Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

would this be something YOU would look forward to picking out with your child?

or would you care if your MIL/someone else picked it out and bought it?

is this something you'd even care about?

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I wouldn't care, unless MIL picked out something bad.

Doesn't matter for us, our school makes kids in same class wear the same color on the first day...so I guess the school picks it outLol

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I would want to pick it out with DS.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Ye s I would care and NO, I would not use anyone else's choice. My first child going to his first day of school, my choice.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I could care less- as long as he likes it!

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

YES..........I would want it to be all about me and DD. The "firsts" are ALL mine and I have no interest in sharing.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

It was something I looked forward to do. My step mom picked one out without talking me. A week into school the seam tore so in the trash it went

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

depends b/c i can see how this would go in my house..

DH would tell MIL that I bought something for jacks 1st day of school; She would have something picked out for him that Im now expected to use. Which i probably would at some point, but maybe not the first day.

I think as the mom, I get the honors of picking his backpack and outfit.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I am very picky with toys, clothes and accessories so if I liked the backpack, DS could wear it to school. If I didn't like it, he would only be using it to carry toys to mil (or whoever gift giver was) house when visitin them.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

It sounds like a rhetorical questions because the answer is ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!. Could there ever be another answer to this question?

and yes it would bother me. A LOT.

But I think as your kids grow, you start to realize that you are sharing them. That while they are your kid, they are also someone else's grandchild, niece, nephew, etc.

I'm not a shrinking violet. Believe me when I say I speak up (probably too often)...but I had a lot of those firsts & things that I really wanted taken away from me. I let things go because in the end, it didn't make sense to have another backpack, another christening gown, another christmas stocking, another halloween costume, etc.

It's only been recently that I've decided when it matters to me, I'll do what I want. First because I can be a resentful b1tch & it's not helpful to anyone. Second, because my kid is now 10. Which means once middle school, high school hits I'm going to be sharing this kid with every girlfriend & friend he brings home. He becomes less mine. Then later there will be some wife that has a child that I'll also be sharing him with & I'll buy him a backpack...and well, you see where I'm going with this

I say pick your battles. Some matter more to others. When my kids were little I choose every battle. As they grew, I chose less battles. Some made me angry at myself for not fighting the ones that mattered. Others looking back, I think wow, it really didn't matter. Only you know the answer to this one.

Message edited 12/29/2011 7:01:15 AM.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Posted by nrthshgrl

It sounds like a rhetorical questions because the answer is ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!. Could there ever be another answer to this question?

and yes it would bother me. A LOT.

But I think as your kids grow, you start to realize that you are sharing them. That while they are your kid, they are also someone else's grandchild, niece, nephew, etc.

I'm not a shrinking violet. Believe me when I say I speak up (probably too often)...but I had a lot of those firsts & things that I really wanted taken away from me. I let things go because in the end, it didn't make sense to have another backpack, another christening gown, another christmas stocking, another halloween costume, etc.

It's only been recently that I've decided when it matters to me, I'll do what I want. First because I can be a resentful b1tch & it's not helpful to anyone. Second, because my kid is now 10. Which means once middle school, high school hits I'm going to be sharing this kid with every girlfriend & friend he brings home. He becomes less mine. Then later there will be some wife that has a child that I'll also be sharing him with & I'll buy him a backpack...and well, you see where I'm going with this

I say pick your battles. Some matter more to others. When my kids were little I choose every battle. As they grew, I chose less battles. Some made me angry at myself for not fighting the ones that mattered. Others looking back, I think wow, it really didn't matter. Only you know the answer to this one.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I wouldn't care one way or the other as long as I was ok with the look of the bag.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I wouldn't care as long as my child liked it.

Honestly, the resentment involved behind most of these issues are usually about SO MUCH MORE than a backpack, a Christmas stocking, etc anyway. Fighting over a backpack is just going to make things worse between the two of you, and won't change the fact that your MIL judges you, tries to control you, has a lot of influence over your DH, second-guesses your parenting decisions, etc.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

My mom has a long tradition with all of her grandkids (mine are #'s 9, 10 and soon to be 11!) that she takes them out for a special day to pick out their lunch box before the first day of kindergarten. I LOVE it - I think it's adorable

I wouldn't want them just going out and buying something - I think it's more the special experience that my mom loves. Maybe suggest that?

Message edited 12/29/2011 8:01:31 AM.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I look at this from a slightly different perspective. My DS has no grandparents, so I pick out and buy almost everything for him. Not to be Debbie Downer, but I think it would be nice to have a grandparent who wanted to do something like this with/for him. As long as it was something HE liked, I think I would be OK with it.

My DS also started preschool at such an early age, sort of unexpectedly (he needed special ed) that the backpack was one of the last things I was worried about - he has gotten a new one each year since.

It seems to me that it is often the case with these scenarios, that there was a whole lot of history with the MIL/mom/whoever that makes this one incident so infuriating to the mom.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Sorry - double post

Message edited 12/29/2011 10:41:01 AM.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I could care less

I'd be grateful I can send her to school with a backpack with supplies, that she's clean, fed and going to get an education.

Heck I only SLIGHTLY care what she'll be wearing. Whatever it is will be out of date when I look back and smile at that tiny face all those years from now.

I am semimental but I'm more about the MOMENT not about the window dressing it happens in.

But that's just me.

My aunt is probably DYING to buy her back pack and outfit. Fine, you want to pay for it, go for it. YOU won't be there that morning when she leaves. I'll say she didn't want to wear it, if I don't like it that bad. Otherwise, i don't care if she's wearing a duck suit. That moment of letting go (yes its different from daycare/preschool) its going to be all mine. Tear and all.

That moment of wow, she's growing up. That is mine. What she wears is meaningless, backpack included.

JMHO

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I absolutely would want to be there to pick it out with DC

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I remember my first backpack.

I say: buy it yourself. What bothers one person may not bother another... but if it bothers YOU that's what matters.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

As long as DS likes it, I would be ok letting my mom or MIL take DS to buy it.

It would most likely be a Spiderman, Thomas, Cars or similar backpack.

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

Me and my DH, with my son there to have his choice of the ones we picked for him.

Any other backpack purchased for the first day of school wouldn't be used, at least not for the first day of school.


Just like the first outfit he wore home from the hospital was picked out by me and my DH, and the outfit picked out and purchased by someone else never got worn (he outgrew it too quickly).

Re: Let's pretend it's your child's first day of school....who would you want to pick out and buy his or her first backpack?

I wouldn't care really.