Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

If you quit to be a SAHM -- does anyone regret their choice because of monetary reasons?

Kind of struggling with this decision right now.

DD is 6 months old and today was my first day back at work. I really dislike my job (I sit in a cubicle and stare at a computer ALL day) and wanted to quit even before having DD, and I LOVE being with DD full-time.

I work in midtown and my commute is over 1.5 hours each way, so if I went back full-time I would leave the house when DD is sleeping and arrive home just in time to put her to sleep, if I don't have to work late.

If I resign then we will lose 50% of our take home pay. We can manage, but it means a huge change in lifestyle -- no spending on 'wants', no vacations, etc.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

Ugggghhhhhhhhhhh This is a toughy to respond to especially after the day I have had...

Today, I regret it financially, but not entirely...

I made more then my husband (almost double) I also worked midtown, and so did he but I had long grueling hours... as did he... we decided that I would leave b/c I wanted to stay at home with my DD... after I left we were def living tight and we knew we would have too, but it was worth it... 2 years into it... my husband lost his job... so now we are really not in a good spot, we had savings and blew though it b/c we needed to pay our mortgage, we are now trying to sell and are struggling so much financially, so yes, financially I do regret it, but saying that

I LOVE the times I have spent with my daughter and seeing her grow and just being with her... Even how much we are struggling now, I made an effort to get a job in which I can have her with me so I do not have to leave her... I don't ever want to leave her...

Now that she is 2 and the tantrums have started I am again regretting my decision ahaha... but maybe tomorrow I won't... but everyone's situations is different... You need to really make sure you are in a good spot, we totally were in a good spot, we had a great savings, he was at his company for 7 years... and this economy just hit us just like it had been hitting so many other people...

Good Luck to you what ever your decision, being a SAHM is amazing if you can do it, but I do sometimes feel like I have lost some of myself... not being a big director that I was in the city... but it is what it is... Now my boss is a 2 year old tanturm screaming crazy monster hahaha lol

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I did and I could have written your post myself...

I commuted to Midtown every single day - 1-1.5 hour commute each way. I went back after my maternity leave and quit a week later. There was no way that I would be able to not see my son all week... I was out of the house 12 hours a day. The cost of commuting + daycare cost was just too much and not worth it for us.

I absolutely love being a SAHM and wouldn't have it any other way!! It isn't always easy living on one income, but we make it work.

Good Luck with your decision!

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

This is a really tough decision to make.

I opted to stay home with DD. It took a lot of thought, but for us it was necessary - DH was going away to training for 5 months and I was working midtown and my department was not amendable to my having a child (I was there for 5 years and was transferred out of my department while on leave). So, with him leaving, I would essentially be a single parent trying to juggle all of it and it was the best thing for us.

I have loved the time with DD, who is 16 months now, but am ready to go back to work. From the very beginning, we always said that it wasn't permanent and that once she turned 1 I would be more comfortable with going back to work. I miss the social interaction because being SAHM can be very isolating and I would also like to be able to contribute financially (I used to make more than DH).

Every situation is different and it's something that you and your husband need to be comfortable with. If you do decide to be SAHM, make sure that you are on good financial footing though and to enjoy every minute - stay at home or not.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I worked in the city and commuted over 1.5 hours each way, too. I'd get home at 7:45 on a good night—and I'd often have to stay late for deadlines or to go to a work-related event. I loved my job, but hated the commute/hours. It all seemed so much more doable before DD arrived. I ended up resigning, but I was able to go freelance and work out of my house. I just couldn't deal with seeing DD for 1-2 hours a day, but this way, I could stay connected to my career and bring in some income (though not the same salary).
There are days that I miss the office and my co-workers, but then I think back on this past year and all those moments (big and small) with DD, I know I've made the right choice.

Message edited 1/3/2012 10:33:34 PM.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

i am SAHM right now with my 7m old DD. i got fired when my post partum disability was extended (i had a really horrible birth experience and DD was a preemie).

i didnt choose to SAH but i love it and its what i truly wanted. however we are only 7m in and already i NEED to go back to work financially. there is no way i can continue to stay home. i HAVE to get a job

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

That's tough, especially if means losing 50% of your household income.

I think managing versus being comfortable are two different things and have a big margain of change.

Everyone would like to stay home more with their kids, but I think of the what ifs...do you have all those ducks in a row? Like, you can manage day to day, but what if there is an unexpected issue? (car breaks down, have a leak and it causes damage, someone get sick, etc). If you have a lot saved up for emergencies and can still add to it, I'd keep considering it.

It's tough. I see both sides of it.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I worked in downtown nyc and knew when i finally got pregnant with DS that there was no way I could do the commute nor did i want to. Financially, it has been a huge burden. I made substantially more than DH so when i quit, we lost 2/3 of our take home. when DS was only 6 weeks old, I was offered a p/t position close to home and as much as I cried I accepted it. My mom agreed to watch DS the three half days. I have since switched jobs and now only work Thursdays and Fridays (my mom still watches DS). It is the best of both worlds -- I make some money and only am away from him for two days. It also gives me a "break!" Being a SAHM is no easy task. It is not just a saying that it is the hardest job you'll ever do. There are some nights I literally crawl into bed, completely exhausted. There is many a wednesday night that I am grateful that i get to go to "my other job." I freak out when I look at the dwindling savings account. DH has gotten a second job. I dont remember the last time I bought anything new for myself. I have to budget everything. And yet, I wouldnt change it for a second. The time I have had to spend with my DS these past 2+ years is priceless. If I was still working in Manhattan, I would have left before he woke and gotten home after he went to bed. I struggled through years of IF and numerous treatments to have him that I didnt want to be away from him that long.

if you truly hate your job, I can assure you that you will hate it even more. There is always the p/t option should you need to supplement and open the door for those extras. Where there is a will there is a way!

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

Never had a single regret and I have never looked back. Best, and easiest, decision I have ever made. My personal opinion, you can always work, you can always find some job somewhere buuuut..........you will never, ever get back the time with your kids and I was not willing to miss a single minute. We adjusted financially and although I miss my salary I would not change a thing about my choices. The past three years have been the BEST of my life.

Message edited 1/3/2012 11:15:52 PM.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

Posted by Hofstra26

Never had a single regret and I have never looked back. Best, and easiest, decision I have ever made. My personal opinion, you can always work, you can always find some job somewhere buuuut..........you will never, ever get back the time with your kids and I was not willing to miss a single minute. We adjusted financially and although I miss my salary I would not change a thing about my choices. The past three years have been the BEST of my life.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

If you stare at a computer screen all day, would your job be amendable to you working from home?

My Dh works for a pretty large company and when it has been his turn to stay home with the sick kids, they just tell him to remote in and don't worry about it....he stares at a computer screen all day too...as long as they see him logged in and tracking whatever the hell he is to track, then it is all good.....

Would it hurt to ask if this is an option? Even if it were for a cut in pay?

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I left work when my daughter was 1, I had a year long maternity leave. I would have like to returned to work 3 days, but my company wasn't going to give me what I wanted, so my husband and I decided it was time for me to leave and stay home with the kids. In the end, I would have worked 4 days a week, busting my hump, only to clear like $400 a month, with paying for childcare for both kids. Our lifestyle would have been manic with trying to pick up both kids in rush hour traffic, not to mention what to do on school holidays..

Anyway, while I don't regret it, our lifestyle is so much better now, I really miss the money and I feel like I am constantly worried about money...constantly. Its not easy, but in terms of being with my daughter and being able to take my son to and from school, but I miss the money!

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

Thank you all for your replies, it is so great to hear all your experiences.

For the pp who suggested working from home, that wouldn't be possible, work would not allow this and even if they did the nature of my job is such that I would not beagle to take care of DD and work at the same time.

I will ask about part-time and see what they say. If they won't allow it then I hope I have the courage to quit!!!

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I am working and I can say If we could afford it I would do it in a heart beat! I hate leaving DS. I can say he is better off in daycare because he gets to socialize with other kids. He does fun crafts and activiites.

I think about this a lot and if I could afford it I would do it. Or atleast find a job and daycare thats only a few days a week or from home.

Gl with your decision.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

In my very honest opinion, stuff is just stuff.

Any mom who is on the fence about becoming SAHM but CAN actually do it (meaning they have to give up some things that they are used to) I always say to DO IT. Stay at home!

Your kids are little for a very short time in life. My son will be 6 on his next birthday and I honestly cannot believe how the time has flown.

The happiest time in my whole life has been being home with my boys. I have gone without tons of extras, but to me I could care less. I would have been very unhappy sitting at work wishing I were with my boys because I felt we needed extras.

Now..if someone needs the second income to get by and pay bills that is a different story. But if you can make it with one salary for the short time you're kids are little, do it!! I have never known anyone to regret it.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

No regrets at all -- I didn't make more than DH but we were getting close to even with our salaries after you figured in my bonuses.

For me, SAH opened more doors and opportunities for us. A few months after I left my FT job, I was offered a PT consulting job from home. I hadn't planned on it, but it was a dream come true -- we realized in 2010 the difference in my take-home pay (after daycare, gas, etc) was less than $500/year. In 2011, additional opportunities arrived, and I'm now making more money on my own while still being home with the DCs. I pick the projects I want, and most of my customers tell me how much they respect my choice to put my "traditional" career on hold to take care of our family -- couldn't be happier.
If I'd stayed at work FT, I wouldn't have been able to make the "everyday" memories with my DCs that I feel blessed to have.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I also quit my job in Manhattan after my maternity, but I never went back at all. I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle the commute and having to put DS in daycare for such long days since DH also works in Manhattan.

I definitely don't regret it. It's been an amazing 7 months so far. But there are times when I wish we had a little more money. We bought a house right after DS was born, so it would be great to get some new furniture and do some updates and things. But I figure that will all come with time. And while we have plenty of time to buy that stuff, DS is only little once.

It's a tough decision and a very personal one. Good luck!

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

i enjoyed reading these...my ds is 3.5 and i'm pregnant..due in May..I am planning on quiting my pt job in Manhattan..the days are just too long..i get up at 5:15 and get home at 6:50pm. We will be able to do it financially, but sometimes i do get nervous about not having my own money since i've worked for the last 20 years. I also get scared that i might fall into a rut...but i hope to make some sahm friends. I'll also be busy with driving my son to and from school. I think it will be good, but it is still a little scary at time.

Re: Leaving Your Job to be a SAHM

I worked as a FT teacher and PT ABA therapist after-school (EI and school-aged) before my DS was born. When I had my DS I knew in my heart there was no way I could go back FT. For some people, staying home is not an option at all. Some mothers choose to work. Staying home versus working and vice verca doesn't make you a better mother either way. Your child will always know who their mother is. It's the quality of time spent with your child not the quantity. With that being said, for me it was a personal decision. I love being home with my son. I love taking him to the park, having lunch dates, cuddling in the morning, playdates, etc. Don't get me wrong some days are harder than others but at the end of the day I do not regret my decision AT ALL. It's important to me and it was an option. I still kept a few hrs with one case up the block from my house. It's for me. It's for my career and it's because I genuinely care about the boys I work with in that house. I needed that for myself. At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is best for your family and what you feel comfortable with. You can never get this time back so I say if the option is there, take it.