Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

**Please don't quote.**

I'm having such a hard time. DH and I always wanted a big family and now I'm wondering if I'm even meant to be a mom at all.

DS will be 11 weeks tomorrow and I don't know what to do anymore. He is so cranky and I feel like I'm losing my mind. He's colicky and about 90% of the time that he is awake he is crying or screaming. I am home during the day by myself and by the time DH gets home I can do nothing else but pass him off so I can try to regroup. I feel like my relationship with DH is suffering because I am a mess,on edge, etc. The small amount of time that DS is awake and happy I can barely enjoy it because I know he's gonna scream any second. I have never felt worse in my life and never expected mommyhood to be like this.

On top of it all I started a small business and am super busy. With him crying all day and needing to be held,I can't get a thing done. I'm so stressed.

DS is EBF and the ped recommended that I stop eating dairy. I havent noticed any change. Nothing seems to soothe him except being on the boob. No paci, swaddling during the day - nothing is helping. I'mstarting to worry that something is more seriously wrong with him. Would switching to formula help at all? Or make things worse?

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like such a failure. I want to run away and hide.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Dont have any advice, cause I didnt know what to do when I was in your shoes, but wanted to say that what you described was my exact situtation with DD. She cried non-stop all day long. I felt terrible cause all i wanted her to do was go to sleep and I would practically throw her at my husband when he got home from work at the end of the day. All I can say is, around 3 months I noticed a change in her and things got a lot better. Now, she is 8 months and people are always commenting on how well-behaved she is and how she never cries. Hang in there! Things will get better!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I cant help with the EBF b/c all my kids have been formula fed...

But he is reaching the point where most colicky babies will start to relax a bit...There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

My best advice to moms of colicky babies is too learn how to walk away for a few minutes...put the baby in his crib...go into the bathroom...run the shower...and just sit for a few moments to regroup. It will work wonders...

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

ugh, I can only imagine how you feel, hang in there, it DOES get better

could he have a milk allergy, reflux....something must be bothering him if he is crying all the time

I would take him to the doctor for them to check his diaper

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

It is HARD having a newborn, super hard...even an "easy" newborn. I had a colicy baby too, and I really thought I was going to lose my mind. Thankfully, since DH is a teacher he was home with me a lot when DD was a colicy newborn, but we were BOTH soooo sleep-deprived and emotionally drained. DD would ONLY sleep on me at night, the second you'd lay her down she'd scream and scream. So, in my living room chair I slept for 2 months And, she had a nasty witching hour, it was from 2-3am I think, and it was a complete nightmare. I seriously dreaded when the sun would go down each day, because I was just dreading what the night had in store. Daytime was not much easier at all, she wanted to be held 24/7, she wanted to nurse all the time, wouldn't take a pacifier...and there was nothing "wrong" with her. We just had to wait it out, keep her as content & comfortable as possible, and ride out the colic.

Thankfully, it ended around 10 weeks or so...I'm hoping your son's is on it's way out too

I don't really have much advice for you besdies-- SLEEP WHEN YOU CAN-- getting a decent hour of sleep will help recharge you and make you feel human again. And ask for help-- from family, friends, anyone who wants to come over to hold the baby (even a crying baby ) while you shower, eat, sleep, do a little work, whatever you need to do. Don't stress about the housework, or anything else. Ask people to bring you over some food so you don't have to worry about cooking, etc. Just simplify as much as you can.

With a colicy baby, I was just all about survival of my sanity.

Again, it is HARD, I completely know that, but I'm sure you are an AWESOME mom and YOU didn't make him a colicy, unhappy baby-- he's just working out this whole "being outside" thing and he'll get through it, and so will you

When DD started getting out of the colic stage, we lived by swaddling her and by reading The Happiest Baby on The Block (supposedly there's a video too). That helped us tremendously, and a ton of ladies on here recommend it.

Good luck

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

#1- you were meant to be a mom...its just really hard right now.
I know how you feel. When you hear people say that their kids are great and they love motherhood...it always made me feel like there was something wrong with me. From 4-10 my DD would just scream. The only thing that would help is the vacuum...and trust me my floors were the cleanest around. All the books and all the moms said that 6-8 weeks was the peak of fussiness. I saw that # come and go and DD was just the same.
She was constipated and gassy...and I decided to switch her formulas with the assistance of pedis advice until we found a fit. I was bf and formula feeding and decided to just stop bf (although I didnt want to) because it could have been anything I was eating and I was not about to live another night longer then I had to trying to figure it out.
She is now on Alimentum and she is a different baby. Yes she fusses and now from 7-8 she screams. I'll take it.
I hope you find peace soon...hang in there.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Just wanted to say the first 4 months are the hardest time. It is such a huge adjustment to everything for both you and them. I hope it all gets easier for you soon.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I know exactly how you feel. Rylan was sooo colicky no matter what we did he just cried and cried. I don't know if switching to formula would help...maybe ask his ped? I had people telling me I should try to BF instead of formula...I never did try though.

Around 3 1/2 months I did start to see a big change in him. You have to hang in there a little longer...it will eventually get easier. Those first few months were extremely hard...I cried along with him 90% of the time.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I just thought you could use some hugs!!!!!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Have you tried wearing him throughout the day? Try a pouch sling, you can even BF in them. Maybe this way you can have your hands free to do some work while wearing him and won't feel so tied down!



Kangaroo Korner

I know you are in CT as well, I think aroudn the Hartford area? YOu can try the Papaya Patch. You can take the baby there and tehy can show you a bunch of slings and have you fitted for one!!

The Papaya Patch

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I think I wrote this exact same post when DS was the same age. (Except for starting my own business.) I also EBF and wanted to know why he was 'so cranky'. Then at some point it just stopped. I can't put my finger on the day, but somehwere around 3-4 months the grey skies cleared up.

I takes a while to get into the swing of things with 3 in the house. Once the newborn crankiness is gone, it is time to nurture your relationship with DH. (Many of us felt on the verge of divorce the first year of their lives because it is a strain) First thing I can say is find someone to watch the baby and have anight out with DH. I went for my first overnight with DH when DS was 3 months. (I brought my breastpump, but DH knew I needed sometime to myself for that) It was the best thing we could've done!!!!!!!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

you're not a failure.... and you're not alone... many of us have gone through that...

my suspicion... he's hungry. Super-duper hungry. Now this is not medically correct what I'm proposing, but it IS what saved my sanity with my hungry little man.... I supplemented with formula. Especially before bedtime/nap. the proteins in formula take longer to digest.

I give EBF moms a ton of credit. I couldn't do it, although I wanted to.... my son craved food. at 11 weeks, he BF'ed maybe every 90 min for a half hour, and THEN ate an additional 3 oz of formula. Only then did he stop crying. (I somehow didn't produce enough milk...)

If you are producing enough, maybe pumping and giving it to him would help? (bottles have faster flow.....)

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

You are totally not a failure. I've definitely been where you are and still am a lot of days!

Ask the pediatrican what they think about the fussiness. My dd#2 is 10 weeks and has a severe milk protein allergy and reflux. She had the fussy behaviors that were only soothed by nursing. One pediatrician in my practice said her symptoms were "normal" (projectile vomiting, fussy times). Another pediatrician tested her stool for blood and suggested I stop eating dairy and see a pediatric GI. We did that for about 4 weeks with some success. We then did a trial of Nutramigen and I found that while she was better, it wasn't great still. They told me I could try giving up millk and soy and keep EBFing, but there were no guarantees that it was soy bothering her, so we are now on Neocate and she is a different baby...smiling, laughing...

This may not be the case with your baby, but I would definitely talk to your pediatrician and ask for suggestions. Good luck and remember that we are always here to vent to when its been a tough day!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I can't offer advice, but just wanted to send oyu a million hugs!! I ma so sorry this transition is so difficult, and I hope your DC rounds the corner soon!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I had to stay away from dairy and soy products.

I am sorry you are going through this.

DH and I went through hell for about 10 months.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

You are NOT a failure and you ARE meant to be a mom! Hang in there, have company over as often as possible so you can grab a shower or some time to yourself. Don't worry about chores or anything else. Try different things, maybe 1 will help. swing, driving around, a walk, music, etc. Try to step away when you are getting overwhelmed. GL

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Your story sounds a little like what I went through. DD had a problem with dairy and I was losing my mind in a big way... I only EBFed for a month and then I started to wean her because I couldn't take her being on me every hour.

I had her tested for allergies at 2 months (after already trying 3 different formulas and 3 different bottle types because she had horrible gas) and I learned she had an allergy to soy and to milk (one of the 3 formulas was soy). We put her on alimentum and she was a new baby! No more gas pains, no more colick!

I was finally able to enjoy my DD instead of being afraid that she (or I!)was going to have a melt down any minute.

The first 12 weeks are the toughest so don't beat yourself up too much. It does get easier!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I'm in the same boat as you. I know it's SO frustrating and exhausting but it will pass. My DD was the same way so I know it will.

Is there any chance you DS has reflux? Hudson is on reflux meds that have somewhat helped and we just increased them today so I'm hoping that helps even more.
Even if he's not spitting up he could have silent reflux.
As for the dairy I've noticed a change in Hudson. Have you cut out ALL dairy? Some babies are so sensitive to trying to digest those proteins that you have to read labels and avoid anything that says it contains milk. If that doesn't work you can cut out soy products too.

IMO switching to formula will not help. I have to supplement DS from time to time and we use Alimentum (hypoallergenic formula) and he is so much worse with that than breast milk.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

Katie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. DS needs to be held all of the time, but he's generally ok as long as he's in my arms. He's extremely cranky though from 6-8 p.m. through at least midnight. The only thing that seems to calm him is nursing. Have you read The Happiest Baby on the Block? It sounds like your DS could be sensitive to dairy so the techniques in the book might not help as much, but it's worth trying. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

The first few months are horrible in my opinion- they cry a lot, you never know what is wrong, you question EVERYTHING you do, etc. I hated it. I have BTDT with one and now dreading it with baby number 2. Add in colic and its REALLY hard.

Just give yourself a break and realize its NOT forever. It just seems like it. Allow yourself to put him down in his crib, swing, whatever and go into another room and just scream. I know it sounds silly but it definately helped me. I would walk out the back door, scream and come back in.

Your relationship with DH will get better again. Its just a really rough time- it has nothing to do with your capacity to be a good mom- I promise!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

You are a wonderful mother. Just the fact that you are so concerned that something may be wrong proves this.

If you can have someone take your DS for a few hours so you and DH can get out of the house for a dinner, lunch, coffee or whatever you want to do, do it. You can pump a bottle or have a bottle of formula for the baby just in case the caregiver needs it. Sometimes that hour or two is all you need to clear your head and feel human again.

If you are not against supplementing a little, a bottle of formula at night may help you get an extra hour or two of sleep you desperately need. Formula is thicker than breastmilk and usually keeps them full longer. You may even want to ask your pediatrician about adding a little rice cereal to DS diet. I started DD with very thin rice cereal at 3 months and it helped.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I'm so sorry for you -- this shouldn't be so hard. Do you think that maybe they are hungry. You can experiment by supplementing with formula and see if that helps.

I also recommend getting the Happiest Baby on the Block video and book. The 5S's really do work.

I wish you all the best -- I know I wouldn't be able to handle it if I had a colicky baby.

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

You are not a failure!! My DS was also colicky and EBF---I remember when my DH came home, sometimes I would be crying too at that point. First off, it will get better---everyone told me and I wasn't sure I believed them! The things that worked best for us was the hairdryer and the swing. I carried him constantly in the sling and when he was bigger, the bjorn. I vacuumed with him (which he loved) I also EBF, I tried cutting things out of my diet (although my ped at the time didn't think it would help as he was just colicky) and at times I was a human pacifier (I even tried every single brand of pacifier just to make sure DS really wouldn't take one). I questioned if I would have a happy baby---but remember, you will---my DS is a happy, giggly little guy. It was a tough time, but you will get thru it, we are all here for you! If you don't have a sling or carrier of somesort that DS likes, get one!!

Re: Losing my mind. (long, sorry)

I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now. Trust me, it will get better. you ARE meant to be a mommy, but a colicky baby will test anyone's last bit of patience, strength, whatever.

Honestly, BFing was such a stressor for us. I wasn't producing enough, she was ALWAYS hungry and I couldn't get a thing done. I nursed around the clock. I am a big advocate of BFing but in your case, maybe supplementing a little will take some of th stress off of you, satisfy your little guy, and free up some time together. Sydnie was sensitive so we had some formula issues plus the 6-8 week period was he!!ish, everyone has their moments. You're doing a great job, don't be so hard on yourself. Keep talking to your DH about things, ask for help from whoever you can, and hang in there.