My story to cope with my loss (very long)

My story...
AF was due 2/12. I POAS Valentine's Day at 5 am. I AM PREGNANT! I woke my husband up and told him to look in the bathroom. He and I were very excited and happy. We were full of wonderful emotions. We tell only our immediate family of our greatest news. Everything is going great until I wake up on 2/25. I wake up and go to the bathroom and notice that there is blood (bright pink/red) on the toliet paper (sorry TMI). I ignore the incident in the bathroom until I get to work later that morning. I call my doc and he says he is unavailable to see me as he has an emergency but would be able to see me the following day or says that if I feel the need to go to the hospital, go to the ER. After the phone conversation, I got extremely emotional and notified my supervisor that I am going to the ER. I sign in at the hospital and call my dh. He arrives about 1/2 hour after I signed in. We wait about 5 hours and I finally get called to the back to see a doctor. The nurse asks me why I am at the ER and I told her I am pregnant and bleeding. She takes my urine and take my blood. It is confirmed that I am pregnant. I wait about 5 hours more then I go for an ultrasound. In the ultrasound room the technician is unable to locate anything and calls in the resident doc and doc on call to request a vaginal ultrasound. During the vaginal ultrasound, they notice there are no signs of pregnancy in my uterus (no gestinational sac) but noticed that my baby is located in my left fallopian tube. They call it an ectopic pregnancy. That was the most devastating moment of both my and my dh's lives. I start crying uncontrollably because during the sonogram, we see the baby's heart beating. I think it would have helped if I never would have looked, it makes this whole process harder to deal with, makes it seem more real. So we eventually go back to the ER and wait for the results of the sonograms and the bloodwork. My husband and I have now been at the hospital for 12 hours. They admit me to the hospital and take me to my room. I have not stopped crying since the ultrasound and I am still crying now, as I have never been away from my husband and I have never been admitted to a hospital before and I do not understand why this happened to me. So they take more blood and I decide to attempt to go to sleep. My husband goes home and will return in the morning. I wake up the next day to more blood being taken and I go for another vaginal sonogram. It is confirmed. It is an ectopic preganancy and the baby's heart is still beating. I go back to the room and call my husband. He stays with me all morning, then early afternoon I go to surgery. In the operating room the doc performs a laparoscopy and I finally get to go home. The end to my story is this...I wake up one morning and I am pregnant, but go to sleep that night not pregnant. I had no time to even comprehend what was going on with me. My dh and I were thrown into this with no hope of saving the life of our unborn baby. We are beginning now (1 week after our baby was taken from us) to understand and try to come to terms with GOD that all things happen for a reason, what reason, we do not know, but GOD did not want our baby to survive. We just do not know why this happened to us. The pain of losing our baby is devastating and extremely painful. There are so many people that get the joy of being involved with the miracle of child birth that do not deserve it. Drug addicts, dead beat parents, etc. It is just so hard.

I want to thank everyone who takes the time to read this and want to apologize for the length of this post.

Just writing this has helped with my pain.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

i am so, so sorry for your loss... i can't even imagine how you must feel.

i hope that in time you can heal, and you can join this board once again! many for you and your DH.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Many and for both you and your DH. May you be blessed very soon.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry that you had to go through this.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so so so sorry for your loss. I pray that you and Dh can find strength in eachother during this difficult time Know that many women on here and on many of the other boards have experienced similar losses and can provide a great deal of support to you if you wish to talk.

Hope you are healing physically from your surgery OK.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss You both are strong people & I hope you can find peace with the situation.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm so sorry you and DH are going through this

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

such a sad story

I'm so sorry......

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so very sorry for your loss I pray that your pain gets a little easier to bear each day.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

im so sorry that you and DH are going through this i hope soon that you will be on this board again.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm soo sorry this happened to you. May God Bless you with a pregnancy really soon..

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

So sorry.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Kelly,

I am so sorry for your loss!

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be. And I share many of your emotions.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry for your loss Kelly.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I am so sorry.

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

O, im so very sorry

Re: My story to cope with my loss (very long)

I"m so sorry for your loss!