Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

My grandmother passed today and I have always known that when she passed I wanted to speak at her wake. My family has always been ok with this. I was very close with my grandmother and want to speak about some of my favorite memories with her and about who she was as a person and what she meant to our family

For some reason now I am feeling all this pressure from people Everyone wants to know if my eulogy was going to represent the family?? I said if there is anything specific you would like me to include I will but I am speaking from MY heart. I said if anyone else would like to say something they should. I dont have to be the only one that speaks, it is just something that I personally want to do. But noone else wants to

W_T_F???

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I gave the eulogy at my mother's funeral. I am going to tell you that it was emotional enough to get up there and get through it without worrying about what anyone else wanted me to say.

My main reason for doing it was that I wanted someone to speak at the funeral who knew her well, not just a parish priest who was an acquaintance. I have been at wakes and funerals where more than one person spoke. I would simply tell them that I am preparing my own words and if they want to get up, they are welcome to do so.

Sorry for your loss.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

Posted by dpli

I gave the eulogy at my mother's funeral. I am going to tell you that it was emotional enough to get up there and get through it without worrying about what anyone else wanted me to say.

My main reason for doing it was that I wanted someone to speak at the funeral who knew her well, not just a parish priest who was an acquaintance. I have been at wakes and funerals where more than one person spoke. I would simply tell them that I am preparing my own words and if they want to get up, they are welcome to do so.

Sorry for your loss.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am sorry about your grandmother.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am so sorry for your loss

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am so sorry for your loss.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am so sorry for your loss.

I eulogized each of my parents at their funerals and I consulted nobody. Of course my siblings were mentioned, but from my perspective. They did not ask me to speak on their behalf. Actually, my brother spoke as well and there was no repetition of thoughts or ideas.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother 2 years ago and gave the eulogy at her funeral. I was the only one. I did speak for myself, but for me (and my cousins the way we work), I kind of spoke for them too. Our grandma was our everything, together. So factoring in our particular dynamic, I told some personal stories of just me and her, memories that meant the most, but I also mentioned each of my 9 cousins and a memory of my grandma and them. My memory of them, but i mentioned them all. That is the way I chose to do it, as you should speak the way YOU choose to. As pps have said, if they would like to speak, they are more than welcome.

Again, so sorry for your loss.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I'm sorry for your loss

I completely understand wanting to speak for yourself with your own thoughts on your grandma.

One thing to consider is while some people are grieving the same loss as you and want to somehow have their loss acknowledged or their memory shared, they may feel that they cannot get up without becoming a bubbling mess and look to you as the stronger person. That's not to say you have responsibility for the entire family, but to just give you another point of view. I could see that being the case if you are a great public speaker or have an eloquence others don't share.

I do think no matter what the case, you should thank everyone for coming on behalf of your family.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I'm so sorry!

When my aunt (my dad's brother's wife) died, my mom felt so close to her that she gave a eulogy. She gave it from her perspective, that my aunt was like a sister to her. She mentioned the family and how she would be missed, but it was mainly her point of view. We did have other people speak, but I think my mom's role would be the same either way. She wanted to say something about HER relationship with my aunt, so she did.

Message edited 8/20/2010 9:13:28 AM.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I'm so sorry for your loss

I think doing it from your perspective is fine.

You could also open it up to memories and stories at the end. They did this at both my paternal grandparents' wakes.

1. I found out little stories that I would have known about them

2. If you do it, maybe have someone that will start the stories. At first during my grandmother's wake, no one got up and it was killing me. She wasn't a woman where no one had nice things to say - just the opposite, but I think people needed someone to break the ice, so I jumped up and told my happy memory, sobbing, but it started a chain reaction.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I gave my DH's eulogy.

I said what I wanted to say, but I did speak about the "major groups" of his life - family, high school, college, work.

Then we opened the floor to anyone else who wanted to say a few words.

My dad and one friend of DH's stood and spoke.

That may be a good option for you - then you can tell people that they will have a chance to say something if they want.

Sorry for your loss.

Message edited 8/20/2010 12:38:03 PM.

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am so sorry for your loss... my grandmother passed away in January and I had a hard enough time just doing a reading at her funeral. I commend you on your strength.

Do not worry about what anyone says... speak from your heart and i am sure everyone will be ok with what you say

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I'm so sorry.

My grandmother just passed away. I did a reading. Two people spoke at the funeral parlor - quickly - and they were a son-in-law and grand son-in-law.

Then, at the repasse, I gave a very short speech but it was more of a way to share a nice and funny set of memories. Everyone came up at the end and told me it was wonderful.

While I did speak from my personal experience, she was the type of woman that everyone knew what I was talking about.

I wish you strength!

Re: Need advice...Speaking at a wake??? Eulogy??

I am so sorry for your loss.

In my family, two of my cousins spoke about my grandparents. They both have different styles, and they both wanted to speak.

When my uncle just passed away out of the blue a few months ago my cousins asked my dad to speak about their golfing stories to lighten the mood at the wake.

Good luck! I can only imagine how hard this is!