Moving away from family....

I was just wondering if anyone moved to another state/country and left everyone family and friends behind? How did you cope?

DH got a job offer on the West coast with the best company in his industry. I'm having a really hard time accepting that I have to pick up and leave everything. I can't think about it without crying...Advice or words of wisdom??

Re: Moving away from family....

I think if the job/money is right then you should take it; neither of you wants to have any regrets.

Sure, the west coast is far away, but visits home are that much sweeter. It gives family/friends a chance to visit you and see the new life you've made. Plus, there's the phone/e-mail etc.

Good luck!!!

Re: Moving away from family....

After I graduated college, I moved to chicago for a company. I didn't have any family or real friends here (except for some people who went to my college that I was friendly with). It was tough at first, but I was young and hung out with the people who I met at work. I was in a rotational development program so we were all fresh out of school. Three months later, I met DH. Fast foward 6 years, we have a son, a house and great network of friends.

I miss my family terribly sometimes, which is why I used to go home every chance I get. I usually go to NY 4-5 times a year even for just a weekend. I'm not going to lie it's tough but you'll make it through. Just cry if you need to or call home, I guarantee that you'll feel better.

At least you'll have your DH with you, so you're not alone. If you don't know anyone there, try looking into alumni associations in the area for schools either of you went.

Lots of luck!

Message edited 8/24/2005 2:14:19 PM.

Re: Moving away from family....

Nik, I moved to Spain for my ex-husband. It didn't seem like such a sacrifice at the time because we travel a lot in my family. I spoke with my parents and sister every week (this was before email). Sometimes I was lonely, but all in all it was a wonderful experience for me.

I think you should see this as an opportunity for a life you never would have had....and focus on the positive aspects. You just may love it!! And you will probably get lots of visitors!!! I know I did!!

Re: Moving away from family....

I did this. 3 days after our wedding we packed up and moved to Chicago. We knew nobody. But, my DH was going to get his MBA from the top business school and there was no way I was going to stop him. We originally came here for 2 years and planned to go back to NY after school. Well, he graduated and we're still here. We love it! We bought a condo, he started a new job, I've been promoted in mine....

That doesn't mean it isn't hard though. For the first 3-6 months I cried a lot, was very sad, missed my family and friends so much...but eventually we developed great friendships here that in many cases are better than ones we left. I still miss everyone, but am so glad we went for it.

If you try and never adjust - you can always go back to NY with no feeling of regret. At least you tried!

Re: Moving away from family....

I lived on the West coast after college. It was a little hard at first, but in some ways was easier for me because I was in a volunteer program that had a large network of people living in the area that were my age with similar interests.

I think you can make it work for you if you get involved with something to help you meet people. whether that is your alumni association, a church group, taking adult ed classes, or joining a gym. I find that the older I get, the harder I have to try to meet new people - it isn't as easy as when you are in your teens and early twenties. And you will get visitors!

Re: Moving away from family....

I left NY for GA because we knew we could not afford to live in NY and we wanted a different way of life.

IT was SO hard at first, I was depressed and cried. IT does get easier...it's been a year now and when I go visit, I can't wait to come back to GA. The life we have created is so great.

I DO miss my dad, grandma, sister, and best friend...but that's it. I don't miss NY (well, maybe the beach and bagels) but that's it. You couldn't pay me enough to come back

Re: Moving away from family....

i had the same situation last year. my fiance and his family had decided to move out of new york and i was offered a place to stay with them since me and my fiance just got engaged. i was in the same postion you were....i wasnt sure what to think and cried everytime but i knew that i had to make a decision. we moved and dont get me wrong it was very hard on both fh and i. everyday we wish we were back in ny but we new that we had to think about our future. writing, talking on the phone, and taking trips back still keep us in touch. i will be completely honest with you it is hard and im not going to lie about that. there were plenty of nights that i cried my self to sleep or just out of the blue started crying. for about 6 months i was depressed. it takes time to get used to a different place.its hard for us to b/c my fmil thinks that you moved out of state and you forget about everyone(shes not very close with her family) and she thinks that fh and i arent going to go back and visit and try to spend holidays around. thats the hardest part for us b/c she has a comment everytime we want to go back....if you need to talk please fm me. i totally understand your situation. sorry about the vent also......

Message edited 8/24/2005 11:04:57 PM.

Re: Moving away from family....

We have been thinking and struggling with moving out of NY, and we hate having to leave our families.
BUT, we will do it for a better life and to afford a nice home someday.

It is going to be rough. Log on to LIF a lot and we'll keep you company

Re: Moving away from family....

Posted by dooodles

We have been thinking and struggling with moving out of NY, and we hate having to leave our families.
BUT, we will do it for a better life and to afford a nice home someday.

It is going to be rough. Log on to LIF a lot and we'll keep you company

Re: Moving away from family....

I am really distraught about it. I don't know if this is normal or I really can't do it. It is absolutely killing me to think that I won't be here to watch my niece grow up. I don't want to be the aunt that isn't known. I always wanted my kids to be close to their cousins because I never was.

We currently live in S.I. and although only minutes from Brooklyn where the family is, we talk about not having children just yet because we don't have the support close. If we go to the West Coast we will know no one!

I'm so numb....

Dh and I are on different sides of the fence here. He wants to go and justifiably so, but I don't. I don't know if I can make that sacrifice for him.

Re: Moving away from family....

We definitely want to move, but we are looking at areas within driving distance from family (upstate NY, NJ, CT). California would be a huge change, but I think when you get married you create your own family that becomes the new #1 priority. Of course family is important, but the family that you and DH created is most important. I would miss my mother terribly but would do it if it was a great opportunity for DH.

If you are saying that you don't know if you can make that sacrifice for him, then your relationship with him is not as important to you as your relationship with your family, and while it's OK (and important) to realize the priority of people in your life, I think your DH would be incredibly hurt if you told him you wouldn't be willing to do that for him.

I can say I would move anywhere with DH and be happy because I would be with him...But I also told him no FL because I hate the heat and humidity!

Message edited 8/25/2005 10:04:21 AM.

Re: Moving away from family....

When I first got married I moved to New Jersey and left everyone behind. It was the best time of my life. Being a newlywed and not having anyone around. Unfortunately as time goes by you really do need the support of your family and friends and we ended up moving back. I don't regret and I wouldn't change a thing.

Well maybe killing off a SIL but other than that. Ooopppsss............did I just say that?

Re: Moving away from family....

I've done it three times! After college moved to Baton Rouge for grad school, then to Dallas for a job, and now in Cincinnati. For me...I love the adventure and exctiement of a new city, meeting new people. And each place I've lived I have wonderful memories and experiences. In Dallas, I met my DH. His job moved us to Cincinnati. And we have a beautiful home with a ridiculously cheap mortgage and of course baby Jack (who is now 10 months old!) It is definately hard being away from family and friends but you do meet new people and before you know it it seems like you lived there forever.

I got lucky...my parents sold their house in Merrick and moved to Cincinnati to be closer to us (well to Jack of course). And we are now closer to inlaws...but not too close.

I also like a little distance between family. It gives you the opportunity to become your own family with your husbadn and kids.

Re: Moving away from family....

When DH and I first got engaged, we moved to Florida. We planned for this move for months. When we first left, my mom was a wreck. She was acting as if I died the way she was carrying on. I, on the other hand, felt horrilbe that she was so upset, but was so excited to be making this move. Everything was great when we got to Florida. I loved it there so much, but DH was not happy at all. We lasted about 9 weeks, with one of those weeks away on a cruise, until he called his parents and told them that he was extremely homesick and wanted to come home. His mom offered to help us financially to move back home because at this point, we were broke. We did just that. For a long time I was so angry w/DH for not giving it a chance that I felt cheated out of this experience. I eventually got over it, but still to this day, wish I was still there. Don't get me wrong, I did miss my family and friends, but this is what we wanted to do to make better lives for ourselves.

Re: Moving away from family....

I moved to CA six years ago and although I miss my family, we see each other 4-6 times a year and talk often. You get involved with your life and it gets easier. The first year was definatley the roughest.

Where is your DH job?

Re: Moving away from family....

Remember too- it doesn't have to be forever. When I moved out here, I saw myself moving back in a couple of years. I only did it for a change. Now I can't imagine moving back even though my DH would in a second. We fight abou this all the time since I couldn't see leaving behind the life I created here. But if my DH got a great new job, I would to make him happy.

Edited to say: If you move anywhere near Redondo Beach, Ca- you have new friend in me!

Message edited 8/25/2005 12:57:50 PM.

Re: Moving away from family....

Thank you guys for sharing your experiences and your encouragement.

We will be moving to Portland Oregon. The opportunity for my DH is great, it's not more money (lateral with the cost of living changes), but it is his lifelong dream to work for this company.

Its just too heavy for me to think about. Selling my house and its just such a big deal!

I guess if we had talked about moving away and it was our decision (for a better life, etc) it would be easier.

Re: Moving away from family....

Do your families know about this job opportunity? What do they think about it? Maybe if they tell you it's too good to pass up you'll feel better about it.

I mentioned to my mom the possibility of moving out of state in a few years. I thought she'd try to guilt me into staying, but she said if that's what we need to do for ourselves then we should do it. Plus it gives her a new place to visit.

Re: Moving away from family....

Re: Moving away from family....

I didn't think I could do it, but the prospect of making a decent life without struggle was what pushed me. AT some point you have to put yourself and the family you are going to create before all else. That's what we did.

But it was easier for us-we were sick of the rude attitudes we were dealing with in NY, the crazy drivers and traffic, the cost of living.

Down here life is so much simpler, the people are nicer, and life is such a slower pace which is what we wanted. We're still struggling, but it's part of marriage and life and we know if we work hard, it'll all work out

Re: Moving away from family....

i relocated here last year becuase of Fh job. At first i cried everyday and all i wanted to do was go back home!!! AFter a while i got used to it but i still sruggle i went from working full time being around all my family and friends to being a stay at home mom with no family no friends its very hard!! Especially after having family members pass etc...while i have been gone. At this point we are realizing that we need to move off LI its just way to expensive!! we have been looking into going back upstate where my family is! (fingers are crossed)

Message edited 8/26/2005 11:09:03 AM.

Re: Moving away from family....

Well DH and I will be moving to Virginia next year although Ihave close family there my parents & my brother will stay here in NY. It will be one of the most difficult things I will have to deal with because our daughter is the only grandchild and she will be leaving her grandparents. I've cried a couple of times thinking about ti but I'm sure it's normal. You're not alone and whatever you decided keep us posted. We're here for support!!

Message edited 8/26/2005 11:29:30 AM.

Re: Moving away from family....

We're still discussing it. DH feels very strongly about going, I still feel like I can not do it. So we are still on opposite sides of the fences. I've discussed it with friends and my sisters and although they don't want me to leave they understand. I haven't told my mother yet... She's not going to be as understanding - maybe she'll surprise me, ya never know!

I don't know what we do from this point. I guess one of us has to make the sacrifice, it will probably have to be me

Re: Moving away from family....

I moved from NY to Colorado for 5 years. I really enjoyed my time out there and wouldn't change a thing. As long as you can hop a flight to visit your OK. I actually enjoyed the privacy and being taken out of the drama of family life.

My sister currently lives in Alaska, so I miss her so bad. We cant just get on a flight for the weekend or even a week b/c its a 17 hr flight. Thats way harder than just moving out west.