Re: need advice

My heart goes out to you. I do think trusting your DH again is fine. He came clean, he feels bad, I don't think he would do it again. I don't know if you are ever going to get past this, I don't know if it is even possible, but my advice would be to put it behind you. It happened, you can't change it, but try and look forward to the future. Does he make your life better? Does he add more joy then heartache to your life? If yes, try and use that as a new foundation.

Re: need advice

everything Redhead said. A kiss is a kiss, and I would never be able to trust my husband again. To each his own, but if I ever found out my husband kissed another woman passionately, I would throw his *** out and call my lawyer right after.

But thats just me


Hugs to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Re: need advice

Posted by adviceplease

Yes, I could, and that probably would be a great idea. I had been to one session with him beforehand, because we had some other issues.

I hate to say it, but I am so frustrated that we have to work on things so early on in our marriage. He has many issues that I have worked with him on, the way he treats some people, the way he speaks sometimes, so then that he did this was an even bigger slap in the face.

Sorry, I had to get more out I guess.

Re: need advice

I'm not sure I have much more advice to offer, because I share many of the opinions already shared. But I do want to say that you shouldn't stay with your DH if it's out of fear of divorce/being alone/starting over. You mentioned that you didn't know if you could go through that, and I'm sure if you had to it would be incredibly difficult. But don't sell yourself short. If you feel, even with therapy, that you can't get past this and deserve better, then muster up all of your strength and leave him. I know you love him, but you don't want to stay in a relationship with no trust, you will only grow to resent him more and more.

Re: need advice

I definitely agree with all said before. It seems like you are on the brink of forgiveness and anger(and not forgiving) Maybe counseling will help you make that leap. I would be VERY angry and hurt but I don't know that a kiss would end my marriage. Then again is it so hard to move from a kiss to more? It's a tough situation and I wish you luck.

Re: need advice

You have already been given wonderful advice and I agree with alot of what has already been said so I am offering hugs and just one more thing - - this hurt is deep, it will take time to heal, and it's okay to give yourself that - and he should be more than willing to give you all the time you need.

Re: need advice

just wanted to say i am sorry this happened and i think what you are going through and the feelings you are experiencing are perfectly normal...couples counseling sounds like the best thing to do.

Re: need advice

Everyone has already said everything that I would say, so I will just emphasize that I think it will be very helpful for you to see a therapist individually to work out your feelings toward your husband and the situation. I think it will be helpful for you to have an unbiased, nonjudgemental person who is not part of your personal life to talk to. Couples therapy will also be important for the two of you. I am so sorry that you are going through this, and I wish you all the best in building a happy future with your husband, as it sounds like this is the road you have decided to take.

Re: need advice

I just wanted to thank everyone again for all of your advice and thoughts.

My husband and I had a long talk and we discussed counseling for me and for us as a couple. I am definitley going to try and work through this and see where it goes.

If anyone has any referrals for marriage counselors and therapist, please FM me. I want to find someone great.

Thanks again, I really appreciate the support here and the time each one of you took to add to this thread.

Re: need advice

Re: need advice

Re: need advice

Posted by KristenNYC

everything Redhead said. A kiss is a kiss, and I would never be able to trust my husband again. To each his own, but if I ever found out my husband kissed another woman passionately, I would throw his *** out and call my lawyer right after.

But thats just me


Hugs to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Re: need advice

I think we all ultimately react differently when we are in those shoes. And reality is, we will never really know unless it happens to us. I think you have to follow your heart & your gut feeling, we all make mistakes and we all deserve a second chance. You wil know if you make the right choice.

Re: need advice

the bottom line is that it comes down to trust, in the end

people have different ways and thresholds of dealing with trust issues.

While counseling is a good thing, it's not going to fix the trust issue.

So, you need to give this some thought.

Will you forever question and doubt him when he says, "I'm working late" or "I'm going away on business" or "I'm going out with friends for drinks"?

If you can honestly say and believe that one day, he can win back your 100% trust, then I say, go for it.

If not, then you need to think about what you both will need to do to ultimately resolve the issue, whatever it may be. Because to hold on to a lack of trust for years and years isn't fun, and it's not good for either of you.

Re: need advice

the bottom line is that it comes down to trust, in the end

people have different ways and thresholds of dealing with trust issues.

While counseling is a good thing, it's not going to fix the trust issue.

So, you need to give this some thought.

Will you forever question and doubt him when he says, "I'm working late" or "I'm going away on business" or "I'm going out with friends for drinks"?

If you can honestly say and believe that one day, he can win back your 100% trust, then I say, go for it.

If not, then you need to think about what you both will need to do to ultimately resolve the issue, whatever it may be. Because to hold on to a lack of trust for years and years isn't fun, and it's not good for either of you.


I agree 100%.

Re: need advice

Posted by beachgirl13

sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to give advice, because only you know what you can forgive and if it is worth working out. I also agree with the above posters that therapy might help you through this, especially since you feel like you have nobody to talk to.

Re: need advice

Could someone please refer a great therapist/marriage counselor? Thanks.

Re: need advice - Referral please

Posted by Redhead

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. But i am going to be honest. If it were me, i would need a lot of therapy alone, aside from couples therapy, if i even was to consider trying to work it out.
I don't think i would be able to trust my husband again after that. But that is me. When trust is broken at that kind of level, for me, there is a hurt that would be close to impossible to get over.
But i would try for the very reason that your DH was honest. I commend him for that. Most people in that kind of situation wouldn't have been....So for that reason i would try. Just don't know if it would work out


Best of luck

Re: need advice - Referral please

Fm!

Re: need advice - Referral please

I'm really sorry for the pain you are going through. I'd be super ****** and hurt, and this would definitely damage my trust in him. But would I end my marriage over a kiss that he fessed up to on his own? No. This is going to take time for you to work through and DH must understand that and have patience with you. The fact that he told you about it when he could have just pretended like it never happened is what would really keep me in the marriage. He obviously realized what he did and didn't want an undercurrent of deception in the marriage. So for that, I'd be grateful. And I think if you weren't experiencing bursts of anger and hurt, you wouldn't be normal. So basically, to have to use a cliche, with time you will both heal. I have to admit though, I'd have my guard up, I wouldn't stalk him or hire a P.I., but I'd be very aware of possible subtle signs of trouble. Best of luck to you.