My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Some of you may remember that a while back I posted that my RE's office had signs up saying that because of the sensitive nature of the practice, please make childcare arrangements for all of your appointments.

My initial reaction was that children in the waiting room didn't bother me, but I understood why they had the policy.

Well, while everything was going on the last 2 weeks, I didn't get to post what happened to me while in the waiting room.

DH and I are sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called in for our appointment where we we knew that the doctor most likely was going to confirm that the pregnancy was not viable. Sure enough, a couple (not just a mom - it was both mom and dad) come into the waiting room with their toddler. Of course they sit near us. They proceed to let the toddler walk around the waiting room (of course she keeps saying "mommy" and "daddy"). To make matters worse, she walks over to DH and starts grabbing his leg saying "hi" to him.

Honestly, this was absolutely heart-breaking to us. The last thing we wanted was a toddler to be talking to us while we are waiting for bad news about our impending miscarriage.

It took EVERYTHING in me not to rip that couple a new one (DH stopped me) because I could not believe the absolute selfishness on their parts. There are big signs ALL OVER the waiting room, yet, they did not think that the signs applied to them. Clearly, childcare was not an issue because BOTH of them were there. I know they saw me when I came out of the office crying.

When the nurse called me later that day, I told her loud and long how upset I was and she assured me it would not happen again. I also was furious because there were at least 5 employees of the RE who saw this and not one asked them to take their child outside.

I thought that it was going to be the last time it happened. Sure enough, we go back a week later (for more bad news) and lo and behold, the same family is there again. At this point, it was almost comical to DH and me. I really wished I said something directly to them, but I was so upset about the miscarriage that I knew it would have been a UGLY scene. Instead, I just gave them dirty looks!

I just could not believe that a couple could be so insensitive to the needs of others and could blatantly choose to ignore the doctor's policies.

Anyway, I guess I have to say that I absolutely agree with the policy. While it may not be a big deal to see a baby when you are waiting to have CD3 bloodwork done, it is absolute torture when you are waiting to hear that your pregnancy is not viable

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

In the year+ that I saw my RE, I NEVER brought my daughter to an appointment. It was certainly inconvenient, but my heart understood the pain and ache it would have caused. I'm so sorry that others were so blatantly insensitive

Remember, karma is a ******...

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

First, so sorry you had to deal with this on top of everything else!

Second, I would call the office manager and let them know that they need to be enforcing their own policies that are in place for the sensitivity of the majority of their patients and that if you see it again you will get someone that works there to address it or will do it yourself.

Third, even though I have not endured your loss, I had a woman with stroller plop next to me in an empty waiting room last week. I gave her a look, got up, stepped over her stroller and went and sat elsewhere. even though my office doesn't have a policy, per se, a little common sense would have been nice!

Again for all you and DH have been through.

Shawnna

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

You poor thing. I don't understand why people don't think or have a little consideration.

I had this happen to me a couple of weeks ago. There were three kids with both parents and all three kids were running from the front desk to the back wall. It honestly looked like a day care. I took a seat on the side away from them and one of the mothers were telling her three year old to say hello to me continuously. I just don't get people.

Message edited 3/18/2009 4:13:05 PM.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Posted by Bxgell2

In the year+ that I saw my RE, I NEVER brought my daughter to an appointment. It was certainly inconvenient, but my heart understood the pain and ache it would have caused. I'm so sorry that others were so blatantly insensitive

Remember, karma is a ******...

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Posted by KrisT

Posted by Bxgell2

In the year+ that I saw my RE, I NEVER brought my daughter to an appointment. It was certainly inconvenient, but my heart understood the pain and ache it would have caused. I'm so sorry that others were so blatantly insensitive

Remember, karma is a ******...

Honestly, if it had just been a mother and child, I would still have been upset, but I would have given her the benefit of the doubt because maybe her childcare cancelled. I would not have said anything because I completely understand that you cannot just "reschedule" these appointments. But both parents were there!

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Ugh, Kristin, that is awful.

In my old RE's office there was like a huge family of kids that would come in all the time, and 9 times out of 10 I was dealing with either having a chemical or a m/c, so I totally feel your pain. Why they all needed to be there is beyond me.

Honestly, here's a novel idea...how about if they all need to be at the appt., the DH and kids wait in the car or whatever and the mom can call and say when they call her in. I mean, is it necessary to subject people to this in an INFERTILITY CLINIC? Have some sensitivity, people.

I totally feel your pain

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

In every situation, I try very hard not to judge anothers actions without knowing each and every fact...I am a Libra, thats how I am - LOL

With that being said, my RE's office fortunately did not have a no children in the waiting room practice...I say fortunately because I am one of those people that have had no other option but to bring my DS with us to quite a few of our appointments...And I say "us" because yes my DH accompanied me and did not stay home or in the car with him....He accompanied me on the bad news that my beta was not doubling, he accompanied me when I was told that I may be having an ectopic pregnancy, he accompanied me at every consultation that I was told that they have no explanation why 7 IUI's and 1 IVF had not taken and also to discuss how we were going to pay for it all without IF coverage....For all of these things, I needed my DH there for emotional support and would have had it no other way...

On a better note, my DH was also there when we got to see the fetal pole for the first time and the very first time we saw the babys heartbeat on the sonogram and knew that 7 years of IF treatments finally made our dream a reality ...

What I am trying to say is that- this woman may very well have been there to hear either the most devestating or amazing news of her life and wanted or needed her husband there to share it with her and simply had no other option that to bring her DC along...I also think that if it is your RE's policy to ask parents to refrain from bringing their children, this peticular practice is not the one for her, because for someone who has a DC, its almost not a reality- childcare is/ can be extremely hard to find for some people. It is also very difficult to bring a DC along to appointments because in all honesty, they don't want to be there , they make you tense because you are trying to make sure they aren't being too loud, or upsetting the patients and doctors etc...And from a parent, the guilt you feel from having to drag them along is immense.

We battled IF for 4 years before conceving my DS and then another 3 before my DD...in total 13 IUI's and 2 IVF's. I may be in the minority, but to me it was always reassuring to see DC's in the waiting room because I knew most if not all were conceived right there in that office...I actually spoke with many of the patients in the office with DC's and the success stories are what made me know I was in the right hands...

I hope I delivered this post without sounding insensitive at all - never at all my intention- actually the exact opposite , just wanted to bring awareness that we never know whats going on in anothers life without knowing the peticulars about that persons situation ( or for all we know she is just an idiot )

I wish each and everyone of you your own little miracles , no-one deserves IF, especially such a wonderful group of girls as you all are and to the OP- please understand that I have all the in the world for you and am so very sorry that you were put in such an uncomfortable situation during such a very tough time

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Awwwww Kristen I'm so sorry

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Bops, thanks for your post (it was too long to quote!) and it was not insensitive at all. I know not everyone has the same feelings that I do.

I did consider that she may have been there for bad news, however, they seemed way too happy to me! I know it is wrong to make assumptions, but I just doubt they were there for bad news. Also, like Lauren said, they could have waited outside until she was called in.

I also think it really bothers me that they chose to ignore the policy twice!! As you said, if this is a problem for them, then maybe they need to see another doctor.

Also, I understand wanting DH there for support for bad news and good news, but should she get all of that at the expese of my feelings (as well as many other women)? I also understand the flipside, should I get what I want at the expense of her. I suspect, though I know I could be wrong, that there are probably more women at the practice that feel like me than are in her situation.

But the bottom line is that the practice has a policy in place and if you are going to choose to go there, then you need to follow it!

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Esp. with a policy in place, it is so insensitive of them. Obviously there's a reason people are there and that was not right and shame on the office staff for not saying something to them - even if they quietly said, ok, but next time you can't - but then to see them again! that must have been incredibly difficult.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

I am so sorry that you had to deal with that, ontop of everything else.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

The office is really the ones I feel could have said something to her.. Especially if they have that rule.. Obviously (because she did it again) no one said anything to her.. Also how can you read a rule like that posted all over the office and not feel uncomfortable by bringing your child? thats what baffles me.. And I understand wanting your DH there for good news and bad news but at least wait outside like the pp's said until your called.. If the woman has gone through the pain of IF than how could this not make her feel bad to do this?? This is what I dont get.. AT ALL??

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

The times I have witnessed this, both parents were there and like Kris said, seemed happy as could be, so I doubt they were both there for support of bad news. I have sat in an office waiting for bad news and a smile on my face was the last thing. I just don't understand how if both parents are there, one can't take the child outside. Like I said, the last time I witnessed this, it truly looked like a day care and it was obvious the parents did not care one bit for the other patient's feelings. One mother kept telling her son to say hi to me, kept pushing it even though I sat way out of the way in the waiting room to be away from her. Honestly, I was not in the mood, given that I was sitting in an RE's waiting room.

Message edited 3/19/2009 11:33:28 AM.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

I'm sorry u had to go through this.

I think if the dr's office has the policy, they should enforce it. To have a policy without enforcement is silly.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

I'm sorry you had to deal this that. And it really does make a difference on where you are in your cycle.

This week I was in the waiting room and this women came in with her DD who was 3 (she told all of us). Well, her DD was not shy and started talking to someone in the waiting room. I was only there for monitoring for CD 6 or something and I was just tired not stressed. But, i was surprised she let her DD walk right over to this woman and start talking to her. I was sure she was gonna apologize and move DD to sit next to her. But, she didn't. At that point her DD was quite funny and entertaining. BUT, if something bad just happened to me I would not have been thinking that. And I think just because you don't know what everyone is doing that parents need to be a little cautious with their LO's when in the office. Though logistically, I know its not always easy to get a sitter. Its a hard situation.

Re: My experience last week with children in the waiting room (long!)

Message edited 11/9/2009 9:49:19 PM.