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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
How do you discipline at this age? I really have no idea what to do with DS - nothing seems to work.
He is almost 20 months old (will be in a week) and it is getting worse. If he doesn't get what he wants he starts in immediately - if I try to make hm do something he doesn't want to do (basic things - changing him, carseat, stroller, leaving places etc) same story, if I take a toy away...the list goes on and on...
His reaction is AWFUL. He will throw things, kick, push things, bang things and the worst - fling his whole body onto the floor or viciously bang his head on whatever is near by. The worst is that I am reacting with the exact opp. of what I know I should b/c I am afraid he is going to hurt himself. How do you ignore this behavior when it is potentially dangerous?
OH and if he isn't getting the attention he wants a particular moment he will hit something and then come over to me and say "mommy hurt" and ask me to kiss whatever it is he "fake" hurt. It is ridiculous.
I'm not sure if this is all normal or completely crazy but, it is getting worse and I'm not sure how to deal with it - especially the potentially dangerous self -injuring reactions to things
Message edited 4/26/2009 12:15:11 PM.
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Posted 4/26/09 12:14 PM  |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
we started time outs around that age and it worked well
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| Posted 4/26/09 12:30 PM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
DD is the same age. I can't say she has too many tantrums, but when she does, I just want to run. She also started doing the same "I hurt myself kiss boboo "thing that drives me crazy.
Taking toys away doesn't work for us (I think she is too young and she doesn't get it yet), so we started giving her time outs few weeks ago. It seems to work better, but not always. We picked one spot in the house and that's DD's "timeout corner". When her time out is up I go to her, I get on my knees face to face and explain her why I gave her timeout. Sometimes I'll threaten her with time out and she runs to the timeout corner and just sits there
Anyway, I was babysitting a little boy for a while , he used to have terrible tantrums and the drs told us to just ignore them(as long as he wasn't hurting himself) So that's another things I have been doing with DD and seems to work in most cases.
Try both and see if it works. Other than that I can't think of anything else.
I hope you find a way to get him to stop soon, I know it can be very frustrating
Message edited 4/26/2009 1:28:08 PM.
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| Posted 4/26/09 1:27 PM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
At that age I did a lot of ignoring and walking away. When he didn't get the attention he wanted, he calmed down. Its hard not to get stressed out, but you have to try to remain calm.
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| Posted 4/26/09 1:32 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by dawnygirl25
we started time outs around that age and it worked well
i was talking to my friend about this a couple of days ago and she said the same thing. this is what she did:
- give a warning about going in time out. Count to three first to give him a chance to stop
- There is no talking/tv/eye contact when they are in time out. Also - if he would try to get up (since the whole concept is new to him) put him right back on the couch or chair (whatever u use) without saying anything.
-Once the timeout is done, get down on his level , explain why you put him in time out and ask him to say sorry.
hth
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| Posted 4/26/09 1:38 PM |
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angelbear217
Mommy of 2
Member since 5/05 4313 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Time outs didn't work for my DD at that age. I too did a lot of ignoring and walking away. I wasn't going to give that behavior any attention. If it was a "mild" tantrum, distraction worked for her too.
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| Posted 4/26/09 1:57 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Time outs and ignoring them. I would pick up my DS or DD and put them in the middle of a room away from danger and let them go to town with their tantrum. All I would say is Mommy can't understand what you need when you talk/scream/yell like that. You'll need to speak nicely to mommy if you want me to listen. After a while it worked. The key with anything is consistency. Pick an approach and stick to it. I've had my share of not sticking to discipline methods thats why I went through so many of them. But I've now learned that it can take up to 4 weeks for kids to understand the discipline cycle (at least in my house). So if in a week, you see a little improvement but not a whole lot, stick with it and soon your child we know exactly what will happen when he throws a tantrum. The hardest thing in the world is not to lose your temper and I've lost mine with the kids quite a few times. So i've learned that walking away and doing something else helps me calm down and helps them realize that tantrums and obnoxious behavior gets them no where!
I've also started something with my 4 year old that is working GREAT! Everytime he does something good, be it a big or small task he gets a chip (from DH's poker set ). When he gets 20 chips he and I do something special together. He also loses a chip for any bad behavior. I'm super generous with the chips....little things, like saying "excuse me" or "please", so he gets a ton of positive reinforcement but also is aware of the consequences for bad behavior. By far, this has been my most successful method of taming my spirited child. 
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| Posted 4/26/09 2:49 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
No advice...since DD is only 5 mths old. Only lots of
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| Posted 4/26/09 2:50 PM |
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
No Attention at all. Time out in a corner PLUS he doesn't get what he tantrums for. We ignore him completely. He doesn't like this and all we have to do is threaten him with a time out and/or taking away the thing he wants and in a nano second whips himself in shape. We started time outs at 10 months old.
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| Posted 4/26/09 9:45 PM |
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
OMG my 20 month old twin boys do the same thing i felt like your post was about my kids, lol.
But I s/w my ped and they said kids at that age generallly know what hurts and what doesnt they said just try to ignore him.
Occasionaly I will glance over and right after they hit there head they look to me for a reaction which they dont get and it really helps. Once they turn 2 im going to start with time outs. I have tried a couple of times but they dont seem to grasp the concept and its hard i dont always have the time because dd is 3 months old and sometimes he pulls the tantrums while im nursing.
Good luck! and try not to worry im sure ds knows his limits with hurting himself
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| Posted 4/27/09 9:43 AM |
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by angelbear217
Time outs didn't work for my DD at that age. I too did a lot of ignoring and walking away. I wasn't going to give that behavior any attention.
Same for Ryan. Time outs were just a waste of time at that age. I ignored him, and it got better eventually, but when he was a little older, I did start time outs and they work very well now.
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| Posted 4/27/09 9:50 AM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Thanks so much ladies this is so helpful!
I'm noticing now there is a direct correlation b/w his behavior and nights that he doesn't sleep well - so hopefully this isn't a permenant thing  He is just waking up alot now b/c I think his two year molars are coming in...
Thanks again!
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:02 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by itsbabytime
Thanks so much ladies this is so helpful!
I'm noticing now there is a direct correlation b/w his behavior and nights that he doesn't sleep well - so hopefully this isn't a permenant thing He is just waking up alot now b/c I think his two year molars are coming in...
Thanks again!
I have read that lack of sleep can severely effect how a child behaves. I find even when my DD is tired, she is a different child, sometimes inconsolable. So maybe you are on to something.
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:04 PM |
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CellarDweller
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 1562 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
I recently heard something on the news about sleep disorders in children and how even the slightest problem can create behavior issues in young children. In fact, some children who were thought to have ADD in fact were suffering from sleep apnea.
For my 20 month old, he gets 'time outs' during which we ignore him. He hasn't grasped the concept of a time out chair yet but when I turn my back on him and/or don't react to his screaming - he tends to stop.
Good luck!
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:08 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by MrsBSD
I recently heard something on the news about sleep disorders in children and how even the slightest problem can create behavior issues in young children. In fact, some children who were thought to have ADD in fact were suffering from sleep apnea.
For my 20 month old, he gets 'time outs' during which we ignore him. He hasn't grasped the concept of a time out chair yet but when I turn my back on him and/or don't react to his screaming - he tends to stop.
Good luck!
My ped actually told me this. He said that at DS's age they need 11 hours total and at school age 9 hours total and when they get less than this kids exhibit ADD symptoms!
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:16 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by MrsBSD
I recently heard something on the news about sleep disorders in children and how even the slightest problem can create behavior issues in young children. In fact, some children who were thought to have ADD in fact were suffering from sleep apnea.
For my 20 month old, he gets 'time outs' during which we ignore him. He hasn't grasped the concept of a time out chair yet but when I turn my back on him and/or don't react to his screaming - he tends to stop.
Good luck!
My ped actually told me this. He said that at DS's age they need 11 hours total and at school age 9 hours total and when they get less than this kids exhibit ADD symptoms!
Yes, I can believe this. I also read that that's why children who have reflux can exhibit ADD like tendencies b/c they have discomfort, pain and lack of sleep....
it all makes sense to me.
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| Posted 4/28/09 3:20 PM |
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Ali1
Mommy
Member since 8/05 3116 total posts
Name:
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
I think I had a post here exactly like yours and people told me time outs. I was convinced they would not sit anywhere for them....now they are a GOD SEND! I send them to the bottom of the stairs (make sure they cannot see the TV) and they sit there until they calm down. They do sit there and they know what it is. Now at 2 1/2 they are terrified of the word time out. Hope that works.
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| Posted 4/28/09 4:18 PM |
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
I just want to get technical here. Ignoring IS actually a time out procedure. You don't need a step, chair, or corner for time out. If it's your attention they are seeking, or reaction, then ignoring acts as a time out.
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| Posted 4/28/09 4:23 PM |
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chelle
It's a Good Life
Member since 8/06 15404 total posts
Name:
Isn't it obvious?
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Re: Moms can you please tell me how you deal with tantrums/misbehavior in a 20 month old?
Posted by racheeeee
At that age I did a lot of ignoring and walking away. When he didn't get the attention he wanted, he calmed down. Its hard not to get stressed out, but you have to try to remain calm.
I've been attempting to ignore them as well.
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| Posted 4/28/09 4:56 PM |
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