Major life decision / major compromise.

My parents are not going to stay on long island. They are actually planning to move to PA and since my bro is in Pittsburgh they will be looking into the suburbs there. They want to keep the family together and offered us the money for a downpayment if we moved to the same area. As generous as this is and as much as I love my parents and want to be around them, I just can' imagine quitting my job and starting ALL over. DH on the other has is really excited to go take a look and possibly move by next year. I was too, at first but now the idea of leaving is leaving a bad taste in my mouth and pit in my stomach. I just can't imagine leaving. And it's not exactly like PA has been a dream location. Until my parents offered help we were completely against moving there and now DH is practically packing, well at least seriously entertaining the idea. We're supposed to go look at the areas this summer. I know marriage requires compromise. I'm just worried he will fall in love with the area, then I'll be the bad guy making him stay or compromise and move and be miserable.

Message edited 5/30/2009 11:29:55 AM.

Re: Major life decision / major compromise.

I think you both need to take this one day at a time. If you're not going to look for a little while, then don't start stressing yet. You never know, maybe you'll end up loving it and dh won't. And if you really don't like the area or don't want to go, then dh should understand. Thats a huge life decision that you BOTH need to be happy about. You should both start making a list of pros and cons and definitely keep talking about it together. Don't bottle any of your feelings up. Its a hard decision, and your parents are making a great offer, but you have to do what feels right. Maybe you can try out PA on a five year plan. If you're not happy in five years, then you both can agree to move back.

Re: Major life decision / major compromise.

I know I think I just needed to vent it out a little. It's something we keep talking about. He thinks we won't be able to afford to buy on our own and this is the only way we'd be able to afford to own. I feel as though there's no need to rush anything.

Re: Major life decision / major compromise.

My mom lives in Pittsburgh and my brother went to college there. We didn't grow up there though, she has lived there for the last 7 years. I got my Masters there. Its actually a really nice town! You can get an amazing house for 200k. I'm not sure what type of work you do but there are a lot of top colleges in the area and industrial jobs. I know that doesn't solve your problem, but it might not be such a bad idea to look into it!

Good luck!

Re: Major life decision / major compromise.

I live about and hour from Pittsburgh, if that ! I think you and dh both should just visit the area, see what is here and if it has anything to offer, jobs etc, you both deserve to be happy and you have to move for the right reasons, not for your parents or anyone else,

Re: Major life decision / major compromise.

We have a similar situation except I want to stay and DH wants to go. He HATES New York but our whole family is here and I have a great job and we just bought an apartment. We made a deal that we would move in 5 years but I seriously don't want to go.