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Dee
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 932 total posts
Name:
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Known Sperm donor
A friend has asked my husband to donate his sperm. Anyone go through this? We have 4 kids of our own - this would be an Anonymous donor type thing but I'm worried about legality of it. Any input would be great
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Posted 9/5/14 5:32 PM  |
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TyReseGreen
Lil Prince is here
Member since 8/11 6338 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Known Sperm donor
Never went through it and wouldn't be comfortable with it.
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| Posted 9/5/14 5:37 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by TyReseGreen
Never went through it and wouldn't be comfortable with it.
Exactly this. Especially bc it's your friend and that kid will be in your life. Every time I saw him/her I would think how it was my husbands kid.
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| Posted 9/5/14 5:40 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
I could never, ever do this. There is no need. Sperm from a sperm bank is cheap - only a couple hundred bucks. Not like donor eggs that run you 20 grand.
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| Posted 9/5/14 5:51 PM |
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readyfor3
LIF Adolescent
Member since 11/10 751 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
I have not been through this and I would not be comfortable with this at all.
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:38 PM |
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BeachGrl
LIF Adult
Member since 10/11 2140 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Known Sperm donor
I've never done this and I never would for more reasons than one
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:40 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Known Sperm donor
I would not be comfortable KNOWING that my DH is a friend's child's biological father.
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:43 PM |
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Dee
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 932 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
So I guess my questions are why? I need to talk to someone about this and really don't have anyone :(
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:43 PM |
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BsMomma2014
Fly high little one
Member since 6/10 2662 total posts
Name:
nicole
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by MrsG823
I would not be comfortable KNOWING that my DH is a friend's child's biological father.
This exactly!
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:48 PM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by Dee
So I guess my questions are why? I need to talk to someone about this and really don't have anyone :(
Why what? Why we wouldn't ever do it? Or why your friend what's dhs sperm?
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| Posted 9/5/14 6:58 PM |
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Just my opinion, but this is so weird. Why would your friend was your husband to be her child's biological father? There's nothing anonymous about that.
There's no why my DH or I would ever consider doing this. I would sooner loan her the money to pay for the service than to do this. I can see no good coming of that situation.
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| Posted 9/5/14 7:05 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
There is no way I'd allow my DH to donate his sperm. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. I really couldn't do it.
ETA - Not sure I understand why you need an explanation as to why nobody would be comfortable with this. Your DH would be fathering your friends child. That is BEYOND strange. Beyond. There is also nothing anonymous about that and now you would be interacting with a child that your DH had with another woman. Weird.
Why wouldn't she just go to a sperm bank? I think it's pretty insane (and ballsy quite honestly) that she even came to you with this idea. There are just SO many reasons why this is a bad idea I don't even know where to start.
Message edited 9/5/2014 7:26:22 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/14 7:20 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by Dee
So I guess my questions are why? I need to talk to someone about this and really don't have anyone :(
Your DH will be the father of a child that he has no rights to but may feel an emotional connection to- this is a baby he will see and interact with and may long to provide more to then just a family friend should. Any children you have will technically be a half sibling to your friend's child--are you comfortable with this? How would you feel if the child found out DH is his biological father? I think donating to a friend opens up a lot of potential problems that may impact your family and your children down the road. All the legal papers in the world may not keep the fact your DH is the biological father hidden. What if the child looks like your DH? It could happen-- how do you handle that if the child someday makes the connection?
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| Posted 9/5/14 7:23 PM |
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ny55angel
car seat tech & geek :-)
Member since 2/06 4346 total posts
Name:
P
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by Hopefulmama
I could never, ever do this. There is no need. Sperm from a sperm bank is cheap - only a couple hundred bucks. Not like donor eggs that run you 20 grand.
This
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| Posted 9/5/14 7:32 PM |
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Leb
LIF Adult
Member since 12/09 4166 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by ny55angel
Posted by Hopefulmama
I could never, ever do this. There is no need. Sperm from a sperm bank is cheap - only a couple hundred bucks. Not like donor eggs that run you 20 grand.
This
This isn't exactly true. A lesbian couple told me if you want Harvard educated, white, blonde hair - blue eye sperm it can be 10-20k and it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy!
However I agree with what everyone else is saying. Extremely odd to even ask and especially it would be anomyous. So child would never know he/she had a biological father and FOUR siblings! Wouldn't your kids be upset if they found out later in life that this was hid and they had a half sibling?
If your husband wanted to be as sperm doner he would donate to a sperm bank. No way would this fly with me.
However if I had a sister and she needed my eggs I would definitely give to her but that's bc my "niece/nephew" would still be in my life and raised w family.
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| Posted 9/5/14 8:15 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
I'm confused.... DH is contemplating giving his sperm to a friend to use to inseminate her? Or is his friend pushing to donate in general? Just trying to figure out how it's anonymous if his friend wants to use it for herself.
How does your DH feel about. How do you feel about it? I think this is a decision you and DH need to discuss on your own.
In terms of legal issues, there are people who can review it with you. I know some RE practices have social workers on staff who know these things.
Message edited 9/5/2014 10:25:17 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/14 8:15 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
I think this is a very private matter to be discussed with your husband and maybe family depending on ages (maybe). This is a very personal choice and everyone will have an answer most likely saying they would not do it.
This friend chose your husband for a reason, and felt comfortable enough to do so, so I will assume you have a close relationship with her.
Sperm at a bank is not a couple of hundred dollars but yes cheaper than egg donor, in fact it can run several thousand dollars (sperm)
If you need someplace to talk about this a therapist would be a good place, so that, decision in the end is between you and your husband. IMO
It wont anonymous because she knows the donor, but it would be a good idea to have legal papers drawn so that he is not financially responsible for the child
Message edited 9/5/2014 8:35:13 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/14 8:30 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by Hofstra26
There is no way I'd allow my DH to donate his sperm. I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. I really couldn't do it.
ETA - Not sure I understand why you need an explanation as to why nobody would be comfortable with this. Your DH would be fathering your friends child. That is BEYOND strange. Beyond. There is also nothing anonymous about that and now you would be interacting with a child that your DH had with another woman. Weird.
Why wouldn't she just go to a sperm bank? I think it's pretty insane (and ballsy quite honestly) that she even came to you with this idea. There are just SO many reasons why this is a bad idea I don't even know where to start.
Yup, pretty much a crazy idea in every way !
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| Posted 9/5/14 8:36 PM |
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Posted by Leb
Posted by ny55angel
Posted by Hopefulmama
I could never, ever do this. There is no need. Sperm from a sperm bank is cheap - only a couple hundred bucks. Not like donor eggs that run you 20 grand.
This
This isn't exactly true. A lesbian couple told me if you want Harvard educated, white, blonde hair - blue eye sperm it can be 10-20k and it doesn't guarantee a pregnancy!
However I agree with what everyone else is saying. Extremely odd to even ask and especially it would be anomyous. So child would never know he/she had a biological father and FOUR siblings! Wouldn't your kids be upset if they found out later in life that this was hid and they had a half sibling?
If your husband wanted to be as sperm doner he would donate to a sperm bank. No way would this fly with me.
However if I had a sister and she needed my eggs I would definitely give to her but that's bc my "niece/nephew" would still be in my life and raised w family.
One of my best friends conceived this way, in atlanta, and spent a couple hundred. If you are going for eugenics essentially than yeah I'm sure it can run a couple thousands. But having gone through IF myself for male factor, I can tell you it's one of the cheapest routes to parenthood.
Eta - the cost of the resulting iuis can add up, but assuming that's part if the deal whether or not they use the husband or an anonymous donor. All I'm saying is that cost is not a prohibitive factor here.
Message edited 9/5/2014 9:17:38 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/14 9:01 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Known Sperm donor
This is bizarre to me, and it would be a big fat no.
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| Posted 9/5/14 10:11 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: Known Sperm donor
wait, does she want him to donate his sperm TO HER, or just donate it in general? Like does she work for a bank and just asked him if he would be interested in donating?
If it is TO HER.....HELL NO! In no way shape or form.....no way.
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| Posted 9/5/14 10:22 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Legally he would be on the hook for the child no matter if papers are drawn up,by an attorney. There is already case law on this issue. There is no way I would be comfortable with my husband ever giving his sperm to a friend. I am sorry.
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| Posted 9/5/14 10:57 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Known Sperm donor
How would it be anonymous if the person is asking? I think it's a very slippery slope that could have negative consequences for all involved. Why are they asking him vs going to a facility?
Message edited 9/5/2014 11:34:43 PM.
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| Posted 9/5/14 11:33 PM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Known Sperm donor
Please consult an attorney.
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| Posted 9/8/14 10:53 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: Known Sperm donor
No Way not in a million years.
my husband isn't donating his sperm to anyone - ESPECIALLY someone we know - Um, no, you 're not havign my husband's baby. Sorry.
Message edited 9/8/2014 10:58:07 AM.
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| Posted 9/8/14 10:55 AM |
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