Need Advice....MIL

Hello ladies,

I need some of your great advice.

My MIL watches my twin boys every Monday for me. Today I find out that she takes her camera to my house every week and takes pictures of the boys. Here is my issue. She has been watching them now over 2 months. I just found out today that she takes their pictures and I havent seen a picture yet or her even bring a camera into my house. I find this to be really sneaking and I am bothered by it. I cant understand why she would take their pictures and from what I saw there were hundreds of them and not share them with us.

Now I want to say something but I am not sure how to go about it...If she is sneaky with this what else is she not telling me.

On a side note every time she watches them she always makes it out that one of my ds is sick...its always the same one and it drives me crazy. She has been doing this since he was born. He is the smallest out of the 2 but she always says you should check in for a fever, something is not right, she cried all day...

I guess I am just done...this is the icing on the cake since there is so much more to this. I just dont know how to approach my DH without this becoming a war.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I don't know the whole story but I would just ask her to please send me copies.
Why is it such a secret anyway? Thats weird...

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I'm sorry, but I don't see why you are upset about her bringing her camera over? My mom brings her camera whenever she sees/watches DS and I've never seen the pictures (she is a bit doofy at uploading them). Do you think she is doing something weird with the pictures? If she is just taking them for herself or her family, who really cares? My grandfather took millions of pictures of me when he watched me as a kid, it is what grandparents do.

As for thinking your DS is sick, maybe she is concerned? Maybe she thinks something is off? Who knows, but I am pretty sure it isn't malicious

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Its not so much that she is taking the pictures its the fact that she never mentioned she was taking pictures and she acts all sneaking about it. If I was taking pictures of someones kids I would show them to say oh what a cute picture. The fact that I found out my seeing them over my bil shoulder upsets me.

I know she is not doing anything with the pictures but something just doesnt sit right with me...I cant explain it.

Message edited 2/17/2008 12:03:55 AM.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Re: Need Advice....MIL

The fact that I never new she even brought a camera. You knew your sister had a camera and was taking pictures. I never seen her with a camera once. Its almost like she keeps it in the car until I leave and then she gets it. She comes in the morning with a just her purse and I know she has a big camera...

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by MrsSunflwr29

Its not so much that she is taking the pictures its the fact that she never mentioned she was taking pictures and she acts all sneaking about it. If I was taking pictures of someones kids I would show them to say oh what a cute picture. The fact that I found out my seeing them over my bil shoulder upsets me.

I know she is not doing anything with the pictures but something just doesnt sit right with me...I cant explain it.

If it upsets you, it upsets you...I just don't understand. Like I said, I have never seen pics that my mom or sister (my sister watched DS on Friday and brought her camera) have taken of him, but it doesn't bother me in the least.

Sneaky how?

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I could see why you're upset - I'd love to see the photos if the same thing were happening to me.

BUT, my mom did the same thing with my nephew when he was a baby. Why? She made a calendar for my sister for a present. Sounds like maybe your MIL is doing something similar?

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I was thinking along the same lines as Barb regarding a photo gift.....I would simply ask her if she could cc you on the picture e-mails as you would love to see them..etc.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Here is MY take on it (my perceptions could be off as I don't know her!)

I think that if you had any serious qualms about MIL, she wouldn't be watching your boys. I mean, if she were the type of person that had mental problems, dimentia or was just a flat out bad person, there would be no question..she wouldn't be trusted to watch your sons.

With that being said...taking hundreds of pics over the course of her sitting and never sharing with you is a bit odd. MAYBE it's for a photo gift like others suggested but for some reason I don't think that is it. I think she is taking her own pictures over the course of her sitting to have for herself...its like "her thing" that she does and can show people her experiences with caring for her grandkids. Maybe she thinks you have enough of your own pics and hasn't thought about sharing. I don't know. It's odd and quirky what she's doing, but not harmful.

I would flat out say "Hey, BIL showed me some of the pics you took, you need to start forwarding them to me too!" and see her reaction. Never hesistate when its your own kids, you are entitled to ask!

Sorry I wrote a book, just my own thoughts!

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Could she be taking pics for a present or somehting, my MIL makes us all calanders with pics...she takes them ALL YEAR LONG!!!! Just a though but if your not comfortable then...ur just not!!

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Okay....maybe I'm in the minority here, but I say trust your gut. If you feel something is not right than change it. I have a MIL who at first seems like a wonderful person. My DH and I will be married 10 years in April and it took me awhile to see how sneaky she could be. Case in point....my dh is catholic and I'm Jewish we chose to raise our kids showing them both religions to the best of our ability. While my MIL was watching my kiddos one day she proceeds to tell my oldest that when "mommy dies she won't go to heaven b/c she is Jewish and Jews don't go to heaven". This came about b/c I lost my mom to cancer and my dd had been asking questions about dying and heaven. Needless to say she doesn't watch my dc's anymore. I would ask about the pics and see if you can get a copy. Good luck.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

For my baby shower and when the boys were born she took a lot of pictures. I has asked her a zillion times to make copies for me or to email them to me she finally did it when the boys were 3 months old.

As for emails she never does that either unless me and my dh are not on the list. She says that she can not get her pictures to email.

My DH flat out said oh I thought you may have been making a gift for us and she said no I just take them...

But whenever I take pictures I email them to everyone and also have them printed out. My FIL asks me all of the time when an I going to update the pictures of the boys and now I think I am going to say as MIL she seems to have them all..

I know she only watches them once a week so I should over look it but I hate the fact that it is sneaky...Its just something I wouldnt do without clueing the parent in even if its showing the pictures after.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I would flat out ask her...I want to see the pics that you took of my sons while you're here. I wouldn't try to think of a "way" to bring it up. These are your kids...you have a right to see the pics. I don't think she's making you a photo gift.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

Re: Need Advice....MIL

could she be using the pictures to make you something special?

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I gave a disposable camera to daycare but they never returned it to me. I wondered about it, but never asked. When DD moved up to a new class, they gave me a album with all the pics and then some that they took of her. It was very special. Maybe your MIL is doing something similar that she wants to surprise you with?

Re: Need Advice....MIL

My sister and my mom bring their cameras to take pictures when they babysit. They usually don't give me copies or show me the pictures because they know I have hundreds of good pictures I took myself.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

I don't see the big deal. Maybe she just likes to take pics. Actually, sometimes I snap pics and don't mention it.

Re: Need Advice....MIL

i would ask for copies and if she acts strange then,you have a problem