Kids and Competitive Sports

Here's a little pondering Boosh and I go to talking about the other day. Wanted to see what you all thought.

When the girls become of age to start playing sports, be it soccer, softball, or whatever, I am not really a fan of little league teams and games where "everyone wins" or "everyone gets a trophy" or "No one keeps score"- because later in life, in school, or in the work force, that isn't the reality.

I feel like the appropriate lesson to be taught is that in any game, or anything in your life, you should always do the best you can. But, even when you do your best, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. Life isn't always fair. Every game has a winner and a loser.

I think learning and experiening the agony of defeat is just as important as the pride of winning. Losing can help you learn from what you did wrong and grow from it. When you have experienced defeat, it makes coming back and winning that much more sweeter.

Wanted to get everyone's take on this.

Message edited 7/8/2008 12:00:23 PM.

Re: Kids and Competitive Sports

I agree with you on this one.

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I mean I'm not saying that if the kid loses, he/she experiences taunting or is made to feel bad.

But I do think losing and learning from it, builds strong character

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I couldn't agree with you more. I hate this "there are no losers" philosophy. Sure, it might save kids from the sting of losing, but guess what... it also takes away the joy and uniqueness of WINNING. Why try hard for something at all, when everyone gets a prize anyway? What happens to the competitive spirit?

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I agree completely and know just what you mean! If every kid 'wins' every time, then how will they be encouraged to try harder or keep practicing? They will just settle into mediocre effort because, what's the point in trying harder if you all win anyway. KWIM?

Hey, I had my share of losses growing up, and it encouraged me to perfect my play. I played softball.

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Yes, I agree. I mean if and when my girls are in competitive sports, dance, spelling bees or whatever, it will break my heart to see them lose at anything. But...I feel children today have a serious sense of entitlement and the feeling that they can do no wrong. Guess what? We all fail sometimes. I hope this is a lesson they will learn young and take through life: How to lose gracefully.

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I couldnt agree with you anymore. I grew up playing sports and and learned that it was ok to lose and not win something. Yes, I was upset but that is life. Not EVERYONE can win.
I think this whole thing that EVERYONE wins or gets aribbon for participating is a crock of ...you know. That is my opinion. I think letting everyone win sets them up to think that they can have whatever they want in life and I see it in the high school.
It is ok that you didnt win, you just try next time.
I used to coach a sport and cant tell you how many phone calls I got asking why their child didnt make the team.
My mom would have NEVER thought in a million years to call and fight for me that way. I always made the team, but if I didnt, I knew I just had to try harder next year.

Message edited 7/8/2008 12:06:44 PM.

Re: Kids and Competitive Sports

I think you and I have discussed this but I really wish they would go back to how I grew up playing (you know right off the Conduit!). I tried so much harder and really exerted myself in sports to "win" at a competition. All of my best efforts and real sweat went into playing and I knew I really earned the medal or trophy that I received.
I truly believe things are way too soft on kids today as far as sporting events go. Yes - I do understand not every child can excel at a sport as I did not either. I can say the ones I did show some slight promise in is where I did fully put my best efforts into and my parents let me realize my potential in those areas while discussing my options with me of not going any further with the sport activities I just couldn't grasp.

My parents felt bad one year that I did not win a ballet competition and bought me a trophy themselves. I HATED having that trophy (I never told my parents this though). I knew I did not earn it and just seeing it was a constant reminder that they thought I needed it. But it never bothered me that I didn't win the contest and get the trophy. It bothered me getting a trophy I did not deserve

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I agree to an extent depending on the age. My nephews are 4 and they play soccer and are too young to understand the concept of winning. To them winning is getting a goal. When they are older I agree with you...It helps build character as well

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Im with you eleventy billion percent!

This is coming from a person who was NOT athletic and lost A LOT! I was also teased A LOT. And ya know what? I grew up to be pretty well adjusted. Oh and the class jock I graduated high school with (who did tease me once or twice), I am pretty sure blew his athletic scholarship and got booted out of school. A lot good that did him.

IMO, it sets kids up for expecting recognition for no reason other than existing. Life does not reward mere existence.

It is up to a parent (and a decent coach) to instill a sense of self esteem in children. Allow them to use life's disappointments as motivation to excel. Kids need to develop coping skills.

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I agree too,

I also think that at a young age, sports should be FUN 1st

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I agree as well. Children need to learn that it is OK to lose- it is OK to excell at some things, but not others.

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I have little sisters. When they were 4 and 5 they started to play soccer. The game was on half a field and the coaches were allowed on the field to guide them and what not.
There was no winning or losing, but some people did tally up goals and all that unofficially.

They did this for 2 seasons and once they hit 6 and 7 they had teams that played on a full, kiddie size field. They kept score and kids won and lost even though they didn't particularly care.

I think there is an age you introduce defeat. There will be plenty of years for them to experience the joy in winning and how much losing $ucks.

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My 10 yr old has been playing sports since 4yrs old. Soccer, t-ball then baseball, roller hockey and basketball. I do believe that children should learn it's ok to lose and be happy when they win however when he started at 4yrs old I'm happy they didn't keep score and I'm also happy they all received trophies because they're little and at that age I feel they should be having more fun then anything else because as they get older it becomes very competive. I can't complain about the way the schools do the sports here because it's not like they never start to keep track of the score just between the ages of 4-6 everyones a winner and after that they have to work their butts off to be the winner.

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I also agree with what everyone is saying here. If nobody "loses", then nobody "wins".... if nobody wins, that means that everyone loses.....

Even at around age 3, DS didn't win EVERY game of candyland or chutes and ladders. Yes, I "tweaked" the cards once in a while to help him out, but he realized that he wasn't going to win every time.

I think it makes DC much more capable of dealing with life and the world if they learn that hard work and practice pays off, and sometimes, no matter what you do, there will be someone better than you. It's OK.

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I couldn't agree more. I beleive that you cannot hold a child back from learning that you don't always win, but its important to always try your best, then life will just smack them in the face that much harder later in life.

eta: for bad spelling

Message edited 7/8/2008 2:15:03 PM.

Re: Kids and Competitive Sports

DH would never allow DD to participate in sports where there was no winning and losing. I don't necessarily disagree, but I do think winning and losing needs to be not only appropriate for the age of the child, but also their mental capacity. I used to coach special olympics, and there, everyone wins. IMHO that is very important, and I wouldn't ever want to take that away to make it "more" competitive, or to teach a lesson that would probably be lost anyway.

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I completely agree. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of winning championships, and even losing them too. Hopefully I will be able to teach Ryan what it means to make a commitment to a team, work together with teammates, and sportsmanship - being a good winner and a gracious loser.

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I think it really depends on the age of the child.

Little kids have PLENTY of time to feel the "agony of defeat". Why start them soo early ???? They have a LIFETIME of competitions and whatnot.

IMO why not let the kids first enjoy the sport fundamentally first before putting a competitive spin on it.

Not everything has to have a reason. I believe it is nice that all kids can experience the true joy of a sport before feeling the competition of it.

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I completely agree.

Nicholas has been on a few sports teams already.

Karate (more of an individual thing)
Soccer
Bowling

Aside from bowling which WAS competitive (top 3 teams ONLY won trophies- his team came in 3rd), the other teams each gave out trophies to every child for "participation".

I fell that it was OK, since those leagues for those ages (4-5) were all "instructional" leagues. In September, he joins the competitve soccer league, where only the top teams receive trophies.

I feel it gives kids something to strive for; builds team spirit; and builds character. It also teaches them that you don't always win, and that's OK too.

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Sorry to crash but ITA 100%. For instance, last year my nephew played t-ball he was 6. There was a little runt of a kid on the team, visually smaller than the rest but loved the game. The stupid coach would not let him bat, this bothered me like I can't even begin to tell you. I actually wanted to say something to the coach. the coachs "resonong" was "you can't hit the ball" ITS T-BALL, they were 5-6 yrs old. You had to hear these parents screaming at these kids like they were Derrick jeter or something. THEY ARE KIDS. My nephew was so bummed they lost because the coach made a HUGE deal he cried for an hour. I tried to tell him, thats life it happens and you can't ALWAYS win and get a prize. I think its horrible actually and let me tell you when my child is old enough and wants to play a sport, tap dance or do whatever his/her heart desires, and the people in charge act this way it will be there last day playing or doing whatever said activity is.

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Totally with you on this one

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Don, I agree with you completely!