Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I don't normally post about my deeper feelings and things like that. I think the only thing I ever really went in depth with on here was my brother's recovery - which was easier because it wasn't about me. I felt like writing about him was effortless. So, this is hard for me to convey.

I gave birth to my son on Monday - September 9th (which is me and my husband's wedding anniversary - six years). I spent four nights in the hospital because I had a cesarean. Today was our first day home :) and I'm completely overwhelmed emotionally. I do not consider myself an overly emotional person but I need to share this because I just want to hear people on here tell me this is normal... tell me they experienced this too.

My entire pregnancy I was not emotional, I was in control, I looked at things very matter of fact, and I just made sure I ate healthy and exercised. I did worry a lot that the baby would be healthy, but that's it. The closer the due date came, the more I just wanted him to be healthy - but, my doc monitored me to ridiculous levels so I kind of had the deep feeling that everything would be alright because my doc was so on top of testing me, sonograms left and right, etc. All of the baby's numbers, results, etc. came back great all of the time. I had a two vessel cord but because everything was measuring so well with him the doc was not concerned in the least. So, when he was born and he was deemed perfectly healthy and he looked so good and he has been such a wonderful little baby, I was just elated. Beyond thrilled. Then, the nurses would come and talk to you about post-partum because it can be so common and I thought to myself, depression? I had sadness BEFORE I gave birth because I was like OMG what if he's not born healthy? AFTER the pregnancy I'm just so happy I cry tears of joy non-stop - I mean, non-stop. So, since I didn't experience any of that, which I'm grateful for -- I was nothing but thrilled and relieved that he was OK, he was here, and he is just beautiful - I was on cloud nine.

I still am, actually. What I'm experiencing and feeling is different - it's overwhelming emotion, a sense of such important responsibility... and then, such a retrospective view of my life - I started crying because I missed my grandparents who have passed, I started crying thinking about my parents getting older, I became SO emotional over Kenneth's injury which I normally cope with very well, I see my sister hold the baby and I cry because I love her so much, I started to cry because I have this overwhelming love for DH -- it is NUTS. I'm not like this, I'm normally very independent - I'm the type that goes away on business for my job and DH misses me more than I miss him - I just shrug and say, see you in a few days. Today, I was like oh my God I never want to be without him, I don't even want him to go back to work, I just want to hold him and the baby. I mean, this is crazy. I would picture the beginning of my son's life and it made me SO sad and emotional about the ending of lives - like my grandparents, like my brother almost dying, thinking that one day my parents won't be around anymore... then I picture my son and I worry that his whole life is just going to fly by. And omg I fear my own death - I never feared my own death. I always felt strongly in my faith in Heaven and that when God calls me home, that's what is supposed to be - that's my path. Now, I get a PIT in my stomach thinking about something happening to me - and to DH and God, I can't even about my son. This is so overwhelming - WTH is wrong with me? Please tell me it's hormones and normal.

I keep telling my husband, I just love you and the baby so much - I just look at him and I want to make sure I do everything the best I possibly can for him. I'm very Type A, I have always given 110% at everything I do and I excel at what I choose to put effort into -- but then I worry that I will fall short with this responsibility. I have been avoiding listening to music - anything emotional and I'm crying, I will look at the baby and just cry tears of such happiness and relief that he's here. Does this have to do with the fact that DH and I had such a hard time getting PG?? It took us almost two years, total, from start to conception - many tests, I had to have surgery to remove a cyst causing a blockage, I had endometriosis, etc. Is that why I'm now like WOW I can't believe we are here? We got here. When he was born, I just felt shock and pure elation. I can't even explain it, it was almost out of body.

I know that the birth of a child is a life changing thing and I know that my hormones right now must be all over the place - but please tell me this is normal and please tell me that it will go away - well, just the emotions that are a little too much - will become under control. And please tell me I'm not the only one. I know a lot of women experience depression after birth - this is so different than that so when I tried to google to learn about what I'm feeling, not a whole lot came up - it's, I guess, not as common as the depression feelings. It's just that everything now seems so earth-shatteringly important and I feel such joy but that happiness is SCARY because I'm afraid something will happen to my son that will take all that joy away. I'm afraid to enjoy it! I'm afraid the second I take a breath and say wow, this is amazing - something bad will happen. It's like my wedding - one of the best days of my life, everything was perfect and everyone in my life was happy. Then, seven months later, my brother got hurt. I felt like I was so happy, I enjoyed it, and the rug was ripped out from under me the moment I breathed that sigh of relief.

OK, I need to wrap up this rambling. Everyone on this particular board is a parent - as it is PARENTING lol - so please just tell me that this is normal and if there's ANYTHING you can give in terms of advice -- how to cope with this and keep a positive outlook free of worry that the happiness will be jeopardized, please share that advice because I would welcome anything anyone wants to give me. I just wish someone would say, oh I had the same feelings. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

First of all congratulations! Second of all, please rest assured this is totally normal! It is most definitely the hormones. I went through something similar when my DD was born. I would just hold her and weep, uncontrollably, but it was happy weeping. It will definitely get better as time passes... all that emotional jazz that is! The love just gets better!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Yes, totally normal!! I'm pretty emotional to begin with, and post-pregnancy has been off the charts! I literally still cry everyday and I had DD almost 6 weeks ago! I definitely went through a baby blues period. Everything is just so heightened right now and emotional overload. I too was crying earlier holding DD when she was curled up sleeping on my chest. Just one of many, many things that set me off these days.

It will get easier with time. At least I hope so! Do not worry. Congrats and enjoy your son!!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I would say it is totally normal. I was like that too for two months. I was in the hospital for six days. After my DS was born, at night I would lay in my bed and cry uncontrollably that he would leave me one day. I felt so deeply connected to him that I was having anxious attachment. After I left the hospital I would think of my stay and cry because I considered it the best week of my life. I still cry when I think about him being older and not my baby, but it doesn't happen so often. I basically went back to normal. It has to be the hormones. There is just nothing else in life like birthing a child.

Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Hormones.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

So totally normal, but nobody talks about the emotional highs and lows immediately after having a baby so good for you for speaking so frankly about it. For the first two weeks "baby blues" are a known phenomenon, entirely separate from ppd. It may not be straightforward depression but "Weepiness" and anxiety about the baby's well being (see below). Your hormones are in crazy flux. I had this big time! When you are in the hospital, its like this perfect moment - a high. Then, you get home and reality sets in! just as I was starting to think that maybe there was something wrong, it dissipated. Give yourself at least two weeks and if you are still very weepy call your ob. Don't be afraid to bring it up and don't assume your ob will ask how you are feeling and doing. I loved my ob group but none of the docs i saw after giving birth screened me in any way for ppd or any variant of, and i was at high risk for it, since i had multiples. good luck - you will be fine. Congrats on your baby!

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-baby-blues_11704.bc

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Absolutely normal, I went through something similar. I sobbed the week I came home from the hospital about ever having to leave her, barely slept because I wanted to stay up all night and hold her, just very emotional about everything. It calmed way way down after 2 weeks, I was still pretty emotional though until I stopped breast-feeding at 12 weeks. ( I think for me that was a connection because I'm very sensitive to hormonal changes.)

It's also a huge adjustment, overnight your entire life changed, and you appreciate how amazing it is and that can be overwhelming. It's incredible and surprising just how much love can fill your heart and take over your whole life so quickly. Take it one day at a time, cope however you need to and you'll feel more "normal" soon.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

hormones. they are nuts. i am 11 months pp and sometimes i still don't feel like myself. but in the very early days, i remember feeling a lot of anxiety and feeling very overwhelmed. that passed as the days went on, but i just feel totally different now as a parent.
so i think what you are feeling is normal. if not, well we're all crazy then :)

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I think it is so normal that anyone who doesn't feel like this is lying
Well ok, not really because I know everyone is different but I felt similar for a few weeks after having my daughter.
My emotions kept changing, I was overly grateful & happy in the beginning then I was a little depressed for a while but it did get better eventually.
I would also think of crazy negative things, sometimes I still do. DH is a cop & on the nights he doesn't come home (which is usually once a week) I think of what would happen if he never came home or I think of what would happen if someone broke in at night, it's not like me to worry like that but sometimes my mind just runs away.
All I can say is try to think about something funny or totally different to not let yourself go there. I usually pray that I get any thoughts out of my head & just shut out anything bad.
Sorry, I wrote my own novel here all to say you're not alone.
Hope you are feeling yourself again soon & congrats on your son!

Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I cried non-stop the day after I had DS. The nurse took one look at me and said, "Oh, you're a day two!" Apparently the day after is when a lot of the hormone shifts started, so she dealt with a lot of crying mommies on day 2!

A couple of days after we got home my best friend and her DH came over. I was a sobbing mess. She didn't have kids at the time and was like, "How long have you been like this?!" She just sat on the bed with me handing me those dry wipes we brought home from the hospital because I didn't have any tissues nearby.

It's totally, absolutely normal. And it will get better. Hang in there!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Congratulations! Yes, ths is all normal. Our hormones are no joke! It will stop in several weeks. The spontaneous crying should stop within 2-3 weeks.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Personally, while I do not think you are depressed, I think speaking to a good psychiatrist or even better, a psychotherapist would be good for you... Not for the teary happiness that everything is ok, but for the fear behind it that you don't deserve it. You've had some major events in life... And this is beautifully written. I think it deserves someone professional to address your emotions.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Dani! Congrats! I did no realize you had your boy. I am so glad all is ok!

I want to tell you what you are feeling and thinking is totally normal. I cried for a long time AFTER I had my DD. Worry, relief, hormones, life change, etc. I would look at pictures of my DH holding my DD when I had my csection and just cry. I mean SOB . And I did not understand why but it was just a very very overwhelming feeling. That's the hormones.

It does get better and it does lessen in time I assure you. I had some PPD as well but it eventually went away.

It's such a huge life change, and you will need time to adjust on all levels.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Totally normal

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Totally and completely normal. We've all been there!

And CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I also don't think this has to do with death or injury. I went through fertility treatments to get my DD here. We have three failed cycles,...it's like losing something you never really had. I felt the same too! But it does get better!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Totally normal! I was euphoric my entire 4 day hospital stay. I even said to my husband "I bet this is what it feels like when you're on ectasy" when we were getting ready to leave the hospital I turned to DH and said "if someone told me three days ago I would love you more today, than I did on Wednesday I would say they're crazy!"

If you'd bottled that feeling & sold it on the street, you would make a lot of money! LOL.

On the flip side, when the euphoria subsided. I also became very anxious when we would drive, I felt like we were going to get into a car accident, if a car came too close I would start to panic. Always afraid DS would be taken away from me. I realize now that part of that fear stemmed from my fathers death & I was afraid if i loved DS too much he would be taken away from me just like my dad was. It's those damn hormones, I was never like that, it was annoying (for lack of a better word) but looking back I get it, it wasn't about me anymore.

Parenthood is one helluvuh ride!

Message edited 9/14/2013 9:56:52 AM.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Congrats and its very normal. It gets better in a few weeks after you're hormones return to normal but it never goes away. Having children changed me emotionally forever. I really have become more reflective, more appreciative and much more emotional. Im always evaluating myself as a mother, I pray everyday I'm doing a good job. I try not to think about it too much but I do think about getting older, I think about what life will eventfully be like but I try to just enjoy the good times and love the people around me.

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

I agree it's normal and due to all the hormones. I also never feared my own death before DD was born, and then I suddenly started to worry about it and worry about dying and DD having to grow up without a mom...and then I would feel totally narcissistic for thinking that her life would be terrible without me But I think it's all normal bc we suddenly have this new little, helpless, life that we love more than anything and would do anything to make sure they were happy...so of course the hormones cause us to dwell on emotional thoughts.

Congrats and enjoy every minute of your new little man!!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Totally, TOTALLY NORMAL! My boys were in the NICU and I had to watch videos an look at pics to stimulate bm production and OMG! I was a mess! It will get better but you do change once you have kids:)

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son:

Don't worry, what you ar going through is 1000% normal! And while it will definitely calm down a lot you may find yourself being a little more emotional then before you had the baby for the rest of your life. I don't mean in the way you are now, but a much scaled down version. It happened to me. I don't want to say I was a cold hearted person or anything like that but I was definitely not an emotional person. Now for the past week and a half I have cried everytime I dropped my twins off at nursery school because my son gets a little upset when I first walk away. So in turn I end up walknig back to my car with tears. Never thought I would be that person.

And don't be surprised if you're still like this for a few months. Hormones are not something that bounce right back to normal after a week or two. But it will eventually subside for the most part.

Congratulations and enjoy that little boy!

Re: Looking for some feedback and experiences about a life-changing event... the birth of my son: