Need help with Hawaii - family issue

My DH and I are planning what we'd like to think of as a "last hoorah" vacation before buckling down and starting a family. We want to do something that we'll never have the opportunity to do again once we have kids.

we decided to go to Hawaii and go all out. Most likely the Four Seasons on the big island. We've been talking about this for about 2 months now.

I'm feeling very guilty about such an indulgence but then again, our reasoning is that once we have kids, we won't be able to take these types of vacations anymore.

So, to throw a wrench in plan, my cousin just got engaged and annouced that she wants to have a destination wedding in hawaii either at the end of this year or early next year. The idea of spending so much money to be on vacation and having to be with my family makes me want to vomit and especially since this will be our last before trying to have kids.

Am I horrible for wanting to take this vacation alone with my husband? I think my cousin would find it unforgiveable if I don't go to her wedding but the thought of spending so much money and not being able to do what I want to do and having to deal with my family. I certainly can't go to Hawaii twice but I'm not willing to turn my one last great vacation into a week of nagging, paying for, and dealing with my family.

what would you do?

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

i dont blame you.

did your cousin give dates?

destination weddings are a big expense and you should not be burdoned by it.


however, if the wedding is at the same time as you want to plan your vacation, just go to the wedding then head to another resort or another island

its not like you need to spend a week with them - just spend the wedding day with them and go on to your own thing...

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Here's what I would do if I were you:
I would confirm she is doing this destination wedding in Hawaii. Then I would add 2-3 days to that trip so you aren't drowning in all wedding stuff and can at least chill, see the sites and eat.

I would make your AWESOME TWOSOME vacation at another destination. You will want to remember this vacay as a celebration of you and DH, not the wedding (sorry, I am a b!tch)

I think you are completely in the right for wanting to do on vacation alone. I am on your side with this. As for where to go: Nevis, Tahiti, St. barts, so many great places

HTH

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Given that DH & I never got to go on our babymoon, I would definitely recommend doing what you want to do despite others' plans.


We do intend to travel with the baby, but it of course will not be the same.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

There is no way we can afford to 2 vacations, so for me, I think the only 3 real options are: 1) cancel our plans for a May babymoon and wait till she sets her wedding date (next year) and then extending our vacation so that we can go for a couple of days to the wedding and then go off on our own to a different island , 2) go to our babymoon in May as originally planned, not go to the wedding and risk having her be mad at us, or 3) go for a smaller, cheaper vacation and go to her wedding.

My other issue with postponing things based on her wedding is that I don't want our plans for a family to hinge on when she is getting married and there is no way I plan on being on a plane for 8 hours pregnant.

I think we've already made our decision. I just hope she doesn't resent me for it . . .

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

You have to do what's good for you. If she were in the same spot she would do exactly what's good for her. A destination wedding in HI is a lot to ask of people.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Go on your Vacation with your Husband - You can't be expected to plan your life around a wedding that a date hasn't even been set for yet ! -

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

do the trip the way you were planning it..

Everyone knows that wedding plans change from what the original idea is once some time and effort is put into it.

You can't not plan your trip because of something that *might* happen.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

If you are talking this May for your babymoon, then I would do it since you are saying that your cousin hasn't set a date even? That is silly. Carry on with your plans.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

I don't blame you either

But can you plan the trip the week before the wedding...so go away with just you and DH for days 1-8 and then day 9 show at the wedding and day 10 go home?

something like that

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

i would go alone with my husband.. like you said from now on you will be traveling with a family and this might be your last chance to go away alone.. imo it would be very selfish of your cousin to expect people to spend that kind of money to see her get married.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Book your trip and say we booked it a long time ago

Or see what Island she will be getting married on and maybe pick another island to visit stop at the island for the day.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue

I wouldn't change my plans because of my family's pending plans. Go away. I know my husband and I are going away to St. Bart's in June and then we are hoping to start our family shortly thereafter. It's our last "hoorah" as well. You have to do what is best for you at this point in time.

Re: Need help with Hawaii - family issue