Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I do, but I don't, if that makes sense.

I am so irritable and spaced out. I was very cranky with DH the other day, and last night was so tired I went to sleep early.

I know it stems from the fact that I am switching Cailen's daycare. It's stupid, but Cailen spends 8-9 hours a day there, and it is a very sad and emotional experience for me knowing how big a change this will be.

Today a supervisor from his current daycare asked me why I'm leaving, and I was honest and said I have been concerned with some safety and organization issues lately.

And she played on my emotions by asking me, "wow - isn't it going to be traumatic for Cailen to go somewhere new?" and "I guess you must have trouble with him growing up. You have to let go sometime" when I said I felt there was more structure in the infant room than the toddler rooms.

She also said something about how I can't keep switching him as soon as I'm unhappy with the daycare (Ummm - he has been at the current daycare since he was 8 weeks old and I thought about the switch for months before deciding to do this )

I know she was trying to manipulate me to stay, but it really upset me.

And Cailen hasn't been feeling that great lately and it is really concerning me. I know it's nothing, and he is in good spirits, but I keep thinking I am not doing everything I can to keep him healthy.

I don't know. I feel a little overwhelmed. DH is helping me more than ever and has been awesome and so supportive and helping me to get in great shape again, so I feel I shouldn't complain.

why do I feel that somehow I am short changing Cailen and not giving him my all? Is this just working mom guilt catching up with me?

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

I think you are in a "funk"...it happens to all of us from time to time.

I think switching him definitely is playing a part, I am sure you are anxious. Everything will work out though....

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

This being a wife/mother/best friend/caretaker/chauffeur/chef/housekeeper/all things to everyone gig is not easy.

Hang in there ... you are doing a lot better than most!

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

follow your heart and youll make the right decision.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

I can certainly relate to the ups and downs. Especially the downs. Hang in there, take some time to yourself and talk it out with whomever will listen

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

I had to do this with Gilly. It is traumatic but the one thing I promise you is that when you look back in a month or 2...you will know you made the right decision. I always go with my gut. You knew something was not right. You are going to find a happy medium. Believe me its out there. There are more people and places looking for kids then parents waiting for openings.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

First of all, whenever I read one of your Parenting posts I always think to myself that you totally rock as a mom--to your son and your stepdaughters. And if you didn't rock, you wouldn't even care about switching Cailen.

Anyhow, I would be the same as you. I tear up at anything that could remotely hurt one of my girls. When DD was around 15 mos. old, a cousin's DD said to her, "You smell like poopoo." because she needed a diaper change. I really got emotional, I kid you not. The point is, things that are catastrophic for us can be next to nothing for them. You know he's going to do great wherever he goes--even if it takes a little adjustment!



Oh, and PS...you should be glad you're switching him if that's the kind of attitude that goes around over there...

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Posted by Eireann

First of all, whenever I read one of your Parenting posts I always think to myself that you totally rock as a mom--to your son and your stepdaughters. And if you didn't rock, you wouldn't even care about switching Cailen.

Anyhow, I would be the same as you. I tear up at anything that could remotely hurt one of my girls. When DD was around 15 mos. old, a cousin's DD said to her, "You smell like poopoo." because she needed a diaper change. I really got emotional, I kid you not. The point is, things that are catastrophic for us can be next to nothing for them. You know he's going to do great wherever he goes--even if it takes a little adjustment!



Oh, and PS...you should be glad you're switching him if that's the kind of attitude that goes around over there...

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Oh Liza. Don't even listen to that current daycare director. What she is saying is ridiculous!!!

You are a wonderful mom with an awesome outlook on everything. You are a mom that puts your child first and that is all that matters.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Posted by waterspout4

Oh Liza. Don't even listen to that current daycare director. What she is saying is ridiculous!!!

You are a wonderful mom with an awesome outlook on everything. You are a mom that puts your child first and that is all that matters.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

We all do the best we can - and thats all we can do.... Your mommy instincts are telling you to change the daycare- go with your gut...

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Don't let her stupid comment sbother you. It's not a matter of "not letting go" it's a mater of finding a better fot for Cailen. If they don't like it, too bad. They should have been doing a better job. If they had, you wouldn't be switching.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

He will be great at the new place. Hang in there and feel better. I know what you mean, I get in that funk once in a while and then I think of how lucky I am to have an amazing and supportive family and my mood changes.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

You have a lot on your plate. I think that for many of us, the change in seasons adds to the stress. I didn't know that you have decided to change daycares. You want different things for Cailen now, or perhaps a different setting is just better for his personality. That should be more explanation than the director needs.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Your doing the right thing by switching him...something has been telling you to do this for a while. I'm sure it will be an adjustment for him but he will be fine and learn to love the new center as much as the old!!!!

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

You aren't short changing Cailen at all - you are acting on your mommy instincts and placing him in a better situation.

Listen, Liza, I went through something very similar when I decided to pull Alex out of her class and put her in hebrew immersion. Everyone was telling me I was crazy and that they never saw Alex so happy as she was in her current class. It played on my emotions, and wracked me with guilt for weeks.

But you know what? She moved into her new class seamlessly- SEAMLESSY. NO crying, no trauma for her. These kids are so unbelievably adaptable, we just don't give them enough credit! This will be the first of many big changes in Cailen's life, and I can guarantee you, he'll move swiftly and easily into each transition. It's just Mommy who will wrack herself with guilt, second thoughts and guilt

At the end of the day, I am so happy that I followed my instincts. Alex may have been happy in the other class, but she wasn't THRIVING. Now she is. And, of course, now, all those same people are telling me that I made the best possible decision for her.

Have faith in your instincts Liza - they go a LONG way

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Wow! Shame on the director for speaking to you that way and trying to make you feel bad for doing what you feel is right for your son. I think her actions have reinforced the reasons for you wanting to remove him from that environment and rightly so. You have had your concerns about this place and did not make a rash decision. I'm sorry she felt the need to make you feel low in order to validate herself and the program being offered.

You probably aren't going to feel better until you see Cailen smiling and happily settled at the new daycare. And you know what, I bet it won't take more than a day or two for this feeling of apprehension to leave you

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Coming from a male, "practical" point of view, ALL DC go through major changes, no matter who they are with.

DW is a SAHM. DS went to Gymboree. Every class was a different teacher and a different set of kids. One session, we switched to a different Gymboree because the class we wanted wasn't offered in our usual school.

Then he went to pre-school. Again, totally different building, different teachers, different kids, different atmosphere.

Pre-K was the same building, but different teachers, quite a few different classmates, etc.

Kindergarten is another entirely different and major change.

And we haven't pulled him out of anything to switch, and look what he's gone through!

Kids just roll with their surroundings.

She was just trying to use guilt to keep your DC in an unhealthy and uncomfortable environment....

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

First of all Liza....

I really think she had such nerve saying those things to you. How DARE she question you! That would have made me want to remove him from there even more.

I agree that you need to go with your gut. These things don't seem right to you...then you are the one that can change the situation. You are doing the right thing. He will adjust and make new friends just like before.

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. Being a mother is so hard...you are entitled. I think you will feel much less overwhelmed once the switch is made.

Re: Ladies, I am kind of going through a depression and I don't know what to do (sorry - long)

Liza....I'm soooo mad for you that the director spoke to you like that. How completely unprofessional and inappropriate. If anything, this should've just solidified in your mind that you're making the right decision here. Cailen will adjust. Children are resilient, more so than we ever give them credit for and so are you You will be ok. We ALL end up where we're supposed to be. It may not be where we thought or wanted...but where it is intended

You're a GREAT mommy and Cailen will learn the wonderful skill of adaptation and transition.
FM anytime!!