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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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life is a real mess
Has IF torn apart your life? Bc it really has done this to me……...
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Posted 2/27/14 10:48 PM  |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: life is a real mess
It has totally put me in a really dark place a few times. I can only pray that I see the light at the end of this tunnel. I know I have a DS already but secondary IF is just as painful, esp when a little 7 year old is praying every night for a little brother or saving his toys for his little brother. Just breaks my heart and makes me feel so guilty for having a broken body.
I am so lucky for having such a selfless husband. Poor guy will do anything to get us this baby. I can't wait to have that moment when we know it's for real!
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| Posted 2/27/14 10:52 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by babyfever24
Has IF torn apart your life? Bc it really has done this to me……...
How have you been doing? What is your RE saying about the next steps? Do you have any more frozen?
I know you mentioned your sisters eggs.
Message edited 2/27/2014 10:54:24 PM.
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| Posted 2/27/14 10:54 PM |
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Joann
LIF Infant
Member since 9/12 360 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
I'm trying not to let it. Hang in there! 
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| Posted 2/27/14 11:02 PM |
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pp1107
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/08 831 total posts
Name:
P
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Re: life is a real mess
I'm sorry. I know exactly how feel. 
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| Posted 2/27/14 11:06 PM |
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Re: life is a real mess
Yes it has majorly  I've become so depressed through this journey. I've experienced feelings that I never knew someone could even feel before, it's just not right. I've lashed out at my husband it just screws with you so bad. I'm so thankful for my very supportive family and husband, if it wasnt for all of them I would be totally lost! It's a tough journey to say the least but we have to hang in there. On the bright side however (if you could imagine a bright side to this) I have learned to take this whole experience and grab whatever positive I could find from it. It's definitely made me more religious and I've learned so much abt myself, I look at certain thing differently and it's also taught me some life lessons that I'll always carry with me.
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| Posted 2/28/14 2:17 AM |
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JSDB
<3
Member since 1/13 1329 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
I am in a different boat as my issue is recurrent loss and not infertility but yes, i was in a very dark place after my second mc last year (after seeing a heartbeat) and then after my third. I could barely function and I was extremely depressed. I started acu at that point and while it didn't make everything perfect it did help significantly with my anxiety depression and ability to function. This process suckss a lot :(
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| Posted 2/28/14 3:31 AM |
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MrsM429
Mama x2 <3
Member since 12/10 4946 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
yes, I feel that these past few weeks have been a living hell for me. My family is just not comfortable with reproductive assistance and do not support us- even after explaining to them that we will not be able to have a child without it. My mom wouldn't hear it when I told her we started injectables, and she never even asked if it was successful even when she knew when I was having the beta done. Whether it be religion, or the fact that everything costs a small fortune, she just doesn't want to ever discuss it .
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| Posted 2/28/14 5:58 AM |
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ANewDayHasCome
Love multiplies, not divides
Member since 11/12 14481 total posts
Name:
Me
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life is a real mess
Yes, it did. It totally consumed me
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| Posted 2/28/14 6:47 AM |
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hazel2
LIF Infant
Member since 5/13 346 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
Yes I've become more angry and negative. It's awful!
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| Posted 2/28/14 7:33 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: life is a real mess
I think this is normal. Last year, after 2+ years of TTC, two failed IVFs, and a failed surgery for my DH, it was rough. Everyone we knew was pregnant - most got pregnant easily and at times, it was very difficult for us to accept. It was a huge strain on our relationship; my DH took it especially hard and I really felt like I needed to be strong for him.
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| Posted 2/28/14 7:39 AM |
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ggt08
;)
Member since 5/05 5208 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
It has consumed me and out me in a depressing state i have never been in before. I feel broken, mentally and physically. And I'm very snippy lately which is the opposite of my personality. :(
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| Posted 2/28/14 8:28 AM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by Lillies
It has totally put me in a really dark place a few times. I can only pray that I see the light at the end of this tunnel. I know I have a DS already but secondary IF is just as painful, esp when a little 7 year old is praying every night for a little brother or saving his toys for his little brother. Just breaks my heart and makes me feel so guilty for having a broken body.
I am so lucky for having such a selfless husband. Poor guy will do anything to get us this baby. I can't wait to have that moment when we know it's for real!
You are me!! I feel the same way..I'm so blessed to have a beautiful DD but the fact that she wants a little brother and is constantly asking tears me apart. For me the secondary IF has been worse primarily because of my recurrent M/Cs.
To the OP: Yes IF has brought me to some really dark places..deep depression and anxiety. Hang in there. It will happen
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| Posted 2/28/14 9:18 AM |
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by PitterPatter11
It was a huge strain on our relationship; my DH took it especially hard and I really felt like I needed to be strong for him.
I've been in this more years than I care to admit. It's gotten to the point of being so uncomfortable for DH & I to watch baby commercials, or baby scenes or pregnancy scenes in shows, movies, etc. It has become disgusting. WE are NOT those people that we have rapidly become; and I hate it.
DH has become massively depressed over this; to the point where I try to keep my feelings to myself to "protect" him sorta speak. and I'm truly praying for a miracle please! I cant continue like this. Its so damn hard! 
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| Posted 2/28/14 9:58 AM |
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MrsM0829
... With a cherry on top!!!
Member since 11/09 1332 total posts
Name:
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life is a real mess
Yes, it has. I suffered so much for so many years with severe endo and now to have to deal with IF is just adding insult to injury. The emotional roller coaster and the depth of pain that you experience in this horrible journey are things that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
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| Posted 2/28/14 10:17 AM |
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MrsGoldie
<3 Miracles can happen <3
Member since 9/12 1700 total posts
Name:
R
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Re: life is a real mess
I'm so so sorry XOXO
You're sooooo not alone! I am right there with you! I'm just not the happy person I used to be and I'm so afraid I will never be happy again. I'm always depressed, I'm bitter, angry, jealous, intolerable...I just don't like this person I've become. It's effected my marriage at times, thankfully we are in a great place right now. It has effected my family relationships in many ways, probably bc they just don't get it, they are insensitive at times, and I am super emotional which has a lot to do with it. I don't talk to my mom anymore, I don't talk to my brother, I don't talk to my stepsister anymore which confuses me to this day bc she struggled with IF too. Zero motivation. I would just prefer to stay home and watch Real Housewives all day long than go out and face this reality. Not to mention the financial mess!!
I have honestly thought about asking for meds to help me through this, but I've read that a lot of REs don't like to use antidepressants in conjunction with all of the other meds.
I can't even imagine going through all of this without you ladies to talk to, to vent with, to help...
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| Posted 2/28/14 10:30 AM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by MrsGoldie
I'm so so sorry XOXO
You're sooooo not alone! I am right there with you! I'm just not the happy person I used to be and I'm so afraid I will never be happy again. I'm always depressed, I'm bitter, angry, jealous, intolerable...I just don't like this person I've become. It's effected my marriage at times, thankfully we are in a great place right now. It has effected my family relationships in many ways, probably bc they just don't get it, they are insensitive at times, and I am super emotional which has a lot to do with it. I don't talk to my mom anymore, I don't talk to my brother, I don't talk to my stepsister anymore which confuses me to this day bc she struggled with IF too. Zero motivation. I would just prefer to stay home and watch Real Housewives all day long than go out and face this reality. Not to mention the financial mess!!
I have honestly thought about asking for meds to help me through this, but I've read that a lot of REs don't like to use antidepressants in conjunction with all of the other meds.
I can't even imagine going through all of this without you ladies to talk to, to vent with, to help...
Goldie, it is so hard dealing with this when you do not have the support of your family. I am with you on that. My Mom is extremely cold about this entire situation. I only feel comfortable talking about this to one friend who happens to be 22, yet she is an old soul and I swear the most loving, supportive person I have ever encountered in my life. I am blessed to have her during this time. My other friends could be supportive but I don't want the "walking on eggshells" feeling when they are pregs or talk about babies. For some reason, they are more uncomfortable hearing about my woes so I just rather not talk about it. One thing that really touched me is I have a guy friend who is extremely Christian and does not believe in any IVF interventions. I brought up my situation briefly to my group and expected the awkwardness from him but he sent me a beautiful message saying that God works in mysterious ways and that he prays that He is guiding the RE's hand in giving us our baby. You can really get support in the most unlikely places.
I am so happy to have you girls to vent to. IF does not seem as lonely.
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| Posted 2/28/14 10:51 AM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
Thanks everyone i know I'm not alone, I'm just miserable. I have been fighting constantly with DH, our sex life is non existent and i hate most and all people……when will it get better?
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| Posted 2/28/14 11:56 AM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by babyfever24
Thanks everyone i know I'm not alone, I'm just miserable. I have been fighting constantly with DH, our sex life is non existent and i hate most and all people……when will it get better?
My DH had to make a conscious effort to be affectionate towards me since his IF was dramatically affecting him. My DH loved me, but it was hard from him to show it during this time. I made sure I kept the lines of communication open - I really forced him to open up since he refused to see a professional about his feelings. I think talking it out did help him somewhat. My DH also eliminated social media from his life since seeing pregnancies and babies was too much for him.
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| Posted 2/28/14 12:17 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by babyfever24
Thanks everyone i know I'm not alone, I'm just miserable. I have been fighting constantly with DH, our sex life is non existent and i hate most and all people……when will it get better?
My DH had to make a conscious effort to be affectionate towards me since his IF was dramatically affecting him. My DH loved me, but it was hard from him to show it during this time. I made sure I kept the lines of communication open - I really forced him to open up since he refused to see a professional about his feelings. I think talking it out did help him somewhat. My DH also eliminated social media from his life since seeing pregnancies and babies was too much for him.
Yup I had to do this as well. Social media really makes IF worse. And worse than that so does a SIL who posts a weekly baby bump, ultra sound photo and passive aggressive quotes about being a mother. We told her it made us uncomfortable and she said so don't look at it. Now we haven't spoken to her or most of DH's family since they say we are too negative right now. Comical.
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| Posted 2/28/14 12:43 PM |
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PitterPatter11
Baby Boy is Here!
Member since 5/11 7619 total posts
Name:
Momma <3
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by babyfever24
Yup I had to do this as well. Social media really makes IF worse. And worse than that so does a SIL who posts a weekly baby bump, ultra sound photo and passive aggressive quotes about being a mother. We told her it made us uncomfortable and she said so don't look at it. Now we haven't spoken to her or most of DH's family since they say we are too negative right now. Comical.
Wow! What a b!tch!
So far, I have only posted one thing about my pregnancy - an announcement - because my DH was so excited.
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| Posted 2/28/14 1:17 PM |
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hazel2
LIF Infant
Member since 5/13 346 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by babyfever24
Posted by PitterPatter11
Posted by babyfever24
Thanks everyone i know I'm not alone, I'm just miserable. I have been fighting constantly with DH, our sex life is non existent and i hate most and all people……when will it get better?
My DH had to make a conscious effort to be affectionate towards me since his IF was dramatically affecting him. My DH loved me, but it was hard from him to show it during this time. I made sure I kept the lines of communication open - I really forced him to open up since he refused to see a professional about his feelings. I think talking it out did help him somewhat. My DH also eliminated social media from his life since seeing pregnancies and babies was too much for him.
Yup I had to do this as well. Social media really makes IF worse. And worse than that so does a SIL who posts a weekly baby bump, ultra sound photo and passive aggressive quotes about being a mother. We told her it made us uncomfortable and she said so don't look at it. Now we haven't spoken to her or most of DH's family since they say we are too negative right now. Comical.
This is awful! I can't believe how insensitive some people are. If they were in our situation we would never hear the end of it... I've hid so many people on FB
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| Posted 2/28/14 1:23 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
Exactly. Evil SIL couldn't walk five minutes in my shoes. I've always known she was a jerk but now this whole situation is really showing his family's true colors and I wish I never confided in them.
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| Posted 2/28/14 1:25 PM |
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MrsB612
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/12 784 total posts
Name:
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Re: life is a real mess
I'm usually the type of person that lets people's stupid comments roll off my shoulder - but while going through this journey I've just come to the conclusion that people are 'ignorant'. I know that sounds mean, but I'm surrounded by a lot of smart and well rounded individuals yet their comments have always stopped me in my tracks.
When I first came clean to a friend about being worried how I was going to schedule all these fertility appts around work since it's so hard to take off and maybe I should tell my boss bc it's an understandable situation, she told me "I don't know about that, it's not like you have a real disease. It's not like it's cancer".
Then I had another friend who accidentally got pregnant, I was super supportive, very involoved throughout her pregnancy - when she went for her gender scan and found out she was having a boy she had a complete meltdown. She already has a DD and really wanted another. She would call/email/text me complaining how she was so upset (even cried about it) she told me she looked it up and this disappointment is real and some moms get depressed. I got so frustrated she wouldn't drop it and was being such a brat that I told her "at least the baby is healthy, now you have a girl and boy, which many people don't have". I didn't want to be mean to her but she knew what I was going through yet that didn't stop her from complaining for almost 2 weeks straight while I was going through IUIs.
Nobody understands this pain/frustration/sadness the way we do. It takes a toll on your health, sanity, marriage, bank account - one of the most difficult things I've ever encountered. I'm blessed to have an understanding DH who has the patience of a saint - but sometimes I really do test his patience.
I can't even say that educating those around you helps that much - I tried that with DH's immediate family - that backfired bc they all gossiped about it with aunts, cousins, etc etc - it's not something I am ashamed of by any means but don't make my struggle your topic of gossip for the day.
Hang in there, keep your eye on the prize and know that all this pain will eventually be worth it in the end.
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| Posted 2/28/14 2:02 PM |
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Lillies
Grateful for my babies!
Member since 2/12 4571 total posts
Name:
<3
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Re: life is a real mess
Posted by MrsB612
I'm usually the type of person that lets people's stupid comments roll off my shoulder - but while going through this journey I've just come to the conclusion that people are 'ignorant'. I know that sounds mean, but I'm surrounded by a lot of smart and well rounded individuals yet their comments have always stopped me in my tracks.
When I first came clean to a friend about being worried how I was going to schedule all these fertility appts around work since it's so hard to take off and maybe I should tell my boss bc it's an understandable situation, she told me "I don't know about that, it's not like you have a real disease. It's not like it's cancer".
Then I had another friend who accidentally got pregnant, I was super supportive, very involoved throughout her pregnancy - when she went for her gender scan and found out she was having a boy she had a complete meltdown. She already has a DD and really wanted another. She would call/email/text me complaining how she was so upset (even cried about it) she told me she looked it up and this disappointment is real and some moms get depressed. I got so frustrated she wouldn't drop it and was being such a brat that I told her "at least the baby is healthy, now you have a girl and boy, which many people don't have". I didn't want to be mean to her but she knew what I was going through yet that didn't stop her from complaining for almost 2 weeks straight while I was going through IUIs.
Nobody understands this pain/frustration/sadness the way we do. It takes a toll on your health, sanity, marriage, bank account - one of the most difficult things I've ever encountered. I'm blessed to have an understanding DH who has the patience of a saint - but sometimes I really do test his patience.
I can't even say that educating those around you helps that much - I tried that with DH's immediate family - that backfired bc they all gossiped about it with aunts, cousins, etc etc - it's not something I am ashamed of by any means but don't make my struggle your topic of gossip for the day.
Hang in there, keep your eye on the prize and know that all this pain will eventually be worth it in the end.
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| Posted 2/28/14 2:13 PM |
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