Need some advice (biting)

Lucas' teacher informed me tonight that Lucas bit another child

Fortunately they (and the parents) are being very understanding and they acknowledge that he is very young and it's not like him. We are all going to keep an eye on his behavior. No one saw what happened leading up to the biting but I can't say I want overanalyze it too much for fear that it would lead me to make excuses for the behavior and I don't want to get caught up in that.

The fact remains that some little child was hurt because of my DS and it breaks my heart. I told the teacher to please, please, please be firm in saying no biting to Lucas and we of course will do the same. It's also a hard reminder that we don't see him enough in the day to have even been aware of the possibility of such behavior

So...any advice on what we can do to work through this? (He's 1 year)

Message edited 6/12/2008 8:03:50 PM.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Steven bit me once. I bit him back. (or course it wasn't hard but he was so surprised)

He bit my mom once. She bit him back.

He never bit again.

Both times after we did it to him, we told him "see, you don't like it. it's not nice to bite and it hurts!"

This was when he was 15 months old.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

My mom told me Tyler went to bite her the other day which I have never seen, but he has started slapping. I think it is their way of showing their are frustrated without being able to see it. You just have to be very firm. Tyler has started temper tantrums amongst other things and I'm really at a loss b/c he isnt old enough to use time out, ya know?!?

Re: Need some advice (biting)

The twins were biters. They didnt bite other people just each other. We were always very firm and told them NO...strong enough to startle them and get them to stop immediately. Biting deserves a NO like when they are going to touch a hot stove not the NO when they are going to steal your cup off the kitchen table..you need a really big NO...

Please keep in mind though that some kids are just biters and it's NOT something that you are doing in any way!!!!

Re: Need some advice (biting)

awww, how sad. It is so hard because you know that Lucas did not mean to hurt anyone. He is such a sweetie

I think just keep reinforcing that "we do not bite, Lucas, that hurts"

Re: Need some advice (biting)

I wish I knew. Noah has been biting too. Mostly DH, and hard but he bit me pretty hard ( left marks) the other day and then bit my mom as well.

Lucas is such a sweet good little boy, I hope and do think this is a one time thing. HEck, he could have been trying to bite a toy they other kid had, something like that ya know?

DONT get yourself all nuts over it Ang ok?

Re: Need some advice (biting)

I think you did the right thing by telling daycare to give a stern "No" - and I don't have any other suggestions - just wanted to give you They don't know what they are doing can hurt someone else - you just have to think of it that way!

Re: Need some advice (biting)

DS tried to bite my leg the other day and I pulled him away and very firmly told him "we do not bite -- that hurts mommy" and sat him down. He hasn't done it again yet, so we'll see!

But, I think you are doing the right thing -- just firmly tell him no and enforce it.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

My oldest started biting right around the time my 2nd was born (he was 20 months when DS#2 was born). We tried the "Biting hurts!" route being firm and all that, to no avail. Then we went the route of putting something "yucky" tasting in his mouth when he bit. NOTHING that was not edible (a dab of hot sauce, a dab of vinegar) right on the tip of his tongue. The biting stopped almost as fast as it started. DS#2 was a biter too. NOTHING worked for him, he just needed to grow out of it.

Please do not flame me (or whatever the term is). I did it on the advice of my pediatrician.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Carlie went through a biting phase around that age too. At daycare they would put her in timeout and make her apologize to the child she bit. Sometimes she even went to the director's office which really used to make her upset.

At home when she tried to bit or would bit I would simply walk away from her and tell her "mommy does nt play with bitters." That used to get her really upset because now I wasn't playing with her. I think this worked the best.

Good Luck. It is just a phase

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Awe...I'm sure it's just a phase and they really don't understand emotions yet....

it'll get figured out. Don't blame yourself Ang...every kid will go through some stage that makes us question us as parents.

You and DH are doing AN AMAZING job raising Lucas. He is so sweet, so don't you worry.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Ang - he is still very young and cannot communicate what he needs. My thinking is this - as a fellow daycare mom, I know teachers are busy and don't always see whats happening. I think Lucas needs to be watched for a day or 2, and the teacher needs to note when she notices Lucas getting more frustrated, and when she sees situations where he may bite if not intercepted by a teacher. So, after that, she will discover he does not need to be watched all the time, but when playing with a certain toy in the block area, he will get frustrated if another child takes his favorite toy away. Biting is communication, and since he does not have words yet, he has to rely on what he has. The teacher can help him communicate better if she spends that time with him....

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Thank you all so much...I read each and every one of your comments and I could just cry at how helpful it all is.

I ran to my shelf of countless baby books and read each one last night...the sections on biting...but what I should have done was stuck around here. Everyone gave the same, if not better, advice those books did.

Yesterday I had asked the teacher what happened prior to Lucas biting the other child and she said she was changing a diaper so she didn't see but later on he tried to bit another child while they were waiting at the door for parent pickup but that was stopped before he even got near her

The teacher and director offered up teething or looking for affection as possible reasons but I think that, as Liza mentioned, it's his frustration with not being able to communicate. This past week he has had an explosion of curriosity and points to things saying 'that' (or what sounds like 'that') so we try to name everything but I can't help but wonder if he's on the verge of speaking and this limbo he's stuck in frustrates him.

Either way...I am going to make sure we are consistent with the 'no biting' as Heather mentioned in a voice similar to the one we'd use if he was going to touch a flame. If that doesn't work and we've exhaused all other ideas and he is hurting other children...I have no problem trying the hot sauce. So no flaming from me. Thanks for the suggestion.


I have to admit that last night while I held him with his bottle I cried a little and told him he can't bite. I know it must be hard to understand what people are saying to you but not be able to communicate to them - I just want him to be a good person. I know that this incident doesn't make him a bad boy - but my reaction and what I do going forward sets the standard of my expections for him. I desperately want to get this right, kwim?

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Re: Need some advice (biting)

I wanted to add a few other thoughts... First is, do NOT beat yourself up for "missing" This behavior. The fact is At home he is the only one playing with his toys and he is always watched so he never has an opportunity to reach that level of frustration. So that means you guys keep him happy like good parents! Also, don't just tell him what not to do, but practice what he can do instead. Ask the teacher to model what to do when playing with the babies. When you and dh are playing, one of you take his toy, and the other say "give me!" with his hand, and then praise him. Just like walking or anything else it needs practice and praise!

Re: Need some advice (biting)

It's a normal thing at that age - Alex did it plenty, and she was bitten plenty.

The way we used to handle it at that age, is the moment she bit, I would pick her up, put her on the floor, say NO BITING very sternly, and then walk away. That way she learned, if she bites, she gets NO attention from mommy. It worked well for us...

Re: Need some advice (biting)

When Michael was that age he used to do the same thing. We used to sternly tell him NO Biting. The finally draw was when he bit my niece on her chest and she had teeth marks. She started to cry and so did he. After that he never bit again.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Sorry my BlackBerry double posts sometimes!

Message edited 6/13/2008 9:21:09 AM.

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Totally normal at this age. I've had the biter & the bitee. Both suck.

Posted by lmb03

Carlie went through a biting phase around that age too. At daycare they would put her in timeout and make her apologize to the child she bit. Sometimes she even went to the director's office which really used to make her upset.

At home when she tried to bit or would bit I would simply walk away from her and tell her "mommy does nt play with bitters." That used to get her really upset because now I wasn't playing with her. I think this worked the best.

Good Luck. It is just a phase

Re: Need some advice (biting)

DD is a biter and I am at my wits end
I have yelled NO, smacked her mouth(not hard just enogh for her to realize thats fresh) put her on my bed and not let her get off
the worst part is that she is biting my nephew or at least trying to but I usually get to her first ....its at the point where I have to watch her like a HAWK and cant leave the room because I am afraid of what she might do to him

I havent bit him back because my nephew used to bite her so she knows what that feels like already
also when my nephew was a biter his mom bit him back and that didnt stop him

I have heard this is a phase and I hope it lasts for a really short time(for all of us)

Re: Need some advice (biting)

UPDATE....What do you make of this?


DH dropped Lucas off this morning because he is on LI. He said that as he was walking towards the room, Lucas started getting aggitated so he had Lucas stay with him while he put things away. Then they went back to the room where Lucas started whimpering again...but DH sat on the floor with him. He said that within a few minutes two boys (at separate times) came over to him and Lucas grabbed their shirts to push them away...very aggressive. DH told him to be nice and both times removed his hand and placed it to his side very firmly. He sat and played with Lucas for a while and that seemed to go really well. When the teacher came by to offer breakfast, Lucas went with her no problem and there was no crying when DH left.


This is a big deal, right? He's trying to tell us something...that he needs to have more time with us maybe?

Re: Need some advice (biting)

I wouldnt call it a big deal.........when DD doesnt want her sisters to touch her or talk to her she gets angry too(I think its just part of her personlaity) she will latch on to me and call them MEME (which means they are meanies)
maybe having alot of other kids around is overwhelming to him sometimes and he may prefer to be by the adults

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Re: Need some advice (biting)

Obviously I have no advice, my DD has no teeth yet, but I just wanted to give you some