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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
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My friend is making a big mistake
I have a friend who is about to get engaged. Normally I would be thrilled, but all she ever talks about this guy is his negative traits (and trust me- there are a lot and they are HUGE). My 2 encounters with him have been pleasant, but they have SO many issues (according to her). They have only been dating for 3 months and they are getting engaged and want to be married by Memorial Day
The thing is, they are both already divorced. He has a kid. I know with her last husband she totally rushed into things and learned a lot of things after they were married. She swore she wouldn't do the same thing.
The guy she dated after her ex for a year- it was the same thing. From day one she had complaints about him and didn't trust his judgment, but she was waiting for a ring and broke up with him because he wasn't ready to get married.
In fact, a month ago when we were talking about him at a girls brunch, we dicussed how you should know someone a year before you get married- and she completely agreed. Meanwhile, now she wants to get married 6 months after they met And she already sees he has many problems.
I have always been honest about how I felt with her. I have always told her that anything negative I feel about him has been based solely on what she told me.
I'm so afraid she is rushing into this marriage, and since she is older now will get pregant quickly and will be stuck in a marriage that is very similar to her last marriage. Don't get me wrong, this guy is a lot better than her ex, but they have some fundamental similarities (Stubborn, etc...)
I'm not even saying the guy is totally wrong for her, but he has done some really inappropriate things early on in their relationship (like expect her parents to pay for their wedding and their first home immediately after the wedding). I can't imagine what else will happen. I just wish she would give it more time.
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Posted 3/14/07 6:36 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: My friend is making a big mistake
Have you sat down with her and talked to her? I don't mean in a confrontational way, more like conversation....
I know it's tough to see people you love do stuff like that but unfortunately sometimes they have to live and learn...
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| Posted 3/14/07 7:54 PM |
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robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
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Re: My friend is making a big mistake
Honestly, I would tell her how you feel. I wish my friends told me what they really felt before I got engaged and married. After the divorce they told me they didn't want to say anything because "they thought I was happy"...I wish we talked about things more openly. Not saying I would have changed my mind...but I would have been more aware.
Good luck 
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| Posted 3/14/07 9:39 PM |
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MrsKelly
just hangin' around...
Member since 11/06 6305 total posts
Name:
Krista
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Re: My friend is making a big mistake
Posted by MrsTC
Have you sat down with her and talked to her? I don't mean in a confrontational way, more like conversation....
I know it's tough to see people you love do stuff like that but unfortunately sometimes they have to live and learn...
i absolutely agree. some people just have to make their own mistakes, unfortunately - but i think you should at least try to talk to her... that's what friends are for, afterall. good luck, i know it's gotta be a sucky situation
Message edited 3/14/2007 9:44:59 PM.
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| Posted 3/14/07 9:44 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: My friend is making a big mistake
Posted by MrsKelly
Posted by MrsTC
Have you sat down with her and talked to her? I don't mean in a confrontational way, more like conversation....
I know it's tough to see people you love do stuff like that but unfortunately sometimes they have to live and learn...
i absolutely agree. some people just have to make their own mistakes, unfortunately - but i think you should at least try to talk to her... that's what friends are for, afterall. good luck, i know it's gotta be a sucky situation
I have spoken to her. I am very honest with her and when she told me some things, I got so mad and told her she deserved better. I e-mailed her afterwards apologizing if I was too harsh, and she thanked me for being so honest.
I even heard from a mutual thing about something shtty he did, and I e-mailed her about it. She was very thankful for my honesty. She knows how I feel. She knows how our other friend's feel. She is one of thoes people who agrees with what you say, but then doesn't heed the advice. I guess you can't make someone listen.
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| Posted 3/14/07 10:41 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: My friend is making a big mistake
This sucks
I had a friend I thought was making the same big mistake. Very similar to what you're describing.
It turned out it wasn't as bad as we thought. They did get divorced, but it was a 10 year marriage.
Surprisingly, he was her rock during the worst times in her life. I think he makes for a cr@ppy dad & ex-husband but as her husband it wasn't as bad as we all thought.
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| Posted 3/15/07 6:44 AM |
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