Kids VS SKs rooms...

We are moving into a new house and we have 3 bedrooms - our MB and 2 others - one for SD and one for our first baby. We are TTC and we have one bedroom 12x8 and one 14x12. Problem being SD (6) wants the bigger room and I am set against it. Bc our first child is there full time. KWIM? I need some help with this...

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

how does your DH feel about it? when we moved into our house, both rooms were the same size so it didn't matter which one SS chose, but I def. agree about the full time issue. I think u and ur DH have to bee on the same page about it, but def. tell him why you feel one way over the other

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

I agree that the child who is there full time should have the larger room, as they will ultimately have more "stuff" ...


With us ( back when my SD was sleeping here), my SD had the bigger room, but we made it that way because the smaller room had the larger closet....Otherwise, she would have been given the smaller room.

I personally don't feel a 6 year old
( biological or step) should really have a strong say in which room he/she gets...It doesnt happen that way in "traditional " settings either or every child would pick the largest room...You and DH need to make this call..I would just make her room special for her and either let her help to decorate it or suprise her with it all decorated with something you know she will love

ETA; Whichever you decide, I would set up her room long before you even get pg...In other words, don't put her in the bigger room "until" you have another baby...That would make it a whole lot worse !

Message edited 7/7/2009 9:15:45 AM.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

I would think that the child that lives there full time would have the bigger room only because all of his/her belongings would be in that one room. If SD lives with you part time then she would have her belongings split between 2 homes and therefore wouldn't need extra space.

But I also agree with the PP to discuss these facts with DH and make sure you both agree and then you can have a talk with SD and explain these reasons to her to help her understand.

GL

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Posted by Bops


I personally don't feel a 6 year old
( biological or step) should really have a strong say in which room he/she gets...It doesnt happen that way in "traditional " settings either or every child would pick the largest room...You and DH need to make this call..I would just make her room special for her and either let her help to decorate it or suprise her with it all decorated with something you know she will love

I agree with this too....come to think of it I never had a say in which room I got whenever we moved - my parents made that decision.

Message edited 7/7/2009 9:17:45 AM.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Right now we have a 3 bedroom apartment but the third bedroom is really small (maybe 10x10, and the closet is tiny) and we use it as an office. SS has the second bedroom, which actually has a giant closet and an attached bathroom! Pretty swanky for a 5 year old! We knew we were a few years away from having a kid when we moved in there so we figured it was no harm in giving him the bigger of the two non-master bedrooms. If we have a kid before we decide to move from this apartment, then the kid will be a baby (and we would move before the kid was 2 because we would need a bigger place anyway) so the smaller room is fine until we move. BUT once we move to a larger place, SS will NOT get preference over which bedroom he gets, and if one room is clearly bigger or otherwise better than the other, I am sorry, it should go to the kid who lives there full-time. If SS were living with us full-time, he would get "dibs" on the room but it won't be that way otherwise.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Thanks everyone. We talked about it this morning and DH wants SD to have the bigger room and doesn't see the need to move our first until its about a year old. Good luck with that. I can't even imagine what a fit SD is going to throw. His rationale is that a 7 year old will handle it better than a 6 year old. it is going to be the same ending no matter how it goes down, our FT child will be in the bigger room, SD sleeps over 2 nights/month. I was just trying to spare her feelings. Maybe his feelings will change when its too late and he sees how her feelings are hurt because 'she is moving because of the baby'. Thanks again

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Posted by Coley

Posted by Lucky2008

Posted by ImHisMrs

Thanks everyone. We talked about it this morning and DH wants SD to have the bigger room and doesn't see the need to move our first until its about a year old. Good luck with that. I can't even imagine what a fit SD is going to throw. His rationale is that a 7 year old will handle it better than a 6 year old. it is going to be the same ending no matter how it goes down, our FT child will be in the bigger room, SD sleeps over 2 nights/month. I was just trying to spare her feelings. Maybe his feelings will change when its too late and he sees how her feelings are hurt because 'she is moving because of the baby'. Thanks again

not trying to be a know it all here, but that might be even harder to do when the time comes. you are probably better off putting her in the smaller room from the start b/c then she will be "losing" her room to the new baby (when that time comes) and she might feel like she is being kicked out of her room or the baby is getting the better room. And it won't necessarily be easier just because she is a year or two older. I hope whatever you decide to do it all works out with no problems.

You took the words out of my mouth. I absolutely feel that its not only going to be a problem down the road, but something bigger. Esp if we end up with a . DH feels that SD will feel that she is 'being replaced'. (BM just had a baby girl and we are going through that right now and she lives with her!) - PLUS to loose your room...

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

Crashing here (not a stepparent). I can assure you that a 7 year old is NOT easier to deal with than a 6 year old. I have both a 6 & 7 year old. She will be dealing with feelings of being replaced enough without losing her room.

If you are TTC, what about making the bigger room an office until DC comes along. I agree with everyone else about not giving her the bigger room now.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

I don't have any kids yet, but my baby would get the room I would want for him/her. Sorry. I would think it is best for you to give her the room that will be hers in the end, as she may see it as she is being kicked out because of the baby. Then again she shouldn't be upset as I assume she has her own room at her mom's house....her dad needs to make her see that.

Message edited 7/7/2009 12:47:59 PM.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

This was a huge issue for me when we bought our house. We have step sons every other weekend, as well as Tuesday and Thursday evenings, alternate holidays, vacations, etc. Although they are not with us full-time, they are with us a lot. We moved into a 4 bedroom while I was pg with DS. I was upset that DS would get the smallest room because it was the room closest to the master bedroom (master and DS's room in back of house, ss's rooms in front of house). It was the perfect nursery though. It is small, but closest to our room. We did it in order of child's age as most people do with all biological children. Oldest SS (12) has biggest room, younger SS (9) next size room, and DS (2 now) has smallest room. It just made the most sense for us, the amount of time we have SSs and the age and needs of DS. By the time DS is old enough to need or want a bigger room, SS's will be much older and we may be able to finish the basement to make a more apartment like bedroom space for them and thne DS can move into the biggest bedroom.

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

how often do you have your stepchild??

Re: Kids VS SKs rooms...

I agree with most of the PP. We are house hunting and made the mistake of bringing SD with us once and she went bananas over the bigger of the bedrooms. I laid it out to DH that night that no way was she going to have the biggest room b/c 1. She sleeps over 4 nights a month and 2. F/T kids will have way more stuff.

This is all premature for us b/c we neither have kids nor are TTC but I'm sure it's coming down the pike. There is no way I'm displacing my SD from "her" room in place of a baby. That is just not right. Step kids already have enough stress in dealing with where they "belong" without having to add any feelings of less importance or less loved than the new baby.

That's why I think it is really important to nip it in the bud and put her in the smaller room to begin with. That way, she has her personal space, it won't be invaded by the baby and that's that.