moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

i have some questions...actually about a million but i'll only post a few for now.


1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?

can you tell i'm nervous?!?

TIA!!!!!

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

My DDs are 20 months apart...


1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?
No, not really. I don't think DD#1 "got it" during the pregnancy.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?
I did not think so. I mean, at first, I was a teary mess and felt very guilty over not having the same time to spend with her, but everything calmed down in a couple of weeks. I did have a c-section and I was pretty much back to normal a week or two later--I don't remember it being much of a factor.

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?
Absolutely fine. She was not jealous, yet not overly interested either. Uh, yeah, once DD#2 started getting mobile, all that changed!!!

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?
Hmmmm...maybe two months?

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?
At first, the baby was behind the driver. She wasn't about to dart out into traffic if we were parked on the street Once she was out of the carrier, I switched that up--DD#1 is on the street side (I frequently need to park on the street). That way, we can put DD#2 in on the sidewalk side with DD#1 standing beside me. Then I walk her into the street with me.

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?
I would just suggest to involve DC#1 in caring for the baby. I put a chair alongside the changing table so that she could "change" the baby. She also stood on a chair to help "bathe" the baby in the sink. Etc. etc... Keep DC#1's schedule the same as it was if possible.

I will add that DD#2 is 19 months old now and all of this is a faint memory by this point. It all seems overwhelming right now, but soon you won't be able to imagine it any other way!

Message edited 12/12/2008 11:16:19 PM.

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Posted by Eireann

My DDs are 20 months apart...


1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?
No, not really. I don't think DD#1 "got it" during the pregnancy.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?
I did not think so. I mean, at first, I was a teary mess and felt very guilty over not having the same time to spend with her, but everything calmed down in a couple of weeks. I did have a c-section and I was pretty much back to normal a week or two later--I don't remember it being much of a factor.

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?
Absolutely fine. She was not jealous, yet not overly interested either. Uh, yeah, once DD#2 started getting mobile, all that changed!!!

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?
Hmmmm...maybe two months?

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?
At first, the baby was behind the driver. She wasn't about to dart out into traffic if we were parked on the street Once she was out of the carrier, I switched that up--DD#1 is on the street side (I frequently need to park on the street). That way, we can put DD#2 in on the sidewalk side with DD#1 standing beside me. Then I walk her into the street with me.

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?
I would just suggest to involve DC#1 in caring for the baby. I put a chair alongside the changing table so that she could "change" the baby. She also stood on a chair to help "bathe" the baby in the sink. Etc. etc... Keep DC#1's schedule the same as it was if possible.

I will add that DD#2 is 19 months old now and all of this is a faint memory by this point. It all seems overwhelming right now, but soon you won't be able to imagine it any other way!

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Posted by LoveBeingMrsT


thank you so much for answeing all my questions and for the great advice!
one more question though, could you carry your oldest dd around after the csection? we have a long narrow staircase that my ds currently rather be carried up/down.

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Posted by LoveBeingMrsT

i have some questions...actually about a million but i'll only post a few for now.


1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?

Bought a few books, talked to him about it, but that's about it. He was too young for the hospital's sibling class.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?

DH stayed home for two weeks (I did have a c-section) which helped, the first week without him was really tough and by the third week I was just determined to get out of the house and try to figure out our new normal.

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?

He wasn't happy about it, I'm not going to lie. He acted like I betrayed him or something...he really just seemed to hate me for a few weeks. He would hide in the corner when DS2 cried. But it all got better. It all passes very quickly.

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?

DS2 started sleeping through the night at five weeks and that really helped getting the routine down. But I really wanted to have a routine started by three weeks so I just went through the motions of it until it clicked.

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?

I put DS1 behind the passenger seat and DS2 behind the driver's seat. I figured the infant car seat was easier to click in and out than it would be to buckle DS1 in on the occasions where the driver's side was to the street.

Don't be nervous! And just remember that a sibling is a great gift to your child, even if s/he doesn't realize it just yet!

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Posted by Eireann

Posted by LoveBeingMrsT


thank you so much for answeing all my questions and for the great advice!
one more question though, could you carry your oldest dd around after the csection? we have a long narrow staircase that my ds currently rather be carried up/down.

Oh yes, regarding that...I forgot to tell you one thing we did do to prepare DD#1. We started making her walk everywhere: from the car to the house, up and down the stairs, etc. I remember my DH would always pick her up and carry her in the house from the car and I was like..."NOOO!" I wanted her to be used to walking, knowing I could not carry two by myself. In fact, we never even got a double stroller--DD#1 would hold on to the Snap and Go in CVS and stores like that. I realize not every 2 year old is capable of that though.

Good luck!!!!

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

My boys are 25 months apart...

1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby? Not really, other than evict him from his crib a month earlier. We "talked" about the baby alot and he "knew" the baby was in my belly.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth? I had a v-birth and the only thing that was difficult was trying to hold both of them at the same time.

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?
It's been 3 years, 4 months and I think he's *finally* starting to accept that his brother's here forever. Nah, he got used to it pretty quickly.

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down? 7 weeks. I remember 7 very.difficult.weeks. (DH returned to work after 9 days and I had no other help)

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you? We moved DS #1 behind the driver and put the baby behind the passenger at the advice of the "professional" car seat installer.

6. any advice on making it easier for dc#1? Plan as much alone time as you can for #1. He loved that! We had our first "date night" when #2 was only 4 weeks - we went to Sesame Street Live. DS was soooo good and happy that night. I'll always remember it.

Good luck!!

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

My boys are 22mos apart

Did I do anything to prepare? Just talked about the baby and had him move into his toddler bed 2-3 mos before I delivered so he would think that was something special for him, not that the baby was taking his bed.

Was it diff. to take care of both? I had a c-sec and luckily I healed fast and my newest baby was a VERY good sleeper therefore I had plenty of time to give to my other son. As for when the baby was up I would just try to let my older one help so he wouldn't feel left out.

How long for a routine? Never really got one. I had the baby my other son was turning 2 and I have an older son as well and he has a very busy sched. between school, band, sports etc I just took them with me every where and they did fine.

Where do you put the car seats? I have a expedition so I need one of the end seats to be available so i can fold it down to get to the 3rd row so My 2yr od (at that time) sat behind the passanger seat and the baby sat in the middle.

Anyadvice? Try to enjoy both of them and don't worry everything works out. I personally feel it's harder now that they are almost 2 and almost 4 because now they fight over toys and they both run in diff directions

the 1st yr was a breeze to what i'm facing now

Good Luck

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Mine are 22mos apart too.

Did I do anything to prepare?

We didn't talk about the baby until about 2 weeks before I delivered for a lot of reasons. He was a friendly kid who talked a lot & would not think twice about asking if ANYONE was pregnant. Also for a 1-2 year old, waiting a week is a long time. 10 months is forever. I didn't want him waiting for the baby because I thought it would build up an unrealistic expectation of the "big brother" to the reality of a crying baby who has just taken his mother's attention.

We prepared him in the sense that I took him off the bottle, had him walking everywhere, had the routine down that he MUST hold my hand while he walks and made sure he knew what Stop meant.

DH also took over bedtime routines about a month or two before I delivered.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?

No c-section & a very easy recovery. It was hard at times but like everything you get used to it. Lack of sleep, carrying an infant, while trying to pick up the Terrible Twos from throwing himself on the ground during a tantrum, etc. The first few months sucked the life out of me, coming home from work to a toddler & baby that needed to spend quality time and to be fed.

You do have to take care of yourself too. I know I wasn't eating as much & putting myself last for awhile & then I realized that if my body breaks down & get sick, everything would in a sense "fall apart"

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?
He wanted her to go back to the hospital. He would left DH's shirt & tell him to feed the baby. That only went on for 2 weeks & then he pretty much forgot that she was never here. However, he started to hit her in the head (which was the first time we started to spank). Then it occurred to us that he was doing it for attention & that was actually encouraging it so we did a reverse and focus on positive reinforcement. If he hit her, I picked her up & soothed her. When he was being the helper, we praised him, snuggled him, etc.

One thing I felt was helpful was a tip I read in a Parenting Magazine. While I was feeding dc#2, I would say to her, "Maddie, as soon as we are done, you are going to play a little bit & then go take a nap because it's Joseph's turn with Mommy." She didn't understand & he felt better because he knew I recognized she was taking up some time & he needed attention.


4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?
3 months the baby was on a regular routine but in 2 weeks we had the regular drop off at daycare, etc.

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?
Infant seat was behind the driver seat. Toddler seat was behind the passenger. I would reach across unbuckle him & he would climb across to go out the door behind the driver.

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?

I wasn't prepared for the guilt. I felt like my first one was not getting the attention he used to have & my second one wasn't getting the attention the first one had. It was probably the worst part of it. Keep reminding yourself that you gave them sibilings - which can be a great gift. I wanted them to have someone who they can go to & say "You know how Dad is" or "Mom is crazy". Someone who got the family dynamics. I had two so they could have each other. He also became Daddy's helper, which was nice since I had the main person he'd go to. It forced DH to step up some & it was great for them to bond.

Message edited 12/13/2008 4:49:44 PM.

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

Mine are 21 and 22 months apart, so here's my feedback.

1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?

Not really, I don't think they understood at all. I did make them feel special after including a big brother/big sister gift on the day the baby came home. But nothing unusual to prepare.

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?

It was definitely tricky esp after my first c/s (baby #2) because I already had a child (via vbirth) I didn't know how truly fragile I would be in the belly area and I had never cared for 2 small children at the same time. After my 2nd c/s (baby #3), even though I had 2 younger ones at home, I was more prepared for the c/s recovery and the juggling the needs.

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?

DS #1 barely even noticed my DD when I brought her home. He never seemed to care one bit. DD was like a little mother when I brought DS #2 home. She was smoothing his blanket and covering his toes from day 1.

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?

Still working on it. j/k...it took a bit but it came. Just like I needed to adjust, my DS did. And then later my DS & DD to baby #3. Someone recently reminded me how my DS #1 was trying to kick me as I stood on the stairs holding my newborn DD in my arms. I completely forgot about it but then I remembered what a mess I was after that. I was sure I would never be able to juggle all their needs. But it came, and I even got to relax sometimes too.

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?
DS #1 was behind me and DD was behind the passenger seat. I liked to see if her head was flopping.

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?

Get as much help as you can. Don't be a martyr about handling it all, esp in the beginning, esp with a c/s. Set aside time when Baby #2 is sleeping to devote to exclusive time with DS #1.

can you tell i'm nervous?!?

You will be able to do it!! It is definitely an adjustment and esp with hormones, you will go through so many emotions. Try to remember the best and worst parts about having children are the same thing - that everything changes. What's hard today will be easier next week. And then the next hurdle. Remember how clueless you felt when you brought your firstborn home and now you are a pro. You willl soon feel like that with 2 kiddies. Not overnight but it will definitely come.

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

DD#1 and DD#2 are 2.5 years apart. DD#2 just arrived a little over 3 weeks ago...

1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby?i talked to her about it here and there once i was in my late second/third trimester. she was curious as to why we were putting up a crib and butterflies in my office...

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)?YES. i have yet to do it 100% alone. DH had paternity leave and took 2 weeks vacation. he goes back to work monday and my mother comes down to take over on sunday...

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby?so far she's been too preoccupied with daddy being home to really care. she's nice to the baby, but is more interested to playing with DH

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down?i'll have to get back to you on this one . the true test will be in january when the holidays are over and all the relatives/helpers are gone...

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you?DD#1 is behind the driver, DD#2 behind the passenger.

any advice on making it easier for dc#1?i never thought of this, but my mom did... when i was in the hospital recovering from a c-section, DH brought DD#1 to visit me every day. i thought it was a PITA (all she wanted to do was push every single button she saw), but my mom thought it was important for her to be involved in the whole process of bringing mommy and new baby home. she believed it could possibly ease the transition if she was a part of it, rather than not seeing mommy for a few days and then coming home with a replacement ...

can you tell i'm nervous?!?ummm, i'm still in denial, but too in with the new addition to care...

Message edited 12/13/2008 4:11:15 PM.

Re: moms with dc's 2 years apart...?

1. did you do anything to prepare dc#1 for the new baby? not really - he knewe that the baby was in my belly but he never really ask about her

2. was it very difficult trying to care for dc#1 after giving birth (esp. if you had a c-section)? I had a c-section with both, it was easier for me the second time around (I think its because i new i had no other choice but take care of both kids)

3. how did dc#1 react to the baby? he kept and stiill says "my baby". he was very loving to her

4. how long did it take to get a comfortable new routine down? just as we got into a nice routine, it was time for me to go back to work

5. where did you put the carseats? who was behind you? in our jeep, the baby is in the middle and DS behind the pass. side. in my car the baby is behind the driver side

dd is a great helper to me, he jsut loves to help so i ask him to get me things or pick stuff up to hand to me even if i don't really need them