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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Need help taking away driving privileges....
I am going to keep a VERY long story short.
My grandmother (maternal side) is 81 years old. Got into a car accident last week and by the way she describes it, sounds like it was her fault. I won't get into detail. No one was hurt, but regardless she crashed and totaled her car.
We have been asking her for years to stop driving. When this happened last week, I told her "this is it, you cannot drive anymore". I told her since I am a SAHM I will bring her anywhere or pick anything up for her.
My dad has spoken to her about it as well. And she said "you can't tell me what to do and if you try I'll just kill myself".
We understand she feels like she is losing a form of independence. But regardless she needs to get over it. Her reactions are slow, she has a bad knee, slight emphysema. For 81 she is in great health, but she really shouldn't be driving.
I plan on calling the insurance company to see if they have any suggestions, but just thought I'd stop here first.
Any advice? Personal experience?
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Posted 10/27/08 6:58 PM  |
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KPtoys
I'm getting old
Member since 5/05 8688 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
My grandmother took out some trees, bumpers, thankfully no one was ever hurt. We had her doctor tell her she wasn't allowed to drive anymore. It's hard, they really like their independence.
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:00 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
I wouldn't call the insurance company just yet
they might drop her- and then what if she continues to drive with no coverage?
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:02 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
I can totally understand. My grandfather was the same way. I would get a note from her dr, and take it to the insurance company. once they see she CAN NOT drive, they will take away her coverage. She is a risk to herself and others. Its just sad.
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:02 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by KPtoys
My grandmother took out some trees, bumpers, thankfully no one was ever hurt. We had her doctor tell her she wasn't allowed to drive anymore. It's hard, they really like their independence.
I tried to get her cardiologist to tell her she didn't have medical clearance to drive after her triple bypass 4 months ago and he wouldn't do it. 
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:03 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by Beth1210
I wouldn't call the insurance company just yet
they might drop her- and then what if she continues to drive with no coverage?
Her insurance company already knows about the accident and offered her a free rental car
I thought I'd call mine to see if they had any suggestions.
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:04 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
ahhh- call yours- that's a better idea
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:07 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by sunflowerjesss
Posted by KPtoys
My grandmother took out some trees, bumpers, thankfully no one was ever hurt. We had her doctor tell her she wasn't allowed to drive anymore. It's hard, they really like their independence.
I tried to get her cardiologist to tell her she didn't have medical clearance to drive after her triple bypass 4 months ago and he wouldn't do it.
WOW. My grandfathers dr wrote the note. 
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:07 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
First off 
I had to have this conversation with my dad after he had his massive stroke at 57 ... partially paralyzed, lost the ability to speak, no peripheral vision on the left side but he still thought one day he would drive again It just @#$% because it really does impact their independence when they live in the suburbs.
I was lucky my dad was reasonable about it.
He wasn't happy but he didn't try to fight me on it.
I arranged to bring the subject up when he was getting a check up, I called his doctor before and told him he was asking about it and could we present a united front on the issue.
The point we both kept making (and this is true) is that they have a far greater chance of killing someone else than they do themselves. It's not uncommon for an elderly driver to walk away from an accident but severely injure or kill passengers in the vehicle they hit. It was very hard to find stats on this... the AARP doesn't want that getting out... but I did a search and found news stories of several accidents and showed them to my dad.
I remember reading about a family who was afraid the elderly parent would find the keys and just take off in the car so they rigged the car so it could not be started... I'm no mechanic but they cut wires or put in a cut off switch or something. After a while they were able to convince the parent to sell their car.
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:22 PM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
I would go with her to a doctor's appointment and have the doctor do some basic "tests" ( vision, mobility, balance ) and after she "fails" have the doctor say that she should not longer be driving.
We had a family member who wouldnt give up the keys. Until we gave her a plate and told her to pretend like she was turning the wheel. . . Due to her limited mobility she actually held her hands still and slipped the plate around in a circle, inch by inch!
When she saw our face, she agreed to stop driving!
Another idea is to just unhook the battery and explain that the car no longer works!
I know how hard this is, best of luck!
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:45 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Jess I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I don't, unfortunately have any information to give but just wanted to offer some
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:49 PM |
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snowflake08
Love my boys!!!
Member since 8/07 5148 total posts
Name:
Laura
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
well, you said she totaled the car
is she planning on getting another one??
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:49 PM |
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HeatherRose
Life is Good :)
Member since 11/07 6605 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
I think you mentioned talking to her cardiologist already but how about talking to her primary care Dr.? I'm sure he/she would know her pretty well and would be willing to write her a letter.
Sorry you have to go through this DH had to do this with his 93 year old grandma, and I lived with them at the time. it was so tough. and when she really started to lose it she would take car keys and go outside and sit in someone's car. Thankfully she never drove off!
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:50 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by snowflake08
well, you said she totaled the car is she planning on getting another one??
This is a good point. Can she afford to get another car? If not, that could be your "out".
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:52 PM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
This is a heartwrenching situation
My Mom's bf is considerably older than she is and totaled her car.
He has had some considerable health problems and luckily agreed not to drive anymore.
I wish you and your family the best with this situation
Message edited 10/27/2008 7:59:59 PM.
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| Posted 10/27/08 7:59 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
DH's grandmother is 90 and was driving up until she had heart surgery a few months ago.
I personally would speak with her Primary Care Dr. ahead of time. See what he thinks about it. Is she truly incapable of driving or was this just an accident? I'm not trying to take your GM's side, but if she doesn't normally have problems you may be jumping the gun.
There is also some kind of certification class for seniors that DH's GM is going to take when she comes back from FL. If she passes, she can drive again - but if not, she can't.
I'll try to get some more info on it for you.
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| Posted 10/27/08 8:03 PM |
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mrsej
The cutest!
Member since 1/07 2495 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
When my grandfather did this, we kept telling him his car was not fixed and we did this week after week, until about 6 months passed - he was so used to not driving, he didn't ask about it after a while. Otherwise, I don't know what we have done.
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| Posted 10/27/08 9:30 PM |
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Katie111806
Team Pink!
Member since 12/06 5349 total posts
Name:
Katie
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by JennZ
Posted by sunflowerjesss
Posted by KPtoys
My grandmother took out some trees, bumpers, thankfully no one was ever hurt. We had her doctor tell her she wasn't allowed to drive anymore. It's hard, they really like their independence.
I tried to get her cardiologist to tell her she didn't have medical clearance to drive after her triple bypass 4 months ago and he wouldn't do it.
WOW. My grandfathers dr wrote the note.
I was going to make the same recommendation about getting the doctor to order it. I actually know someone who works in a doctor's office and the doctor often has to deal with the DMV to rescind people's licenses. I think it's mostly diabetics who aren't following doctors orders, but I think someone they would do the same for someone who may cause themselves or someone else harm.
I'm sorry you are going through this - we just had to take my grandmother's car as well. It's been very tough, but she got scared because she started not to be able to tell if a light was red, yellow, or green and I think that was finally the straw that broke the camel's back. It also helped that my cousin (her grandson) really needed a car as well...that helped her part with it a bit.
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| Posted 10/27/08 9:36 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by KPtoys
My grandmother took out some trees, bumpers, thankfully no one was ever hurt. We had her doctor tell her she wasn't allowed to drive anymore. It's hard, they really like their independence.
we did the same with my grandfather.
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| Posted 10/27/08 9:42 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
My BIL took his mom in the car and explained that HE was going to give HER a drivers ed test to see if she could keep her license. She thought she would do fine. She didn't and realized it and she never drove again.
Maybe give her a chance to show you and hope she fails?
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| Posted 10/27/08 9:44 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Yes, she is planning on getting another car and she can afford it. The insurance company will give her a check for the book value and she has $$ in savings to cover anything over it.
I suggested to my parents telling G-ma she needs to prove to us she is capable of driving by doing a mock road test. My dad said it to her and she said "Sure, if you can pass the same test first."  Which I am confident my dad is capable of. But that just isn't the point.
We've already spoken to her mechanic who originally told her he had a car for sale. He is now on the same page as us and understands why we don't want her driving so he said he won't sell her a car.
He also told us if she does go out and buy herself a car which plug to pull so it won't start.
I tried nicely explaining to her that although we love her and care about her, we are more concerned about who she may hurt or even worse kill.
DH had a coworker who's son was just killed in a motorcycle accident. A 75 year old women "just didn't see him" and ran him over. She panicked, didn't know what to do, and left the car on him for 15 minutes when the ambulance arrived. Sadly, he passed.  I thought maybe that would knock some sense into her....no luck.
I guess I will call my insurance company and her primary care physician in the morning.
This really is a stinky situation.
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| Posted 10/27/08 10:22 PM |
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lucyloo
nope
Member since 1/06 9758 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
That's a really tough situation. This is why I think road tests should be mandatory every few years. Luckily my Grandma knew when to stop driving.
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| Posted 10/27/08 10:40 PM |
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Ladybug63
Ohh... baby
Member since 5/06 2527 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
This may be a stretch but when she was in her accident were the cops called to the scene?
If a police officer considers a driver unable to operate a vehicle he can issue what's called a "DMV Referral". The DMV will then contact the driver have them come in for an evaluation which can include a road test.
You may be able to contact the police and ask the officer who documented the accident to issue her one. It's usually based upon a police officers observation but it may be worth a call.
Good Luck! This is a very tough situation.
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| Posted 10/27/08 11:17 PM |
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
random question... does she live in your house??
im asking because if she does tell her that if she gets into an accident and she lives under your roof the other person can go after you... that would work.. my parents did this to my greatgrandfather when he started hitting random things.. street signs, garbage pails, shopping carts etc. (he lived in our house)
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| Posted 10/27/08 11:21 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
Name:
Jesss, duh.
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Re: Need help taking away driving privileges....
Posted by Ladybug63
This may be a stretch but when she was in her accident were the cops called to the scene?
If a police officer considers a driver unable to operate a vehicle he can issue what's called a "DMV Referral". The DMV will then contact the driver have them come in for an evaluation which can include a road test.
You may be able to contact the police and ask the officer who documented the accident to issue her one. It's usually based upon a police officers observation but it may be worth a call.
Good Luck! This is a very tough situation.
Yes, an accident report was filed. I will call the precinct and see if this is a possibility, thanks for the suggestion!!!
Posted by Slightly-Taller
random question... does she live in your house??
im asking because if she does tell her that if she gets into an accident and she lives under your roof the other person can go after you... that would work.. my parents did this to my greatgrandfather when he started hitting random things.. street signs, garbage pails, shopping carts etc. (he lived in our house)
Yes, she lives in my house. And I told her she is no longer allowed to drive. I told her she is ultimately our responsibility and her actions with consequences will fall upon us. Her response? "I'll find a new place to live".
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| Posted 10/28/08 7:09 AM |
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