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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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much needed vent
My mom and I had plans to go out to dinner and to Yonkers casino tomorrow night and she called this afternoon to "reschedule." I suppose that would be acceptable, but her reasoning has me very hurt and angry. My niece's b-day is Friday and she told my niece that they would make cupcakes for her to bring to camp and then she has to get dinner ready for my dad and she's worried that she won;t be relaxed for the evening.  Um, we've had plans for a week and my niece has a mother.  I know to some of you I may sound selfish, but this is an ongoing thing in my life.
Since my sister is a single mom, my mom practically raises my niece. My sister and my niece always seem to come before me and DS and it's just not fair. My mom justifies everything she does by saying that I have a husband to help me and my sister doesn't.
Not for nothing, but noone handed me a husband. I choose to work on my relationship every day to make it what it is. Why is it I should be penalized because I got married, built a life for myself and my husband and then collectively and responsibly decided to have a child?!
And then to add insult to injury, my dad calls to ask me if I can go to the beverage store and get beer for my nieces b-day party that my parents are paying for, hosting and doing all of the work for while my sister does nothing.
I just feel like such a second rate citizen in my own family.
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Posted 8/15/07 7:45 PM  |
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Kate
*****
Member since 5/05 7557 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: much needed vent
 That totally sucks. I can see how that can be frustrating. I guess all you can do is be thankful that you have a wonderful husband and don't need your parents' help the way your sister does.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:04 PM |
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Marcie
Complete Happiness :)
Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
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LOVE being a Mommy!
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Re: much needed vent
That is so frustrating.
Can you call her back and tell her that you were really looking forward to going with her and is there something you can do to help her to have her still come.
Maybe she will realize that you were really looking forward to spending the time together.
And for your dad - send Chinese take out to the house or something
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:14 PM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: much needed vent
That doesn't sound selfish at all.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:18 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by Marcie
That is so frustrating.
Can you call her back and tell her that you were really looking forward to going with her and is there something you can do to help her to have her still come.
Maybe she will realize that you were really looking forward to spending the time together.
And for your dad - send Chinese take out to the house or something
As it is, I'm going with her to Costco tomorrow to help her shop for the party. We've had these plans all week too, to go to Costco and then go out for lunch with DS. So my mom says to me today, do you think we'll be done by 2pm tomorrow, your sister wanted me to pick Marisa from camp. I told her the only way we'd be done on time would be if we skipped going out to lunch, because I'm not going to feed my son an hour earlier than he's used to so that she's available to pick up my niece.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:21 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: much needed vent
I can absolutely see why you are upset and I don't think you're being the least bit selfish. I wish I had some great advice, but I don't.  I'm sorry
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:22 PM |
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InShock
life is good
Member since 10/06 9258 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
Not selfish at all.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:23 PM |
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Marcie
Complete Happiness :)
Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
Name:
LOVE being a Mommy!
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by nferrandi
As it is, I'm going with her to Costco tomorrow to help her shop for the party. We've had these plans all week too, to go to Costco and then go out for lunch with DS. So my mom says to me today, do you think we'll be done by 2pm tomorrow, your sister wanted me to pick Marisa from camp. I told her the only way we'd be done on time would be if we skipped going out to lunch, because I'm not going to feed my son an hour earlier than he's used to so that she's available to pick up my niece.
If you don't mind me asking - why can't your sister get her?
And what about your dad - can he get your niece?
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:24 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
Message edited 11/24/2007 10:11:26 PM.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:24 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
I hear ya. From one responsible child to another, you are not being selfish.
I am currently going through something similar with my brother... actually have been for years, it's just recetnly gotten a heck of a lot serious. He digs his hole deeper and deeper and all I hear from family is "Poor M" Ummm, hello, we were both raised in the same house, he has what he has and doesn't have because of his actions or more like, lack thereof.
So, I can feel your pain.
I understand your mom wanting to help your sister. It's hard being a single mom BUT, you are important too. She should honor the original plans she made with you, JMHO. Your Dad's a big boy, he can feed himself... there's always take-out or he can make a sandwhich.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:25 PM |
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snuggleupagus
I'm a rolling machine.
Member since 9/06 2064 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
If it helps, their behavior only hinders your sister and makes you stronger. You come out the winner even though you feel neglected/ignored.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:27 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by Marcie
If you don't mind me asking - why can't your sister get her?
And what about your dad - can he get your niece?
My sister CAN get her, but it's so much easier when she has her mommy do it for it (sense the sarcasm.) As for my dad, he's older and none of us are crazy about his driving. I wouldn't let him drive my son anywhere either.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:28 PM |
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MelToddJulia
Love my Family!
Member since 7/05 29064 total posts
Name:
Mel
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Re: much needed vent
I hear ya! and you have every right to be feel hurt!!
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:33 PM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: much needed vent
You don't sound selfish. I know this isn't going to help, but honestly, I think your mom feels that if she doesn't help your sister, it won't get done. I think she is doing it more for your niece than your sister.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:34 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
I hear ya. From one responsible child to another, you are not being selfish.
I am currently going through something similar with my brother... actually have been for years, it's just recetnly gotten a heck of a lot serious. He digs his hole deeper and deeper and all I hear from family is "Poor M" Ummm, hello, we were both raised in the same house, he has what he has and doesn't have because of his actions or more like, lack thereof.
So, I can feel your pain.
I understand your mom wanting to help your sister. It's hard being a single mom BUT, you are important too. She should honor the original plans she made with you, JMHO. Your Dad's a big boy, he can feed himself... there's always take-out or he can make a sandwhich.
We have a lot in common. Everyone feels so bad for my sister, but she's the one who made the decisions that got her where she is today and I feel like all my parents do is enable her to continue living the way she does. My parents do everything for her. They pay the taxes on her house, her ConEd bill, get my niece whatever she wants- and it's just ridiculous. My sister needs to be doing the things my mom does, but why would she when someone else will do it for her?
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:36 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: much needed vent
That sucks that you feel like that, I would be so frustrated if I was in your shoes...hope things get better.....have you tried telling them how you feel?
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:38 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
I would def. be hurt. You are not being selfish at all.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:41 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by stephanief
That sucks that you feel like that, I would be so frustrated if I was in your shoes...hope things get better.....have you tried telling them how you feel?
I have, but like Stephanie said, they feel like if they don't do it, it won't get done. My mom explains it away by saying things like, "I help the child who needs me most" and "if you were in the same position I'd help you too." Well that's a load or crap! She takes my niece at least twice a week, once overnight and she took my niece to the Hamptons for 4 nights last week. She has watched DS maybe 3 times all summer. I need a break sometimes too.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:44 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
I hear ya. From one responsible child to another, you are not being selfish.
I am currently going through something similar with my brother... actually have been for years, it's just recetnly gotten a heck of a lot serious. He digs his hole deeper and deeper and all I hear from family is "Poor M" Ummm, hello, we were both raised in the same house, he has what he has and doesn't have because of his actions or more like, lack thereof.
So, I can feel your pain.
I understand your mom wanting to help your sister. It's hard being a single mom BUT, you are important too. She should honor the original plans she made with you, JMHO. Your Dad's a big boy, he can feed himself... there's always take-out or he can make a sandwhich.
We have a lot in common. Everyone feels so bad for my sister, but she's the one who made the decisions that got her where she is today and I feel like all my parents do is enable her to continue living the way she does. My parents do everything for her. They pay the taxes on her house, her ConEd bill, get my niece whatever she wants- and it's just ridiculous. My sister needs to be doing the things my mom does, but why would she when someone else will do it for her?
Yup, it's Enabling 101... although by now, both your sister and my brother have had it done to them enough they both could have grad degrees in the subject In my situation my Dad is handicapped and can't live on his own. My brother knows my dad has to have him live there but my brother takes advantage in other ways and feels he is justified ETA: My brother resents me for everything I have and throws it back in my face all of the time. I hope your sister doesn't do this to you. As if it all just came down from the sky and landed at our feet.
Why is it that in so many families, the child who works the hardest, is the most responsible, well adjusted and bascially never royally screwed up her life always gets more and more @#$% put on them while the one who constantly screws up is always rescued ? The parents, no matter what the age, are only making the problem worse.
I'm sorry. I'm thinking a heart to heart with your mom and dad is in order. It may not change things but at least you will have said your peace.
Message edited 8/15/2007 8:54:49 PM.
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| Posted 8/15/07 8:53 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: much needed vent
Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
I'm thinking a heart to heart with your mom and dad is in order. It may not change things but at least you will have said your peace.
We've been down that road. And at the end of that road is usually me getting yelled at for being a brat. And them telling me to stop comparing and being jealous. They "have" to take care of my sister because she doesn't have anyone and I have my husband to take care of me.
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| Posted 8/15/07 9:06 PM |
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