Losing my cool these days--VENT

I know everyone says that the terrible two's come early but I didn't expect them to be full on already. I can't take it anymore.

Everything with Sabrina seems like a song, dance, and headstand. She doesn't want her shoes in socks in the morning. She doesn't want to leave the house (she wants to read a book or play with a toy), she doesn't want to get in the carseat or stroller, she doesn't want to come in the house if she has been in the yard, and the most aggravating one....

she doesn't want her diaper or pajamas on after bath time.

To add to all of the normal toddler testing boundaries, I am in grad school and DH has been working late or traveling for work, leaving both of us stretched too thin and DD knows it!

"Why not ask your parents for help?" you might ask? Well they watch DD for us while we work or go to school. DD adores them and actually in the fit of a temper tantrum she often cried for them and not me or DH.

The past few days I have had to be physically strong with her and I hate it. I keep worrying that I am going to lash out and hurt her because I am so stressed.

I need to finish school work now and have class tonight. I

I just need to know it will get better. I was so angry with her today when she wouldn't cooperate that I put her in my parents' backyard and left her there alone. I didn't want to be near her...

I feel like I can't handle being a mom, an employee and a student.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

its tough. how old is your little one? I know my DD realllllllllllllllllllllllly tried my patience before she turned two. She was so independent and wanted to do everything herself which took us forever to get out the door. It was a trying time but you know what we both survived it and to be honest it got much better once she turned 2 and had more words and could articulate herself instead of just yelling and screaming.

Sometimes even now if the does throw a hissy fit I will try to turn it into a funny situation where I pretend I am looking for the happy girl not the grumpy girl and most times she will end up laughing as I tickle the naughty girl away.

Believe me when I say this it will get better....try to count to 100

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Sabrina is 19.5 months. She is very bright but I think she may be one of those kids who is hard to rein in.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Nobody else has any words of wisdom?

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

I'm gonna be honest. I think you need something to end. ITs too much for you plain and simple...If you cant get a babysitter, or extra help somethings gonna snap.

You Wrote", leaving both of us stretched too thin and DD knows it!"

She doesnt know it, shes not even 20 months old, she doesnt comprehend any of it. She sounds like a normal active 20 month old, and sounds like my son actually ....Its all normal.

Doesnt make it easy when your tired and stressed. I get that, we all have been there and it stinks to want a break and just want it to be easier. Thats so understandable.

You need to find a way to balance this all. I dont know how, but you have to sit down and talk to DH and explain how your feeling overwhlemed.

I really think she might sense that from you and is acting out?

Can you reduce your classload at all?

I would LOVE to go back to school but I know with a 16 month old its impossible for me to do so I have to wait till he is in school to do it. I dont know how your managing...and maybe its too much?

I hope things get easier fast

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

sorry but i don't have any words of wisdom. I ask myself the same thing every day, my 2 yr old is very as i like to call her "spirited" she does all the things yours does. i too, don't want to leave her with my parents cause i really don't want to torture them with her attitude and tantrums.
we will get through it !!!

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

My son is 18 months and you just described him to a "t"!

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't. Sometimes he refuses to let me change his diaper and it's like a WWE match at my house! I've been reduced to tears in public restrooms because he won't let me change his diaper and is screaming like i'm killing him (as others eye me).

He will beg to go out ("Out! Out!") and then pitch a fit when I try to put him in the stroller.

I have done a few things -- I try to distract him during the diaper change (songs, my cell phone, etc.) or when I put him in the stroller. I try not to talk, scream etc. and give it more attention than it deserves.

Also, I have put him on the naughty step (I don't think he's too young to get a concept on a basic level). So I will use that (and the threat of the naughty step) as well as the threat of no videos to get him to comply!

HTH. I have a ped appointment next week and will be asking for more ideas! I'm just glad that his behavior seems somewhat appropriate for his age.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Unfortunately I can't drop out of class. I need it for my job. Next semester will only be one class, but I need to take the classes. And DH needs to work to make sure he keeps his job since things are scary and unpredictable in this economy.

I just need a real break. Not a day, but a break. DH thinks it is so great when I get a day off but he doesn't realize that I have DD on those days.

I guess I just need to hear how other people got through and to know that they did in fact get through.

Thanks for reading....

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

I completely understand how you feel --- being overwhelmed. I lived the past 3 years of my life that way. I felt like I didn't have enough energy or time left over for my DD and DH after the day was done. I was teaching special ed in NYC and commuting there as well.

So when my DD had meltdowns, I basically had the right along side her. I wasn't able to keep my cool and I'd too often find myself screaming too.

I made a decision to take some time off of work. I don't know how we are going to do it, we were just getting by with 2 salaries and now we have only one.

But I do find myself able to handle the meltdowns much better now.

Am I suggesting that you quit your job? No, not at all. Especially not with the way it is living on Long Island right now.

But some things you need to keep in mind, from the perspective of someone with an older child. My DD is just about 3.

Just because they hit the terrible 2s early does not mean that it'll pass quickly or that it'll be over sooner. I actually think that the 3-stage is harder then the 2-stage.

As they get bigger and we tell them how they are such big kids, and we ask them to do big kid things, they want to assert their independence more. Yet we still control 90% of their lives! We decide what they are going to wear, what they are going to do throughout the day, what they are going to eat, etc.

Maybe try to give her more choices with things that aren't a big deal. If you find you are arguing with her over something (like wearing shoes/socks), step back and think about whether it is really important. If you are inside, let her go barefoot, hey even naked after a bath if she really wants to! In the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal. And if you have to leave the house, let her chose the color socks (maybe from 2-3 choices) and the shoes ---- and who cares if the match the rest of her outfit! Most parents out nd about will probably just figure that she dressed herself~!

And do try to keep your cool. Show her how a calm and collected person acts when faced with a challange,so that the next time she is frustrated she can try and act that way also. Even if it means you need to go into another room and take 10 deep breaths, you'll be showing her how to deal with stress in another way.

And above all know that she isn't trying to drive you crazy. Little things can seem like a big deal to a 2 year old.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

I used to think waiting for DH to get married was a test of my patience. I used to think Black Friday was a test of my patience. I am a patient person. I can wait online at a restaurant for hours without complaining. I can deal with irate snotty people. Nothing tested my patience like having a child - even the most well-behaved child eventually turns into a crazed, selfish, bossy 2-3-4 year old who would throw themselves on the floor because it was time to leave somewhere. For Halloween, I actually considered trying to find a strait jacket for 2 year as it would have more use.

For those that say I would never get mad at my child or would never consider spanking their child, my answer will always be "you aren't there yet."

How did I get through it? Many, many methods - because like your crazy toddler - what works one day, doesn't work the next. I tried humor, being understanding, threatening, anger, bribing and then in the end I gave in. To the craziness, I mean.

The most important piece of advice I can give a parent of an 18-4 year old is give choices. Do you want to put this diaper on or this diaper? Do you want milk or juice? Do you want your ketchup on your fries or on your plate? ONLY GIVE TWO CHOICES, more than that & they can't cope. It gives them a sense of power. After all they are power hungry meglomaniacs.

Have rules & stick to them. If you have a tantrum in the store, we leave immediately. You cannot have a snack until after dinner, but you can pick your snack. We talked about the rules & the schedule all of the time. They were these unknown things that everyone has to abide by. My son would say "I hate schedule" & I would say "I hate the schedule too, but we have to follow it. The conductor doesn't wait for mommy."

You can try making it fun. I know at 6:45 am, we (1) danced our clothes on (2) raced to see who could get dressed the fastest (3) who could get dressed before the end of a song - anything to get out of the house quick. And when that didn't work, I dressed them while they were sleeping. Yes, when I had a morning meeting I couldn't miss, I told them they could sleep in their clothes.

Do whatever you have to. It's not always going to work every day. There are days you/she/both will have meltdowns. My kids still ask to go to grandma's when they're getting in trouble.

You muddle through. You forgive yourself. You forgive her. If all else fails, put yourself in timeout...at least until she's 15. Then ground her.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Give her a snack sized bag of M&M's, put on Toy Story and grab a glass of wine.

Little bags of M&M's are solving all my problems these days!

She sounds completely normal and I agree, she can probably see how stressed everyone is and she is feeling a bit insecure, so she wants loads of attention. This too shall pass...

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Posted by nrthshgrl

I used to think waiting for DH to get married was a test of my patience. I used to think Black Friday was a test of my patience. I am a patient person. I can wait online at a restaurant for hours without complaining. I can deal with irate snotty people. Nothing tested my patience like having a child - even the most well-behaved child eventually turns into a crazed, selfish, bossy 2-3-4 year old who would throw themselves on the floor because it was time to leave somewhere. For Halloween, I actually considered trying to find a strait jacket for 2 year as it would have more use.

For those that say I would never get mad at my child or would never consider spanking their child, my answer will always be "you aren't there yet."

How did I get through it? Many, many methods - because like your crazy toddler - what works one day, doesn't work the next. I tried humor, being understanding, threatening, anger, bribing and then in the end I gave in. To the craziness, I mean.

The most important piece of advice I can give a parent of an 18-4 year old is give choices. Do you want to put this diaper on or this diaper? Do you want milk or juice? Do you want your ketchup on your fries or on your plate? ONLY GIVE TWO CHOICES, more than that & they can't cope. It gives them a sense of power. After all they are power hungry meglomaniacs.

Have rules & stick to them. If you have a tantrum in the store, we leave immediately. You cannot have a snack until after dinner, but you can pick your snack. We talked about the rules & the schedule all of the time. They were these unknown things that everyone has to abide by. My son would say "I hate schedule" & I would say "I hate the schedule too, but we have to follow it. The conductor doesn't wait for mommy."

You can try making it fun. I know at 6:45 am, we (1) danced our clothes on (2) raced to see who could get dressed the fastest (3) who could get dressed before the end of a song - anything to get out of the house quick. And when that didn't work, I dressed them while they were sleeping. Yes, when I had a morning meeting I couldn't miss, I told them they could sleep in their clothes.

Do whatever you have to. It's not always going to work every day. There are days you/she/both will have meltdowns. My kids still ask to go to grandma's when they're getting in trouble.

You muddle through. You forgive yourself. You forgive her. If all else fails, put yourself in timeout...at least until she's 15. Then ground her.

Re: Losing my cool these days--VENT

Posted by dm24angel

I'm gonna be honest. I think you need something to end. ITs too much for you plain and simple...If you cant get a babysitter, or extra help somethings gonna snap.

You Wrote", leaving both of us stretched too thin and DD knows it!"

She doesnt know it, shes not even 20 months old, she doesnt comprehend any of it. She sounds like a normal active 20 month old, and sounds like my son actually ....Its all normal.

Doesnt make it easy when your tired and stressed. I get that, we all have been there and it stinks to want a break and just want it to be easier. Thats so understandable.

You need to find a way to balance this all. I dont know how, but you have to sit down and talk to DH and explain how your feeling overwhlemed.

I really think she might sense that from you and is acting out?

Can you reduce your classload at all?

I would LOVE to go back to school but I know with a 16 month old its impossible for me to do so I have to wait till he is in school to do it. I dont know how your managing...and maybe its too much?

I hope things get easier fast