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medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by smdl
Posted by mamabear
Posted by smdl
I will just say that because parents do not talk about their child's issues does not mean they are not aware of it.
Obviously he has been taking medication for 6 years. It's not a new thing that the parents are dealing with.
IF you want to talk about it, I suggest you go the "easy" route and not judge or assume anything. I would go like "hey, I was not aware that XXXX was taking medication. How is he doing? How are you doing?".
It's mostly the way they treat him that saddens me. I have always noticed that. When we were choosing who would get custody of our girls should something happen to us, I said not his bro, because of the way I see him treating his son. DH fully agreed. It is wayyyy to strict, IMO. I know every parent is different, and there are many different styles, but the strictness in combination with the effect I am seeing on the kid--how he cannot make a single decision for himself and seems scared of everything--just makes me sad. The wife told us about the meds. She mentioned it in passing. I'm not sure we were supposed to know, so I would not say anything to BIL. She just said he was put on before she met BIL, so she doesn't know the background. She is mean/strict, too. He was eating a sandwich, he asked if he could have the second half. She said I only had one half and Im not hungry anymore, so you cant be either. He apparently is a smart kid and does well in school. He is super polite. He just seems to always have this sadness/quietness about him, and so freaked out/scared of so many things. And there are way too many things for me to know why, but it just makes me sad to see it.
.
If you saw me with DS, you would find me VERY strict. Because I have to!
He does not have ADD/ADHD. But he has sensory issue which seems like this little boy has too also. His sensory processing might hard to understand for him and for anyone not familiar with.
It's EXTREMELLY frustrating for parents. It's exhausting!
I am CONSTANTLY on my 3 yo case. Because he will stim. One day it's something and I correct him all day long, then 2 months later it's something else.
I don't mean this in a bad way, but I don't think you have any idea what it is to deal with such behavioral issues and what it takes.
If I listened to DS, he would eat yogurt all day long. Reasoning him is harder than other kids can be at his age. Sometimes setting strict structures may appear harsh for others who are not used to it.
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Posted 8/24/10 2:53 PM  |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Sometimes it's easier NOT to talk about it! 
Exactly because if you don't live with it day in and day out, most people do not understand.
They take it as you are just complaining and that you don't discipline your child.
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| Posted 8/24/10 2:56 PM |
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mommyIam
Member since 7/09 9209 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
From the way you tell the story, I think ADD/ADHD was a cover for something they are probably more ashamed to report. I wouldn't rush to judge.
JMO
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:03 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mamabear
I fully agree that most parents would not give a child medicine to subdue them. I don't know how to explain it, but I am just a little afraid that in this particular instance, a little of that may be going on. BIL just seems to run a very very tight ship and I don't see the child being allowed to be a kid at all. There are many examples that make me feel this way. I know I may be wrong to even think it, which is why I would never say anything. But when I found out about the meds, I will admit that a piece of me thought perhaps in this case it was the bro wanting the child to be perfectly behaved, or thinking any sort of hyperness, etc, was not acceptable for a child and that *maybe*, it was not truly necessary. And if that was the case, just how sad.
Can I ask for some examples because I have a child with ADHD.
Sure. Not all are fresh in my mind, but here are ones I can remember.
On a previous trip, we were having breakfast. The wife-his stepmom-yelled at him for taking a bite of toast before his eggs. He had to eat all of his eggs before he could have any toast.
The kid was showing us some funny videos on you tube. He had showed us the same or similar videos about 3 times. The father said very strictly- turn the volume off right now or I am going to slap you.
DH bought a pumpkin pie for us to have Sat night. The kid asked if he could have some later. The father said yes. Mom sends him upstairs to shower (which is when he started saying he was scared to be up there alone, couldn't somebody go with him, etc) We all have pie and I see there is a piece out for him for when he gets back. He gets back and asks if he can have his pie now. The dad says later. About 20 minutes later (I had gone to do something and was back, and noticed the piece was gone, and assumed he ate it) he says now can I have my pie? Dad says-I ate your pie. I say- oh there's plenty more in the kitchen. Dad says- it's too late now.
The night they came in, they got in pretty late. around 8pm. he wanted to stay up with us, but had to shower, etc first. They let him come down at 9:05, but he said they said he had to be back upstairs by 9:18. Not 9:20, not 9:30, but 9:18. And the fear that hit this kid at 9:18 was incredible. Also, during that time is when the video game incident/volume incident happened. DH put on a game (some space ship game--I dont play video games, so i really dont know). It was not a violent game. Like astroids or something like that. He dropped the remote like it was on fire and said I am not allowed to play this. I can only play tennis or golf or things like that. So DH went to look for another game, and the kid was saying you have to take it off, it cant be on, I will get in trouble.
With regard to the 9:18 thing--the next night, they ditched us for dinner. DH and I work in the city, they were touring. We were going to meet up and head back together and go out to dinner near us. (We have our 2 girls at home and couldnt stay out in the city.) They said they thought they would just grab sandwiches for dinner in the city and see us later. So we were a bit insulted, but ate on our own at home. They did not get back until after 11 (we were already in bed), so clearly, they are not that strict about 9:18--at least when it suits them.
There are probably more, but those are some recent ones that are fresh in my mind.
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:19 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by mamabear
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mamabear
I fully agree that most parents would not give a child medicine to subdue them. I don't know how to explain it, but I am just a little afraid that in this particular instance, a little of that may be going on. BIL just seems to run a very very tight ship and I don't see the child being allowed to be a kid at all. There are many examples that make me feel this way. I know I may be wrong to even think it, which is why I would never say anything. But when I found out about the meds, I will admit that a piece of me thought perhaps in this case it was the bro wanting the child to be perfectly behaved, or thinking any sort of hyperness, etc, was not acceptable for a child and that *maybe*, it was not truly necessary. And if that was the case, just how sad.
Can I ask for some examples because I have a child with ADHD.
Sure. Not all are fresh in my mind, but here are ones I can remember.
On a previous trip, we were having breakfast. The wife-his stepmom-yelled at him for taking a bite of toast before his eggs. He had to eat all of his eggs before he could have any toast.
The kid was showing us some funny videos on you tube. He had showed us the same or similar videos about 3 times. The father said very strictly- turn the volume off right now or I am going to slap you.
DH bought a pumpkin pie for us to have Sat night. The kid asked if he could have some later. The father said yes. Mom sends him upstairs to shower (which is when he started saying he was scared to be up there alone, couldn't somebody go with him, etc) We all have pie and I see there is a piece out for him for when he gets back. He gets back and asks if he can have his pie now. The dad says later. About 20 minutes later (I had gone to do something and was back, and noticed the piece was gone, and assumed he ate it) he says now can I have my pie? Dad says-I ate your pie. I say- oh there's plenty more in the kitchen. Dad says- it's too late now.
The night they came in, they got in pretty late. around 8pm. he wanted to stay up with us, but had to shower, etc first. They let him come down at 9:05, but he said they said he had to be back upstairs by 9:18. Not 9:20, not 9:30, but 9:18. And the fear that hit this kid at 9:18 was incredible. Also, during that time is when the video game incident/volume incident happened. DH put on a game (some space ship game--I dont play video games, so i really dont know). It was not a violent game. Like astroids or something like that. He dropped the remote like it was on fire and said I am not allowed to play this. I can only play tennis or golf or things like that. So DH went to look for another game, and the kid was saying you have to take it off, it cant be on, I will get in trouble.
With regard to the 9:18 thing--the next night, they ditched us for dinner. DH and I work in the city, they were touring. We were going to meet up and head back together and go out to dinner near us. (We have our 2 girls at home and couldnt stay out in the city.) They said they thought they would just grab sandwiches for dinner in the city and see us later. So we were a bit insulted, but ate on our own at home. They did not get back until after 11 (we were already in bed), so clearly, they are not that strict about 9:18--at least when it suits them.
There are probably more, but those are some recent ones that are fresh in my mind.
Ok, those things DO sound quite odd.
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:29 PM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mamabear
Posted by hazeleyes33
Posted by mamabear
I fully agree that most parents would not give a child medicine to subdue them. I don't know how to explain it, but I am just a little afraid that in this particular instance, a little of that may be going on. BIL just seems to run a very very tight ship and I don't see the child being allowed to be a kid at all. There are many examples that make me feel this way. I know I may be wrong to even think it, which is why I would never say anything. But when I found out about the meds, I will admit that a piece of me thought perhaps in this case it was the bro wanting the child to be perfectly behaved, or thinking any sort of hyperness, etc, was not acceptable for a child and that *maybe*, it was not truly necessary. And if that was the case, just how sad.
Can I ask for some examples because I have a child with ADHD.
Sure. Not all are fresh in my mind, but here are ones I can remember.
On a previous trip, we were having breakfast. The wife-his stepmom-yelled at him for taking a bite of toast before his eggs. He had to eat all of his eggs before he could have any toast.
The kid was showing us some funny videos on you tube. He had showed us the same or similar videos about 3 times. The father said very strictly- turn the volume off right now or I am going to slap you.
DH bought a pumpkin pie for us to have Sat night. The kid asked if he could have some later. The father said yes. Mom sends him upstairs to shower (which is when he started saying he was scared to be up there alone, couldn't somebody go with him, etc) We all have pie and I see there is a piece out for him for when he gets back. He gets back and asks if he can have his pie now. The dad says later. About 20 minutes later (I had gone to do something and was back, and noticed the piece was gone, and assumed he ate it) he says now can I have my pie? Dad says-I ate your pie. I say- oh there's plenty more in the kitchen. Dad says- it's too late now.
The night they came in, they got in pretty late. around 8pm. he wanted to stay up with us, but had to shower, etc first. They let him come down at 9:05, but he said they said he had to be back upstairs by 9:18. Not 9:20, not 9:30, but 9:18. And the fear that hit this kid at 9:18 was incredible. Also, during that time is when the video game incident/volume incident happened. DH put on a game (some space ship game--I dont play video games, so i really dont know). It was not a violent game. Like astroids or something like that. He dropped the remote like it was on fire and said I am not allowed to play this. I can only play tennis or golf or things like that. So DH went to look for another game, and the kid was saying you have to take it off, it cant be on, I will get in trouble.
With regard to the 9:18 thing--the next night, they ditched us for dinner. DH and I work in the city, they were touring. We were going to meet up and head back together and go out to dinner near us. (We have our 2 girls at home and couldnt stay out in the city.) They said they thought they would just grab sandwiches for dinner in the city and see us later. So we were a bit insulted, but ate on our own at home. They did not get back until after 11 (we were already in bed), so clearly, they are not that strict about 9:18--at least when it suits them.
There are probably more, but those are some recent ones that are fresh in my mind.
[/quote]
Ok, those things DO sound quite odd.
As a mom of kids who do not have ADD/ADHD, I actually don't find them all so odd.
I have to do the same thing with toast and eggs. My kids have a hbit of eating all their toast and then wont touch anything else on their plates which is not ok with me. So they are always told - eggs first, then toast.
The 9:18 thing is a little strange, but I will admit I have done similar things. If my daughter asks to stay up an extra 5 minutes, I time it exactly five minutes and tell her what exact time she has to be in bed. I do usually just round up and say "a little longer" but I am also trying to get her to learn times, clocks, etc. so I have been doing exact recently.
My kids also have approved video games they can play. If someone put one on that was not on their approved list, they might say the same thing, even though the game itself might be harmless and I just havent seen it before (but knowing my kids they would play it anyway and keep it a secret  )
And the only thing I can think of about the after 11 incident is that maybe they were tired since they just arrived the first day and wanted to go to bed and not feel like they were burdening you by asking you to watch their son.
I am not trying to be argumentative, but just playing the Devil's advocate and showing reasons why things might be the way they are.
Or maybe I'm just a weird, odd parent as well 
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:38 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
My kids also have approved video games they can play. If someone put one on that was not on their approved list, they might say the same thing, even though the game itself might be harmless and I just havent seen it before (but knowing my kids they would play it anyway and keep it a secret )
See- that is the part that gets me. Your kids reactions would be what you expect of a kid. It's not JUST the parents rules, which may be excessive or may be "good" parenting, it's the kid's reaction and fear in response to those rules. Even if he is just a good kid and respects the rules, he could simply say say I can't play this. But the way he dropped that remote and couldn't even relax when it was on the screen while DH was looking for another game, it just hit a nerve with me and made me wonder what else, if anything, is going on.
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:45 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by mamabear
My kids also have approved video games they can play. If someone put one on that was not on their approved list, they might say the same thing, even though the game itself might be harmless and I just havent seen it before (but knowing my kids they would play it anyway and keep it a secret )
See- that is the part that gets me. Your kids reactions would be what you expect of a kid. It's not JUST the parents rules, which may be excessive or may be "good" parenting, it's the kid's reaction and fear in response to those rules. Even if he is just a good kid and respects the rules, he could simply say say I can't play this. But the way he dropped that remote and couldn't even relax when it was on the screen while DH was looking for another game, it just hit a nerve with me and made me wonder what else, if anything, is going on.
You are forgetting the kid has ADHD,his reactions may not seem normal to you. my stepsons are reactions are dramatic and extreme. You can not compare his behavior to a child that doe not have ADHD.
I can promise you alot of the things my stepson does, may not seem normal and are weird.
Some of the things you listed above seem odd. but you are making these assessments without knowing all the facts and what is really going on.
I just have people retort before that I mean to my stepson or leave him alone. Or why cant he have soda late, but that is because they dont deal with everything else.
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:52 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Message edited 9/1/2011 12:02:51 PM.
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| Posted 8/24/10 3:59 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by mamabear
(edited out examples)
\
For the video game thing, some video games for someone with ADD/ADHD are like a visual manifestation of ADD/ADHD. If it requires concentration & focus (like golf or bowling), great because it requires practice with focusing. Some games - particularly war games/shooting games, have been shown to worsen behavior. So - I get that.
can ask you if you know where i can find information on the video games - Like war and shooting have that worsen bahviour.
My DH and the mom let stepson play all those stupid games and frankly he is addicted to them. I keep telling them they arent good but I would love to have some material to shove in their face.
Sorry to hijack the thread.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:05 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by mamabear
Posted by hazeleyes33
Can I ask for some examples because I have a child with ADHD.
Sure. Not all are fresh in my mind, but here are ones I can remember.
On a previous trip, we were having breakfast. The wife-his stepmom-yelled at him for taking a bite of toast before his eggs. He had to eat all of his eggs before he could have any toast.
The kid was showing us some funny videos on you tube. He had showed us the same or similar videos about 3 times. The father said very strictly- turn the volume off right now or I am going to slap you.
DH bought a pumpkin pie for us to have Sat night. The kid asked if he could have some later. The father said yes. Mom sends him upstairs to shower (which is when he started saying he was scared to be up there alone, couldn't somebody go with him, etc) We all have pie and I see there is a piece out for him for when he gets back. He gets back and asks if he can have his pie now. The dad says later. About 20 minutes later (I had gone to do something and was back, and noticed the piece was gone, and assumed he ate it) he says now can I have my pie? Dad says-I ate your pie. I say- oh there's plenty more in the kitchen. Dad says- it's too late now.
The night they came in, they got in pretty late. around 8pm. he wanted to stay up with us, but had to shower, etc first. They let him come down at 9:05, but he said they said he had to be back upstairs by 9:18. Not 9:20, not 9:30, but 9:18. And the fear that hit this kid at 9:18 was incredible. Also, during that time is when the video game incident/volume incident happened. DH put on a game (some space ship game--I dont play video games, so i really dont know). It was not a violent game. Like astroids or something like that. He dropped the remote like it was on fire and said I am not allowed to play this. I can only play tennis or golf or things like that. So DH went to look for another game, and the kid was saying you have to take it off, it cant be on, I will get in trouble.
With regard to the 9:18 thing--the next night, they ditched us for dinner. DH and I work in the city, they were touring. We were going to meet up and head back together and go out to dinner near us. (We have our 2 girls at home and couldnt stay out in the city.) They said they thought they would just grab sandwiches for dinner in the city and see us later. So we were a bit insulted, but ate on our own at home. They did not get back until after 11 (we were already in bed), so clearly, they are not that strict about 9:18--at least when it suits them.
There are probably more, but those are some recent ones that are fresh in my mind.
IMO there is a difference between being strict and being an azzhole...and this father sounds like an azzhole. He threatens to slap his child with a disablity and than ate his pie. I dont know how you didnt punch him in the face.
I personally wouldnt be able to be around them without saying something. I feel terrible for this child.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:09 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by Sash
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by mamabear
(edited out examples)
\
For the video game thing, some video games for someone with ADD/ADHD are like a visual manifestation of ADD/ADHD. If it requires concentration & focus (like golf or bowling), great because it requires practice with focusing. Some games - particularly war games/shooting games, have been shown to worsen behavior. So - I get that.
can ask you if you know where i can find information on the video games - Like war and shooting have that worsen bahviour.
My DH and the mom let stepson play all those stupid games and frankly he is addicted to them. I keep telling them they arent good but I would love to have some material to shove in their face.
Sorry to hijack the thread.
TV and video games is similar to how a child's mind with ADD works. Dr's recommend that children with ADD watch limited amounts of TV and not play video games for the most part.
Violent video games in general are linked to poor behavior in children with ADD or not.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:13 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by jellybean1420
Posted by mamabear
Posted by hazeleyes33
Can I ask for some examples because I have a child with ADHD.
Sure. Not all are fresh in my mind, but here are ones I can remember.
On a previous trip, we were having breakfast. The wife-his stepmom-yelled at him for taking a bite of toast before his eggs. He had to eat all of his eggs before he could have any toast.
The kid was showing us some funny videos on you tube. He had showed us the same or similar videos about 3 times. The father said very strictly- turn the volume off right now or I am going to slap you.
DH bought a pumpkin pie for us to have Sat night. The kid asked if he could have some later. The father said yes. Mom sends him upstairs to shower (which is when he started saying he was scared to be up there alone, couldn't somebody go with him, etc) We all have pie and I see there is a piece out for him for when he gets back. He gets back and asks if he can have his pie now. The dad says later. About 20 minutes later (I had gone to do something and was back, and noticed the piece was gone, and assumed he ate it) he says now can I have my pie? Dad says-I ate your pie. I say- oh there's plenty more in the kitchen. Dad says- it's too late now.
The night they came in, they got in pretty late. around 8pm. he wanted to stay up with us, but had to shower, etc first. They let him come down at 9:05, but he said they said he had to be back upstairs by 9:18. Not 9:20, not 9:30, but 9:18. And the fear that hit this kid at 9:18 was incredible. Also, during that time is when the video game incident/volume incident happened. DH put on a game (some space ship game--I dont play video games, so i really dont know). It was not a violent game. Like astroids or something like that. He dropped the remote like it was on fire and said I am not allowed to play this. I can only play tennis or golf or things like that. So DH went to look for another game, and the kid was saying you have to take it off, it cant be on, I will get in trouble.
With regard to the 9:18 thing--the next night, they ditched us for dinner. DH and I work in the city, they were touring. We were going to meet up and head back together and go out to dinner near us. (We have our 2 girls at home and couldnt stay out in the city.) They said they thought they would just grab sandwiches for dinner in the city and see us later. So we were a bit insulted, but ate on our own at home. They did not get back until after 11 (we were already in bed), so clearly, they are not that strict about 9:18--at least when it suits them.
There are probably more, but those are some recent ones that are fresh in my mind.
IMO there is a difference between being strict and being an azzhole...and this father sounds like an azzhole. He threatens to slap his child with a disablity and than ate his pie. I dont know how you didnt punch him in the face.
I personally wouldnt be able to be around them without saying something. I feel terrible for this child.
i do too. but despite some allegations to the contrary, i was doing my best to NOT be judgmental, and hoping there were/are valid reasons for his actions, and just bit my tongue.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:13 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by jellybean1420
Posted by Sash
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by mamabear
(edited out examples)
\
For the video game thing, some video games for someone with ADD/ADHD are like a visual manifestation of ADD/ADHD. If it requires concentration & focus (like golf or bowling), great because it requires practice with focusing. Some games - particularly war games/shooting games, have been shown to worsen behavior. So - I get that.
can ask you if you know where i can find information on the video games - Like war and shooting have that worsen bahviour.
My DH and the mom let stepson play all those stupid games and frankly he is addicted to them. I keep telling them they arent good but I would love to have some material to shove in their face.
Sorry to hijack the thread.
TV and video games is similar to how a child's mind with ADD works. Dr's recommend that children with ADD watch limited amounts of TV and not play video games for the most part.
Violent video games in general are linked to poor behavior in children with ADD or not.
I know and when we brought this up to the therapist, she said well you cant completely take away video games since he loves doing it. apparently that translated to he can play whatever games he wants for hours
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:17 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
You are forgetting the kid has ADHD,his reactions may not seem normal to you. my stepsons are reactions are dramatic and extreme. You can not compare his behavior to a child that doe not have ADHD.
I can promise you alot of the things my stepson does, may not seem normal and are weird.
Some of the things you listed above seem odd. but you are making these assessments without knowing all the facts and what is really going on.
I just have people retort before that I mean to my stepson or leave him alone. Or why cant he have soda late, but that is because they dont deal with everything else.
Yes or that I don't like my dd having Ketchup because of the Hydrogenated Corn Syrup that makes her MORE hyper than usual. People don't get it because it is JUST Ketchup or JUST pancake syrup.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:23 PM |
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mamabear
LIF Adult
Member since 3/08 4539 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by hazeleyes33
You are forgetting the kid has ADHD,his reactions may not seem normal to you. my stepsons are reactions are dramatic and extreme. You can not compare his behavior to a child that doe not have ADHD.
I can promise you alot of the things my stepson does, may not seem normal and are weird.
Some of the things you listed above seem odd. but you are making these assessments without knowing all the facts and what is really going on.
I just have people retort before that I mean to my stepson or leave him alone. Or why cant he have soda late, but that is because they dont deal with everything else.
Yes or that I don't like my dd having Ketchup because of the Hydrogenated Corn Syrup that makes her MORE hyper than usual. People don't get it because it is JUST Ketchup or JUST pancake syrup.
I understand that. I don't like my daughters to eat certain things for health reasons. I was not allowed to play video games (in my house--I could at friends' houses) and my parents were very laid back. There are many rules that parents can have for their own reasons and they do not have to justify them. It was everything taken together that left a bad feeling. The strictness and the way it was communicated, the general mood of the child and his tendency to scare easily, and finding out that he is on medication for ADHD and has been for over 6 years, and his uncle never knowing---all of it taken together just left me feeling bad for the kid.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:31 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
I understand that. I don't like my daughters to eat certain things for health reasons. I was not allowed to play video games (in my house--I could at friends' houses) and my parents were very laid back. There are many rules that parents can have for their own reasons and they do not have to justify them. It was everything taken together that left a bad feeling. The strictness and the way it was communicated, the general mood of the child and his tendency to scare easily, and finding out that he is on medication for ADHD and has been for over 6 years, and his uncle never knowing---all of it taken together just left me feeling bad for the kid.
You try not to tell too many people as people DO judge and "shun" your child.
I do tell people now because the way she acts comes across as WE are bad parents and I try to explain the best I can about ADHD because most people are not familiar with it (as I was not before I had my dd). My mother STILL does not understand after so many years.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:39 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Oh & I wanted to add the kid's father was a jerk for eating the pie. I get that he may not want him to have dessert when he's getting ready for bed - but eating something that was promised seems cruel. If he said "It's too late & you can have some tomorrow",I'd be ok with it.
As for the video games, it's been explained by the school counselor AND my son's neurologist. But I'll try to find the back-up research for the poster that asked.
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| Posted 8/24/10 4:54 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Message edited 8/24/2010 5:35:15 PM.
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| Posted 8/24/10 5:15 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by smdl
edited for space
Please don't take it as offense. I don't want you to misunderstand - I didn't bring those examples up to point out that the mom was "wrong" or too strict - just that I misunderstood her intentions at first & was trying to explain to the OP some reasons why they may behave that way (well, except the pie).
By the way, I can't believe the difference in one year with her dd. The strides EI, her mom & she made are tremendous. It was definitely a team effort.
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| Posted 8/24/10 5:22 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by smdl
edited for space
Please don't take it as offense. I don't want you to misunderstand - I didn't bring those examples up to point out that the mom was "wrong" or too strict - just that I misunderstood her intentions at first & was trying to explain to the OP some reasons why they may behave that way (well, except the pie).
By the way, I can't believe the difference in one year with her dd. The strides EI, her mom & she made are tremendous. It was definitely a team effort.
Oh I know! I was using your example to confirm what the mom what doing and how people completely misunderstand what her DD/my DS is really doing when he is in full stim mode.
The pie... well, I am not sure about that either but sometimes I get frustrated too. I am not perfect! Sometimes I need my free time ALONE to decompress. I may lose patience!!!
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| Posted 8/24/10 5:28 PM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: medicated children- ADD/ADHD. just a vent really
its hard to judge in this situation. A lot of what you are saying he is doing can be due to other issues. Maybe he has sensory issues, maybe he is PDD (somewhere on the spectrum). I know of children with aspergers or pdd on medication for ADHD.
Maybe your BIL just doesnt feel comfortable talking with you about his son problems. Some people dont want to truly believe their is something wrong with their child. Im not saying that there may not be other parenting issues but they could be acting the way they are because of the sons issues.
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| Posted 8/24/10 5:41 PM |
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