Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

Do people try to convince you to have another? The people who seem to try hardest are those who are only children themselves, which bothers me a bit. I'm hoping our isn't too lonely, or burdened dealing with his old parents by himself later in life.

I would love to have two children, but I'm 40, DH is 45, and I just feel we would be taking a big chance with the baby's health to try again, and we may have a hard time conceiving at all. There also are expenses, and DH and I would like to retire one day (I'm thinking more of college costs here).

Just wondering if others are getting these questions. I usually just tell people, "We'll see. Let me have this one first!"

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

I would like to have 2 (God willing), but here are my thoughts.

I am finding the more time I spend on this site, that there are always going to be people out there who give you their opinion when you have not asked for it.

Whether it's on how much weight you have gained, to your choice of names, to whether or not you are having certain tests taken. Take it all with a grain of salt and don't let it get to you. If you only want to have 1 child, that is totally your right and don't let what anyone else has to say put doubts or stress into your head!

Good luck to you!!!

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

I'm not PG yet, but I'm responding to this.

I am an only child. As a kid, I always wanted a sibling, and as an adult I realize all the things I had, and had the opportunities for that I may not have had with a brother or sister.

My DH is one of 4, and his parents are far greater of a burden to him then my parents ever could be to me, and he has 3 siblings to share!

That said, my own parents had their share of health issues over the years...big things happen...I never once felt they were a burden.

Being lonely, being burdened...has NOTHING to do with having siblngs. I have friends and family members whose siblings bring joy to their life, and on the flip side I know a lot of people whos siblings make them miserable.

You get what you get. You know no different. I think that having loving, supportive, exemplary parents and role models is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

As for people giving you their opinions on having more than one child....I hate to sound rude but I think it is nobody's place to ever tell someone how many children they "should" have.

The fact that you are concerned about finances and giving your
and education displays that you want to be the best parent that you can be....and you will be. Nobody has any right to tell anyone how many children they should have....that is a decision for you and DH and what works for the two of you.
(I hope this doesn't sound harsh, and it is only my opinion)

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

Oh I get it all the time. I've said I only want one child for YEARS and YEARS and people always tell me that I have to have 2. Starting with my mother, who incidentally, only has one child. My MIL was hoping I'd have twins so that I'd be forced to have 2!

I have enjoyed being an only child for most of my life. As with everything there are ups and downs, but I can't really complain about it.

Sometimes I think I'd like to have 2 children, but I can't figure out how we're going to afford the one I'm pregnant with now, so I can't plan on a second child until I have that figured out.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

People were asking me while I was in the hospital recovering from my very tricky high-risk pregnancy & c-section when we were going to have another

It drives me nuts when anyone asks about PGs - it is so personal.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

Thank you so much for your helpful words! It was helpful hearing from someone who is an only child and from others who have or know siblings who may not be so helpful. You reminded me what a nightmare siblings can be...one of my friends has a brother who is an alcoholic, and she has really had a lot of problems with him.

Yeah, it's best that we stick to our original plan. It makes sense for us. I wouldn't put anyone down who is 40 plus and decides to have another child, I just think it would be hard for us, and we do want to give the best we can to our child, both financially and emotionally. I guess I just started to wonder how our child will feel about missing the sibling experience. We'll just have to work harder to make sure he's around other kids his age.

Thanks again! You guys are the best!

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

you have to do what is best for your family. Try not to worry abotu what anyone thinks or says. It is your life; you're family. And you do things your way. Wether you have one child or 4 children......a happy childhood lasts forever. So as long as you do right by your son (and I know you will ) things will work out. They always do.

all that matters is that your son is happy. Hey you never know he might make you a grandma to a lot of grandkids one day. You always have that to look forward to.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

Posted by when

I'm not PG yet, but I'm responding to this.

I am an only child. As a kid, I always wanted a sibling, and as an adult I realize all the things I had, and had the opportunities for that I may not have had with a brother or sister.

My DH is one of 4, and his parents are far greater of a burden to him then my parents ever could be to me, and he has 3 siblings to share!

That said, my own parents had their share of health issues over the years...big things happen...I never once felt they were a burden.

Being lonely, being burdened...has NOTHING to do with having siblngs. I have friends and family members whose siblings bring joy to their life, and on the flip side I know a lot of people whos siblings make them miserable.

You get what you get. You know no different. I think that having loving, supportive, exemplary parents and role models is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

As for people giving you their opinions on having more than one child....I hate to sound rude but I think it is nobody's place to ever tell someone how many children they "should" have.

The fact that you are concerned about finances and giving your
and education displays that you want to be the best parent that you can be....and you will be. Nobody has any right to tell anyone how many children they should have....that is a decision for you and DH and what works for the two of you.
(I hope this doesn't sound harsh, and it is only my opinion)

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

The only person currently trying to convince me to have another is DH!! I think he knows that realistically at our ages (I'm older than you and DH will be 45 before the year is over) and given what we went through to get PG to begin with, this will be our only child. He has the same concerns about being our child being an only child that you do, and has often told me to ask his mother how it felt being an only child.

My feeling is that the grass is always greener, and only children wish for siblings and children with siblings wish they were an only child. It's human nature.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

I am sorry you have to listen to unsolisited opinions!!

Unless those people are going to give birth and take care of the child financially, in my opinion, they have no right to say anything to you! and even than!

you need to do what is best for you, your little and your DH.

Message edited 8/28/2007 7:19:52 PM.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

I don't know how many children I will have because we aren't even trying yet.

But I am an only child. And as an only child, I would NEVER discourage someone from only having once child. Actually, what I usually say is "look how well I turned out" or something like that.

When I was growing up, there were times when I was young that I wanted a sibling. As I got older, I realized that I wouldn't have had the life I had with siblings. I am not saying I was spoiled because I definitely was not. (I have heard that stereotype a million times- "only children are spoiled")

I think it is wonderful to have one child. There are many benefits for the child. My DH enjoys the fact that I am an only also considering he is the youngest of 4!

Don't let anyone discourage you or pass judgement on you!!! Do what is best for you and DH!

Message edited 8/28/2007 8:46:43 PM.

Re: Moms Who Only Plan to Have One Child...

I am due shortly after you (December also) and I will turn 40 about a month before the baby comes. My DH is about the same age as yours. I am afraid I might not have the energy for one, never mind two! Right now, I don't see another baby in my future. I am not sure at my age I want to go through pregnancy again and I will be estatic if I have a healthy first child.

Message edited 8/28/2007 9:21:03 PM.