there he saw police cars EVERYWHERE and some news vans -- his heart immediately dropped thinking something happened to Kenneth... this was the day after his seizure so my Dad was worried even more than normal. He thought the worst and got so scared... He drove up to the little security booth we have to pass to park and the guy (who knows him by now) said "oh there's a gunman on the loose!!!" my Dad goes "OH THANK GOD!!!" So he goes "what?! the whole building is on lockdown!" so my dad was like "but my son is OK??" and he goes "well, yeah, of course - they are hear for the bank robber" so my Dad was like "I'm thrilled!! I was worried something happened to Kenneth but I'm so glad to hear it is a gunman instead" HAHA! The guy was like "yeah I guess"



****June 23rd****

Today was supposed to be our rehab day but that's OK -- the little incident last week gave way to a bunch of CT scans -- the docs are using them to TRY and figure out if the shunt is draining properly, draining too much or not draining enough.

They explained to us that this is a common problem for people with TBI's. So, they will do a little process of "trial and error" to figure it out and once they have it all set-up he will be fine for rehab. The good news: he does NOT have any infection (which was a concern) but the fluid came back fine! That would have been a major set-back. The bad news: this trial and error period to finally figure out the pressure and what to do will take about a week in the least -- two weeks the most.

It really takes the wind out of our sails but I would rather him be 100% ready for rehab than to go too early. Infact, the docs said this is such an important part that if he were to go w/o them having the shunt perfected he would DEFINITELY have to be sent back to the hospital from rehab and that is a BIG let down so we would rather have it be this way.

Please continue the prayers, if you can, for Kenneth to be able to get past this little bump in the road and get into that rehab facility!

Thank you!!!

****June 25th****

Kenneth rec'd a promotion yesterday at a very touching ceremony hosted by the Nassau County Police Department and the PBA...

Officer Nearly Killed by Suspected Drunk Driver Receives Promotion, 'Big' Check
Owners of Big Brown Donate to PBA member Kenneth Baribault.

CW11 Coverage.

See Article for Donation Information.

OLD WESTBURY, L.I. --

The police officer nearly killed by an alleged drunk driver on the Long Island Expressway was promoted today. Officer Kenneth Baribault is still in the hospital but his son accepted the promotion. His family also received a special gift from Big Brown.

Long Island reporter Rob Hoell attended Tuesday's ceremony in Old Westbury.

Still hospitalized, Kenneth Baribault, 30, continues to recover from a severe brain injury after being slammed into by a suspected drunk driver on the shoulder of LIE last month.

The horrific crash happened just moments after Baribault pulled over another driver suspecting of being drunk.

At a Nassau County Police promotion ceremony Baribault moved up to the Bureau of Special Operations.

"I'm very proud of him for moving up a level," said Baribault's 6-year old son Christopher.

Also on hand at Tuesday's ceremony were the owners of Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown, who presented the family with a $50,000 check.

The owners also promised a portion of Big Brown's next purse towards little Christopher's education.

If you would like to make a donation to the family, you could do so by sending a check to:

Kenneth and Christopher Baribault Benevolent Fund
c/o Nassau PBA
89 E. Jericho Tpk.
Mineola, NY 11501

Back to PBA In The News
By ROB HOELL CW11 News at Ten
Posted Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Click Here to see the Video from CW11 News

****************************

As for Kenneth's condition: He had his procedure in which they placed the valve on the shunt to monitor the draining and that went well. he remains stable and after examination and assessment by his doctors he appears more alert and responsive since they placed the valve or "control" on his shunt so that's good and lets us know the procedure was necessary and is showing results. Of course, he will need to be monitored for some time to ensure that the valve settings are the proper ones. As such, his transfer to the Kessler rehabilitation center is being postponed in all probability to some time next week. As in all things, sometimes we have to step back to move forward.



***June 28th***

Kenneth is having a hard time right now with battling a pretty bad cold. Whenever they put him on the vent (to help his breathing if it is too much work) he *ALWAYS* gets a fever, a bad cough, etc. Now, it seems to be getting pretty bad. My mom is very nervous and upset although the docs are assuring us they will up his antibiotics and he'll be OK. But they do have to warn us that if it gets worse or goes untreated it could become an infection of the blood which is BAD, BAD news. So, please just say a quick prayer that Kenneth is strong enough to fight off this nasty infection.

Kenneth has lost a considerable amount of weight (about 25-30 pounds) and this is off of a man who didn't have an ounce to lose... his percent body fat was around 3% at the time of the collision. So, we are worried about that but it is to be expected being that he is on a liquid diet of fluids and this gross orange stuff with vitamins in it. He is just over 6 feet tall and currently weighs 159 pounds So, naturally, we are worried. We don't want him to have come this far and have any type of set-backs but we are TRYING to stay positive.

Please keep Kenneth in your prayers at this time!

Also, do FM me if you'd like me to send you the email we have going around regarding Kenneth's Benevolent Fund. It is the address of where people can send any type of donation they'd like to offer. Even if you just want to pass it along, but cannot donate at this time, that's fine! We'd love to just have you get the word out for us.

Thanks guys - this is going to be a tough few days for him to get over this cold, get off the vent fully and GET TO KESSLER


****June 29th****

I'm almost afraid to say it but he is doing a little better today. They are keeping him on a steady dose of antibiotics and it is almost expected that anyone kept in a hospital for this amount of time can get an infection like this.

This morning my Dad said he was very alert -- we have a big piece of paper with pictures of Christopher all over it - my Dad held it up in front of him and Kenneth used his one hand to hold up the other side! Then, as he is looking at all the pics of Christopher a tear came down his face -- and his BP started going up A LOT so my Dad took it away as not to agitate or upset him too much. The emotion he is able to show is a great sign.

So far so good - the prayers are working and I hope we can keep them up JUST until he is out of there and at Kessler. I am HOPING so hard for this week at SOME POINT.

My Dad and I have figured that if he doesn't get cleared to go by Thursday we are just going to take his bed (hey, it's on wheels) and roll it on out of there! We are about 45-50 minutes from the Turnpike and we are on our way to Kessler! LOL! Some of the cops offered a trailer hitch for us.... yes, we are getting DESPERATE.



***July 1st***

I'm getting down and TRYING not to be that way. I think the fact that he is not at the rehab place yet is taking the wind out of my sails. I know I have to be patient - I keep telling myself just to be thankful he is still here and I am but it is so hard to see him sit there, day after day, with what FEELS like no end in sight although I know that is not the case, in reality.

Times like these I just look at the positive - his fever is pretty much gone, it seems like that infection is getting kicked, the coughing is much better, he is more responsive and looks much better and overall I feel like we are moving in the right direction.

When I start to get upset and think about how he is getting robbed of so much of his life I need to redirect my thinking to something else or I'll get too upset. When everyone else is talking about 4th of July coming up and how excited and happy and fun, etc... I'll be in the hospital with Kenneth. People ask me if I want to go to their BBQ and it's like - I can't even think about that right now. We went out the other night to get something to eat quick - something other than the same old food and my husband and I were riding back and I see ALL of these people sitting along the road (Carman Ave by Eisenhower) and I'm like ??? -- then it hit me, they are waiting for a fireworks show. I just started to cry - I don't know what came over me. I used to love summer - now, I don't know what to feel anymore.

Sorry for the debbie downer post - I hate being that type of person. I know things could always be worse - who the hell am I to complain? He's alive and some people aren't that lucky - some people have no choice and their loved ones are taken.

I just keep praying he gets to go soon - for him and for all of us.

****July 3rd****

Kenneth has been doing better but the same thing that has been plaguing him since the first moment they said "he is ready for Kessler -- buuuutttt we just want to see if we can fix this small amount of fluid collecting in the front of his head" so... they tried putting in a separate drain outside the head that he did NOT tolerate - then, they tried just turning his regular perm drain up to see if it would drain that part which didn't happen so FINALLY, his neuro doc said we just need to put a perm drain in from the front connecting to his already in there shunt in the back and THAT will solve all his problems

so, today at 2pm he is going in to have that done. then, he will "recover" from that for two days and he should be "much better" and be able to finally get that PUSH to go to Kessler by next week :::KNOCK WOOD!!::: we are becoming very supersticious. The infection is much better ::::knock wood:::: and they just want him settled to go BEFORE anything else comes back or he gets sick again because aside from this little collection of fluid - he has been VERY aware and moving a lot, etc. I just hope this doesn't set him back - I mean, I can understand being sedated for a day or two to recover but more than that I want this procedure to HELP so he can get the HELLLL out of there.

He has been moving his arm (the good side) A LOT -- all the way up and he'll put his arm on his head. If we turn the light on too fast, too bright he will cover his eyes lol! He just touches our heads, my mom's head and mine, a lot and kind of takes our hair and puts it behind our ears. It is like he is trying to console us. Then, he'll give me a high-five if I ask him for it! Last night, he did it over and over again - it was great. I guess this is why I'm worried that this procedure will make him very "out of it" again for a while because he was so aware --- we even asked him some questions with a "YES" card and a "NO" card (one of the cop's ideas) and he was answering them for us by taking the appropriate sign.

PLEASE let this be the thing he needs to get OUT of there, PLEASE let this make him even more clearer than he has been and make all his "fluid" problems go away because those problems have A LOT to do with his equilibrium and his sense of balance and everything else -- God, get him to KESSLER.

**** July 4th - Happy Birthday America ****

My brother is probably the proudest American I know along with my Grandaddy and FIL (who immigrated to this country when he was young). So, I guess it is fitting that Kenneth would have probably the BEST day he has had so far in his recovery TODAY.

I'm almost afraid to even type it because you worry that tomorrow will be a "bad day" but today was GREAT. Everyone that we came in contact with today said "oh you are spending 4th of July here??" like we'd be someplace else! What kind of a sister would I be hanging out by the pool eating a hot dog at this time?! But I understood they were just looking out for us -- honestly, after today I was not bummed about being there all day AT ALL - NOT ONE BIT because he had such a great day!

First of all, the docs did a CT scan to discover that the procedure they did yesterday (they opened up his head to put a drain in the front of his head that connects to his already existing drain in the back of his head). Well, they discovered that the drain they put in not only was placed perfectly but ALREADY drained ALL of the excess fluid that was collecting in the front and making him rather "woozy" and not as clear/aware as he's been! The neuro docs were SO psyched they wanted to call us at 2am when they did the scan and discovered this!!! LOL!

They held off and told us today. Also, the infection is pretty much gone, his temp has remained down, his blood pressure is great, he is tolerating his food and not throwing up, his liver enzymes which were high due to lots-o-meds are now DOWN and he is CLEAR and VERY AWARE. He put BOTH hands on his head - even moved the RIGHT hand which is harder for him! He was pretty tired all day as he is still recovering from the surgery but you can just see it in his eyes -- it is Kenneth! He's back! And there is nothing that makes me feel better in this world than to see HIM looking back at me. The downside is that he is aware of where he is and he looks VERY peeved... but we keep telling him to hang in there just a few more days -- hopefully!

They are hoping that if things stay well he will go to Kessler :::knock wood::: this coming week sometime. A doc from there is coming tomorrow to evaluate him - one of many evaluations!

The biggest thing that helps me at this time is watching the Bob Woodruff DVD "To Iraq and Back"... Bob (ABC news anchor) had a very similar injury to Kenneth and recovered AMAZINGLY!!!! I love watching his road to recovery - I cry and cry when his family describes what it was like b/c it is everything that we are going through. It gives me such great hope!

OK - the prayers, they have been heard and they are working - I only ask that they are kept up until he is OUT of NUMC! Thank you, thank you, thank you X's 100!!!!! I know in my heart that we are waiting b/c it is what is BEST for Kenneth -- I know now that God would not have him go until he is READY and until the best possible time for him, medically.

Yay 4th of July!!!


***** 7/7/08 ******

Last year, at this time, I was flying home from a vaca with Vinny -- we went to Washington DC. My brother had told me alllll about it because he had lived in Virginia for four years when he was younger (he was a police officer down there before coming back up here). He told us where to go, what to see, how to get around, etc. I often find myself thinking "what was I doing this time, last year?" because WOW I had NO idea what things would be like and how much things would change just one year later.

Anywho, Kenneth's condition pretty much remains the same - his fever remains controlled, he is tolerating his food very well, he is moving a lot, very spunky lol, he is being "taken off" his vent little by little and has been breathing on his own 90% of the time, etc. So, he is doing well -- the only little bump in the road before we are OK for Kessler is this: his neuro doc, after saying he was all set to go and we were making arrangements for this Wednesday said that he just wants his second shunt (the drain that was JUST put in) to be a little deeper.

That it is draining and doing a good job but not draining ENOUGH -- that they need to re-position it just a bit. So, that means another FREAKING procedure --- BUT they insist it is "minor" (lol) and that it will NOT set him back more than one day -- SO, he will still go on THURSDAY... so they say... knock wood... God willing...

As you can see I've become a bit supersticious.

Thanks again for all of the prayers - I just need them kept up, if possible, throughout this final (knock wood) procedure and his route to Kessler. They will be taking him by police chopper so a little prayer for him regarding that won't hurt either as I *HATE* those helicopters - they make me very nervous.




***** 7/8/08 *****

Well, turns out Kenneth does *NOT* need the above procedure we were told he needs. His neuro doc was not able to view the CT scan himself and other docs from his team viewed it instead and made the decision that he needed this procedure... They let us know but before they scheduled it for sure his main doc finally got to a computer (he was out in the field so couldn't view it at first) and once he looked at it he was 100% sure that he does NOT, in fact, need that procedure done -- that the fluid that's collecting is not that much -- and once he moves around a little and gets out of that bed it will drain better.

Do you guys feel like you're on a rollercoaster or what? LOL we all feel like we are on this ride that never ENDS. So, the ICU docs (after hearing he needed a procedure) put him back on the vent because they figured he'll be put back on it for a lil while after the procedure and during -- wellllll, once it came back that he DOESN'T need this procedure and that it was a false alarm -- they took him off the vent...

Just one problem: Kessler wants him to be off the vent for 48 hours at least before they will take him and they are strict about it. So, that little "he needs a procedure, he doesn't need one" put us back at 0 on his "off the vent clock". So, he would have been able to go to Kessler TOMORROW but now we need to wait until Thursday anyway because of this little mix-up and false alarm.

Ohhhhh if Dr. Mehta would have just been at a computer to begin with!! LOL! I hope you guys are following all of this and this isn't too confusing.

As of today - Kenneth SHOULD be going to Kessler this THURSDAY... knock wood... God willing... hoping nothing else comes up.

He is in good shape in every other area -- just needs to be off that vent for 48 hours and the second that clock TICKS 48 - he's GONE... hopefully, God willing, knock wood... yadda yadda!

THURSDAY


**** July 10th ****

Today is not our day.

We are not sure the REAL reason that they feel Kenneth cannot move today. First, they said he needs to be off the vent 48 hours - which as of now, he is. Then, yesterday they came up with "he still has a low grade fever so we want the fever to be more stable before we can take him".



We are not sure if those are the real reasons or if it is because one of his main docs and the one who requested him AT the rehab place is away on business at a convention until MONDAY - he is away all this week. He basically assured us on the phone that he will definitely be taken Monday and didn't mention anything about a low fever... So, we are just thinking the other peeps at Kessler want HIM back before Kenneth can come.

That is the sense we got, at least.

Regardless of the reason - it is a HUGE let down and really upsetting for us. Kenneth is more aware than I have EVER seen him and he is getting VERY upset when we go in the room -- so, the docs have suggested that it is better we stay out of the room -- but then he is laying in there all alone so that is really hard also.

It is apparent by his behavior and ALL of the docs agree on this -- that he has outgrown NUMC and is ready for Kessler. It is just a matter of getting all of the I's dotted and the T's crossed and taking care of all the red tape.

So, we were ASSURED by his doc who comes back Monday that Monday is our day -- Kenneth is all set up to go by helicopter and they will also have ground units tracking his flight. Then, he'll have an ambulance from Nassau waiting there with a doc on hand for when he lands. My sister and I are going ahead of him so that we'll be there when he lands and my parents are going to stay with him at NUMC to see him off and then follow -- is it like Mission Impossible or what?!

...They are also having a pipeband do a send off lol which is such a nice touch but a lot of people are expected to come in uniform and see him off which is really sweet. Kenneth would just about have a heart attack if he knew all this stuff was going on for him. This is my brother who WORRIED every second about people knowing he is a cop, didn't want to put his picture up on Match.com when I hounded him to go on and try to date, always wants to stay "below the radar" to quote him... Well, not so much anymore

Our main concern for waiting until Monday: he gets another infection or his condition gets worse. I mean, it is hard to see him move around in there all alone but we can ssuck up not going in there if it is best for him -- it's not so much that -- it is his condition. So, our prayers this weekend go that his fever remains low, he has no problems breathing on his own which he hasn't, he tolerates his food which he has been and PLEASE GOD just let him be OK to go on Monday.



...If he doesn't finally go I fear my Mom is going to jump off the 18th floor at NUMC lol lol

****July 14th****

Welcome to KESSLER!!

We are here - well, I'm in the hotel right now. We had a very busy weekend (DH and I had a family wedding last night and had a lot going on with that). We only got to bed at around 3am and I was up at 7am to go to NUMC and see if Kenneth was set to go as originally scheduled (11am).

Of course, he wasn't lol so I got up early for nothing -- but that's OK. My sister and I needed to be there early because we were going to go ahead of Kenneth and be there when he landed while my parents stayed to watch him go. It worked out well that way -- Jenn and I left at around 12 noon and got there in great time. We were waiting for him, signed some papers, took a tour of the facility and saw his room -- which is great because he has it all to himself! Kessler is BEAUTIFUL...

Absolutely magnificent -- and I can't even tell you how CLEAN it is. The staff is UNBELIEVABLE and upon his arrival -- I cried when I saw the helicopter -- he was given a bath, completely changed from head to toe and he KNEW where he was -- he KNOWS he is in a better place and it is time to get better - you can see it on his face. He is very content -- and that makes us so happy.

Tomorrow is his evaluation -- and he has a full day of OT and PT as well as speech therapy. They are going to start taking him off the trach little by little and then they will remove it -- he is infection free, his temp is great and he looks wonderful.

You can check out News12.com for the video - I can't stay on long because I'm in the hotel "office" on their computer. Thank you so much for everything -- I really appreciate all the support!!!

I will update very soon again... and thanks to the police for the amazing send off.

****July 17th****

Fantastic update!! Yesterday was only Kenneth's second full day at Kessler. Now, on the first full day they took him to OT, PT and in between breaks to let him rest they gave him speech therapy -- Now, the speech person also helps him with swallowing, chewing and learning how to eat by mouth again. On day one she was very happy to see him manipulating the movements for chewing but he wasn't swallowing yet - we were bummed about this. She said it could take weeks. So, fine, onward to day two... He was taken for a routine x-ray (they always dress him in his regular clothes in the morning which I love because he looks SO good!!), then they brought him back and (in his special wheelchair) he and I along with my parents sat by the window for a little while (hasn't seen daylight in SOME time). Then, a few minutes later, his PT came by. We went down with Kenneth to the gym and as they were about to start a psychologist came in wanting to just get 30 minutes with him. The PT said fine - and off they went along with me. It was two psychologists, Kenneth and me.

It was hard to watch at times because they are trying to get him to do certain things - some he can, some he can't. BUT you have to keep in mind that this is DAY TWO at that point so I mean, in my mind I don't want to expect too much. They asked him to take an apple out of the guy's hand -- it took him a sec but he did it. Then, they asked him to put it back into his hand. Again, took a sec but he did it. Then, they asked him to take the toothbrush and show what you do with it --- he took it but couldn't show what you do with it. They then wanted him to choose the CUP between an apple and a cup -- he just grabbed the apple again like earlier but that's OK. I mean, the Bob Woodruff DVD -- Bob was talking almost pretty normal and could NOT, for the life of him, pick out the scissor in a group of five pics! So, I say to myself - that is going to take time.

Then, and this made me cry, because here he is trying SO hard to do all these things that he fell asleep mid session haha. They said it is VERY common for patients to be EXHAUSTED the first few days -- and for Kenneth, who has had such little nourishment his strength is what has suffered the most in this. He used to be able to squeeze my hand so hard - now, he can't because he just doesn't have the strength but they have really been working with him on getting that back and I can already see an improvement in his squeezing.

But the part that made me cry -- He took YES and NO cards which thanks to a very smart cop at the hospital we started doing with him before he went to Kessler... But he held them up and said "Ken, show me the YES card - which one says YES on it?" Now, this was toward the end of the session so my hopes were low.... and Kenneth dosed off (LOL) he was literally exhausted -- So, the guy wakes him up by tapping him on the leg "c'mon Ken, which one says YES - just tap it or hit it" So, it took a minute, but all of a sudden (and you can see his hand just struggling to get the strength up by moving a little, stop, moving a little, stop).... All of a sudden he raised his hand, and TOOK the yes sign out of his hand and held it up!!!!!

I was like PHEWWWWW and just CRIED hahaha! It was one of those amazing moments that takes so much out of you. Then, the guy said how amazing it was that he TOOK it and held it up instead of just tapping it or motioning towards it. After that he asked for the NO card and same thing - took a minute but he did it and did it really well!! I was delighted.

Then, he went to PT and later OT along with speech in between and my parents went back to the hotel to rest b/c we didn't realize how much this takes out of you--- Then, I drove home because I had to meet with a professor and hand some stuff in -- So, I stayed the night, spent some time with my husband and I'm going to go back tomorrow with my sister and Christopher -- Vinny will come on Saturday AM.

The docs want Kenneth to see Christopher -- they feel it will be a HUGE motivator for him. Just me being there - I mean, the psychologist asking for the YES card - Kenneth gave him a look like I could care less -- until I said, in the background "c'mon KENNETH - do what he says" and then he would do it and I would grab him and hug and kiss him -- so, then you could see he was happy that he did it right.

The people at Kessler have COMPLETELY closed off his trach -- he is breathing out of his nose and mouth, on his own completely and with no extra oxygen going into his blood! WOO HOO!!! They are going to begin to make it smaller and smaller and then they are going to REMOVE it all-together!

And this is the big progress he made too: the speech lady who couldn't get him to swallow - well, in yesterday's session (their SECOND session) he SWALLOWED!!!! She said she felt like the fact that they closed up the trach really helped -- b/c it is not in his way as much. I mean, she said it could take weeks - it took Kenneth a DAY and I'm not surprised - he does everything like that. So, between all of that he had an EXCELLENT day and is coming SO far -- I can't even BELIEVE it.



Next step: eating on his own (real food) and TALKING.

********* July 20th **********

OK - Kenneth is really amazing us. We have been here almost one full week and Kenneth is moving right along. He is breathing so well that they are talking about removing the trach *tomorrow* - we are so happy. So, it will be all gone with just a bandage over it. We are happy at the idea to have that be a MEMORY! Then, a lot of things that he was not able to differentiate from - he now can! Things like choosing the apple out of two fruits, being able to show what you do with a toothbrush, hairbrush, etc... being able to do more things on command, etc.

I think, more than anything, he just looks so much stronger -- he has been getting a lot of nourishment plus he looks like he put on some weight finally. He has been making great strides with holding his head up on his own when not in bed... he has been able to move his head BOTH ways -- all the way to the left and all the way to the right. Before, he was unable to move it at all and was favoring the side that doesn't effect him due to the injury. Now, both sides are moving so well and he is able to actually watch me go from one side of the room to the other... he is trying to speak but won't be able to until they remove the trach.

At that point, I'm interested to see WHAT he can say, HOW he will say it or if he'll be able to speak at all. Should be interesting - my expectations are low. I know whatever he is unable to do they'll help him to learn - he does so well with the therapy.

They gave him a big puzzle board - this is remarkable... with all different shapes - not simple ones - everything from hexagons and pentagons to parallelograms. Anywho, his task was to put the shapes into their correct spaces -- and he DID! He got every single one correct and although it took him time to get them in their places - he got them in their places which is so important!! It is like his brain totally gets it -- it is just a matter of the BODY actually doing it. He was even able to take cones (like 10 of them) and take them, stack them up, one by one. It is amazing to me - and unbelievable to see.

I feel bad because he can't even WORK on walking b/c of the pelvis -- he is still non weight bearing on the right side for another SIX weeks! But that's OK -- they still put him in these contraptions that help him get his strength up and avoid putting weight on that side.

Christopher came up to see Kenneth and he had the most amazing reaction. This is the first time KENNETH saw Christopher because when Chris came up the last two times (to NUMC) Ken was sleeping. So, we were worried he would get upset but he didn't -- he was thrilled to see him and Christopher started asking him to do different things for him -- and he did them! Then, he even reached over to try and give him a hug, then a kiss, then he was rubbing his head ---- it was amazing. He just wanted to touch him. We spent a good amount of time with him but then he started to get tired b/c this was after TWO therapy sessions... So, we went to leave and explained that we wanted to give him time to nap and we'd come back later --- he understood, you could tell, and started to drift off-- so Christopher and everyone left and I stayed to just make sure he fell asleep and a tear came down his cheek -- I wiped it and he fell off to sleep.

It seems as though that is the biggest motivation for him - ever since he came (Friday evening) Kenneth has been better and better.

We are taking small steps - but they are steps nonetheless.



****** July 24th *******

I don't even know where to begin and no matter how hard I try I always leave something Kenneth does (that is unbelievable lol) OUT. But I'll do the best I can. All of his docs and nurses are saying that he is "ahead" of schedule and that all of his goals for this week and next week have already been met. They had a meeting to discuss moving some of his goals up.

His "bad" arm - the right one b/c his injury is on the left side of his head so it affects the opposite... but his "bad" arm that he has been unable to move yet is having these tremor motions -- shaking a lot -- the docs are pleased with this sign because it means that signals are starting to get there and that the brain is starting to "reconnect" with that part of his body. The more these shakey movements happen - the more controlled they'll become until we have regular movement! He is on his way!

The trach is now a thing of the past - POOF! - just like that, we walked in this morning and it was gone. I'm thrilled that is now a memory. There is just a wee bandaid over it until it closes lol it looks cute - w/ some gauze for effect haha. He is now able to talk if he WANTS to or CAN. Now, the part of his brain that has been damaged the most - they think - deals a lot w/ his speech, emotions, personality -- a lot of his cognitive traits. That is OK - we are just happy his organs, involuntary stuff and all that jazz is working so well. So, it seems as though for days now -- and especially now that the trach is gone - he is TRYING SO HARD to say something. One of his PT's swore that he said "yeah" the other day when she asked him a question --- when we said "what did you ask him" and she said "Are you excited to see your son, Christopher this weekend?" -- when she told me that I really believed that he did say YEAH because if anything - Chris would be his motivation to talk.

I'm interested to see as they continue to work with him how long it will take and what words they'll get -- I'm sure, like everything else, once they get the first few words and his brain realizes HOW to do this again the flood gates will open and he won't stop -- those are my hopes. If I know Ken, it'll be that way!

One of his PT's also asked us today if Kenneth is very meticulous (or was before the crash) -- umm, is the sky blue?? LOL! She asked this because when they asked him to sort colored blocks today he not only sorted them into very ANAL, neat piles --- he then straightened them so that they were all facing the same way HAHAHA. I can't tell you how much that behavior fits who he is as a person to a "T"!! So, when she said this we all laughed and were relieved because it does appear, to some extent, that his personality -- in that case - has not changed ONE BIT! He also fixes his clothes when they are not perfect, takes the PT and OT's hair and tucks it behind their ears when they are working with him -- he is too much and it is so funny to watch.

It is really nice b/c you just look at him and say "that's Kenneth"!

He is holding his head up amazingly well - as time goes on you can see it is getting easier and easier for him to move his head, hold it up, sit up, etc. He even took the toothbrush and started to try and brush his teeth LOL again another trait that is soooo him.

OOH! When my sister called on my mom's cell today she answered and said "Oh Kenneth - it is Jenn!" well, she was standing next to him and he reached up, grabbed the cell and put it up to his ear like normal --- My mom said "oh Jenn say hello to him" so she started talking to him - HUGE SMILE cam across his face. That is another thing he learned to do - the day before yesterday, for the first time, my Dad was telling the nurse a story about how when he was playing golf he hit this shot and it splattered MUD all over him --- and as he said it and did the motions Kenneth just SMILED so big -- the nurse said "OH MY! LOOK!!" and my Dad was shocked and called me and my mom -- he did it again later when my dad told the same story and then today when Jenn called....... he did it when Christopher came to see him like a half smile -- i think, at that time, it was harder for him to get it out -- but now it is easier and the smiles are getting BIGGER!!

Then, today, I was putting cream on him and my mom was getting ready to shave him, I was going to cut his nails and such --- when, all of a sudden, he lifts his good arm - puts it around my back and just pulls me in - I was in, without realizing, perfect HUG position and I just HUGGED him -- it was SO sweet and the first time since this happened that we have hugged -- My mom pushed me out of the way so she could get one SO FAST hahaha... sure enough, he did the same thing with her and put his hand up on the back of her head when she came in to hug him -- it was just so sweet.

Even when he works with all the therapists he usually holds their hand while they work with him -- a big mush -- a big, tough cop but really - a big softy.

OK - I think that is all I can recall for now - I know there is SO much because he is just going, going, going and every SINGLE person from the head doc to the gift shop person is amazed, has noticed and has TOLD us how great they see he is doing and how he is leaps ahead of most people at his stage of the game.

Thank God the prayers are working.

Christopher comes up again this Saturday AM!

******* July 27th *******

Yikes, the days are going by so fast. My husband, sister and nephew (little Christopher!!) came to see "Daddy" lol Saturday morning. They stayed until just about two hours ago. Christopher has had camp all summer so far and he starts a new one tomorrow! So, it is nice that he's busy during the week and on the weekend it is Daddy time. Kenneth was thrilled to see him again - all he has to do is walk in the room and Kenneth has a HUGE on his face! It is adorable. He follows him alllll around the room as Christopher walks.

He had half-day rehab on Saturday and Sunday (today) was his day off. He needed the rest! We've noticed a ton of movement in his right hand/arm which could barely move at all before -- it is like the signals coming from the brain have been struggling to find his arm and now they are starting to connect -- we have a "shaking" motion and some major moving in his fingers!!! He is also using his good hand (the left one) to MOVE and work out the other one! It is amazing - he is rehabing himself haha.

Today a friend of the fam called my sister's cell. My sister said "here Ken, someone wants to say hello!" and he takes the cell, LOOKS at the screen (like, to see what name it says) which is what he ALWAYS did before -- then, puts it to his ear and LITERALLY MOUTHS 'HELLO'!!!!!!!! So, the person on the line started talking to him and he is just moving his mouth trying to talk back! Then, my sister said "Ok Ken, say goodbye" but our friend was still talking so he WAITED and THEN, when the person said bye, he handed the phone back to Jenn LOL!

We later gave him the phone just to play with and he was opening it and closing it with one hand JUST like he used to always do. He looks fantastic - his hair is growing in, he has put back some weight thank GOD. I've been working with him on swallowing even more -- and it seems to be getting so much easier for him now. He also holds his head up SO much better - like it is effortless now. He is great with looking all the way in both directions and moving his head to the "harder" side.

My sister and husband notice huge improvements being that they see Kenneth only on weekends. I'm so happy for him b/c HE knows he is getting better and HE knows that although it is still a loooong road -- he knows he is getting there.

I'm excited to see what great strides we make this week!!!

Thank you all for the wonderful words - I *LOVE* reading them!!!! ...and Kenneth will be getting them in a scrap book --- I'm keeping and putting together every single WORD people wrote for him -- when he is better he'll be blown away!



**** JULY 28TH ****

OK, I usually don't update quite this often at this stage of the game but today we had a couple of amazing things happen.

First, he just looked AWESOME - if I didn't know any better I would think he was FINE -- I mean, how amazing is that? God, if I could show you what he looked like in that hospital. Wow!

Anyway, he thinks he is funny - that's for sure! He plays tricks on the therapists -- he is getting bored with a lot of the tasks and puzzles they give him. So, today, he was putting very large playing cards into two piles - red and black. He has done this before but this time I was watching -- so, he (after having a good pile of each color going) starts putting the black in the red pile -- before we know it, he looks up at the therapist with a HUGE smile on his face!!! She's like "Ken!! Are you playing with me???" So, she puts them back and says "c'mon now, I know you are getting bored with this and are beyond this point now". So, there were YES and NO cards on the table right next to the playing cards he was working with (from before) and when she said "I know you are beyond this now huh?" he reaches over and grabs YES LOL!!! Then proceeds to look back up at her and SMILE and kind of snicker!!!!

Even the other therapists were laughing at him as they were working with their patients. That IS Kenneth - that is his personality. He is just unbelievable. So, then she takes the YES and NO cards and starts asking him the same questions she always does - and he always gets them right. So, this time, she asked him for the YES card and he grabbed NO -- then, looks at her and smiles. So, she said "funny Ken - give me the YES card" so he grabs NO (LOL) and she goes "You don't want to do this do you??" and he grabs NO and lifts it up in the air LMAO!! So, she goes "Ken, just do it three times so I can put that you did it in my notes and then we are DONE - I promise" so he grabs YES hahahaha.

Then, for the past week or so Kenneth has been grabbing my hand when I'm with him and like making my hand go in the position of "thumb war" and I'm like "you want to thumb wrestle??" We used to do this when we were little ALL the time on long car rides -- when we'd go on vaca in the car, etc. to pass the time. So, I'm thinking "this is just wishful thinking on my part - he can't REALLY be asking me to thumb wrestle??" Well, today his therapist goes "for the past few days we've been thumb wrestling -- one day he just grabbed my hand, put it that way and we started doing it" I just started crying. I said, "OMG we used to do that when we were little and he's been trying for a WEEK on and off, here and there, to get me to do it with him but I kept thinking that I was just WISHING it and that it couldn't be true" and I just couldn't help but cry. So, we spent a good 30 minutes after that playing thumb wars and he would do the *SAME* thing he used to do when we were little --- he would (before we could finish counting 1,2,3 WAR) he would just PIN my thumb on the first number HAHAHA. And then laugh like it was the funniest thing -- sure enough, I go "1" and before I can get to two he pins me and SMILES huge!

I just can't believe him - I *HAD* to share.



****** JULY 31st *******

Kenneth had a test today - basically, they bring him into a room and hook him up to a bunch of stuff and there is a screen that shows his head, neck, throat, etc almost like an X-RAY and you can see what goes into his mouth and what gets swallowed and where it goes. If it goes into the right place - down the throat and to the stomach he passes and that means he is doing well and can eat on his own. If it goes down and into the lungs that is NOT good and he fails. That means he needs to stay on the tube feeding until the therapists can get him to chew, swallow and eat properly.

Well, initially they told us that him swallowing could take WEEKS -- weeks?!! Kenneth swallowed in about three days LOL. Somehow, I'm not surprised! Then, he was doing so well that his therapist nominated him to take this test and squeezed him in to take it this morning because yesterday he was actually taking the spoon, with his own hand, and feeding himself apple sauce. He would put it up to his mouth, put his lips around it, chew, swallow, everything - neat, perfect, like normal! It was amazing. The therapist was so happy she said "off to the test he goes!" and he did... and...

HE PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!

The people in the room with him (docs, techs and therapists) were CLAPPING and cheering b/c he did so well. He even DRANK water totally on his own and fine and he never even PRACTICED that with the therapist before. He ate sliced peaches, apple sauce (which he LOVES) and chocolate pudding.

They were so pleased he doesn't even need to be put on a blended diet first -- he can go straight to CHOPPED! YAY! GO KENNETH! We were so happy and proud. You can tell he is very happy to be tasting real food so in a few days that tube will be removed from his tummy and he'll be smooth sailing in terms of eating on his own.

Two friends of his came to visit him this week - on Monday was Angelo and I have never seen Kenneth smile so big. He walked in, Kenneth took one look at him and SMILED and his whole face just lit up -- Angelo was so stunned by how good he looks now (hasn't seen him since NUMC) he just started crying and had to walk out a minute --- it just amazed him. So, it was touching... very touching. Then, when he was talking to Kenneth he would tell stories and at funny parts Kenneth would smile and laugh - he understood everything.

Then, on Wednesday his friend Pete came to visit him -- and again, HUGE smile every single time he saw Pete or Pete talked to him --- I showed Pete how much Kenneth likes to thumb wrestle and he did it with him. It was a great day and Kenneth was DELIGHTED to see some of his friends. Pete was also amazed at how much better he looks.

That's about it for now -- We have the race in New Jersey this weekend (on Sunday) that Big Brown is running in. It is the first race since Belmont and the owners are AGAIN offering to donate money -- they are AMAZING people and we can't get over their generousity and how much they truly care. We are ALL going and I hope BB wins!! I love that little pony!

On August 14th there will be a HUGE fundraiser at Mulcahy's in Wantagh thrown by the Nassau County PD for Kenneth and his fund w/ Christopher. We are told they don't know how many to expect but there will be A LOT and they are thinking about closing down the street. There will be a cash bar, food, TONS of prizes and music -- feel free to come on down - it sounds like it'll be one big block party woo hoo!

I don't know who is going to be watching Nassau though LOL

OK - I'm a happy girl today

Thanks everyone for the prayers and well wishes -- and such kind words and responses for Kenneth. I was so amazed by them I was showing some of the replies to my Mom.



****** August 5th ******

We've been busy! Sometimes just watching Kenneth makes me tired - he is so strong and hard working. Well, first we had another horse race on Sunday - it was Big Brown's first race since Belmont... and... He WON!!!!!! I thought I was going to FAINT watching this race - omg! It was such a great race and he is such a gorgeous horse it just takes your breath away. The race was in New Jersey so it was easy for my family and I to attend. We all went - my husband, myself, my sister, my nephew (Kenneth's son, Christopher), my parents and the "Commish" joined us as well which was SO nice of him.

The owners of BB were so kind to invite us all to this race, called the Haskell Invitational, and yet again offer to donate MORE money (from this purse) to Kenneth and Christopher's fund. They are amazing people - I just can't say it enough. I was very happy that my parents were able to attend and finally meet the owners themselves... now that Kenneth is doing better, they felt comfortable coming. The owners truly made us feel like we were a part of their own family - we were there in their private tented area with food, drinks and it was beautiful. We had pretty much front row seats to see BB race and the Jockey, Kent, even took time out to meet us all and sign an autograph for Christopher. We were THRILLED when he won and the owners were so happy - they really deserve it.

After that we went back to the hotel and the next morning (Monday AM) we had to be up at Kessler for a meeting on Kenneth with everyone that oversees him. We met with eleven people from Kessler - his two neuro docs, speech therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist (not the ones he works with -- the case managers who take the info from the therapists and analyze it), a neuropsychologist, the head of nursing, an insurance person who takes care of the coverage end of his case, etc. I can't remember everyone but it is everyone assigned to manage him lol. My mom, Dad and myself sat in on this meeting where we were "briefed" on his current condition and progress...

Now, we have been in communication with another police officer and his father (nypd cop) who, ten years ago, was in a very serious accident in had a TBI like Kenneth. In fact, his condition was medically thought to be worse than Kenneth's condition! Well, he is currently back at work - not on full duty - but he works in the precinct and handles calls, writes tickets, etc. He is walking, talking - the whole bit. You really would not know unless he told you what happened to him and he had actual brain matter REMOVED -- he is a true inspiration to us all. He was kind enough to share his story and his father WARNED us about the above meeting. His son also rehab'd at Kessler and he said how phenomenal the facility was but that they were very "realisitc' with him -- and his father told us that him and his wife left that first meeting in TEARS it was so negative. They told us that the docs said he would never walk or talk again -- and we were TERRIFIED of what we'd hear during this meeting.

So, we got in there and (to our surprise) they told us that Kenneth is doing "fantastic", that he is currently ahead of schedule and that we definitely have a long road ahead of us still, of course, but that they are optimistic and "excited" about his future recovery. They feel as though if his current progress is any indication as to his future prognosis - we have every reason to be VERY hopeful. They did a special scan of his head on July 4th at NUMC -- and then they did the same scan on July 28th at Kessler. The difference in the two and the amount of improvement that has taken place is - as they put it - "dramatic" and "drastic". The color red on this scan is a bad thing - and there was almost ALL red on the 7/4 scan and there was almost NO red on the 7/28 scan -- that means that the healing IS taking place. All of the people that deal with him - therapists, docs, nurses, etc say he is a pleasure to have as a patient and that they feel he has really come a long way -- and will do well on the still long road he has in front of him.

They compared it to a baby -- it is like he has to re-learn everything --- eating, speaking, walking, etc. And he is - so far, the breathing, sitting up on his own, holding his head up, smiling, doing certain things on command, eating on his own, etc has been accomplished -- which is, for just two and a half weeks, A LOT of progress. Now, we need to work on speaking (they are almost there - I can just feel it) and walking when his pelvis can hold weight (three more weeks until that can start to happen). You can see his brain reconnecting and the part that is damanged, although relatively small compared to the rest of the brain, it affects the rest of the brain because it is like taking a chip out of a computer -- all the wires that do other things but run through that chip get effected. So, we realize that this healing process is a fragile one but it is taking place right in front of our very eyes.

He has begun arm wrestling with me now and he is so freaking strong, now that he is eating, I CAN'T beat him!!!!! How ridiculous?! We continue to thumb wrestle everyday. He smiles and laughs every single day. Today he laughed when the Billy Mays infomercial came on just like he used to before the crash -- he always made fun of those ridiculous commercials and he, again, chuckled today when the "orange glow" one came on lol lol. His favorite was magic putty but we'll take whatever we can get hahaha.

We were so relieved after that meeting that it was like the weight of the world had been lifted -- b/c, if they told that other officer he was never going to walk/talk again and he IS -- and they are telling us they are very optimistic about Kenneth - God knows how far he can come!! We are so blessed.

OK - I think that is about it for now lol I think it is more than enough It is amazing how much can happen in just a few short days. I have to say - I've never seen anyone eat like he does LOL it is literally like he hasn't eaten in two months - he gets three huge meals a day and he LICKS the plate -- it is amazing. He looks GREAT. I got him a hand mirror and he checks himself out in it from time to time -- making sure his face is still there lol which it is - nothing about his face was changed. He smiles and checks out his teeth -- how his hair is growing in with the scar on his head, etc. He is so funny but that's SO Kenneth.

Alrighty - I can't tell you guys how much I love writing these positive updates and how much I love reading the great replies.

Thank you, again, so much.

****** August 10th ******

We got our first official KISS yesterday. Well, Christopher got it - he is able to bring so much out of him!! It was like Kenneth was trying so hard to figure out how to PUCKER and finally, he did and then he didn't want to stop. I guess he feels as though he has almost three months of kisses to make up for. We all lined up to collect ours very quickly, lol. It was so nice and after a few he was even able to master the "smooch" noise and everything! Now, he is kissing Christopher like crazy - they just lay together while kissing and hugging each other.

During his last therapy appointment before his weekend time off he was able to spell K E N with block letters they gave him. Then, he was able to take the numbers (in blocks also) 1 through 5 and put them in number order repeatedly. The therapists were thrilled to report that he was able to do that to us -- we couldn't believe it!

We had a nice and quiet weekend - Kenneth rested and we had lots of visitors come and see him. We got to spend some really nice time with him and he enjoys going outside in the courtyard. His therapists feel that he is SO close to speaking -- that it could happen ANY day now. I can't wait to report on that!!!

He has an unbelievable appetite and eats EVERY bit of food they give him no matter what it is. He LOVES pumpkin pie so I went to a bakery to try and get him one but they didn't have them since they really aren't in season now. So, I'm going to bake him one and bring it for him. We also bring him ice cream and treats like that --- mind you, he would NEVER eat such things prior to the crash but you know what? He needs to bulk up and since he missed food so much he never objects. His strength has improved as a result of eating real food drastically.

He also decided to grab the cup of juice the other day and drink from it on his own -- I guess I wasn't spoon feeding it fast enough lol. So, now he feeds himself and drinks on his own. We were told that is an amazing accomplishment for a brain injury patient at this stage of the game - we are so thankful that he continues to exceed expectations.

I swear, he looks so darn good that I glance at him sometimes and almost forget -- I would not be able to tell sometimes if I didn't know any better. I am so glad he looks this good and we can see how happy he is. He is moving his legs a lot more and his "bad" arm continues to improve movement wise.

We have been told that they are expecting a large crowd at the fundraiser on Thursday and are planning to close down the street. The organizers told us that NO ONE will be turned away no matter what. So, feel free to come down and join us -- no matter what! We would love to have as many people as possible... Also, there are tons of giveaways and prizes. Some of his friends from Virginia (when he was a cop down there) are making the trip to come!! It is amazing.

OK - that's the update for now.

**** August 13th ****

Kenneth was finally able to drink out of a straw. It was weird - he could take the cup with his left hand and drink from it, take the fork with his left hand and eat from it and even get the liquid half way up the straw but he was having a hard time doing it all the way. The docs told me that is actually a very tough thing that we do everyday and it seems so easy. Well, finally, he DID IT today - drank with it like normal and he acts, so casually, like he has been able to do it all along lol you would never know - by watching him drink from the straw - that just yesterday he could NOT do it. That is the most amazing thing about our brains - they can learn things again, learn new things, parts of the brain that are hurt can get "helped out" by other parts of the brain -- and all of a sudden, something that you could not do previously will just CLICK and you can do it! And then, it is like your brain remembers and has it down pat -- and from then on you are good to go with that particular behavior. That is the most unbelievable thing about the human brain. It continues to amaze me, right before my very eyes, each and every day.

I came home from Kessler last night because we had a press conference I was asked to attend this afternoon. MADD and the PBA organized it because they wanted to announce the fundraiser again and people want an update on Kenneth. I'm so thankful that, three months later, people still care enough about Kenneth to ask how he is doing. All too often these stories vanish from the headlines and people move on with their lives but with Kenneth - it is ASTONISHING how much people are dedicated to him and his well being. It gives us so much support. Here is the video from Newsday but News12 was there, Channel 2, Channel 7, Channel 11 and a few others - I'm not sure how many.

It is hard to describe, in five minutes, all we have been through in the past four weeks (at rehab) and three months in total. You try to give them an idea without making it like he is all back to normal and doing fine - because, in reality, he still has a LONG road ahead of him and people should know that. I'm excited for tomorrow because I think it'll be nice for my parents to see how much people care for Kenneth. I'll be sure to give updates on it!! I made a collage tonight with pics of him -- I urge everyone who wants to come on down to do so!!!!!! I would love to see you, meet you and thank you all. I also made a sign-in book so he can see how many people care for him when he is all better and can communicate.

Here's the video:CLICK HERE FOR STORY AND VIDEO



******* August 17th *******

Kenneth had a great weekend - he got lots of rest and was able to spend really quality time with all of us and Christopher. He is making A LOT of noises now -- trying to bridge the gap between moving his mouth to form words and making noise with his vocal chords to get those words out. It is like the two need to "marry" and when they do, when he finally manages to figure it out again -- he'll get it for good. We are VERY excited about that day and it is all we pray for lately. I can't even imagine what it will be like to communicate with him again. Even though he can't speak yet he is still able to, somehow, communicate well with us -- still does funny things, still reacts to things so that gets us by until the other comes.

He will yawn and make a typical yawn noise and we'll hear his voice. Or he'll hiccup and we'll hear his voice or a slight groan. It is amazing how he sounds EXACTLY the same - just like him. Dr. Fellus asked him to say the word MOM for him and he MOUTHED it -- nothing came out. He has done that a few times now. He is trying so hard to figure out how to get a noise to come out when he does it -- and I feel, deep down inside, that we are very close. I still pray constantly for it. I worry when I have to leave from time to time and go home for things like court dates, the fundraiser, etc. that he will talk for the first time and I'll miss it.

The fundraiser was absolutely amazing. It reminded me of my wedding -- trying to talk to and say thank you to everyone and not being able to. I was barely even able to converse a lot with my friends who came! We were JAMMED in there -- over 1,800 people showed up during the course of the five hour event and it was just out of my realm of comprehension -- I still can't believe it. Kenneth will be floored -- just floored. Even his police brothers from Virginia (the first force he was ever on) came up to see him and then attend the fundraiser... It was wonderful. We were interviewed and if you go to NassauPBA.org you can see the interview w/ my parents (they have a link to the TV-55 news clip). We are not sure how much was raised exactly but something like an excess of $100,000 dollars as well as a complete high school education for Christopher to attend Chaminade - free of charge! The people there donated that to us -- just amazing. My brother will NOT believe this when he is able to communicate and we start to tell him all of these things.

Today we spent all day just talking -- he spent most of the day in his bed, sitting up, listening to us, watching the Olympics, etc. Christopher gets in bed with him and sits next to him and they just kiss each other. We have kisses to hold us over until words come. Then, my husband, sister and Christopher had to head home for the week. Christopher is done with his camps for the summer so Jenn will bring him back mid-week for a few days! Once they left, I started to read a book about FDR to Kenneth. My brother is not only a history major but he is an American History fanatic... loves it. So, tonight, he looked bored with all of our usual "tricks" (hand games, looking in the mirror, thumb/arm wrestling, looking at pics, talking, etc) that I figured maybe he'd like me to read it to him. He was sitting up in bed and I sat right next to him with the book in front of both of us and began to read -- he follows what words I'm reading and even goes to turn the pages for me when we are ready to do so. HE LOVED IT. So, that's something I'll be doing everyday from now on. He was hanging on every word -- he really enjoyed it and when I would pause for a moment (at the end of the first chapter) he looked at me like "don't stop!" hahah -- and I said "you like this, huh?" and he smiled. It made me feel like "d'oh, I should have been doing this all along!" I would sing to him, read to him at NUMC when he was sedated and especially in the beginning -- and read prayers but never this.

It is amazing to see that he totally understands what I'm reading -- and still loves the same stuff (all things History related) as he did before. I told him, when we had to leave, that I'll mark the page and continue tomorrow -- he put his arm around me and pulled me inward -- it is apparent that he REALLY appreciates the reading. Which is great - I'm so happy he's happy.

Hopefully this week is our week for words.



****** August 23rd ******

No words yet - but noises and he is mouthing words/sounds. The speech person started off with that. Getting any type of noise out - sounds JUST like his voice, no different! Then, mouthing "ooh" and "ahh" and "eee" -- and working on breathing out when opening his mouth, etc. That is how they begin to get people to talk again.

I am hoping for THIS week. My husband has come to stay with me this coming week b/c my guilt ridden parents and sister are taking my nephew on a cruise. This was something they had booked WAY before the accident and they wouldn't go BUT they are going with 8 other couples - all close family friends. My parents are the ones who initiated all of them going on the cruise so they feel obligated to go b/c of them. Knowing Vinny and I will be with Kenneth the whole time makes them feel better but they are still a little uneasy. My nephew, however, will love it and I think it may be just what he - and everyone else - needs after all this stress!

So, they leave tomorrow morning and it's just me, Vin and Kenneth -- Hopefully, he'll speak so when they come back he can say "hi".

This is probably the biggest obstacle for him. People don't realize how hard it is to do something so simple as speak... especially when the part of your brain that was hit hardest controls that. It just takes the brain a long time to reconnect, find the right nerves and retrain itself.

At therapy, he continues to SAIL... they have increased the difficulty of all his puzzles and projects. They had him on the bike the other day -- with his hands and good foot peddling away. He looked like he loved it. Just one more week and he can put weight on the pelvis and start to walk again. I can't believe they are talking about having him go on un the treadmill ASAP! I'll
D I E when I see him on a treadmill!!! He has begun drinking out of a straw - I don't know if I mentioned that already. He was having a hard time - got it half way up the straw and then one day he mastered it! It makes it a lot easier for him to drink now. His left leg is moving like CRAZY, and in the past few days the RIGHT leg is moving too!! They feel that the right arm is coming back -- from the shoulder down to his hand -- a little each day. It is going to take extra time (it is common for the legs to come back before the arms)... so he has his left arm which is excellent and is starting to get back movement in BOTH legs!!!! We are thrilled.

He was upgraded to a better wheelchair -- one that requires you to be stronger, able to sit up better, etc -- It doesn't give as much support and help -- he has done great with it so he was ready for the upgrade. They told us that was a big step.

He has done the entire alphabet with block letters, has done numbers 1-25 over and over no problem, has spelled his whole name --- and physically, is much stronger and his muscles all feel like they have their strength back a little - just need to get to full movement in the arm and legs - moreso on the right side, that's all.

I play Van Halen's "Right Now" for Kenneth to get him pumped for therapy -- and one line always gets me -- "The more you get, the more you want." ... It is so true. You don't mean to get greedy but I want him to have his life back and I don't think that is too much to ask for.

At first, all you want is for them to live, then, well if he could eat on his own and sit up on his own that would be great too, and then if he could just walk so his quality of life will be better -- and if he could speak and think like he did before -- I hope he can go back to work, etc. Then, before you know it you are like wow I'm asking for everything -- what happened to I don't care about anything - just don't take him from me??




******** September 5th *********

Kenneth, during his therapy session, was able to stand up and take steps today. and I MISSED it because of stupid social security but that's a whole different story. Anyway, I wanted to wait on the updates for a while until I had something big to report - even though, to us, everything he does is big. But, I wanted to hold off until I had either words or steps...

Steps came first. His weight bearing resctrictions were lifted in the beginning of the week and his ortho doc cleared him and his pelvis for full weight bearing. So, before this point therapists could not even TRY any type of standing or walking with him. Now that his pelvis has healed they can! During the past two weeks to prepare for when the restrictions would be lifted his therapists have been working out his torso, arms, and entire mid section to get it stronger -- because we don't realize how much it takes for us to stand on our own - strength wise. Now that he has been eating three solid meals a day for a while (and they are nutritious meals) he has become so much stronger.

My mom told me that this afternoon his therapist, Erin, was looking for her - when she finally found my mom she told her to come to the gym right away because Ken was WALKING. So, my mom and her went into the gym to find Kenneth standing up (with two people supervising) in a special brace that they have -- it does not help you stand, it just protects you if you fall and keeps you from hurting yourself if you try to walk/stand and end up going down.

...And there he was - all six feet of him - standing up in the gym with his good leg (the left one) that now moves ALMOST back to normal/full function -- that has only come back in the last two weeks!!! which is remarkable. So, there he was using his good leg to walk - puts his foot forward and then kind of dragging the right leg which still doesn't really have much movement. They feel that movement will come back - it will take time. The right side is that way b/c the left side of the brain was hurt -- so it affects the opposite.

So, the therapists would help move his right leg along for him when it got rather difficult to almost drag it -- but, basically, he was taking his first steps since everything happened!! My mom was in complete shock until Kenneth looked up at her - standing up for the first time - and smiled EAR TO EAR. Then, my mom went from shock to TEARS. She said it was like he is SO happy that he can do such a normal day-to-day thing like taking a few steps that he was THRILLED and you could see it all over his face like "wow, i'm doing this - i AM getting better and i CAN do this" -- it was so uplifting for him - he was just delighted the entire day.

My mom called me crying and I asked what was wrong, worried, and she said "Kenneth walked" and I said - WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!! LOL!!! She said - because he was SO happy that he could do it. All of the therapists said this was amazing - that he was able to stand up, on his own, take a few steps, even with a bum (for the time being) right leg -- they are amazed at him... on the first try, no less! People that really know Kenneth are not surprised. It is, in a way, surprising because all the "odds" are against him but at the same time - the way he is - this is just par for the course.

So, Vinny and I go back to New Jersey early tomorrow morning - I missed him walking for the first time because I had to go to social security to clear up their mistake so that I can get the financial aid processed for college. I am MIFFED but what can you do?

I'm just thrilled he was able to do this.

...and I am hoping my next update is telling everyone how he SPOKE.

Speaking of speaking, lol - we have had A LOT more noises - grunts, sighs, etc. And we hear his voice and it sounds perfect -- the speech person said he is mouthing the words and breathing correctly -- just needs to merge that with the sound. It takes time - that is the hardest thing b/c it is very complex. It takes over 70 muscles to form ONE syllable. So, time will tell - we just need to be patient but it helps that the therapists keep saying how ahead of schedule he is and how remarkable his recovery has been, etc. in comparison to others or the "norm".

A good day!

****** September 10th *******

I should have updated last night but I was so tired!! Yesterday was my one year wedding anniversary with Vinny - I can't believe that just one year ago yesterday we were all enjoying such a happy day - my brother and nephew, sister, myself, Vin and my parents all had such a great time - definitely one of the best day's of our lives. Everything changed so much on May 18th and since that day I think about my wedding day with more of an empty and sad feeling -- I never thought back about my wedding in a sad way until Kenneth got hurt. I didn't "miss" it like some people do -- I enjoyed it so much then that I was content when it was over. Once Kenneth got hurt, however, I now think about it as the way life "once was" and I miss our old life so much that if I think about it too long I just start to cry. I still have not been able to watch my video since Kenneth was hurt -- I just can't do it. I also have been unable to go about making my album or looking at my proofs. One day.

Yesterday was special because Nassau County had an awards ceremony for brave civilians who helped people during the past year. One of those brave people honored was our angel firefighter Phil... He was given a nice plaque and it was very emotional for us. My parents, sister, Christopher, myself and Vinny were there. It made me happy to have something like that on the night of our anniversary otherwise I think I would have been a little down -- but I wasn't because it was great to go and do something positive. We did go out for my husband's birthday which i had posted I was having a tough time with getting in the frame of mind for -- but we did it and he was happy which made me happy... and we will be going out soon for our anniversary - things are kind of hectic now b/c Vinny is in the middle of his master's program and just started student teaching. So, he is taking six grad classes, student teaching twice a week AND works full-time on top of that at the car wash-- umm, yeah he is busy! He did find time, though, to get me a beautiful ring for our one year anniversary which was so nice and we are going away in December (when things will be much better with Kenneth, I'm sure) and then I'll be really excited to go.

Before we went to the ceremony yesterday we got FANTASTIC news!!!!! One of Kenneth's docs at Kessler came in to tell us about the latest brain scan test they did -- it is a special test and Kenneth wears this weird hat for 20 minutes and they measure all this stuff and then it comes out with a bunch of pictures of his head with colors on it -- then, they let us know what all the data means. The first one of these tests he had was at NUMC on july 4th of all days -- Then, he had one done about a week after being at Kessler -- during our initial meeting with docs they told us that the improvement was "dramatic" (I wrote about that above - sometime in the end of July) so we were THRILLED at that time. Then, they decided to give him a scan once every two weeks or so -- he has had a couple since then and we didn't hear anything about them. We figured the "dramatic" improvement days are over and now maybe each scan is either staying the same or improving just a little. Well, we got news yesterday that the last scan done was "put together" with the other scans done since the "dramatic" one --- and, AGAIN showed "remarkable" improvement!!!!!! The docs are literally THRILLED and they even told us that they haven't even begun some of the treatment options they have up their sleeves for Kenneth -- they have to wait to see how he is doing before they can go ahead with things -- you have to do different treatments at different stages of recovery. These are very, as I like to call them, "realistic" doctors -- they tell you, without sugar-coating, the TRUTH about your situation no matter what. So, for them to be "jumping out of their suits" as I put it -- was AMAZING. So, my mom was crying -- we all could not believe it. We see the improvement in Ken ourselves but to actually know that things are getting better on the inside, too, means SO much more!!!

This is one of the main reasons we chose Kessler - because they are the most innovative and state of the art facility for brain injury in the country -- and this particular type of scan they did -- they are the only place in the world that has this type of scan -- and the same goes for a lot of their treatment plans, devices, etc. We are very lucky that we were able to get Kenneth in here and blessed that they requested him.

So, my parents were hugging the docs after that news hahaha! We were all so thrilled and they feel that speech, which is what is going to take the longest with Kenneth because it is a very complex thing -- but they feel it is very close and right around the corner. Once we get that initial word - the flood gates will open, I'm sure. So, we actually hear his voice when he laughs now!!! I'm sure it will continue to come out more and more.



****** September 15th ******

I'm feeling very down today. I am now home for good during the week and will only be visiting Kenneth on the weekends. I had to come back to start working - I got a job in a school district as a teacher's assistant until I get my undergrad (soon!) and then I will sub until I get my master's and can teach. I just started another semester of school and somehow, I made it through the last semester (Kenneth's crash happened right smack in the middle of my semester - they run different than most colleges) and I still managed to get straight A's. Something I happily told him recently - he looked really pleased. He was the one who got me to go back to school and realize what I wanted to be and that I wanted "more" out of life and a job.

I feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness being home. I can't bring myself to do much of anything - I start my perm position in a little over a week but had to come home now to get ready for that and get some college work done - meet with teachers, etc. I don't feel ready for "real life" to take over again - it feels so odd to be doing things I have not done since May. I have come such a long way from the day I walked down that long ramp at NUMC into the ER -- seeing about 30-40 people, some I knew, some I didn't know - all cops - standing there looking at me. They just looked at me and no one said a word. I had spent the last 35 minutes of the drive (which felt like 35 years) convincing myself that Kenneth was OK - that he *had* to be. I kept telling myself that they must send the commissioner or police and the county executive for all accidents - as a formality. I had myself so convinced because I had to do that to be OK - and the second I started to walk down that long driveway into the ER area and took one look at everyone's faces - no one said a word - I went from being convinced he was OK to being convinced he was gone.

I remember saying to Vinny - why is everyone just STARING at us? I figured they were just waiting to take me to someone who would tell me the worst news I would ever hear. I said - something along the lines of - "where is Kenneth??" or "what is going on? is he OK?" and two of my brother's friends who are cops just looked at each other, looked at me, and said "we'll take you to your parents". Those words, I will never forget - because not saying "don't worry, he's OK" meant they didn't know and/or he was not OK. I remember my legs just going to rubber - they felt like the couldn't even hold me up and I remember my heart racing while in the elevator. I kept hearing, in my mind, someone telling me what I feared most. Then, the elevator doors opened, I saw the county executive, the commissioner of police who I did not know at the time - I know Tom Suozzi from TV and my brother's graduation. And then - blank. That is where everything goes blank. I cannot remember, for the life of me, seeing my parents for the first time, seeing my brother for the first time, walking back to see him - being taken back by people -- all of these things I know took place but how and when - I have no idea. It is like my mind hit delete and I can't get any of that back. The next thing I remember wasn't until two days later. I don't even remember typing on here when I was made aware of the fact that it had been talked about on here... Nothing. And I have a phenomenal memory my family always makes fun of b/c I remember everything and the most specific details.

Now, here I am at home - he feels like he's a million miles away and I felt awful for leaving him because he looked like he knew that I was going. It is really hard for me because I feel guilty, sad and empty not being there. I just hope he comes home soon but I don't want him to do that until he is ready. Thankfully, his insurance is so great that they will never deny us anything -- and he'll stay there as long as the docs want him there and think he can still benefit from being there. Then, we'll see where we go next. We had to start thinking about making our house handicap accessible, doing construction to it to make it doable for him, etc. These are things you just never think about -- but, we don't know for sure since he is doing so well that maybe, just MAYBE, he won't need that? We don't know.

We do know that the most recent news we have rec'd from docs is the best news we could ask for. They are thrilled that he, in the past few days, has begun communicating with his hands -- thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no! He is great about that and now we can really communicate better than ever before. I feel like the words are so very close -- and usually, with aphesia which is what the fact that he cannot speak is called -- but usually you communicate with hands first, because you are understanding what is being asked, and then the very next thing is being able to speak. We are very hopeful and so are the docs.

I apologize for being down - I know I have so much to be very thankful for. It is just hard on me personally because I feel so guilty - and I feel like he needs me and enjoys me being there so much that I feel awful I can't.

****** September 18th ********

We have SOUNDS!

Well, we have had little "under your breath" sounds before -- but these are different because these are on command, controlled and done to mimic a therapist making the sounds. Now that he is really understanding what we are saying SO much better when the therapist asks him to make an "ooooooo" sound - he does it! This is a huge breakthrough!!!

So, he did "oooo" and "aaaaaah" and "eeeee" all on command, over and over again. So, they are continuing to work with him to start on WORDS. We are so happy - the docs are all so happy and we are still taking baby steps but they are in the right direction.

His frame of mind seems a lot better - he was having days where he seemed restless. Maybe he gets upset at the idea that his leg and arm still don't move the way they should? Even though they have improved SO much and continue to get better - he wants it to be right NOW. So, he will just stare at his right leg like "why can't you move like the other one does??" -- so, we'll get bouts of that but it doesn't last long and he is back to smiling, laughing and just looking very content.

He seemed so happy after he had the breakthrough with the sounds - like, I finally figured out how to do it! And he was relieved!! We are very happy.

So, a quick update but an update nonetheless. ...and a good one at that!

The very next step is real words!

****** October 1st ******

I hate the changing of months but at the same time I like it. I feel like - OK, this is the month and at the same time I feel like - omg another month that he is being robbed of. It is weird but the changing of the seasons and holidays bring about the same feelings.

It is difficult being home now - not only am I away from him and all he is doing (at least I do get to see him on weekends which makes me happy) but being around here - where people know me - I lost a lot of "anonymity" and I get asked a lot about Kenneth. Mostly, by strangers. It is beyond wonderful that ordinary people who don't know us care enough to ask, still, how he is and what his status is but at the same time - sometimes I'm just at the gym, or trying to get milk, or filling up my car at the gas station... and one person asking makes a lot of other people turn around and stare. You can see them trying to figure out who you are by what you are talking about. It is a very different feeling I'm just not used to. They all have the same questions: what are the doctors telling you? (nothing) is he talking yet? (not yet) why isn't he talking yet? do they know? (he has aphesia) will he recover fully? (we don't know) when is he going to come home?? (we don't know). it is hard saying the same things and answering the same questions -- and sometimes, how people are feeling can be written on their faces and they, sometimes, give me a look of worried. That sits with me a lot.

I have to, over a year later, do my video - I feel bad for my video/photog guy b/c here he is with all this stuff -- at the same time, my SIL who got married like TEN months after me is doing all of her stuff and it just makes me feel so lazy and irresponsible. Whenever we see family they ask her if she is working on her stuff - she says yes. Then, they look to me and ask where my album is and I don't have it. So, I'm starting small -- with my parents pushing me to do it constantly -- I'm going to work on just the video first. I need to put what I want in and what I want edited out, I need baby pics (got them last night), I need songs (did that yesterday) and that's it - so I'm almost all set. I just need to watch it to write what I want in and out. That's the problem... the part I'm dreading. I have not watched it since before Kenneth got hurt. I am starting to get upset right now just writing about it. Oyy - well, I'm going to give it a try. I think I'm better off just doing it alone, being upset and getting it over with. I had friends offer to watch it with me which was very nice but that will just be awkward for them as I have a meltdown in front of them. Maybe I'll surprise myself and be OK? Something tells me that won't be the case, however.

Getting back into school and not having this (everything w/ him) be the stuff that consumes 90% of my life is difficult. I'm not used to it. Getting back to work - same thing. My writing teacher this semester wants me to write about him... all I do is write about him? I guess I will just keep going! She wants me to take this -- this "diary" on here -- and edit it and make it into a book. I don't know about that. I feel like I would be A LOT more excited to write a book if I had this happy ending I'm hoping for. Then, I start to feel too positive and I wonder if I'm being naive.

This past weekend was very nice. He was overall pretty content. Lately, he has having moments of pain, aggitation and being uncomfortable. They feel it is a combo of things: his right side getting feeling back, being sensitive and it got very TIGHT b/c it is starting to get back movement a lot. Same thing happened with his left side and before we knew it - he had full movement. So, they are working with him to loosen those muscles so he is not as uncomfortable -- and so that they get work them out and get them going again. They gave him botox injections -- that helps loosen the muscles. My Dad said his legs are wrinkle free and look 10 years younger My Mom asked if she could have some too lol.

He is giving those thumbs up and thumbs down for everything. He is concentrating, when someone speaks, on them one on one -- so, he hears and understands EVERYTHING. He even picks up, now, when my Mom whispers or mouths something across the room about him or what he is doing to me. Sometimes, she'll say 'look - his right hand is moving like crazy' and now he knows and looks right at her and laughs like I KNOW you are talking about me! She laughs. We had a personal breakthrough -- Kenneth used to always make these faces with Christopher - when something silly was on TV or when Christopher would put on funny ring tones or music. He would make this face and raise his eyebrows... and laugh. Well, it seems like all of a sudden - he figured out how to do it again. And he does the SAME face to the SAME ring tones he always did. So, he remembers - I mean, the second we played them he laughs at the ones he used to find funny and will close the phone on the ones he hates haha. Just like before. It makes us feel so good to see that. We all start to cry at the same time - trying NOT to let Kenneth see and sometimes he does - and laughs.

He continues to make the sounds great and now we are getting a mixture of the sounds. He is also starting to say Dad -- Daaaaa. And starting to say Mom -- Maaaa. I keep saying, with Dad, that really he is trying to say DANIELLE He is writing very well -- he writes Chris (his son), Ken, Kenneth, Mom, Dad. He is writing with his left hand when he is not left handed so that is amazing. We play tic-tac-toe all the time and he is so good at it that most of the time he wins -- and then laughs He loves to win. He loves to watch sports -- is glued to the TV when they are on. He loves to watch Fox News -- typical Kenneth.

They are starting to get him to go to the bathroom on his own. He has a picture of a toilet on his wheelchair and on his bed so he points to it when he has to go and aides help him on the toilet and he goes! He did it on the FIRST try of this little "plan". There are still some times where we can't wait for an aide and he goes -- so then they need to change him like before but he is holding it, has control, knows what he is doing and is getting to the point where he can do that on his own. My brother is the type of person that bathroom stuff is the FIRST on his priority list to do independently lol. I know him - he would much prefer it to be done on his own.

We've come such a long way - and we still have a long way to go. I feel like we are at the half-way point and I hope that he is able to do everything else like he has done everything so far. All in all, I just want him to be happy and to come out of this saying: I am satisfied with the level of quality I am living, I am doing well, I am glad I survived this. My brother, and we used to talk about this, is the type that would say "if I have to live a life like 'that' and we all know what 'that' is -- I would rather be dead"... would he still feel that way after coming so close to death? Who knows but I don't want him to have to say - I can't believe this is my life. When it is all said and done I want him to say "I am one of the few lucky ones - I have my life back even though it was temporarily taken from me and I went through Hell - I have it back now"... It is all I think and worry about lately.


**** October 8th ****

Yesterday, October 7th, was my friend's birthday. He died when he was 20 years old - killed by a drunk driver. My husband and I did a walk at Farmingdale (for MADD) in his honor with his family the year before my brother got hurt. I never, ever thought that we would be back the following year for any other reason aside from walking in honor of my friend.

My friend's name was Kenneth also - but we called him Kenny. Everyone, pretty much, called him Kenny. So, for me - my brother was Kenneth and my friend was Kenny - always. It was strange to me when Kenneth got hurt - people in the media and people who did not know him started to refer to him as Kenny. I thought this was so odd - and then, when I would hear it - it started to make me smile. It was like, in a small way, maybe he was looking out for me - maybe this was his way of saying 'hi' during the most difficult time in my entire life... maybe he was trying to be there for me when all of a sudden the nightmare of what happened to him was happening to my brother - in a way...

I say, in a way because it hurts me so deeply that Kenny had no chance - he passed away instantly. It hurts me so much that - if Kenneth had a chance and could fight his way back - why couldn't he also?? Even though the situations are similar in so many ways - they are also very different. I often wonder how far Kenneth will really come - I believe that he can come all the way and be back 100% but then I start to think about what if he doesn't? Is it better to not be here at all than to be here in the kind of condition I see some of the people who are at Kessler everyday ? I just don't know that answer - but, what I do know is what losing someone like my friend (and a friend of my husband's) did to a family - I watched how much it hurt my friend's family - how much his mother was hurting for her only son, how much his sister misses her only brother. I watched for years all of that - always feeling so bad for them that I couldn't do more for them - to help them. I tried to give whatever support I could but nothing is ever enough -- nothing can ever bring him back.

When Kenneth got hurt I got calls from them offering their support - saying that they knew, more than anyone, what I was going through - and they were so right. No one that I knew in my life understood like they did - they have been there - only worse. It felt great to have that support - I never thought I would need it. I never thought this could happen to me. There, I said it. I was one of the few people who knew how horrible drunk driving can be, I knew how it can tear families apart and literally ruin their lives -- I saw the grief and devastation it caused -- I knew someone who was a victim of this -- and I STILL didn't think that it would come after my family. I was so naive - I was so aware and STILL so naive. Well, not anymore.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Kenny. I thought about you yesterday - a lot...

"My old friend, this song's for you - because a few simple verses was the least that I could do to tell the world - that you were here... because the love and the laughter, will live on long after, all of the sadness and the tears. We'll meet again"

I have so much to thank you for - I know that. You are a wonderful person and come from an amazing family.



******** October 22nd *********

I'm sorry it has been a while since the last update. This past weekend we had a family obligation on my husband's side to attend. I thought 'no big deal' - I'll skip a weekend and then just see him this coming weekend. Yeah, come Sunday evening I was miserable lol and my sister telling me how great he was doing and what a great weekend they were all having did not help! So, I packed an overnight bag - cleared my schedule - and went Monday morning. I stayed until Tuesday afternoon when I had to come back but it was so nice to spend time with him - I guess I'm just not ready, at this point, to go 7+ days without seeing him.

When I first got there he had just gotten back from Speech therapy and then Occupational therapy. He was having lunch and loving it (bowtie pasta with chicken!)... I walked in and he smiled SO big and waved to me. I waved back and gave him a high-five. Then, I let him finish his lunch because he usually has to eat quick before going to afternoon therapy (Physical). It is an exhausting day and it is like that five days a week - on the sixth day, Saturday, he has half a day of therapy. His only day off is Sunday.

I thought, in the beginning, that the more he is able to do - the easier it will be on all of us... my Mom, Dad, myself, the rest of our family - but especially the ones that are there everyday taking care of him. I always thought to myself - what if we couldn't be here? My Mom said we would just make it happen - that is the way we are. But a lot of people aren't that way and we see MOST patients alone almost all the time. Not only does being there help boost his spirits - it helps his progress SO MUCH. Turns out - the more he is able to do - the more work, in some cases, it is for us. Some days are exhausting..........

Now, lately, he has been *determined* to go to the bathroom on his own - I know this is a subject that - well, who really wants to talk about this? lol but in reality this is something that we all do everyday - and for someone who is injured, this is something they have to gain independence with. Normally, he wears an adult pair of underwear and would have movements in there - that is the norm when you can't get up on your own and you can't yet use your right side. Also, of course, when the weight restriction was on for his pelvis - he couldn't put weight on that side at all. Once that was lifted, they started to slowly get some strength back in him - started trying to stand/walk and have been working to improve that strength since. Then next step is to start to have him signal to us when he has to go to the bathroom -- and we would help him get into the bathroom and on a special seat that sits over the toilet for an injured person. It is a kimode, basically. This was something they were going to "try" slowly - Well, Kenneth was DETERMINED do start doing this the normal way - getting in there and going. They wanted him to just do it with movements but almost immediately he started holding his urine - for HOURS - now, he can't speak and wears an external catheder so if he wants to pee - it just goes down a tube and into a bag around his ankle - no harm, no foul but he will NOT do it. He will signal, even though he can't talk, any way that he can to tell us he has to go. At one point, he (with one good arm) wheeled his wheelchair over to the bathroom and pointed at it. Another time he just pointed to his pants like HELLO!!! hhahaa. Then, one day, when my Mom was going to take him to therapy he put his hand on the wheel and would NOT let her take him out of his room -- she thought he was being stubborn but since he is NEVER like that and NEVER gives us a problem or doesn't want to go to therapy we thought deeper -- turns out he had to go to the bathroom and didn't want to leave the room until he went.

We are amazed at this. It is not something people want to talk/hear about - I know. But it is a part of his healing and it is a part of our life right now. I would be sugar-coating it all if I left this part out and - more than anything - I would be leaving out a HUGE milestone and a HUGE hurdle that Kenneth overcame.

This is our reality - my Mom and I had (when I'm not there it is my Mom and Dad) to take Kenneth in the bathroom, after HE gave us the sign that he had to go to the bathroom, and we needed to lift him up (185+ pounds) and he helps us by putting his good arm around our shoulders -- and we put him on the kimode - obviously, I have to help him take his pants down. I know, who wants to do that? I'm his sister -- but if I don't - who will? When you are faced with something like this you don't question - you just DO. I thought to myself yesterday - I wonder if people even realize that this is the kind of stuff we have to do everyday? It is not the kind of thing people think about - and when you say it they get VERY uncomfortable. Hey, we all pee and we all poop, right? I'm so proud and so amazed that he is this determined to do this on his own - and since they started to "try" and see if he could do this on his own a week and a half ago he has not gone in his pants ONCE... and he can - I mean, the diaper is there, the urine tube is there, no harm/no foul but he will NOT do it. He waits and waits until he can finally communicate to us that he has to. So, we started on a schedule... he goes into the bathroom to try and go in the morning, after his therapy, after lunch and then after his last therapy, then again after dinner and once before bed. It works - if he has to go, he goes, if he doesn't - he doesn't. That way there is no guess work and no him trying to tell us for 30 minutes that he has to go. Sometimes, it is not that obvious and we don't realize and poor thing he is holding it. But it is a lot of lifting up and down and a lot of footwork that goes into it -- by the end of the day, you are exhausted.

The doctors are really blown away by this - that the desire is there for him to get back to normal levels of functioning - things you and I do. He wants to do it on his own and that is SO Kenneth.

As for talking - we have lots of sounds - more than ever before! - and now, they are sounding more and more like words - or like he is trying to form words. He just looks at us like WHY can't I just SAY it?? And sometimes I feel like he is just going to come right out and say something but the level of aproxia and aphesia that he has - it is difficult - very difficult. You know what you want to do, you just don't know HOW to do it. And until you figure it out - it is frustrating. He tries so hard - you can see it. When we get discouraged the docs remind us that he WILL talk - it just takes a long time. So, that makes us feel better.

We have tons of facial expressions - a lot of which really tell how he is feeling and we are able to communicate through them and hand gestures -- he will give us thumbs up/down for everything which helps and he now does the sign language symbol for "I love you" that way - he can say it back to us when we verbally say it to him. When I left yesterday he gave me a kiss on the cheek, I said "I love you" and he signed it back. It is a nice thing to have this little bit of communicating.

He had a haircut yesterday. A woman comes in and gives the patients haircuts every other week - you have to sign up and pay fifteen dollars. He was very happy b/c he is the type that enjoys being clean cut and everything. We wheeled him into a large bathroom that she uses -- she (the stylist) put him in front of the mirror and put the typical haircutter's cloak over him... He had his wrist splint on his right hand (that helps keep it the right way until he gets full motion back to it) -- but he hates wearing it and 90% of the time tolerates it but when he wants to give us the business he will go to take it off with his good hand and look at us for a reaction -- then laugh. Well, now that the haircutter gown was on him - we couldn't see his hands at all. And I see him "blousing" the gown so that you don't really see what he is doing under there. Then, I notice that he has this silly grin on -- and I'm thinking what is he up to?? Then, I hear the velcro RIP -- and I realize that he is taking off the splint b/c we can't see what he is doing!!!! I said KENNETH! lol and he LAUGHED out loud and I went over - looked under the gown and he had the whole thing off. I told him I was going to tell his therapist on him. He thought he was so funny - and he was so happy with himself for being so darn clever.

He loves to out-smart us. Another thing he loves lately is Law and Order. I mean, he is GLUED to it for the entire hour and will only look around the room to try and communicate with you during commercials. He surfs through the channels until he finds one and sure enough, one is almost always on! He has been doing this for a week - everyday after his therapy - that is what he wants to watch. If you watch it with him when something "big" happens he'll look at you and give you a look like "wow" haha. He understands everything. I saw a bumper sticker recently that said - Aphesia: loss of speech, not loss of intellect. And on Oprah yesterday they had stroke victims - similar effects to brain injury and there was someone on that said - I was in there, totally understanding everything, but unable to speak and express -- at least it is only temporary even though it feels like it has been FOREVER.

He looks SO good I can't even believe it -- in the beginning when we first came to Kessler we thought how great he looked because he wasn't hooked up to every tube and machine on earth -- then, as time went on at Kessler he got better and better -- built muscle mass, gained healthy weight back b/c he was painfully thin... his hair grew in and finally covered the "road map" of scars on his head (as my Mom calls it) -- he was looking better and better. Now, we look back at all those "great" pictures from when we thought he looked so good and we are like WOW he really didn't look that good! LOL it was good to us then -- and it was better than where he came from but NOW -- *now* he really REALLY looks good! hahaha it is so weird but that is what it is like. We look at pics and go "wow, and we thought THAT was great - look at him now!" so, it is nice that we continue to be more and more amazed by him.

The docs are telling us that there is no end in sight for him - they have not even begun HALF of the treatments they are going to do for him -- and they have so much more they can help him with. So, it is looking like we are going to be spending the holidays at Kessler. Hey, I'm just glad that his insurance is good enough that they will keep him there as long as he needs to be there -- where a lot of people get the boot. They tell us, all the time, we need him to get back to a normal function of life -- a quality life and we will not stop until he's there. Because of his determination - there is no reason why he can't overcome everything and get to that place. I believe that - and I totally believe in him.

He is the bionic man! A friend of his from the police dept. said this once b/c he has a number of titanium rods in his pelvis -- and when he had the surgery his friend said he is like the bionic man. So, she found a shirt online (an authentic 1970's vintage tee) that has "The Six Million Dollar Man" on it --- it is so cool! She brought it to him the last time she visited and he loves it - wears it all the time. I said, if you ever get a look at his medical bills - you'd realize he is the six million dollar man in more ways than one! Thank GOD we have that kind of care - thank God he has that kind of insurance. But he totally lives up to that title - he is super human!

**** October 29th ****

In the past few days we have acquired nodding yes and shaking his head no!! So, whenever he agrees with something or wants to say "yes" to it he can either do thumbs up OR nod in agreement. When he wants to communicate "no" he either gives a thumbs down or shakes his head!

We also have learned the "OK" symbol -- so, now with his hands he symbols "OK" to us when we ask him how he is doing/feeling. He sticks his tongue out on command which seems so ordinary but it is actually a really hard thing to do and they were thrilled he can do that -- that is a big sign that speech is in his hopefully NEAR future! He also closes his eyes on command and keeps them closed -- sometimes he'll pretend he is sleeping and then laugh. He can also wink now -- so he'll wink at us from time to time.

At one point, we were doing the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5's with him -- with his fingers -- holding up the numbers. I would do it, then he would do it, then we would do the sign for "I love you" and then we would do "OK" and all sorts of different gestures he has learned --- So, all of a sudden, as he is going back and fourth between numbers and different symbols -- there was the middle finger. And he looked at it like "oops" and kind of looked at me and I went "hey! Kenneth!" and he just laughed out loud! Both of us realizing what he did and that it is NOT appropriate. It was just funny how he did it w/o realizing and then once it was up he was at it haha!

There is an article in New Jersey Monthly that rates top doctors in the State and writes about different medical situations. They did a story on Kenneth's two head doctors -- his main Doctor is Dr. Jonathan Fellus (the head doc at Kessler) and his associate is Dr. Philip De Fina. They are amazing and Kenneth really likes them - of course, we LOVE them as they work everyday to bring a little bit more of Kenneth out to the world and back to us.

To be able to truthfully say that we see improvements, even if they are small, every single day is an amazing thing - we are very fortunate. It is the honest to God truth -- every single day, just about, there is something that Kenneth can do that he was unable to do the day before.

I'll give you guys a link to the article and there is a picture you can click on the enlarge of Dr. Fellus -- with the bowtie. He was quite an interesting man - you can't even wrap your mind around just how BRILLIANT this man is - and he has an eccentric side that I kind of love about him. Kenneth finds him amusing at times - I think because of the bowtie and his animated features. When he comes in to visit him he'll talk directly to him - never about him like he is not there. He is kind and very gentle. He calls him Officer Baribault most of the time. One day when Kenneth was giving my Mom a hard time -- he likes to tease her -- and he put his hand in front of his mouth and wouldn't take his medicine - something he never does. He is always very cooperative but wanted to tease her on this particular day. So, he would cover his mouth and laugh! Then, look at her. So, Dr. Fellus happened to walk by -- it was only a two minute thing -- and he came in and said "Officer Baribault! You have to take your medicine!" hahaha and the second Kenneth got a reaction out of my Mom he happily took his hand down and accepted his medicine - like always. He just wanted to get a rise out of her - typical. But Dr. Fellus just has a way about him. He took out his PBA cards one day -- showed them to my brother and Kenneth thought it was the funniest thing. Dr. Fellus said he gave him a look like "yeah OK, license and registration please!" haha!

OK - LINK:
NJ MONTHLY - DR. FELLUS AND BRAIN INJURY

Here are some highlights from the article where Dr. Fellus and Dr. De Fina talk about TBI and some cases -- people need to be aware of the devastation that TBI's cause. Some of the cases you will read about - well, they are 10 times worse than Kenneth - if you can even imagine. That is why I'm so thankful he is in as good condition as he is -- because SO many people are not.

****As candidates for science’s final frontier, the bottom of the ocean and intergalactic space have a lot going for them. But neither packs as much extraordinary complexity and mystery into as small a space as the gelatinous, three-pound mass we call the human brain.

Containing billions of nerve cells transmitting electrical and chemical signals at up to 200 miles per hour, the brain also accommodates about a trillion supporting (or glial) cells, as well as glands essential to the regulation of hunger, thirst, growth, memory, sexual response, waking, sleeping, and sensory experience.

Enclosed in the impossible-to-misplace breadbox known as the skull, the brain is well armored against minor assaults. But strong as it is, the skull is no match for the impact of auto crashes, full-speed helmet-to-helmet collisions on a football field, or the blast wave of a roadside bomb.

We know much more about traumatic brain injury (TBI)—and the brain itself—than we did a century ago. But our ability to undo brain trauma caused by external forces, internal bleeding, or oxygen deprivation is still limited.

“Brain injury is a crapshoot,” admits Dr. Jonathan Fellus, director of brain injury services at Kessler Institute of Rehabilitation in West Orange. “A spinal-cord injury is a spinal-cord injury,” he explains, “and 99 percent of the time you know what you’re going to end up with from the get-go.”

TBI, on the other hand, might result in coma, minimal consciousness, a vegetative state, or a spontaneous recovery. At present, treatment of brain injuries is neither systematized nor standardized. But researchers, neuroscientists, and doctors—many of them, as it happens, working in the Garden State—are beginning to improve the odds for even the most severely injured.

The revolution in TBI treatment began in the 1990s, which Congress officially dubbed the Decade of the Brain. “When I was a neuropsychology intern in 1980, neurosurgery had very high mortality and morbidity rates,” says Dr. Philip De Fina, founder of the International Brain Research Foundation (IBRF), a think tank with headquarters in Edison. Government initiatives and funding helped spur advances in neurosurgery, including laser-guided microsurgical techniques. “More people are now surviving brain injuries, which means we’re starting to make breakthroughs in treating them, and diagnosing them prior to treatment,” De Fina says.

One difficulty of diagnosing the extent of a brain injury—or even whether the brain has been traumatized—is that symptoms may manifest themselves over time and are not always present in the immediate aftermath of an accident or battlefield incident. Even the determination of a patient’s degree of consciousness—once considered fairly straightforward—is being recognized as a gray-matter gray area.



The war in Iraq also has led to progress in the diagnosis and treatment of TBI. Improved armor and field expertise, as well as advances in rehabilitation, have allowed more soldiers to survive head injuries that would have killed them in previous conflicts. (In fact, doctors are calling TBI the war’s signature injury.)
Staff Sergeant Juan Roldan is a case in point. Assigned to a security detail in Sadr City, he saw a spike in sectarian violence in the days leading up to Saddam Hussein’s scheduled execution on December 30, 2006. On the night of December 29, he was in command of a Humvee.

“We rolled out, and I was in the last vehicle,” he remembers. “We got into some serious stuff, and out of nowhere the explosion came.” The source of the blast was a powerful improvised explosive device, which blew him 270 yards from the passenger seat of the truck. When a fellow sergeant found him, one of his legs was gone and the other, Roldan says, was “hanging by two threads.” His rescuer applied tourniquets to each leg, threw Roldan into another Humvee, and raced to the casualty collection point.

“I died in Iraq,” Roldan says, and he’s not speaking metaphorically. He lost more than 60 percent of his blood, and by the time he arrived at the collection point, his heart had stopped beating. He had also suffered spinal cord damage, pelvic trauma, and severe traumatic brain injury.

After being stabilized in Iraq, Roldan was transferred to Germany and then to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C. Roldan began to improve after he was weaned from an excess of pain medications. But his doctors suspected that, given the right environment, he could make a fuller recovery.

They contacted Jonathan Fellus, who is unlikely to forget the phone conversation: “Walter Reed called and said, ‘We want to send you this young man who was exposed to an IED, had a bilateral trifemoral amputation, severe traumatic brain injury, complete spinal cord injury [meaning no motion or sensation below the point of injury], an open wound in his back, and a colostomy bag. And he’s 22.’”

There was a time when a doctor might see a case as severe as Roldan’s once in a career. Today, cases like his have become almost commonplace. Often the most challenging ones find their way to doctors and therapists in the Garden State.

“The worst things that can happen to the brain will ultimately end up here,” says Fellus of the Kessler Institute. Nattily dressed in pink shirt and floral bowtie, he doesn’t look like anybody’s idea of a mad scientist, though that’s exactly how he describes himself. He works hands-on with patients to restore brain function using an individualized approach he describes as “creative, aggressive, no holds barred—a kaleidoscope of interventions to assault the injury from all sides.”

The treatment protocol he employs was developed in partnership with the International Brain Research Foundation under De Fina’s leadership. “The brain is essentially electrochemical, so we use both electrical and chemical interventions,” De Fina explains. “We take medications from many different neurological disorders, including psychiatric disorders like depression and anxiety, conditions like Parkinson’s, and so on, and we use electrical stimulation techniques that are applied externally, so that they’re noninvasive.”
In 2005, De Fina and his colleagues applied the protocol to a deeply comatose patient and succeeded in reviving him. This was, of course, the result they’d been hoping for, but they were still somewhat astonished about actually pulling it off. “It was an amazing feat,” he says.

It also represented an epiphany for De Fina, who realized that there was no organization devoted specifically to working with victims of severe brain injury or to developing advanced techniques to help them recover. That same year, he founded the IBRF to marshall the world’s top neuroscientists and research facilities to advance cutting-edge brain research.

In the past four years, the IBRF, working with the Kessler Institute, has awakened 27 of 33 comatose patients. (Its most famous patient may be Steven Domalewski, the Wayne Little League pitcher who was hit in the chest by a line drive in 2006, suffered cardiac arrest, fell into a coma, and was revived three months later.) What is striking about the IBRF protocol is that it draws from other medical specialties as well as from approaches that seem decidedly New Age.

However promising these new treatments are, progress for many patients remains elusive. Christopher Hammett survived a fourteen-month tour of duty in Iraq without injury, but the West Point cadet barely survived his encounter with an SUV on a Maryland highway. In July 2007, he and two friends in a Honda Accord were slowing down for an exit when they were rear-ended by a Chevy Suburban going 60 miles an hour.

The Suburban pushed the Accord 110 feet across the highway; its impact caused Hammett’s head to accelerate and decelerate violently, resulting in what’s known as a diffused head injury. In a few seconds, millions of nerve endings in his brain were torn and his brain was twisted on an axis. He went into a deep coma. Doctors informed his mother, Diane Davidson, that the 26-year-old wasn’t likely to make it past surgery. But Hammett’s body rallied. Last March, just before Easter, he was transferred to JFK Johnson Rehab in Edison, his mother having convinced the military that he would fare better there than in the nursing home they had assigned him to.

A year later, his prognosis is cloudy. “Chris is borderline,” says Dr. Caroline McCagg, who handles his case. “I hate the word vegetative. It could be said that he is minimally conscious.” Davidson is convinced she sees signs of progress. “I feel like he responds, like he knows I’m there,” she says. “Today, when the therapist got him out of bed, she told him to lift his fingers, and it went very slowly, but he did it.”
No one has given up on Hammett. Since August he has received hyperbaric oxygen therapy—oxygen delivered at greater than atmospheric pressure—which doctors hope will rouse dormant brain cells. “There’s so much more to be done,” his mother says, and she might well be describing the still-nascent fight to conquer brain injury.

There is a growing number of hard-won victories in that fight—including the likes of Juan Roldan. When he arrived at Kessler, doctors prescribed several medications designed to enhance memory and boost cognition, and helped wean him from pain meds, regain his powers of speech and hearing, and move toward his goal of living independently. Today, he’s working to get behind the wheel of a car. “I’ve proved to myself what I’m capable of,” he says.

Roldan’s recovery may well be attributable to the willingness of doctors like Fellus to treat brain injury with courage and creativity. While the basics of treatment are starting to become systematized, the nuances still demand the intestinal fortitude to act on hunch and instinct. “You can get a pretty picture anywhere,” Fellus says. “I’m coloring outside the lines every day.” ********




******** November 20 ********

I have to take a moment to apologize for my absence... I was so busy trying to finish up my college semester early so that I can go on vacation with a clear head that before I knew it I hadn't been on here in about three weeks! I'm happy to report that now, I'm just about done which is about one month shy of the real end of the semester! Now, I can go on my anniversary trip to Jamaica and really enjoy myself. I also took a second job in retail for the holiday season along with my regular day job - between that and weekends with Kenneth things got hectic and allowed very little free time. Now that the semester is pretty much done (I got a 4.0 again!!!) I can have a little breathing room. Kenneth will be so happy to see how I'm doing in school because it was so important to him that I went back and do well.

A big thank you to all of those who wrote to me asking how Kenneth was or who posted on here - it means THE WORLD to me to know that people still care - even six months later. We just passed the six month mark - November 18th (Tuesday). That day, my mom, sister, nephew and I were in Schenectidy for an awards luncheon honoring law enforcement people who combat drunk driving. My brother's inspector nominated him for the award and he won!! We were planning on happily driving the 4 hours there and then another 4 hours back to accept the award on his behalf but then the Commissioner offered to have us driven - which was really nice of him considering we probably would have gotten lost in Albany or something otherwise! The Chief of Police came along with the Commish, the Inspector who nominated Kenneth and the District Attorney, Kathleen Rice, was there to accept her own award. She came with ADA Maureen McCormick who has been so wonderful in taking care of Kenneth's case. It was nice to see all of them, update them and show them pictures of Kenneth.

We now have, in an album, pictures from those horrific days at NUMC up until just last weekend... there are pictures showing his progress on a week-by-week basis. They are all dated and I made it my mission, from the beginning, to take these pictures - as hard as they were to take them then I kept telling myself that ONE DAY Kenneth is going to be better -- and one day he will want to see how far he has come. I also didn't want to ever forget where we came from - where he was - because, as time goes on, you DO forget... now, since he is doing better I enjoy taking the pictures. Looking through that album is UNBELIEVABLE. I made a copy of the album for the doctors at Kessler to show other families who come in --- to give them hope for their loved ones. We now see people come in everyday (their first days at Kessler) that remind us of how Kenneth looked when he first got there -- I remember first going there with him and looking around at how every single person was in better condition than Kenneth. It was so difficult not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, we look around and Kenneth is doing the most out of everyone in the gym - Kenneth is now the inspiration for other people to look at to say - "If I keep trying, I'll get there".

We have seen such a dramatic improvement in Kenneth these past few weeks. Now, the improvements are more rapid (rapid in brain injury world, by the way, is different than rapid in the real world) but for us -- we can't believe how great he looks and what he can do. Everyday, he wheels himself now (in his new, lightweight, wheelchair) -- we remember the days of him not being able to even SIT UP in the wheelchair and his chair back then looked like a BED on wheels... but now, he wheels himself down to the gym and on his day off (Sunday) we'll go past and he'll stop the wheel like he wants to go in and work out! He looks kind of bummed when I tell him "No, Ken, today is your day off" -- He mouths words like clear as day: Hello, Hi, Mom, Dad, Ball, Pen, Love, You -- and follows whatever you show him. Dr. Fellus said that in all his years he has NEVER seen a patient try as hard as Kenneth -- he has never seen anyone as dedicated as Kenneth is. After therapy in the AM, he comes back and goes to the bathroom -- has his lunch -- goes to the bathroom again and then goes to afternoon therapy. The other day he actually did an entire puzzle, STANDING UP leaning on a table for some extra support!!! ... and he even was able to stand up with a cane while throwing hoops around a cone. The movement in the right arm has come back so much and the leg is a little bit behind the arm but still coming back - and he moves it more and more each day.

After his afternoon therapy he comes back to his room and is eager to get into bed for some rest... He gets in bed with our assistance and moves his bed up where he wants it to be (using the buttons)... pulls over the TV (it is on the wall on a long arm that he can control) and surfs through the channels for his favorite show: Law & Order. Then, he sits there, and watches EVERY MINUTE of it in rapture. He will only give us his attention during commercial breaks lol. He fully understands everything that is happening because he will LOOK at you when something "big" happens kind of for a reaction... it is amazing. Then, he has dinner, sometimes he'll "read" the newspaper -- how much of it he is reading we have NO clue but he sits there, like normal, with the paper open (there are no pictures on the page) and I see his eyes going back and fourth like normal reading. I gave him a greeting card he rec'd the other day from a family friend - he scanned it like he is reading it and at the end, when the friend said something funny, he smiled and chuckled. We were like UMM apparently he is reading?! Who knows but it is amazing. If he couldn't make out at least SOME words WHY would he sit there scanning away like everyone does when they read?

He now nods his head yes and shakes it no instead of thumbs up and down -- or he'll mouth YES or NO and he does it so clearly. He is writing with his left hand amazingly well and Dr. Fellus was so blown away by his efforts in speech that he started to get choked up - I mean, the head doc who sees it ALL was getting choked up. Kenneth will sit there and follow whatever his speech person mouths for him - and he is will TRY SO HARD to mouth it back and most of the time - he does. Then, at other times, we get vowel sounds and different sounds (especially when he laughs - we hear his voice every single time) -- it is just a matter of MERGING the mouthing of full words with the sounds. Thankfully, he can mouth words -- some brain injury patients don't even know what a pen is -- or they have no clue WHO mom is -- or if they know their mom they don't understand that THAT person IS your MOM. KWIM?? So, the fact that he does fully understand all of these things is unbelievable - it is just a matter of turning the sound on.

At night he is ready to interact with us -- he plays trouble with Christopher. He will BOP the bubble, get a 3, and move his piece three places - on his own. We also play UNO and he loves to be able to interact with and play with Christopher. At night, after Law & Order, his routine is usually Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs followed by Seinfeld. Amazingly, there is ALWAYS an episode of Law & Order on TV for him to watch and most of the time he watches them back-to-back. The other day, to our astonishment, he flipped through and stopped on an old James Bond flick - James Bond was my brother's favorite movies and when he was younger he had the ENTIRE collection. It is unbelievable that his personality is 100% the same when brain injury to the frontal lobe - where his is - can completely change someone's personality.

The amount of amazing things he does get to the point where I struggle to remember them for my journal -- I keep saying, oh god don't forget that he did THIS. We showed him his award the other night after we got back from upstate with it -- it was beautiful and the Inspector made a touching speech about Kenneth that made my mom, sister and I cry A LOT lol I was not anticipating that. We had countless state troopers and other police officers come up - with tears in their own eyes - to say how much they pray for Kenneth and how often they think of him. We continue to get letters six months later - it is amazing.

Now, we have to go to court tomorrow because the person that hit him thinks it is unfair he has not been let out on a reasonable amount of bail. The reason the the bail is so high is because he is a flight risk -- he has NEVER appeared in court for his countless summons' he rec'd prior to hitting Kenneth -- he has addresses all over the country. He has no job tying him here - so, because of HIS actions and irresponsible behavior he has a high bail. He wants to be able to get out for the holidays. Mind you, my family will be having a Boston Market Thanksgiving at Kessler - which is basically like a hospital. So, WHY should he be let out when my brother is still in his own prison? It just shows the disregard for other people -- and the selfishness. If he gets out, he gets out - but what a disgrace.

Thanks so much for reading - I know this is long

ONLY A FEW HOURS AFTER I FINISHED MY LATEST UPDATE KENNETH SOMEHOW STARTED MAKING SOUNDS AND FORMING WORDS!!!

***FROM MY POST.......

I can't even believe I am writing this - I didn't know if this day would EVER come!!! I am crying, writing, shaking, etc. ALL at the same time. Meanwhile, I just updated his thread this morning with "we still don't have real/consistent sounds or words". THEN, I just called my mom to see how Kenneth is doing and my dad answered her cell. I figured she is helping Kenneth or something - so, my dad says "Kenneth is - well, he is talking". I said WHAT?!?!

Then, he said, listen... and I heard: "oooh. oooh. woow, wow, oooooohh" and my mom is going "louder Kenneth, do more" and I hear "wow, WOW, ooohhhhhh oommm, ummmm WOW" almost as if he can't believe he is doing it!

So, my dad said that my mom gave him a tissue to blow his nose - he has been so stuffy lately. And we have been working with him on blowing the tissue w/ his mouth which promotes AIR coming out of the mouth which helps move speech along. So, he thought he was supposed to blow air toward the tissue like we have been doing and my mom said "oh no Kenneth - this is for you to blow your nose, you are so stuffy from allergies".

So, she put it near him and SOUND came out so she moved it away shocked. Then, he looked SHOCKED like did I just do that?! All of a sudden, something connected in his head and he started making sounds... even when the tissue was not there. Kenneth had this astonished look on his face like I just figured it out - I figured out how to do it!! That is when I called and my mom was just trying to get him to do it over and over.

With that his speech therapist walked in to start his session at 3pm!! Talk about perfect timing and she walked in to him doing these noises - omg his voice sounds exactly the same!! I'm on the phone with my dad crying and my mom has him do it for Madeline (his speech person) and then I told dad I would call back because I needed to collect myself. Madeline was THRILLED.

With that, I call Vinny and since he was up so early and busy all day this was the first time we got a chance to speak to each other today -- before I can get out what happened he says to me "Oh I've been meaning to call you and your mom! I had a dream LAST NIGHT that Kenneth spoke!! I know it is coming soon" With that I just started crying and he was like "what's the matter??" and I told him what happened and then HE started crying!!!

So, I explained to him and called my dad back to tell him about Vin's dream and he picks up and I hear Kenneth -- in the background -- saying HI!!!!!!!!!!! "Hi, Hiiiiiii, HIIIIII" over and over with Madeline and my mom routing him on!!

I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders - I now believe with 100% certainty that he will overcome this and be the person he was up until May 18th. I am so thankful - I can't even form the words to really express it right now. This is a miracle.

Where is the emote-icon for happy tears?!!!

**** December 9th ****

Oh I have so many great things to tell you all!! I can't believe we are here - in a place where every single day is something (or many things) that are so good... We have come so far from the days of just hoping he'd make it through or the days where a "good day" was if he remained stable or if his temp didn't go too high. Amazing.

Well, recently my Mom and Dad were at Kessler with Kenneth b/c it was during the week and I can only come on weekends now with my sister and Christopher. So, it was just my parents and Kenneth was in the gym walking and sitting up on his own in front of a mirror... like practicing sitting up in a chair normal and then practicing going to stand up on his own with help from a cane. His PT wanted my parents to see how well he was doing - when they came in he was just so determined. They did a few, he did well and his PT told him to sit a minute and take a rest. Up until that point, we had been "saluting" with Kenneth which is something cops do from time to time and they do it a lot in the academy. One day, one of the docs started saluting to him and he would do it back -- "Good morning Officer Baribault" she would say and then salute. He likes it. Well, when he was sitting there in front of the mirror and my parents came closer to him he didn't look at them - he didn't take his eyes off the mirror. He was just sitting there, staring at himself, DEAD serious. My mom went to ask him what was wrong and with that, he put his hand up to his head and saluted himself in the mirror.... So, my mom (shocked) said "Ken, are you saluting yourself?" and she kind of chuckled thinking he would look at her and smile - nothing. He just started straight into the mirror and did it AGAIN. With that, my mom LOST it - hysterical crying - had to leave the gym, reapply a whole face of make-up - the nines! Before this, when the doc would do it - it was lighthearted - he would smile and do it back but this time he was so serious -- as if to say, I'm getting there, I'm coming back. Just typing it gets me teary-eyed.

Shortly after that we rec'd remarkable news from the head doctor saying that Kenneth's EEG's (they are a scan showing damage to the brain and then they also show where improvements have taken place) -- he has had 1 done every two weeks or so since he was at NUMC back in July. The doc said that the improvements are nothing short of "miraculous"... That Kenneth's condition, on the right side -- so not the side that is injured -- but on the right side of his head has gone from a 1 or a 2 on the right side to a 9.5 -- a NINE POINT FIVE!!!!!!!!!!! That is what the most recent EEG showed!!!!! Mind you, a 10 is where you and I and everyone else stands -- that is the level that we are all on!!!!! Mind you, the other side still needs to improve -- that side, because it is the side that was hurt, will take longer. BUT because the right side was able to heal and reconnect that much it really gives them hope that the injured side will also! When someone gets hurt on one side it can totally hurt the other side -- just in a different way. So, even though the injury was on the left -- it still affects the right because it is all connected. The fact that he was able to improve that much - the docs are just baffled and so thrilled. They want him to do Good Morning America, Medical Forums, Conferences, etc. They had this big meeting looking and discussing all of his EEG's and scans -- it is wonderful. It is amazing to think that he is lucky enough to be one of the ones who has their prayers answered... to be one of the people who overcomes something so severe - it just overwhelms me to think about it.

The left side, the injured side, by the way is at around a 7 -- going by the latest scan. There is a huge step in between each number also... So, going from a five to a six is HUGE -- I mean, HUGE and when he did that (back in early September) that meant that one side crossed over to the other -- that they were communicating with one another -- apparently, in brain injury world that is just unbelievable. So, we are nothing short of elated.

On a lighter note - we took Kenneth out to the Marriot the day before I left for Jamaica... So, Sunday - the last day in November because I left for Jamaica on Monday December 1st. We ended up ordering in Pizza -- from a place that actually has pretty good pizza - just like Long Island! Well, Kenneth hasn't had pizza in errrr over six months lol. Well, let me tell you - he saw that pizza box and it was like he hadn't missed a DAY. He recognized it IMMEDIATELY -- reached for it and opened it!!!!!!! I was like, geez Ken - want some pizza?? HE ATE THREE SLICES and he is holding back laughter has he is SHOVING it in his face -- and what does he do? He takes it with his left hand, puts it on the plate and folds on side over just like a true New Yorker -- then picks it up and eats it folded -- again, like he never missed a beat! Hysterical. Then, he had two slices of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving - you could see how much he really missed it.

What made me insta-cry was when I went to leave. I explained to him that I was not going to see him for one weekend because I was going away for my anniversary to Jamaica with Vin. I booked it before he got hurt - I remember telling him about it back then. Anywho, so I am telling him - hoping that he understands I won't be there and that I want to be but I am going away... With that, he extends his arm toward me and I went in closer and he pulled me toward him and hugged me! That is something he never does unless I say to him "Ken, give me a hug" or something -- With that, once he got me close - he kissed me on my forehead. He knew - everyone standing around him all looked at me like 'omg, he totally understands'... I mean, we KNOW he understands but when someone can't talk back to you it makes you still second guess but apparently he is completely getting it!

His Occupational Therapist told us that she had to try and find harder things for him to do -- that the puzzles and things they have are becoming way too easy. Some of the things used to trip him up and now he breezes through them. One time, I went in with my dad and he was putting together this huge puzzle just by looking at a picture of it whole -- then piecing it together. He reached in the far right hand corner with his good hand to put in one of the pieces and my dad grabbed it just to help him -- we knew he knew where he wanted it to go - it was just a reaching thing. Well! Kenneth gave my dad such a look like "don't help me - i can do it!" LOL! My dad felt so bad! Ken never holds a grudge though lol.

My mom told me that a woman came around the other day to administer Holy Communion. Ken was in bed because it was after dinner -- watching none other than Law & Order -- and my mom said "Kenneth, a woman is going to give you Communion now". With that, she came in and Kenneth turned the TV off, pushed it away to give her his attention. She said a prayer, he closed his eyes while she said it, then she gave him the bread, he used his good hand to take it, eat it and then he (with his good hand which is not the correct hand to do it with) -- but with his left hand he crossed himself... all on his own. AGAIN, like he NEVER missed a beat!

On a somewhat bittersweet note - Christopher's mother attended parent/teacher conferences the other day for him. The teacher gave her Christopher's report card which said he did excellent and then the teacher gave her Christopher's journal. In one part he wrote (I'm paraphrasing here): "Mommy bought me Adidas pants yesterday - it made me so happy because my Dad has the same exact pants and it made me think of him, I really like dressing like him - like father, like son" ...that is something my mom always says to Christopher (like father, like son) because they are so much alike but it made us all really emotional to read that. He is such a smart, deep and special little boy. I see so much of Kenneth in him - I love that.

That's all for now - plenty, right? lol!

I didn't know if we would ever get to the point where every day is a good day - but we really have. I can't even believe it sometimes. I used to say, I can't believe this happened, HOW did this happen? HOW did we get here? Now, I say - I can't believe how far we have come - and how well he is doing.



PS - he continues to improve with the speech - slowly but surely. He has said Hello, Hi, Mom, Wow, and YOU. We are thrilled - he is consistently doing it too! So, he'll just continue to get better as time goes on!


***** December 27, 2008 *****

We celebrated our Christmas, together, as a family with Kenneth. I'm one of the lucky ones - I still have my brother here to hug, spend time with, and open presents with. Every single time I start to get 'down' about what he has been through or his struggle to reclaim his life prior to May 18th I start to think about those who didn't make it, those who were not given that second chance God gave Kenneth.

As much as this Christmas was difficult - it was more bittersweet for all of us. We had a quiet Christmas at the Marriott Residence Inn we've been staying in since July... I made baked ziti for Christmas Eve and brought some snacks as well as dessert and for Christmas, lol, we ordered in Chinese! It was the only place open and as much as it felt a little silly - it was very nice because none of us had to worry about cooking - they delivered it and we all focused on enjoying each other's company. Kenneth laid down for a little while on the couch and then on one of the beds in the room - watching Rocky like he has so many times in year's past... it is weird to look at him, sometimes, because, I glance over and he is sitting up in bed, legs cross at the ankles - one over the other watching Rocky and eating pretzels. It makes me tear up just to think about it because everytime I catch him like that I immediately think - he looks FINE. He looks like he did before he got hurt, nothing looks different, and no one would know - by looking at him - that he can't really talk and he can't walk without assitance yet. No one would know that he can't really move his right leg or arm. Most of all, no one would know that we came so close to losing him - that Christopher came so close to not having his Daddy anymore. I couldn't ask for a better Christmas gift than the gift of having my brother in my life, still.

We all sat in a circle, opening our gifts in the Marriott, and I helped Kenneth open his -- I held them for him while he ripped them open, like he never skipped a beat, with his left hand. Then, he would use his left hand to slide the box out of the wrapping, and flip open the box to see what he got! He was thrilled - in such a great mood, as always. He got a North Face jacket, a bunch of Abercrombie shirts (his fave!), slippers so he doesn't have to put his sneakers on everytime he wants to get out of bed and do something, a digital picture frame that will slideshow pics of him and Christopher, some PJ pants and lounging shirts, as well as some more work-out or therapy clothes. He was SO happy to see Christopher open all of his gifts too!

We are starting to realize that our 'reason' for being here and our 'mission' now that Kenneth has been through what he's been through is to inspire and help others. Once Kenneth comes home (sometime in January!!!!) I will be training Charlotte as a pet therapy dog. We will begin visiting different rehab places on Long Island and I'll definitely make some special trips to visit Kessler with her. Seeing the joy that pet therapy visits bring to so many patients made me want to do that with Charlotte. Also, Kenneth will be going (once home) to out-patient therapy five times a week locally. St. Charles has satellite locations all over the Island and there is one very close to the house which is wonderful and convenient. More than that, however, we have been blessed to help other families during our stay at Kessler and we will continue to do so after Kenneth comes home. There were so many people, victims of TBI's, that reached out to us during Kenneth's continued recovery -- but, in the beginning, when we were worried sick - the reassurance from these people was a Godsend. It seemed like whenever we would get really 'down' about the situation or when we felt as if we couldn't go on - someone would come off that elevator at NUMC to tell us that they had been hurt like Kenneth and overcame it -- it amazed us and comforted us during a time when we needed that most.

We want to do that for others - and we have been. There is young man named Robert at Kessler. I met him and his mother yesterday. He is from Miller Place but was up in Connecticut away at college. He was hit by a car while going back to his dorm -- the car then fled the scene and the driver still has not been found. Robert suffered a traumatic brain injury, injuries to his brain stem, a broken arm, and a broken leg as a result of this hit-and-run driver. We were able to pass along our prayer routines to his mother - which included praying to Saint Padre Pio three times daily, over Kenneth as well as putting holy water and oil on him several times a day. We still do these prayers to this day -- we feel as though the power of prayer and hope has helped Kenneth to make his remarkable recovery. We showed the album I have of pictures -- from the very beginning in NUMC up until just about a week ago capturing Kenneth's progress. The pictures literally speak for themselves - and they take people's breath away when they see them. From the most horrific - at the hospital - to the most depressing, when he was 40 pounds down and looked like a shell of who he once was -- to the most inspiring - him sitting with Christopher on his lap, smiling. There are no words to really describe this photo album and we realize just how priceless it is when the families of TBI victims look at it. You can see tears of relief and understanding -- they realize that there are others out there who KNOW what they are going through - which is so comforting. Then, you see their faces go from sadness and empathy to astonishment and hope. All of a sudden, they have such feelings of hope - during the most hopeless time in their lives. The fact that we can "give" that to them - there is no greater feeling in this world.

I tell people - victims and their families - that NO ONE can tell them what will and will not be their destiny. We tell them not to listen to what the doctors initially say because they, all too often, give them such negative outcomes that it can literally destroy any hopes they had for recovery. We tell families to believe, to pray, and to support - always witha positive frame of mind - their loved one. And I always remind them that the doctors told us Kenneth would never recover past POSSIBLY being able to feed himself... That his cat-scans were "horrible" and showed irreversible and significant damage. We REFUSED to believe that and because of that courage, we have been able to support Kenneth as he worked every single day to defy what the doctors said. He went from a 0 or a 1 when he first came to Kessler to a 9.5 on one side of the brain, he is at a 7 on the damaged side... He is battling aphasia and aproxia and has come SO far in that recovery. And not being able to eat on his own? Yeah, he had that down pat back in August - in fact, it was one of the very first things he mastered. He now shaves himself, brushes his teeth, wheels himself back and fourth to and from therapy, walks with a cane, puts complex puzzles together, writes, reads and he is not even half-way done yet. This is what I tell people - so, no offense to the amazing doctors who helped him at the hospital, but - NO ONE tells Kenneth that he can't do something and the same goes for all the other victims - don't let ANYONE tell you NO or that you won't be able to overcome because NOTHING can out-smart the human spirit. I believe that, with all of my heart. I can't tell you how many "vegetables" walked off that elevator at NUMC and said "Hi, my name is Dan. They told my parents I wouldn't make it through the night. They told them to start making funeral arrangements. Then, after I survived, they told them that they should take me off life support and give up because I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life - just breathing and blinking". Now, that young man is back at work in NYC and lives a normal, enjoyable life. I lost count of how many people we had come to us with similar stories.

It was such an honor to be able to try and "help" Robert's family - and give them hope like so many others gave us. They came to Kessler because a friend of them told them: "If that cop who got hurt in May goes there, then it's the best and you need to take Robert there". They came and saught out my parents - looking to compare stories, looking to see Kenneth. They remember praying for Kenneth after reading about him in Newsday - never thinking that their own son would, just a few months later, be the victim of a very similar situation. My parents were there to offer them advice, to offer them hope and to listen to them as they vented all the same worries we used to vent to people who came to support us. It is a wonderful thing to give back - and that is my Christmas story for this year.

Please keep Robert in your prayers - as he fights every single day to get back to who he used to be... as he struggles to do everyday tasks we all take for granted. He has a long road in front of him but he is on his way. He needs our prayers, positive thoughts and encouragement.

Merry Christmas everyone!

*** January 7th ***

We have our date to go home!!! Kenneth is slated to go HOME from Kessler on January 13th which is this coming Tuesday. We have lots to do in order to prepare the house: this week I'm having it cleaned professionally top to bottom because my parents have not been there in a while (just in and out along with myself and my sister) -- so, they can come home to the house being the way my mom always keeps it. It is just less for them to worry about. Also, we are having a chair glide put in - it is a chair Kenneth sits in and then it glides him down the stairs. He has his own apartment downstairs in the basement - plenty of room. This allows him to have his own independence until he is further along in his recovery but we can still be there to take care of him when he needs us to. They are putting a ramp in - it goes from the garage to the kitchen so he can just wheel in easily from outside. That is all we are having done! We don't need any bathroom modifications -- we are lucky because Kenneth is doing well enough where he doesn't need bathroom modifications!

We set up rehab for him on an outpatient basis. He will attend St. Charles in Port Jefferson three days a week... He will have OT and PT along with speech therapy. The most amazing thing he'll be receiving once he is home is the program Kessler is starting him on in order to promote regular speech!! They have a fantastic, innovative device that attaches to his forehead by a few simple adhesive strips. He wears this device everyday, for a certain amount of time, for as long as the doctors tell us -- the device sends electronic signals to the part of his brain that controls speech. This part of the brain, which is the part of his brain where the impact occured, controls movements in the mouth, controls the ability to send sound to the mouth, to form words, to make sound, etc. ALL of those things that need to come together to create words are in this part of his brain.

The reason they waited to do this with Kenneth was b/c he wasn't ready yet -- in order to do this they needed to wait until that part of the brain reached a certain level of reconnection. They monitor his reconnection with EEG tests -- scans that show his brain and the progress it is making. They are continually amazed at the progress his brain is making -- it is nothing short of remarkable and we are SO SO SO lucky to be able to say that.

So, a few weeks ago when one of his docs told me "we haven't even BEGUN half of the things we have in store for him" I thought, what do you mean?? We are leaving soon! And he explained that they are still going to do A TON of stuff for him once he is home -- and still have him come back to Kessler for once a month check-ups on these efforts. So, once he said that I thought, wow this is unbelievable! I realize now why they say it is such a long road -- because they have to wait until the brain is ready for the treatment in order to do it -- so, until Kenneth's speech section was ready for this (which happened only about three weeks ago) they couldn't even begin to set it up for him. The same thing went for everything else -- we had to wait to start walking until his pelvis healed and the brain is no different. So, they concentrated on other things first.

Now, since we got the news that he is ready for real speech - we are just thrilled. The doctors were astonished that Kenneth was able to get out the few words he did: Mom, Hi, Dad, You, Wow --- when, really, according to his brain he wasn't QUITE there yet technically to be able to do it -- but he did. How amazing is that? I just can't believe it - it has to be because of his determination and how HARD he tries.

Along with the head stimulator they have him ready to start doing once he is home -- they have this video game, believe it or not. This is a game that connects to the stimulator and then to a computer (we'll use Kenneth's laptop). It will let us know when the signals it is sending reaches certain parts of the brain we want them to go to... Once it doesn't reach that part it will provoke a signal -- and Kenneth will press a button on the computer (as part of the game) which will promote the signal to go the right way. It is SO hard to explain but basically - it is a fun, innovative way for him to HELP the signal reach where it needs to go. This "game" along with the head stimulator -- the whole program -- has made 60-70% of stroke victims who could NOT speak at all SPEAK AGAIN. And speak well - not just a few words - but regular speech. We are POSITIVE that this is that little boost Kenneth needs to get back to normal speech very soon.

Again, I have to pause to thank God and say how lucky we are to have this kind of technology. Not only will he be able to recovery SO MUCH faster than he would without these devices -- they will give him chances he may not ever have had without them.

We are truly blessed. I'm so excited for him to come home - he is ready, it is time for the next step in his recovery - we are moving forward!



****** Tuesday January 13th ******

The day after Kenneth's "pseudo" birthday (lol) he came home. From the very beginning, since NUMC, they made an error on Kenneth's birthday. They inverted the numbers (his real birthday is January 21st) and they made it the 12th by mistake. I went down to the office, when we were at NUMC, several times to correct and it was never done! It was a mistake that followed him to Kessler... and on his wrist band, since day one, is: January 12, 1978 So, yesterday, when I saw Kenneth I said "happy kind of 31st birthday!!" LOL! It is funny because one of his therapists noticed the date on his band and said "omg today's his birthday!" and we were like "oh no it's not" and she just looked at us like "huh??" haha!

I went to Kessler yesterday to help my parents out with packing up some of his stuff and loading up the last of allllll we have accumulated over the six or so months we have been at Kessler. It will be 8 months since the crash on the 18th and I just can't even believe that to be true. Everyone has been talking to Kenneth all week about his big going home day - he kept mouthing the word HOME whenever we'd talk about it.

Then, this morning came and it felt so strange to be saying goodbye to these people we have become so close to. His occupational and physical therapists cried, his speech person was choked up, the head doctor (his doc) was emotional, the case worker, the speech supervisor - EVERYONE was just a mess! We had a line of people waiting to say goodbye to him and telling us how much the place won't be the same without him. We still have to take Kenneth back there once a month for a visit with Dr. Fellus which is good because it allows us an opportunity to visit. To think that someone, who can't really talk - I mean, I know we have had our breakthrough with a few words but they are still working on making that consistent SO for the most part he has been silent -- to think someone who cannot verbally communicate with people can leave such a lasting impression is remarkable and you don't realize how special he really is -- I mean, he is my brother - to me, he is wonderful but when people are touched by him like that it makes you realize that he's extraordinary.

A great person named Maria, who helped us so much throughout our months at Kessler, is going to Las Vegas on a conference where she wants to discuss Kenneth and his case -- she wants to "show him off" lol to other doctors and medical professionals because of his improvement and recovery. So, she asked me if I could give her some information -- copies of pictures, articles, information on the crash, etc. so that she can share his story -- I said, anything to help other people... that is most important to us. Luckily, through the computer and this journal - I have so much saved and documented... everything, really.

We left Kessler VERY emotional and the Police Department was kind enough to give us an escort so that we could get home as easily as possible. We breezed right through and by the time we got to about a block away from our house we had about 7 cars with us -- the police all had their lights on and we drove up the block my parents block is off of and EVERYONE was out -- neighbors, people passing or driving by, and about 130+ police officers (a mixture of street cops from his precinct, other precincts, the academy, the bureau of special operations, higher up guys, etc.) along with about a 25 person pipe/drum band. It was really unbelievable and VERY overwhelming for us emotionally. It was so touching to see Kenneth grinning from EAR to EAR when we pulled up -- my mom rolled down the window and let him look out and she said, they are all here for you Kenneth - they came for you. Even new recruits that are due to graduate the police academy soon came out and said, all together, "welcome home sir" . Everything they police did was SO beyond touching and special -- and Kenneth appreciated it SO much which means the world to us. That kind of support is so uplifting.

We got him out of the car and into his wheel chair and we wheeled him so he could face everyone... they all were standing at attention, in a line, and they saluted him and, with tears in his eyes, he saluted them back. I was trying to hold it together but that was pretty much the moment my mom, sister and I lost it... I just can't describe the overwhelming feeling that consumes you when you see something like that. He is SO VERY aware of every single thing that takes place, what people say, what they do, etc.

The County Executive, Tom Suozzi and the Police Commissioner, Larry Mulvey were there and Mr. Suozzi walked right up to Kenneth, shook his hand and got face to face with him and said how much he appreciates all of his hard work and dedication over the years... He said, 'you have no idea how many lives you have saved and we are forever grateful to your brave service. You are getting better, you have made a miraculous recovery and it will continue until you are back to 100%. I'm so proud of you, you have come so far, you are an inspiration'. It was VERY nice, VERY heartfelt and Kenneth was hanging on EVERY word! Many of the men have not seen Kenneth since NUMC so it was emotional for them too. After Mr. Suozzi said what he said to Kenneth everyone lined up to say hello to him and us. I got a chance to thank everyone for coming - they have NO IDEA how much it means to us. One by one, they came up and shook Kenneth's hand - many with tears in their eyes of astonishment to see how far he has come. They waited for Kenneth, while we drove there, in the freezing cold for almost 2 hours - it is something I'll never forget.

A few close people stayed and came inside -- they didn't want to overwhelm us and there's no way, physically, alllllll those people could come inside but the closer people came in, had a bagel and some coffee, hung out for a little bit and then left -- they didn't want to put us out knowing that we had to get Kenneth settled. It was an exhausting day for everyone but especially Kenneth. They were great about that - showing their support but not being in our way AT ALL - the police have been so great about that from the beginning and without their help, we would have NEVER made it through this.

Then, we just spent some time at the house getting Kenneth settled - ordered in good NEW YORK pizza and relaxed like old times. It felt so surreal. Kenneth seemed very content to be home.

And, eight months later- after all that he has been through, we were sitting at the kitchen table and he looked at me and I said "what hun?" and he pointed RIGHT at the bathroom -- our hall bathroom. I said, 'you need to go to the bathroom?' and he nodded yes. I said to my mom 'it is like he never skipped a beat - he points right over toward the hallway where the bathroom has always been' ---it is just unreal. We have a 24 hour aide for him that helps a lot -- he got him changed for the night and Kenneth was able to lay down and watch TV before going to bed - he was EXHAUSTED!

What a wonderful and touching day! I have to say that Newsday, and all the other news outlets, really respected our wishes and didn't show up - they just wrote an article about him and that was that which we appreciate. There will be time for all of that - when he is back to 100%. For now, this is a big step for us - he turned a page today and we are in the home stretch. I feel as though we are 50% there - and now, everything else we get is just one step closer to Kenneth reclaiming his life.

My heart aches for those still at Kessler, for those who didn't get the second chance to survive and come back like Kenneth did, and for those who have yet to have this happen to them - but will in the future. There is not a day, not a minute that goes by where I don't think of him and thank God for keeping him here with us.



***** January 16th *****

Small setback. I don't want everyone to be alarmed but Kenneth is in the hospital. They think he may have a small case of pneumonia.

What happened was, he got car sick (the meds can make your stomach more sensitive than normal - and the brain injury doesn't help your orientation) -- but, he got car sick and being in such a confined spot it was difficult for him to get it up... a little bit of throw up went down into his lungs without us realizing.

Then, last night, he just didn't seem himself. He started to get the hiccups NON-STOP which is very unlike him too. They were painful and constant. So, we gave him dinner and he threw it up almost immediately... then, we became a little concerned as he started wheezing a little during this. Then, at the end just a little bit of blood came up - nothing major but enough for us to call the Doctor. Dr. Fellus suggested we take him to the ER just to get him checked out.

So, the ambulance came to get him - we took him to St. Charles where he is doing his outpatient rehab anyway so they have his records. I went with him in the ambulance as I was at my parents house when this happened... My sister stayed home with Christopher who was over at the time too. My parents followed in their car and this was around 9pm last night.

I left the ER around 4am to go home and try and sleep because we got no sleep as he went for scans, x-rays, tests, etc. all night. They gave him fluids and he looked much better after that -- he is in good spirits, very much himself again watching TV and smiling at us while he gives us the thumbs up to turn up the volume a little (lol). He got over the hiccups once they gave him some meds to alleviate the nausea and the gas. They are keeping him and are going to put him on anitbiotics -- this is an annoying setback but he should be OK - he is young and can fight this off.

We are lucky we found it out as soon as we did - very lucky!

My parents are still there, I am going to get ready and go back up with my sister.

Please just keep Kenneth in your positive thoughts and prayers today that he gets over this rather quickly and can get back into home life as well as his much needed outpatient rehab.

This is quick and he gets back on track ASAP!

Thank you so much!!!!!

***** Late January 16th *****

oh thank you guys so much for all the well wishes!!!

Kenneth is doing much better today. They gave him some meds to help him rest and he was finally able to get some sleep. They put a tube in his nose which isn't as bad as it sounds - he was awake for it's placement and it isn't uncomfortable for him. They used that tube to take A LOT of the gas out of his stomach... that took away the hiccups, finally. Then, it was much easier for him to rest/sleep and he was much more comfortable. He is in good spirits... he is well aware that he is in the hospital just to see what is going on. They put him on antibiotics incase their theory of slight pneumonia is accurate.

They also did a bunch of scans for everything else and were able to rule out: something wrong with one of his shunts in his brain, something wrong with his appendix, something wrong with his abdomin that needs surgery, something wrong with his chest other than fluid being in the lungs. We won't know if it is definitely pneumonia for another two days but even if it is he is on the antibiotic anyway to knock it out just incase. He is already doing much better anyway - he looks better and doesn't seem to be in pain anymore.

They gave him a breathing treatment which helped his wheezing to subside. They also gave him a ton of fluids. The only thing is, he cannot eat or drink anything until they find out for sure what it is. He is hungry which is a good sign... he keeps signaling that he wants to eat! They moved him into a very private, nice room in the ICU -- not because he needs to be in the ICU -- just because that is the nicest, most private room and rooms are limited there so that was what was available. They are treating us SO nicely!! We really could not ask for better. The EMT's who brought him in informed them of the situation and they have been wonderful - we are lucky.

I will tell you more as soon as I know more - as for now, he is definitely staying another two days to rule out pneumonia. They have not ruled out a simple stomach virus - so, at the very least, it could just be that! Luckily, none of the options we are facing right now are very serious at all - everything is very treatable and being taken care of already as precaution!

The prayers worked! Thank you!


***** JANUARY 21st *****

Happy Birthday Kenneth!!!!

My brother is 31 years old today. I remember this day, last year, very well. We went out to eat for Kenneth's 30th -- and he wouldn't even eat the cake for dessert because he is so strict about his diet!!!! Not even on his birthday! He has some great discipline!

Today is a little bittersweet -- he is doing so much better and he can still improve so much but you just worry, in the back of your mind, that it won't be as much as it should be. It's hard to explain. I just think about where he was last year and it makes me so sad -- but, what I really need to do is think about where he will be next year instead. I know, in my heart, that he will make this recovery - I know it BUT, the worrier in you sometimes takes over.

We had a few bumpy days - he was in the hospital with an infection but he was released late Sunday and came home. He is doing much better now - and he just needs to finish his round of antibiotics and he'll be all set. It was quite a scare for us though - really worried us but luckily, it was no big deal.

He has outpatient therapy at St. Charles three days a week until he gets into the swing of things and then it will be bumped up to five days a week -- they didn't want to overwhelm him initially.

When he was home for the first few days, before he got sick, he really enjoyed being there. You could tell that he was just happy -- There were quite a few times where it looked like he was going to say something. He would look at me or Jenn and just have this face on like something was about to come out... and then it wouldn't. It is SO weird! Then, he would laugh.

The docs say that coming home can stimulate a lot of activity -- that a lot of people start moving better or talking more once they are home and they don't know why. Well, we have noticed this when it seems like something is on the tip of his tongue and he is so close to getting it out and we have noticed this with his right arm. The right arm was still sluggish upon leaving Kessler along with his right leg - we realize it is going to take a lot of time and therapy. Well, for some reason, once he was home the right arm starting moving more than ever before -- and now, he can lift it, put it at his side instead of it being in the same position all the time and his fingers move like crazy! It is great!! We are very excited.

Tonight we are all going over for dinner, cake, and to celebrate his 31st birthday because we are so lucky he is even here to celebrate it. We realize that the transition to home can be tough but, all things considered, he is doing really well with it so far and seems thrilled to be home. We just had to deal with that infection and trying to get on a set schedule with therapy.

The other night, he was laying in bed and his aide (he has a 24 hour aide to help out at first) -- so, his aide saw him take the remote on his bed and recline the bed all the way down, then he took the remote for the TV he was watching and turned it off and she said to him "Kenny, are you going to bed??" and he gave her the thumbs up, rolled over, and went to sleep

When things like that happen - which they often do - I think to myself, he's going to be FINE! What am I worrying about?!

I spoke with Dr. Mehta who is the original neurosurgeon who did his life-saving surgery when Kenneth was first hurt. Then, he was the doc that oversaw Kenneth at NUMC. We have not updated him since Kenneth left NUMC - we never thought to because Dr. Mehta was wonderful BUT very very VERY realistic with us which stung sometimes... it can be hard to hear. He has to tell us all the "what ifs" and all of the "worst case scenarios" so we would just put that out of our heads and focus on the good. That is part of the reason why I never thought to update him. Well, I called him the other day because I needed a copy of Kenneth's CT scans for the docs at St. Charles... and immediately, when he realized who I was, he started shouting "oh my god - how is he?!!!" so excited. So, I explained everything from Kessler - what he did, what he is still having trouble with, what his EEG's said -- how he went from a 1 to a 9.5 and how Kessler said it is remarkable, etc. Well, he was moved to tears and told me not to worry - he said, Kenneth is SO far away from his 'bottom line' that there is NO reason to worry now. That he has AT LEAST another year/year and a half from NOW to improve -- so, not to worry that things aren't happening fast enough -- that that does NOT mean they are not going to happen.

Well, that made my day -- and for him, who can be so "realistic" lol I don't want to say negative -- but for him to say that is AMAZING. We are so so so so LUCKY -- and we are very thankful that we got that report from him. He has a follow-up appointment with him next week... I'm excited to hear what he has to say once he sees how great he looks.

It is crazy - when we went to St. Charles (before they realized who he was) we had doctors, nurses, etc. coming into the room and they would start asking Kenneth questions... and they would ask him what was wrong, etc. It became apparent, almost immediately, that they had NO IDEA anything was wrong with him. We even had a neurologist come in and we had to TELL him "by the way, he has a traumatic brain injury -- he can't really speak yet -- just a few words but they come out in therapy" and they look at you like, huh?? Because he looks FINE -- he looks like himself. All of his hair grew in from the surgery on his head and covers the scars (luckily he is not bald) and when he was laying in bed in the hospital they had no idea that he really can't walk 100% yet without assistance and a cane. I can't tell you how many docs came in and were like "Hi Ken, nice to meet you" and just look at him like, why isn't he saying anything back?? And Ken would smile so they would think, ok whatever and go "What brings you in tonight??" and then we would have to intervene and explain!

There's my update for now - not much but a good one! It is quite remarkable how quickly he learned how to control the remote on his new TV, the remote on his adjustable bed, etc. He is definitely getting the swing of things!

Happy Birthday Kenneth - I love you! (Something I always felt but never said before he got hurt -- we just aren't an "I love you" kind of family -- but we are getting better at it now)

***** January 26th *****

After getting over the little bump in his road of him being sick, Kenneth has been doing increasingly well at therapy and the speech person is very happy with his awareness as well as his understanding of what is being said to him. He always seemed very aware at Kessler but once he got home he was even MORE aware - it is amazing.

She stated that he is, consistently, 90% or more accurate with questions, pictures, and different tasks she gives him. She said, a lot of times, he seems almost "bored" with it and she feels he is on a higher level so that is why he gets bored. She said he would probably be 100% accurate but he kind of "zones out" when he gets bored and doesn't pay as close attention -- that is his way of saying, move on! LOL!

We also had a significant breakthrough in Physical Therapy today -- his right arm and leg are almost weightless. Before, they felt like "dead weight" to both us and him. He would pick his right arm up with his left like driftwood, however, in the last few days and especially today, he lifted the arm on his own (not as a reaction to a yawn like before) AND he has been pointing with his index finger. In fact, all of the fingers have been moving so well and instead of holding the arm in the same place all the time like before -- it now rests in different positions like "normal". It rests at his side when watching TV and looks just like the other arm - we are thrilled that it appears to be coming around, slowly but surely! The leg and arm both have, according the the therapist, "definition" in them and she said that is a GREAT sign that they are on their way back... She said the leg felt great in therapy also. He has been moving the foot a lot at home and helping to lift it -- before, I felt as though I was doing all the lifting where now, I can feel him helping me. We are so happy! Since his left side is 100% fine - we are just waiting on that right side to step up. That is the only thing really holding him back from walking easier and on his own without any assistance from a person or a cane.

We realize that we still have a long road but not really in a "bad" way -- we have a long way off until Kenneth is even close to his "bottom line" which is wonderful -- that means, we shouldn't be worrying if his leg and arm are not there yet or if his speech is not consistent yet -- Rather, we should just be positive that it is coming and that we have AT LEAST (according to the doc) another year, year and a half until we should be worried if he is not doing something. That's great news for us! We can be impatient LOL and we are trying not to be -- rather, we try and support him to do things when he's ready! He is motivated so we don't have to worry about that.

Yesterday, Sunday, we were all over my parents house spending time with Kenneth. He has become a "pro" at Wii bowling and golf... he plays both games with Christopher. He also loves Trouble where he "bops" the bubble in the middle, it comes up with a number, and then he moves his piece however many times it says. He is amazing at it! He'll get a four or a five and then automatically move is piece four or five spaces... he loves the game and needs NO assistance in playing it! We feel as though the Wii is a great home therapy/outlet for him - he loves the bowling and golf - and, until he can speak, it is a way for him to interact with us which we realize is something that he definitely enjoys. He is trying to find any alternative way to engage in activities with us -- which is why Kenneth has taken such a liking to games. It is like he feels that until he can talk, he'll do the best he can to interact with us in other ways.

Most Sunday's (before he got hurt), we would have dinner in our dining room - Dad would make meatballs and pasta, etc. Yesterday, my Dad told him that he was going to make his favorite meatballs for Kenneth (first time since we have been home!). Kenneth looked thrilled to have such a nice homecooked meal... All of a sudden, while my Dad was cooking (he was just about done), Kenneth started wheeling himself down the hall and pointing toward the dining room. My mom didn't even set the table yet and was not planning on eating in the dining room. She was just going to set the kitchen table. Well, he was pointing at that dining room with enthusiasm and we asked, "Do you want to eat in the dining room??" and he shook his head YES very clearly -- and smiled. It brought tears to our eyes -- this was something he enjoyed so much before he got hurt, it is nice to see that he is 100% the same person and that he remembers the 'routine' so well - it is remarkable for someone with his kind of injury. When things like that happen - and to see him at the house doing so well - it makes me feel so certain that he is going to go all the way.

After dinner and dessert he played more Wii and then pointed downstairs which means he wants to go and lay down in bed and watch TV. We got him down there, changed into PJ's, and ready for bed... he watched some TV and then, all of sudden, put his bed down on his own using the remote, turned off the TV using the remote, and went to bed! The aide said, are you going to sleep?? And he put his thumbs up -- she turned out the light and that was that! This is something he has been doing almost every single night! He really amazes us. So, that is our "update" for now.

***** 2/8/09 ******

I received a call from the ADA on Kenneth's case about this Tuesday... She told me that the case is scheduled to go in front of the Judge again... this is the "reschedule" for the day where we all went and the lawyer and defendant never showed. I am hoping everything goes back to Judge Carter and that this Judge doesn't try and "deal" or anything. If everyone can do me a favor and say a quick prayer that the case goes back to the good Judge and gets handled the way it should. It should get the time and attention it deserves and justice should be done. Thank you!!!

A little update on Kenneth: he went to New Jersey on Thursday to see Dr. DeFina who wants to use this special program on Kenneth to help him talk. Kenneth sat in front of a computer, had stimulators places on his head, and played this "game". A sailboat appears on the screen and there are no "controls" for the game -- you control it with the correct signals in your brain. So, Kenneth concentrates on making the boat move across the water and every time a signal is sent to the part of the brain they want to stimulate and "work on" the boat moves... if he loses concentration OR the signals go to the wrong part of the brain that they don't want to boost the boat stops!

So, it literally trains the brain to stimulate the correct part they want to work on: speech! They have sailing, bowling, and a little maze where you try and get to the end. He did a 30 minute test session and then they had a specialist evaluate him. She is going to take that evaluation and Dr. DeFina will create a version of the game specifically for Kenneth and the area he needs to have worked on the most. After just that 30 minute session he has, since Thursday, said "Mom", "Dad", "Hi", "Bye" consistently, over and over and WITHOUT ANY "tools" like a tissue or our cueing. He also did his "vowel sounds" for the speech therapist at St. Charles without any hesitation or cueing!!!!! And that was just after a 30 minute test run!!! So, once the game is made for him (it takes two weeks) he will start doing it once a day! We are thrilled!!!

The best part is how happy Kenneth is with himself... When we initially got some words, sounds, etc. they were with the "aid" of a tissue in front of his mouth for some odd reason he discovered he could do it with that and then had trouble doing it without the tissue. Since then, you could tell he would get frustrated and not really try the sounds anymore... Since this first session, however, he is so excited to talk and has made the sounds without us even having to ask him -- and has said clear words, consistently and in the right context (trying to get my mom's attention, or whatever). We are SO happy and excited for him to continue to work with this game!! The technology is absolutely AMAZING.

Other than that, he is happy and very upbeat... He works so hard at St. Charles in therapy and really enjoys it. He plays the Wii like crazy with Christopher and is getting really good at it. He also plays board games with us and works on his "homework" from therapy with me every night. He is SO much more aware and attentive -- it is remarkable!!! I used to have to ask him things slowly or sometimes have to repeat my question - not anymore! Now, I say it in passing and he hears me and answers! It is GREAT!!

We're getting there...




***** February 26th ******

Kenneth is improving with his speech increasingly well. He has now had four sessions with the neurofeedback I told you about. We discontinued speech at St. Charles because the speech person there was not very nice - very negative with Kenneth and rolled her eyes several times if he couldn't get something right away. As a professional, who works with people with brain injuries - how can you treat them like that? And if she thinks they don't realize it she is very wrong - most brain injury patients are VERY aware of all of their surroundings and vibes -- especially Kenneth. There were many times where she flat out told us that she didn't think he understands much.
We just laugh - I mean, anyone who knows Kenneth and has seen him interact with us can see - he actually understands EVERYTHING. The speech person at Kessler was SO upset about this - she even called the woman on the phone and after the conversation told us that he needs to leave there.

On a good note - PT and OT are pretty good there so we'll stay for that. PT fitted Kenneth for a leg brace to help that right leg when he walks. He got up with a cane quite a few times and seems to REALLY like the way the brace is now supporting him - he had a huge smile on the first time he got up with it and even started to try and speak almost to say, finally! What took you guys so long to get me this brace? hahaha.

For speech, we take Kenneth alllll the way to Edison, NJ two times a week. The person who was at Kessler and worked with him (we LOVE her) has left there and is going to start working with Kenneth - we are so lucky. At first, we were looking into other speech people on the Island and, by chance, I found a GREAT one nearby but since Kenneth needs to go there twice a week for his feedback sessions for a few months anyway - he might as well get the speech from someone he knows well and has worked well with in the past. However, he will need speech close to home in the future and I will definitely hang on to the info of the person I found for then! She sounded perfect on the phone - and I think Kenneth is going to really like her.

He now says: I want Mom (or Dad) when he needs them for something. He says, Mom, Dad, Chris, Hello, Bye. and we are working on Dani or Jenn. Vin is hard - it comes out as Bin lol. then Kenneth laughs b/c he realizes it is not quite right!

He sings all the words to Happy Birthday and says Kenneth VERY clearly. That is amazing to hear!

We have been singing a lot of Christmas songs in February! Kenneth always did like Christmas songs and since they are songs everyone knows pretty well (kind of like Happy Birthday) we started to sing them with him along with the "ABC's" which are fun to sing and help him with his speech. His speech has improved so much already - the words he has been saying are more consistent, without prompt, and so clear.

The trips to New Jersey are going pretty well now! We time it right with traffic twice a week and Kenneth has gotten so good in the car - we don't have to stop for the restroom anymore, he doesn't feel sick anymore (first couple of times he felt car sick), etc. Actually, he is pretty content in the car - puts his seat back, naps a little, puts music on, wears his sunglasses, etc. He always perks up in the city and looks around - smiling. LOVES it in there.

Yesterday, we played the Bureau of Special Operations promotion DVD for Kenneth. The PD taped it for us back in June when Kenneth was at NUMC still - Jenn and I went with Christopher. Kenneth hadn't seen it yet - we wanted to wait until he was better so he could really understand it. Well, he did because when County Executive Suozzi and Commissioner Mulvey gave their speeches (back-to-back), all of a sudden, Kenneth got choked up and started to cry. We were all already crying as the speeches were quite emotional... and it was especially clear that Ken was emotional when the Commish went through the morning of the crash and the kind of cop Kenneth is and always has been. It was absolutely amazing but sad at the same time.


I've only seen my brother cry twice in his life before he got hurt - when Christopher was born and on September 11th. After he was hurt: it was about the first week (after he was hurt) when he actually opened his eyes and was pretty clear -- he had the tube in his mouth -- but my Mom explained what happened and a tear came down his cheek so that was the third and it hasn't been since then. :o)


My mom, sister, and I went to the wake of the Suffolk County Police Officer who passed away last night - it was so sad... absolutely horrible, actually. We wanted to show our support and we wrote out a nice card for the family. It was great to see so many officers come out and show their support too. There were about 1,200+ Suffolk Officers and I would say an additional 1,000+ various from Nassau, to State Troopers, to Village PD, to the Fire Depts and EMTs. The whole thing hit very close to home for us. As much as no one should go through that and I wish so bad that poor man didn't - it made us more grateful that Kenneth is alive than ever before. It makes me cry just to think about it. Kenneth was so close to being in that Crown Vic - by the grace of God he was switched to an Impala at the last minute. I lost count of how many things happened that night/morning that, in turn, saved his life.

That's our update for now - So, we have St. Charles OT and PT three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) and New Jersey for neurofeedback and speech therapy two times a week (Tuesday and Saturday). The trip is a total of two hours each way but not so bad when timed right!

We have court again on Monday - We will be discussing the possibility of accepting a deal so we don't have to go through the stress and inconvenience of a trial. We'll see - I'll update you guys when something is "final". We had court about five times in the last two weeks - it was crazy - with the Police who were at the scene testifying... very hard stuff to hear. We want to avoid having to go through all of that as much as possible.

Thank you all again for your continued support!!!

*** March 30, 2009 ***

Spring is here now and it feels so weird as we approach May... it is hard to believe it has been 10 months... ALMOST one year and I keep finding myself thinking about "this time last year"... when life was normal. Most of the time I'm fine but I do get down sometimes... when the weather is nice and I see young guys out with their sons, or when Christopher goes to his games (baseball, lacrosse) and we stand on the same field we always stood on with Kenneth. I can still picture him off to the side coaching some of the kids on how to hit and helping them with their swing. It is emotional for me to even think about - and I know I write like he died or something so don't get me wrong, he is here and I'm so thankful but because he is not quite where he needs to be yet it is like part of him died. I know that sounds strange and it is hard to explain.

It is like I haven't seen him in ten months in some ways - I haven't had a two-way conversation with him in ten months, I have not been able to walk up to him and hug him and have him hug me like we used to - him standing there and me standing there. I have not been able to go for drives like we used to - him driving his Pathfinder and me putting different songs on the radio with his IPOD. He comes back out to us more and more everyday though. Lately, I do see so much more progress - I see it in his eyes and I glance over at him sitting like normal on the couch and I forget for a second. I get upset sometimes when I see people out on one of the first sunny days - jogging and running errands just like Kenneth used to always do. He was always busy - going here and there and he ran pretty much everyday. He loves to run and loves to go to the gym.

Hopefully, however, as the weather gets warmer we'll be able to do more with him and take him to parks and stuff. I'm sure that will make him feel better in the mean time. I just try not to think about all that time in the middle - all of this time that is passing while he is recovering. I feel like life is passing him by sometimes and that breaks my heart. This is time taken that he'll never be able to get back. Sometimes, he looks bored - and I wonder what he is thinking. I tell him all the time that it'll just be a few more months and we'll get there. I know we will - and he is very positive about it, thank God - but, it is hard on everyone until we get there.

I can't even go into Maureen's Kitchen - he went there all the time. Back when he was in Kessler I went there to drop off a Thank You card for their support, care, and concern. They wrote to us and supported Kenneth's fundraiser - they also gave some toys to Christopher and were so good to him! I went there and didn't even THINK about how it might make me feel - talk about a clear head! I walked in and they were busy as usual - I spotted one of Maureen's daughters behind the counter and just gave her the card - I was fine because I wasn't even thinking about it - then, she started talking to me about Kenneth and how much she is praying for him - it was so nice of her. All of a sudden, she said "I can still see him sitting right there..." and she motioned toward a seat at the counter. She said, there he'd be after all of his shifts in the early, early morning - eating his egg white omelet. Well, I just lost it. I never get like that and I didn't know what to do - it just hit me. So, I tried to keep it together - I thanked her again and left. It was NOT pretty when I got back in my car. How mortifying.

Since then, I have not been there - I also try to avoid driving past it. We used to go there so often that it is hard for me to not think about all the breakfasts and lunches we had there as a family. Then, he'd go alone after work or with Christopher - just the two of them. One day, we'll go back but I don't want to go back until I can go with Kenneth.

As far as his language goes - I tell everyone, it is like the hard drive on his computer was wiped clean. He basically has to re-learn English. I laugh at my posts from early on when I "couldn't wait until he was off sedation and could talk to us". What was I thinking? How foolish. But, what helps him is that he knew the language to begin with and used it for pretty much his whole life! He goes to NJ twice a week for this special neurofeedback I told you all about -- it is AMAZING and the difference in him has been nothing short of remarkable. We thought he was clear and aware before! Well, NOW, he is amazing - he looks like the old Kenneth. It looks like he is going to just glance over at me and be like, "want to go to the diner?" It is so weird. Sometimes, I feel like I should ask if HE wants to drive home! After those sessions he is SO spot on that it just knocks you over. I can't really explain it in words but thank God for Dr. DeFina, the International Brain Research Foundation (IBRF), Maria McNish (his wonderful speech person that worked with him at Kessler and now works with him there) -- we said BYE BYE to the mean speech person from St. Charles for good! But thank God for all of the people who help us there - we have only had less than ten sessions total and the words we have are too many to list! They are now coming without prompt and he is so clear in saying them. Making the F and V and Th sounds were hard for him before and now he does them 100% perfect... it is remarkable.

Dr. DeFina said he is excelling cognitively and he is confident he'll go all the way and then some (his words). We literally could not ask for more. You worry about setbacks or hiccups in the road - seizures, stroke, etc. - they are always in the back of your mind because they are your biggest fear but, I have so much hope for the future... we just have to get there.

The case is going to trial. It is definite. The person who hit my brother told us he was going to take the plea deal we were NICE ENOUGH TO OFFER HIM. We thought everything was settled and we could avoid all the emotions that go along with a trial. Then, he decided that he no longer wanted to take the plea deal - he thinks he can 'beat this' and get little to no time. So, just when we thought it was settled we now have been going to pre-trial hearings (we have another one tomorrow at 11am)... and then once those are done we'll be informed of the start date for the trial which will be every single day, all day, for about two and a half weeks. For now, we have to listen to all this testimony (pre-trial) which is very emotional for us. Every time we go to court it is so draining. It is not going to be easy on us, I know that. I am dreading the emotions of it all - at the same time, maybe it'll be carthartic. I have to write a victim impact statement - that will be a nightmare. How can I put into words what this has done to my brother's life? I sit here and try to write it or think about what I want to say and recite it - and I just burst into tears. I'm going to have to work on curbing that - it's so hard.

So, that's the update for now! BTW, Kenneth has been standing up and walking with a cane and one assistant. In a few weeks, we are going to start walking him around the house with the cane on a daily basis - just to get him used to it. What really helped is the brace - The PT people made him a brace for the right leg which makes it SO much easier for him to stand up and hold his leg in place. He stands, now, straight as an arrow and looks fantastic! It is weird to see him stand like that because it has been so long since I've seen him in all his six feet of glory haha.

The neurofeedback which helps the speech also helps the right arm and leg by the way! He has been opening his right hand and closing it A LOT and he has been reaching with his right arm!! We are thrilled. My parents stretch him twice a day at home and say they feel such a difference and when they put his arm above his head HE now puts it back down and guides it. The leg will, naturally, come next -- it goes in that order and works it's way down. I do his homework (speech and cognitive) every single day and he is getting so good that I need to ask for harder things! The doctor said he was putting puzzles together that some of the people in his OFFICE could not do!!!! LOL! Thanks so much everyone - all of the support means the world.

We keep saying Kenneth is going to be Chief one day!



***** April 5, 2009 *****

This really isn't an 'update' so bear with me... I just had a hard day today.

I wish some people, in general, would understand that there is no "manual" when it comes to taking care of someone with a brain injury. We didn't get instructions when Kenneth got hurt - we are doing the best we can and I am the LAST person on EARTH to say "listen, cut me some slack, you don't know what THIS is like"... but, I found myself almost saying today - you don't know what I'm going through so please don't try and tell me how it is like you do.

People with brain injuries go through phases... two months ago Kenneth wanted nothing to do with water and all he wanted to drink was Gatorade. Now, ALL Kenneth wants is bottled water. It is what it is - and it is what he wants. Unless you know someone with a brain injury, you wouldn't realize this and that's OK. I would not have known this before Ken got hurt, that's for sure. I can't always explain to everyone in the room HOW I am doing what I am doing and WHY. I can't tell people why things need to be done a certain way - they just do... this is life with a brain injury.

When Kenneth's speech person tells me that I have to make index cards for almost everything in the house and tape them to the item (chair, table, microwave, TV, bed, etc.) then that is what I have to do - because it is what's best for Ken. (Almost everything in my parents house is now labeled, btw. lol) When his speech person and Doctor ask us to please have Kenneth say 'hello' and 'bye' to everyone or when he has to go to the bathroom, instead of pointing to it, we are working on getting him to call for my mom or say 'bathroom'... so please understand that I don't want to have to 'make' him say this when he's not in the mood and just wants to go but I *HAVE* to... it is what is best for him.

There's this song by Toby Keith called "Aint No Right Way" and the words are:

"Ain’t no right way,
To do the wrong thing,
You can justify,
But it’s still black and white,
Paint it any shade,
But it won’t change
Ain’t no right way,
To do the wrong thing"

There's no 100% perfect or correct way for me to take care of my brother who is 31 years old and, naturally, a grown asss man... I shouldn't have to help him cut his meatballs, I shouldn't have to prompt him to say hello - there's no RIGHT or EASY way to do that to someone... I understand it is hard for him, I understand that sometimes it might be embarrassing but the only way we are going to get to the day where I no longer have to help him is if I do it for the time being. The more we encourage him to do things himself, the better. He now says "bye" with NO prompt because I did it with him like a broken record. Kenneth is almost ALWAYS 100% upbeat, positive, and motivated... he appreciates that we push him - he likes it that way and we know this because we know him better than anyone does. So, just because it makes you feel uncomfortable since brain injury has a way of doing that to people doesn't mean that you need to make us feel like we aren't doing the right thing by him because we are and when he is 100 plus 10% again - he'll thank us.

Please understand my position. Please understand it is not easy for him and that there really is no right way to do the wrong thing.

Just one of those days...


***** April 21st *****

Kenneth is really sailing!! Lately, there has been such a flurry of improvement and he is taking steps ahead in big leaps. We are fortunate because there are never moments where we take a step backwards but there are times where it seems things are just consistent. He is not doing bad but not really taking steps forward. That is fine and expected with brain injury. According to most of the doctors, overall, he has actually "flew" through the recovery process so far. That really shocks me! I mean, I know that this is quick in brain injury world but we are almost at a year and there are times where we feel like things are in slow-motion. They tell us he is actually at a stage where most people are 2 years after injury. So, for him to be a full year ahead on this 'scale' is really wonderful. We have to just thank God for that - and Kenneth's drive/will.

My husband was just floored the other day when he came over and heard me working with Kenneth at the table. We were doing our speech homework and my husband could not believe the words he was saying, most without prompt, and so clearly. He said he has never been so blown away before.

Kenneth has a notebook for speech that he works out of and we can keep track of his progress. He works with Maria, his wonderful speech person in NJ, two times a week and also has his special treatment session of neurofeedback during the same visit. Then, I work with him every single day at one point or another for about an hour -- we practice or do our 'homework' as I call it. Lately, there has been such an improvement that Kenneth now points to the book every single day and asks to do it -- he'll say "work" and motion to my mom. Today, I was grabbing something quick to eat and my mom called me - she said, are you coming over soon? So, I said - yes, I'm almost done and I'll be there in a few minutes, why? And she said, he is pointing to the book and wants to work NOW. LOL! So, I said, he won't work with you for a minute?? And she said, he keeps giving me the look of this is not exactly what I want and I will say, you want Danielle, huh? And he'll say "yes".

So, I finished eating and rushed home - he laughed when I came in the door! I said, geez can I go to the bathroom first at least?? We have at least 50 -- FIFTY -- words in his language base now. Some he can say without ANY prompt or help getting him started which is absolutely unbelievable. MOST he can say totally on his own but I just need to give him that first sound. So, I'll just go "T" for toilet or whatever. "Ch" for chair, etc. Everyday it seems there are new words added and words that he used to need a prompt on and now he can do on his own. He says hi/hello, bye, mom, dad, jennifer, danielle, christopher, bathroom, chair, i'm tired, i'm ok, yes, no, i'm hungry, i love you, and a few other things without any prompt or hesitation anymore. Then, the rest of the words that add up to about fifty is with just the first letter/sound and he's got it. The more we work and the more he does the feedback sessions - the better he gets.

He has mastered almost all of the sounds and syllables. Maria said he just needs to get "Sh" and "Z" which is the hardest but he is almost there. He has improved so much with "F" and "V" which is where you need to bite your lower lip to do it -- and he has totally mastered that! The strides he is making and the amount he is learning and retaining is nothing short of a miracle. I just can't even believe it myself anymore.

Yesterday, I said "you want to warm up with the days of the week?" which is something I usually say and he says it with me -- well, I said that and went to look up to prompt him and I hear "MONDAY" as clear as day -- he just got it, on his own, without any help. Then, he did the rest of the days of the week. He is now saying full sentences along with me -- with my assistance he can handle anything -- it is just a matter of getting it to be in the memory bank forever and making sure the way he pronounces it is perfect. He writes and we work on the letters and his penmanship. I never went to college for anything related to this, I never did anything like this before but Maria said I'm like a natural at it -- that makes me feel good because at least he can really benefit from the work I do with him!

My mom forgot to give him his cognitive vitamins with lunch yesterday -- as soon as he was done eating he started pointing to the microwave area where we keep them. My mom said, what do you need Ken? and he just kept pointing. So, she took him over there and he pointed right at the little dish we keep his pills in (we have one for AM, lunch, and PM) and she said omg, I forgot to give them to you when you ate, huh? And he said, YES! LOL!!!! I mean, who is taking care of who here?? He is so on the ball, so sharp, and so himself -- it's great. We are so lucky.

I always try to see the bright side of everything and one of the many silver linings of this situation is that I can watch a person face such adversity and overcome every single day. I am lucky enough to witness someone go against the odds and win. I get to see the brain put itself back together again and I get to see someone who looked death right in the face come back and do well. I know I will see him go all the way -- he is learning the language all over again and I get to help him down that road so I really feel blessed.

We have practically everything in the house labeled and that is really helping Kenneth -- so, if he looks at the door and is having trouble finding the word he can see the spelling and that will help him to get it out.

That's the update for now. We are having a celebration mass for Kenneth at our Church (where I was married) in Nesconset on May 17th which will signify one year since this all began. I thank God everyday that on May 17th I'll be at a celebration mass and not a memorial mass. I can't thank Him enough for that. It's going to be a great day - a lot better than last year and I know next year will be even better than this year!




**** Sunday May 3rd ****

I just called my parents house to see how Kenneth is doing today, to talk to him on the phone, and tell him that I will be coming over in a little bit... When my sister picks up the phone I hear my brother, singing at the top of his lungs, and my parents laughing in the background. What is he singing? Tim McGraw's "I like it, I love it"

I like it, I love it, I want some more of it... I try so hard, I can't rise above it. Don't know what it is about that little girl's lovin' but I like it, I love it... I want some more of it!"

He is singing along to Christopher's I-touch IPOD that is playing it. Then, Chris put on Toby Keith and he started singing "I Aint as Good as I Once Was"

"I aint as good as I once was... that's just the cold hard truth! I still throw a few back, talk a little smack - when I'm feeling bulletproof. So, don't double-dog dare me now cuz I'll have to call your bluff... I aint as good as I once was, but I'm as good ONCE as I ever was!!"

Hysterical. And he is as happy as a clam singing along to these and he remembers the words as if he last heard them yesterday -- mind you, it has been just shy of a year and a brain injury later! Amazing.

On Sunday May 17th we'll be celebrating with a Mass in honor of Kenneth and the one year anniversary -- Parish of the Holy Cross Roman Catholic Church in Nesconset. The Mass will begin at 11am. Kenneth will be there and we invited everyone - all of our family, friends, the police dept... anyone who wants to come out! It is going to be a great day.

It might rain really hard -- that means Padre Pio is among us. OR it might be beautiful because that is what all of our family and friends is praying for! So, we'll see who wins. It POURED the day of his fundraiser so Padre Pio won that day!

Kenneth is doing so well - he is so happy with his progress that you can see he is just excited to go to Jersey everytime. He is thrilled that he can communicate with us a little now and he is happier each day at how it gets a LITTLE easier day by day!




****** JUNE 10th *******

I'm sorry I haven't been on lately to update -- the trial has been emotional and exhausting for us. So far, I feel as though it is going very well in terms of the case... as much as it is hard to be there everyday, it is going well for us, IMO.

Kenneth took the stand today as some of you may have seen on the news. It was a hard day but something that had to be done. There is a clip on News12's website that gives a lot of information. Then, there's a link from Newsday.com

I know none of you have seen Kenneth since he got hurt so this will give you the opportunity. I think everyone was kind of eager to get that "glimpse". He was fine with it - he just smiled and gave a thumbs up. He took it all with a ton of courage. I am continually amazed at his bravery but, really, today was nothing compared to the past year+ of his life. The adversity he faces every single day is the true challenge and that is where he really impresses me.

It was difficult seeing him wheeled into the testimony/witness box and left there for about five minutes while 50+ people, mostly media, stared at him. Each person examined him from head to toe. I'm sure some were thinking, 'but he looks so good'. His Doctor who took the stand mentioned something to me about that which stayed with me... it is like at a wake, when you see the person and people comment on how peaceful they look, how good they look, like they are sleeping, etc. but, in reality, they are dead. It really makes you think that just because someone doesn't have disfiguring physical injuries which can be seen with the naked eye, does not mean they are just "fine". Now, I'm never negative with Kenneth's condition - I try to be the opposite. However, today was a day for reality -- and today was a day where, for a brief period, we could no longer paint a pretty picture. For the record, I will happily return to my "he *will* go all the way, there's no question about it" attitude after this is over.

For now, the person who did this to my brother had to see exactly what he did. He only looked up once or twice at Kenneth - otherwise, he couldn't even look at him. Kenneth had no problem looking at the defendant though. Sometimes, during Kenneth's time up there which seemed like an eternity, Kenneth would look at us, smile, nod, and give us a thumbs up to let us know he was OK. When Dr. DeFina asked if he could move his left arm he moved it. Then, when he asked about the right arm, he simply shook his head no and held up his right arm with his left almost as if to say, 'see, nope, it doesn't work'.

He stayed calm, cool, and collected. He demonstrated so much class and dignity while up there that it still shocks me. He was gawked at, picked apart, and examined like an insect in a museum -- and, at the end of the day, he just smiled at me, gave me a kiss, and went home with my parents to watch the Met game. Typical Kenneth - nothing shakes him. He seemed satisfied that he got the opportunity to be in court - to put a name to the face, to humanize "that cop" -- the infamous cop. It is hard because people see police officers as machines sometimes - we forget, especially during this trial up until today, that he is a real person with real problems/feelings/loved ones. He feels. He suffers. He laughs. He cries. I'm just relieved I'm there to do all of that with him so he doesn't have to do it alone. I'll always be there. We all will.




******* June 16, 2009 *******

There's a lot to update, all of a sudden! First and most important, above all else, Kenneth's right leg decided to move on Sunday!!!!!

Myself, Vinny, and our friend took Kenneth to the movie theatre on Sunday. This is his first time out to do something fun and this is is very first time out without my parents -- they suggested this so that he can start getting a sense of some independence back. He was happy to just hang out and go see a movie with people his age. I was nervous but it went very well - he was definitely ready for this step. We shared pretzel bites and went to see "Land of the Lost". I think Kenneth's first choice was Terminator but I'm too afraid to see that LOL and my husband and our friend already saw it so we figured Land of the Lost was a good pick. Kenneth and I used to watch that TV show when we were little. I remember it quite vividly.

Well, Kenneth loved it - he had such a great day and we laughed at the movie. He really enjoyed himself. I don't think my parents knew what to do with themselves without him at the house lol! When we came home Kenneth got into his recliner to relax a little. He put the TV on and I sat across from him in the den while I told my parents and Jenn how much he liked the movies and how he FLAT OUT refused to go to the bathroom in the public restroom HA! Typical Kenneth. He gave us a look like, "I'll wait until I get home, thank you very much". Well, he was sitting there and I looked over at him and noticed his right leg MOVE. So, I said "Ken! Your leg moved" and he kind of chuckled like, wow it did.

It has, on RARE occasions, moved out of reflex but even that is very rare. But this looked different to me. However, before I got too excited I said "can you do that again?" and he looked down at his leg and concentrated -- and BAM! It moved!!! He kind of raised it up just a little off of the recliner foot rest and moved it left to right. Well, we were screaming like we had won the 200 million dollar powerball lottery! So, again, we asked him to do it. And, again, he looked at it and BAM! It moved!!! He did this about five or so times and we were beyond thriled.

The following day, on Monday, he did it for the physical therapists at Southside where he goes for Outpatient Therapy (no more negative St. Charles!)... They were thrilled because they told my mom only the Friday before that they were going to put a call into his Doctor from Kessler to see if MAYBE something in the leg was damaged as a result of the crash (tendons, nerves, etc). They said that typically that comes back first and then the arm. So, since we have had a lot of movement in the hand and arm in the past two weeks (which is another great update) they were wondering why the leg wasn't coming since usually THAT comes first. I mean, sometimes it happens the other way around but not usually. They no sooner questioned that with my mom and he started moving it on Sunday - two days later! He didn't hear what they said so I don't think it was spite lol.

Monday (yesterday) was a great day for us on a lot of levels. Kenneth did fabulous at therapy (Southside) and I have seen a whole new side of him come out -- almost like a re-birth of how hard he would try at Kessler coming out again. I think he started to give up a little because St. Charles had given up on him. Southside reminds us of Kessler with their upbeat attitudes -- so, we are just thrilled and Kenneth couldn't be happier. He does speech, occupational, and physical there. Then, he does that special feedback and speech on Tuesdays and Thursdays in NJ so he is going, going, going and the improvement is really remarkable. Monday (yesterday) was also a great day because we got our verdict... the person that hit Kenneth and caused all of this was found GUILTY on ALL counts. We were relieved, to say the least. Jenn, Vinny, and I went out with some friends to celebrate. It was nice to see my friends that I haven't seen that much lately because the trial took up so much time/energy.

We are happy to have that phase of it be over. I already wrote my victim impact statement lol put the cart before the horse on that one but I wanted it done. I will be delivering that on Wednesday July 22nd during sentencing unless something changes. Kenneth will be there to see him sentenced.

So, back to a more normal life -- back to work, back to focusing on school, back to having more free time, and back to focusing on Kenneth's recovery first and foremost. I'm glad that this is over and I'm happy that justice has been served. The Judge made it clear to us that he intends on giving him the maximum sentence which I hope he does -- I know it is not enough, as it never will be enough... but, it is the highest punishment that our law allows and at least he is getting that. Kenneth will be satisfied. He was very pleased when we told him about the verdict. He looked relieved, also.

In terms of speech, we have been improving well -- he now has to say EVERYTHING he wants. If he wants water - he has to say it. If he wants a pudding, he has to say it. Even if he doesn't get it perfect - he has to say it. Kenneth is the type to not want to say something until he knows he is going to say it perfectly -- he does this with writing and answering when we work together. So, I tell him all the time it doesn't matter if you make a mistake - we will correct it and make it right! Just go for it and be confident - 9 times out of 10 he gets it spot on. So, he is now talking a lot as a result -- everytime someone comes in he has to say hi and then by when they leave. He has to say how are you? and when I ask him back he has to say "i'm good or I'm fine". He has to say please and thank you or you're welcome for everything and whenever he wants something he needs to attempt the word of what he wants. It can get exhausting by the end of the day for someone who isn't used to talking this much but we have been doing it for about five days now and notice a great improvement.

He is no longer requiring as much prompt, if at all. He says things much better and more clearly -- and some words seem effortless, just like regular speech. We still have a long road to go as he lost his entire vocabulary and word bank but we are getting there and his brain is re-training and re-learning. It is comforting to see this process take place.

Aside from that, we are enjoying as much as we can -- Kenneth is going to Christopher's Little League game tonight! I didn't know if we would ever get here - I always felt in my heart that he could overcome and he will continue but when doctors tell you he'll never be able to do anything aside from blink and just lay there it just astonishes you as to what the human spirit can overcome and accomplish.




**** July 19th ****

I have, overall, a really great update. First, though, I have to share something that happened yesterday which was rather heartbreaking for me to witness. It would be unfair to Kenneth's journey for me to leave the sad parts out. His speech specialist gave him a CD that is from Australia - he uses it on his laptop. The program shows a person's mouth, the word spelled out, and uses it in a sentence. So, everyday he sits in front of the program at home (this is in addition to his regular therapy) and works on saying words. He is doing so well with it - and the way he pronounces the words are fantastic! I sat with him yesterday as he worked on the program - through the letters M, B, Th sound, R, and G. At some points, he would even say the sentence given. And, at other points, he would say the key word before the person on the program prompted him to. We are thrilled with this program and he is very happy with how it is helping him...

Yesterday, Christopher sat with us while Kenneth was working. At first, Kenneth seemed happy that Christopher was taking an interest in his speech and for a few minutes Christopher would encourage him with me when he would do well. Ken loved this. After 10 minutes, Christopher (being seven years old) got a little bored. I understand this and I can't really blame him... but, Kenneth glanced over and could see this and it bothered him. He wasn't upset with Christopher - he was upset with the situation. He was angry that he can't go outside and ride bikes with him or throw the baseball around. It bothers him that his seven year old has to sit and watch his father struggle to pronounce the word butter. They can't have a flowing conversation yet and it is hard because Kenneth feels as though (and this is evident) he is missing out on time with Chris. I think Chris, also, doesn't feel the same close interaction with Kenneth because of the limited things they can do together. At this point, Kenneth didn't want to do the program anymore. I guess he wanted to stop it so that Chris wouldn't be bored anymore... and then Chris asked to go across the street to play with the kids who live across the street. What can we say? So, we let him go and that was that. But, it bothered Kenneth and he is upset at the situation...

So, I close out the program and I told him he did a great job. When the program closed there is a picture from my wedding of Kenneth and Chris as the background on the laptop. I didn't even think about it at first but it really upset him. He just looked at the picture, looked at me, and then looked back at the laptop and shut the screen down. I said Ken, but I have to turn off the computer. And he put his hand on mine like "don't open it again". He didn't want to see the picture. When he looked at me, at that point, he had tears in his eyes. What can you really do at this point? Nothing. My mom and I explained to Kenneth that he is getting better and he has every right to be frustrated - that it is taking a long time, we know, but that progress is being made -- and that we know it is not fast enough. We just hugged him and said we were sorry. It took him a good 15-20 minutes but he cheered up a little. My mom said to him, "you are upset that you can't talk to Chris yet and play with him yet?" and he just shook his head yes and looked down at the ground. That 10 minute exchange kept me up most of the night last night. I miss him. He misses us. And although he's there - he can't really bring himself out to the world yet - and that is what's so hard.

It is a good thing that he is aware like this -- what I just wrote above shows that he understands fully what is going on and that will give him the motivation to get better and not stay that way. Dr. DeFina said that is the best thing to know that he is, cognitvely, aware of everything... but it's still upsetting and seeing that just breaks my heart.

I do have some very happy news... his leg continues to move and he can now cross his legs while sitting in his recliner - very natural. This makes him happy. The arm, in therapy, is being used to actually pick cups up, move things, etc. It is amazing to see something move that we are so used to seeing still. Kenneth is thrilled with this as he, physically, wants to get back on his feet so badly. That is the kind of person he is - very active and wants a certain level of independence. We make sure to celebrate, as if we won the lottery, every.single.shred.of.improvement... Even if it is just the simple movement of his right foot or his thumb -- whatever it is, we scream like it is the greatest thing we've ever seen which it pretty much is! We don't have to put that on too much but we make sure to never get "used to" progress so that it helps to boost him.

We had an update meeting with Dr. DeFina who showed us all his brain scans -- wow, what a difference. The colors are changing from Red to Green rapidly and it is CRAZY to look back at some of the early scans that were all red and 10% green. Now, we have 90% green and 10% red. How wonderful is that? Of course, the parts that still need work are the hardest hit -- his speech. But, his cognition and ability to reason and problem solve is just about 100% -- just about what it is for you and I. THAT is why he is so aware and so much himself. Thank GOD for that. He can do complex puzzles that some of the doctors have trouble with - what more could we ask for?

Dr. DeFina said we just have a few more spots to "clean up" on his scans... they plan on doing this by starting him on a program of TRANS CRANIAL DIRECT CURRENT STIMULATION. phew! I had to write that down in order to remember it. That, which is the only treatment like it in the WORLD, sends a positive and negative charge (depending on what they want to fix in the brain) to different parts of the brain. Then, he said something about infa-red laser beams to stimulate the parts that need help and calm the parts that are working great to not "over-do" it. The brain is a remarkable thing and parts that work will work over-time to compensate for parts that don't -- which is great but they want to control this so that it doesn't do it too much and cause a short-circuit (seizure). Also, we want to try and "wake up" the parts of the brain that are sluggish so we need the other areas to chill out for a minute so we can work on the ones that need the boost. That is the best way I can explain it in plain English

The program and everything along with it (all the instruments, etc) costs hundreds of thousands of dollars -- thankfully, Dr. DeFina is able to offer this to his patients thanks to the generous contributions from people who choose to donate to the International Brain Research Foundation. When I win the 200 million dollar powerball lottery I'm giving 100 million of it to IBRF lol. The treatment actually measures the different levels of oxygen in the brain and how that oxygen binds with hemoglobin -- that helps the parts of our brain work and heal. I mean, I kind of understand it but as long as Dr. DeFina gets it all (he is just brilliant) then that is what counts!

He told us that if we think the progress now is unbelievable -- just wait until he starts him on this program. He waited to start him on this until Kenneth was ready and his brain had benefitted as much as it could from the neuro-feedback (he has had that twice a week, like clock-work, since February). Now that he is ready to move on to the next phase in his recovery and treatment Dr. DeFina told us about starting this. He also wants to have Kenneth do some Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy and Water therapy (for the physical end) down the road. So, here we are. I can't wait for the "major progress" that Dr. DeFina says is coming after this new treatment that will "blow us away". I'm ready for it, that's for sure! And I think I can speak for Kenneth when I say he is ready too.

It still makes me sad to think about all of those suffering with TBI's that won't get better because this treatment is not available to them. Most doctor's don't even believe in it because it is too new so there aren't enough case studies to prove it's worth -- they are so set on the old school of thought with brain injury that states we just "give up" on these patients and stick them in homes. It is sick. It is just because they don't want to invest the time and money. Thank God for generous people with a lot of money. I know we don't always give the "rich" a lot of credit and we tend to view them as money-hungry, big-whig execs on their yachts. I'm sure there are plenty of them, but, there are also many many many wealthy people who have big hearts and care enough to share their wealth which they most certainly don't have to do... and they share a lot of it to keep foundations like this going. They have helped to save Kenneth's life along with everyone else who has helped Kenneth on his journey to recovery.

I know this is a lot of information but lastly, I have a nice little story to lift our spirits even more. One of Kenneth's aides, Millie, who needed time off and just happened to not see Kenneth for about a month (other aides worked and she has other patients, etc) -- she came back this past week to fill in and when she saw Kenneth she just burst into tears. We were all shocked. She said she could not BELIEVE how much better he looked and how much he has improved in the last month. We see it daily so it is hard to grasp... but she said, wow - he looked good before but now he looks UNBELIEVABLE. And when she walked in, he said "HI" nice and loud and clear -- he couldn't do that before without one of us prodding him along. She didn't even have to say it first. She was shocked. Then, when she spent the day with him she realized that he can now ask for water, pretzels, the remote, etc. She was just floored -- that really made us feel good. Kenneth, of course, chuckled at her emotional reaction which gave us all a laugh.

We have court on Wednesday - sentencing - where I'll be reading my victim impact statement.


*****FEBRUARY 2010*****

I've gotten a lot of FM's asking for an update on Kenneth. He is doing so well... the right leg and arm is moving on it's own. He uses the arm everyday now to help him do things. He is able to lift his right leg when needed, lift his foot to help us put his shoe on, etc. He is walking on his own with a cane, no brace, no assistance - just a cane. We are thrilled and have seen him get better and better at it. Next step is doing it regularly at home and taking on STAIRS!

The speech is the biggest improvement by far. Daddy is back and is always telling (VERBALLY!) Christopher what he should and should NOT be doing! It is wonderful. He is *always* upbeat, happy, and dedicated. He puts his game face on for therapy. This is a very long road but, knock wood, we have slow, steady progress and have had NO real setbacks whatsoever. Thank God.

A man who does exhibits on Police Officers contacted us through the D.A. and came to the house recently. He wants to do an exhibit on Kenneth, his story, his progress. In order to help him I had to get some pictures put on a CD. We have a physical album of pictures from the very beginning, all dated. There are tons from when it was unbearable to even look at him. I took pictures when it broke my heart to do so. I knew that, one day, I would want to see his remarkable recovery. We have hundreds but I'll post some of the highlights here!

The before and afters are pretty amazing. From the ICU days where you could barely tell there was a man underneath all those tubes to the first days at Kessler, 40+ pounds down - skin and bone. I only have up until when he came home from Kessler (January 09).

I have more recent pictures of him walking on his own (from the past few weeks) but I didn't get those put on the disc - the guy doing the exhibit wanted these because of the type of exhibit he is setting up. But, soon, I'll get those uploaded and put on here - it is pretty amazing. Of course, the improvement in speech has been phenomenal as well but you can't SEE that, lol!

Kenneth

Some Before Pics:
Just 21 Years Old...


On Vaca w/ big sister, Jenn...


NYPD Graduation w/ Christopher...


Nassau Graduation - First in class, accepting awards w/ "The Suozz"...


Us at my wedding...


ICU @ NUMC - four weeks after crash. JUNE 2008


Skull in abdomen, staples in head, on breathing tube/vent, leg/pelvis in traction, etc. A mess. JUNE 2008...


First week at Kessler - First time Daddy got to see Chris again (awake, at least). Daddy was 40+ pounds down and could barely lift his head off the pillow. Even then, we had progress, his trach was removed and taped over just the day before, JULY 08...


Eating on his own for the first time. Something the docs said he would never do again. He did it after being at Kessler for just two weeks. He struggled just to lift his head and hold it up but he did it, AUGUST 08...


Holding himself up much better, sitting in a real chair, LATE AUG. 08...


First time up, taking steps, standing. The weight restriction on the pelvis was finally lifted, SEPT. 2008...


Daddy! October 2008...


The Six Million Dollar Man - literally!


Graduated to the parallel bars, NOVEMBER 2008...


Graduated to the cane with assist from his BFF Erin, Physical Therapist. December 2008...


Two weeks before discharge from Kessler...


"The Suozz" and "Uncle Larry" (commish) - Welcome Home Kenneth! January 2009...


Welcome from the guys... Kenneth's teeth were chattering but he INSISTED on staying out there and seeing everyone. He loved it...


I have more that I'll eventually upload of him walking on his own, him attending Chris' baseball games, basketball games, school recitals, etc.

But, that's good for now

It's funny - I always hesitated about posting the pictures because I never knew how far he would go. I worried about even taking them! But, I'm so glad I did and now we can look back and it reminds us how far we have come and how thankful we should be.

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Message edited 2/15/2010 11:24:15 PM.

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My thoughts are with your family. I know what it's like to have a drunk driver affect your life. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know.

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Praying really hard for him....and all of you. Hang in there. You will need your rest.

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Dani, I am glad to hear that he has come out of his surgeries well. I continue to pray for the speediest of recoveries for your dear brother.

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I am praying so hard for your brother! I also pray for you and your parents and the rest of your family!

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Praying hard for all of you!!

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praying for you and your family. i hope your brother makes a quick recovery

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Dani, I am crying hysterical as I read this. I am so sad and worried for him, for you and your family. Please know that we are praying as hard as we can. Your brother is a HERO to all of us....as well as the firefighter who came to his aid.

Praying so hard, I really think your brother is strong enough to pull through this! Please keep us updated as you feel able to.

Message edited 5/19/2008 6:46:31 AM.

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omg! i am officially tearing up!
i am so sorry this is happening!
yet i am so hopeful and happy to hear that he is progressing!

i will keep praying!

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I'm so sorry this happened. I am praying for your brother!!!!!

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danielle i know that song very well... it will be in my head all day as i pray for your brother!

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We are all praying for your family! And we are all here for you!

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May the Lord have Mercy on your Brother and grant him a 100%healing.

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Dani, I'm so very sorry that he is in pain but I really have the most positive hopes for him. The fact that he was in his car when it happened is a blessing, and I have seen so many accident victims recover fully from head injuries. People I had no hope for recovered 100%.

I think it's SO IMPORTANT for all of us to think positive thoughts for him and although it's obvious that you and your family are hurting, your tone has an overall positivity to it that he needs so much.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

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I can't even imagine what you guys are going through but hopefully your brother will pull through knowing he has such the tremendous support of everyone

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OMGosh I have tears in my eyes reading your post!
I prayed hard last night. I Prayed hard this AM and will continue to keep praying for your brother and family!

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All of my prayers are with you and your family.

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