Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

I was feeling sad this weekend.

Matty is 13 months old and I just started my third trimester. DD will be born in early April.

Matty has never been a good sleeper but finally things were improving. He was sleeping 8:15pm- 6:30am and only waking up briefly for a binky once every other night. DH was doing the "binky run" as my pregnancy progressed and we were making do.

Recently Matty is waking up more frequently and screams until I finally come in and rock him back to sleep- doesn't want DH at all. I don't think he is teething or in pain because as SOON as he sees me and sees that I am picking him up he stops crying entirely.

What makes me sad is my mom said to - you have to stop rocking him for naps and before bed- you are spoiling him and he needs to sleep better now that DD is on her way.

I don't want to give up rocking my baby! Its my special time with him- I love rocking him before bed- and he always goes down "drowsy but awake"! She thinks it is confusing him and that's why he expects it in the middle of the night.

I'm just upset I guess because I am scared that I will have to give up "babying" DS because DD is coming so soon- my mom also lectured me about how I have to get him off his bottle- I know its better to get him off but I feel there wouldn't be such a rush if we had a little more time before baby #2.

I guess I feel sad about worrying how to balance both children. I'm scared of not having the resources to give Matty the same attention as I do now. I just love him SO much- I can't imagine not rocking him every night- my heart is breaking over it.

How do you other moms do it?

TIA!

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

A couple of thoughts... is you son walking yet? My DD was waking a lot right before she started walking so it may not because you are rocking him. I rock DD to sleepy but awake and she sleeps through the night no problem. It is probably just a stage right now.
Second, I am a little confused about this bottle thing- I feel like NY docs tell you to get them off the bottles starting at 1 year old. My doc out here and the other mom's I know here in CA all say to start weaning from the bottles at 18 months so I am confused about the hurry. I told my doc we were going to start cutting bottles and she told me to slow down.

I don't think you are spoiling him at all. I know its hard with a new baby on the way and having to juggle(I am a little afraid of this since I am now TTC again) but it sounds like you are doing great!

Don't listen to much to what others say- do what feel right to YOU!

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

I think you need to stop going in to soothe Matty to sleep for a little while. We had a similar situation with Molly. DH had gotten into a habit of going and getting her in the middle of the night and then sleeping with her. For her, it became a habit and she would wake looking for him. Finally, he realized he had to stop so I had to start going in when she woke in the middle of the night. The first few nights, I had to get up several times. I would lay her down, put on her music and rub her back for a few minutes. She would cry and I would let her cry for 5-10 minutes and then go in again. Each time, I lessened the amount of time I rubbed her back and waited longer to go in. It isn't perfect now, but she does sleep better on nights when her teeth aren't bothering her. We have also introduced DH back to soothing her.

If there isn't anything hurting Matt and he's comfortable, I think you may need to start letting him cry a bit. It breaks our heart but for them, it's can be soothing.

As far as the bottle, I'm in no hurry to take it away. She gets one in the morning and one at night. During the day, she has a sippy. I will consider taking it away when she hits 18 months, but I don't see what the big deal is with letting them keep it if they will drink from other cups.

Don't worry about "babying" Matty either. There can never be too much cuddling when it comes to children. If you enjoy rocking him, they continue to do so. It definitely isn't hurting either of you and he falls asleep fine. He just needs to learn to get back to sleep at night. I would also litter his crib with a lot of binkies so he will be able to find one easily in the middle of the night.

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

Thank you all!

He's been walking since he was 10.5 months so I don't think that's it.

I don't know- some nights he sleeps through, some nights he doesn't- but, when he doesn't he can't be rocked back to sleep every time or we will go insane with a new baby too.

I think maybe i will still rock him at night but make absolutley sure I put him down before he is asleep.

I agree- In the middle of the night, DH and I might have to do a mild CIO- I will go in there every 3-5 minutes but just hug him and shush him but not pick him up unless I am concerned there is something wrong. Maybe that will stop the rocking demands in the middle of the night. this is so hard!

I'm going to try and eliminate his nap bottles slowly next week but not rush ending his bed time bottle- I don't understand the real rush for ending the bottle either- does anyone know?

I haven't tried the littering with binkys- I'm going to try that tonight!

Message edited 1/7/2008 1:32:21 PM.

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

OH, we do let DD CIO if she wakes at night. If she doesn't go back to sleep after about 10 minutes I go in and rock her. But usually she is out in about 5-7 minutes. She is just soothing herself back to sleep. So I would try it- don't rush right in to comfort him in the middle of the night.

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

Sounds like my son with the waking.

Well my two are exactly 2 years apart and I had the same concerns as you! I felt like I was going to neglect Antonio when the new baby comes.

I truly felt saddened by the idea of him feeling neglected or jealous. I was in my third trimester this past summer. He still had his bottle and his pacifier. All we did all summer was cuddle and hold hands

As I was laboring in the delivery room I was concerned about how Antonio was doing at home.

When I came home from the hospital he seemed so grown up...I cried!

I made sure we gave him alot of attention when I got home. I would let my mom and others tend to the newborn and I would just play with Antonio.

He still is very jealous...I remember during the first two weeks I was holding Jorgia and he came and took my hand and said "mommy no....Jorgia chair...Antonio Up"...my heart melted.

It all comes together in the end

Sorry for the long response I could go on but I don't want to bore you!

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

I can't speak to the sleeping issue since Sarah was a champ. Andy still doesn't sleep through the night but that's a different story.

As far as the bottle thing....I planned to get her off the bottle by 12 months. But my ped was very frank with me and told me that since they are so close in age (16 months) that most likely she was going to want bottles again since she saw the baby with them. And she did. She weaned herself off by about 20 months I think it was. But I just let it go. It wasn't a big deal to me, and the ped wasn't concerned about it.

I have spent time cuddling both kids every day since they were born. Sometimes the other is in the room, but I pull them onto my lap and we cuddle and talk and read books. And then we all play together, and then I snuggle with the other for a bit.

I was scared about how it was going to work out. And I am not really sure how it did. It just did. We found a happy medium that works for our family. You will too.

Re: Moms of 2 under 2? Long-sorry

Thank you so much everyone- it helps to know that my feelings aren't crazy. I was feeling guilty both ways- to the new baby and to Matty. I guess it will all work out- you all made me feel better- this IS doable!

My plan now is to keep rocking him at bedtime but to start modified CIO for night awakenings- I'll go in there but will not rock him back to sleep.

I'm going to relax about the bottles and tackle slowly eliminating his 2 nap bottles in a few weeks. I'll keep his bedtime bottle for a while. And, we will litter his crib with binkys!

Thanks SO much!