Need your advice mommies

Hi ladies!
This is my first post as a mommy because I was so overwhelmed this past month. Our beautiful baby boy, Matthew, was born a month ago. I had a rough delivery and a c-section and this month was so hard for me. I love DS so much but I have been so exhuasted and weepy. I am so lucky that I have my mom and my very supportive DH-- and we even paid for a doula to help me out for a week and a half.

I just feel so pathetic that I am not independent yet- I had an anxiety problem before and I know that I am at risk for PPD- I am feeling better each day but I am still so exhausted and anxious. DH goes back to work on Tuesday and I won't have the doula and I am just scared about being alone all day at home.

Part of what is overwhelming is that I am pumping every five hours- DS didn't latch on and so I am pumping and bottlefeeding- we only give him similac for the night feedings. So, it is so hard to pump and wash all of the bottles while holding and entertaining him. He is such a good baby and I feel so pathetic that I'm not happy and up and energetic- my mom and DH have even taken some of the night feedings for me! I'm used to being able to handle things better- I want to be a good and happy mom- I love him so much!

Have any other moms pumped like this?

Thanks so much for listening!

Re: Need your advice mommies

WEverything yo are feeling is normal. You are going through a major life change. You can FM me anytime

Re: Need your advice mommies

I don't pump but I wanted to give you some . Being a new mom is hard. Do you have a sling or something else to hold him in while you are washing bottles or anything else you want to do? You can do it, just take it slow.

Message edited 12/30/2006 11:03:52 PM.

Re: Need your advice mommies

I do not pump, but I do know that it can get overwhelming.

My adivce is just to make sure that you have your 6 clean bottles at the end of the night. Just use them up during the day, then at night when DH comes home, he can watch the baby while you do the bottles.

Don't worry about the cleaning, it will always be there. You can get that done on the weekends when you have DH there during the day to help you.

Also, put DS in his bouncy chair or the swing and sit and have a cup of coffee. Sweep the floors, wash your hair, do anything. But, it's important for you to put him down for a while. Not only is it good for him to learn how to entertain himself, it is also good for your sanity.

don't worry, everything will be fine!!!

Re: Need your advice mommies

I didn't pump but can understand feeling overwhelmed. It's a big adjustment and I was very anxious too.

We got enough bottles for 2 days and I'd clean them all at night when DH was home rather than during the day. It just worked better for me that way, I was able to load the dishwasher with today's bottles and make bottles for the next day from the clean ones I'd just unloaded.

One of the best things I did if the baby was crying and I was feeling overwhelmed was to put her in the crib, close the door to her room and go downstairs for a few minutes to compose to myself. I realized that she could sense that I was upset and that wasn't going to help calm her down. I know it sounds mean to leave her crying, but it doesn't hurt them and can really help you calm down yourself.

If you need anything you know the girls on here are always here for advice or just some hugs.

Re: Need your advice mommies

congratulations and relax totally normal...put your baby in the bouncy and sing, load up the dishwasher with all the bottles, accesories and pump attachments. everything will be clean and sterilized.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, happy and sad all at the same time.

I would spend hours obsessing over putting and cleaning the bottles together and worrying about the next feeding. I worried all the time about everything and getting it perfect. It is hard to pump and feed because you are doing twice the work. It will get easier and and you will be a pro in no time...I promise.

Re: Need your advice mommies

congrats! i am so happy to hear that he is a good boy!

I pumped for the first week(I was too engorged for him to be able to latch) it was hard..he wanted to be held while I was holding the 2 pumps up to me...then the bottles..

I started each day with a big mixing bowl of hot soapy water...I would just throw bottles and nipples and pump attachments in there..when I could, I would go empty out the bowl.

The nurse at the hospital discharging me gave me the best advice. I am only responsible for 2 things..only 2 chores each day. #1 feed baby. #2 brush teeth.
everything else can sit and wait.

I have found that if I straighten up or cook instead of napping on baby's schedule, I get irritable quickly at night.

you re doing a great job, take one day at a time, one feeding at a time. There is nothing wrong with giving up night feedings..do what you can, he is with his father and grandmother at the time. I felt guilty at first not getting up, but i soon learned that it is great bonding time for DH. When alone with baby, he feels free to sing and chat with him.

Re: Need your advice mommies

Congratulations!
Have you talked to your OB about getting some meds for possible PPD? I would talk to him/her about that soon. It's not a crime to take them for PPD. Thankfully I didn't but I talked to my OB about it, but by the time I saw her about it I was feeling a bit better and said I'd hold off bringing the Rx to the pharmacy and I ended up not getting it filled.....but if I didn't feel myself I would have. This is a time to enjoy, not be weepy.

Have DH wash the bottles. If you have a dishwsher put them in there! Get more bottles so you have enough clean ones for a few days.

Most of all DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL. I did at first too and I burned the candle at both ends to the point that my DH had to call my sister and ask her to come up more and help out. Didn't really work (I dont' think she got it that having a baby by c-section, nighttime feedings, baby that doesn't nap well during hte day was very draining on both me and DH...)
but you have your mom and maybe you can get a doula to come 1x or 2x a week just for a few hours so you can sleep. Or spring for a housecleaner every 2 weeks. But it does get easier - the baby will start sleeping through the night and you'll get into a routine. But don't feel like you need to be the mom, housekeeper, cook, etc all rolled into one. Ask for help - I didn't b/c I felt like I was imposing on people but next time around I'm definitely asking family for help!

Feel better

Re: Need your advice mommies

Hi, and congratulations!

I pumped exclusively too for almost 5 months. Believe me -- I too wanted to do anything but wash those bottles and stuff every night. It was very overwhelming to say the least! Your son should still be sleeping for a good portion of the day, no? As long as he is, take advantage of that time to rest as much as you can during the day.

The way I handled it was that I would not really wash much in the daytime except for the pumping equipment. DD was pretty much on a schedule of eating every 4 hours. So when she went to sleep at about 8pm, I would wash all the bottles then. I would then feed her at about midnight and then go to sleep myself. She would wake up at around 4am to eat and then go back to sleep until about 8am. So for us, we got almost a full night of sleep with the exception of that 4am feeding. I did have one of those bottle coolers & warmers on my nightstand so before I went to bed, I put 2 bottles in the cooler. When she woke up at 4am, I put a bottle into the warmer and while it was warming I would be changing her diaper. I would then feed her and put her right back to bed. I had her bassinet right next to my bed. I had everything handy so I never really had to even get out of bed. I then had an extra bottle in the cooler for the 8am feeding or in case she woke another time during the night.

As far as pumping is concerned, I would pump right before I went to bed and then as soon as I got up in the morning (after feeding her). I often went for the full 8 hours at night without pumping, but I made sure to pump every 4-6 hours during the day to make up for it. The only time I pumped during the night was if I felt my supply was decreasing or if I felt like I was getting engorged.

Don't worry about entertaining a newborn right now. The way it was explained to me, you have to go into "survival mode" in the beginning and just get through it. Newborns don't do much and don't really need to have attention every minute that they are awake. I also put DD in the swing from day 1 at home, and it really helped to keep her occupied. Things will get easier as he eats more, less often.

I don't proclaim to be an expert or anything, but this is what worked for me.

p/s - when I really started getting overwhelmed, I told DH that he needed to help and he would often take a turn at cleaning the bottles for me. If you trust yours to do it as well as you do (which I wasn't convinced mine would), let him take a turn. If not, let him take over care of DS from the time he comes home from work so you can have a break and to get those things done.

Most importantly, try not to be too hard on yourself. You are still healing from major surgery as well as having a baby and it takes time to recover. As long as your baby is fed, clean, dry, and loved, he will be fine!

Re: Need your advice mommies

Ariella --- Obviously I have no advice but wanted to send you tons and tons of

I can recommend a cleaning girl -- she comes with 2 or 3 other people and is in and out in a hour. They do a great job, and this would take a lot of stress off you in that one regard. She is very reasonable and loves babies besides.

As I said, that's all I can offer...besides the hugs!! But it sounds like you've gotten some great advice from the ladies on here.

Re: Need your advice mommies

The beginning is so hard. My DD is almost three months old, but my first few weeks home with her I felt so out of sorts. I need a rountine and didn't feel like I had one and that drove me crazy. I didn't want to nap when she did because I could have been doing laundry. Now, I couldn't care less. Things will eventually fall into a routine for you. I BF and pump, and it can be time consuming. Know what you are feeling is normal. Put the baby in a swing and do what you need to do for yourself. Happy mommy...happy baby!

Re: Need your advice mommies

you have gotten some great advice. I just want to add some

I have a question, for you and those who pump because of latching issues. Do you try often to get DC to latch on? Or do they say if they dont do it right away they wont?

Re: Need your advice mommies

I pumped and breastfed so I know exactly how overwhelming it can feel. It does get better and everything you are feeling is normal. Being pregnant takes such a toll on our bodies and emotions we forget that we aren't going to bounce back to being the same.

One month is not a very long time so don't beat yourself up because your tired and overwhelmed. I bet every mother feels that way. I used to call my sister sobbing on a daily basis for the first week and eventually I didn't need to anymore.

Take it one day at a time and try not to have any expections. Just go with the flow.

Re: Need your advice mommies

everything you are feeling is normal.
these feelings took my by surprise- i'm so used to being in control and on top of things- when I came home from the hospital I felt overwhelmed and my emotions were out of wack- I was weepy and crying a lot- which totally isn't like me. But- it's normal- it will pass... your hormones are out of wack and they have to normalize.

Like you, my DC wouldn't latch- I tried everything I could to get her to latch, met with LC, etc., and it wasn't for me- I just felt like all I did all day was pump, feed & wash- and I wasn't even a good pumper (I wasn't getting enough to feed DD- only an ounce or two at a time if that).

After 2 weeks I just hung up my pump=- i'm not suggesting you do the same- but I decided to not feel guilty about it- which so many make you feel- like if you formula feed you are giving DC poison- but DC wouldn't thrive if I was nervous and depressed and feeling like a bad mom all the time b/c I couldn't get enough BM out for her..

I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't go into parenthood with these preconceived notions of what it should be- I think i've learned these past 9 weeks that you can't plan TOO much b/c you don't know how you or DC will feel, react, etc. You have to do what is right for the two of you- if something is not working- make a change for both of your happiness, but don't feel guilty about it.. every mom goes through this, don't worry!

Re: Need your advice mommies

I just wanted to give you some of these

By the way Matthew is a great name

That just happens to be my son's name too...

Re: Need your advice mommies

The pumping can really get to you. Do you have a hands free? I waited until she was over 3 mos old to get one and it completely changed the experience and made it much more tolerable. I also didn't try to wash bottles during the day, it just wasn't possible. We had a giant bowl with soapy water in it and we threw everything in there to soak. I just washed the pumping supplies. Everything you're feeling is perfectly normal and if there's anything we can help with, let us know. But it sounds like you're going to be just fine. Rest when the baby does and you'll be much better off.

Re: Need your advice mommies

Ariella I was just thinking about you!

What you are feeling is totally normal. I was an emotional mess the first 3 weeks. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. I didn't even eat anything but apples and oatmeal for 2 weeks (that's because my DH made me eat something.) I loved my DD and I wanted to care for her, but I was so sad. I slowly began to feel better during the 3rd week. I did call my OB and she asked me to stick it out for a month and if I was still feeling that way she would prescribe something. I ended up not needing any, but I'll tell you with the way I was feeling I would have taken them if necessary. Maybe you should call and talk to your OB and see what he/she has to say.

I don't have any advice on the pumping, but DD is gassy and tends to cry alot so I'm still overwhelmed with having to hold her more than I'd like, but she's starting to sit on her own now in a bouncy, swing or pack n play. Even if its for 15 minutes here and there, it gives me a chance to do something freely and I feel better.

Please feel free to FM me any time to chat or vent. You aren't alone and we'll all here to help

I hope you feel better soon


eta...if you can swing it hire a cleaning person. I did it and its the best thing ever. Yes I still do the laundry and bottles...but my house is so clean!!! For me its money well spent!

Message edited 12/31/2006 11:00:24 AM.

Re: Need your advice mommies

I pumped for one year. Same issue- c/s then latching/supply issues. If you need any advise on pumping, a schedule, increasing supply etc...just let me know.
My hands free bra was the best $30 I ever spent! on ebay from Elite Breastfeeding Supplies. I was able to pump and hold the baby/use computer etc...

The main thing to do is to tell yourself that you will pump for a week...then 2 weeks and after a while you can't imagine NOT pumping. It is really about putting yourself and the baby before everything else. My friends all knew that I could not just run out easily. It was all planned around pumping. It was my top priority (other than caring for Molly) and my pump went lots of places with me.

What type of pump are you using? There is a great Yahoo chat group called Pumping Moms. It really helped me thru the rough times to know that hundreds of other women were also pumping like this. It is very emotional to not be able to BF when you really want to. Did you try a Lacation Consultant? If not, there may still be time to get the baby on the breast.

Re: Need your advice mommies

I did not pump, but it seems like you got a ton of great advice.

I just want to say the first couple of months is definitely the hardest, at least in my opinion. Your doing great, and use all the help you can get!!

Re: Need your advice mommies

Re: Need your advice mommies

You can still try to get the baby to latch but you need professional help to do so. If you are fine with pumping then that is fine too. All the BM you give her is great for her.

Re: Need your advice mommies

I think every woman has gone through what your feeling, or at least, most, but not many talk about it unfortunately. I know I did, particularly when DH went back to work, and my MIL flew back to Israel. THose first few weeks alone can be terrifying and lonely, but try to remember a big part of what you're feeling is the hormones, and lack of sleep. On days that it gets really bad, try to get some sleep - you'll be amazed at what a good night's sleep will do to improve your mood. Also, every day try to take a little time to yourself. Take a bath, a hot shower, a cup of tea, whatever it is that helps relax you. And, when you start feeling better and more mobile, try to get out of the house - if even for a little while - it helps you to feel human again.

I didn't start pumping until later, but I did BF my daughter, and that in and of itself is tiring. But, eventually you'll hit your groove and fall into a routine that works for you. Like another poster said, try to get everything done the night before so you don't have to worry about cleaning bottles and such during the day.

Re: Need your advice mommies

First of all I pumped in the beginning for the first 7 weeks of her life, and I felt like I was doing it round the clock all 7 weeks (which I actually was ) Ava could not latch on, either and I was adamant that she not have formula. I had very bad PPD, and was miserable all the time. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I had no interest in the baby. It was truly terrible. So, I know how you feel. I've been there. I found that talking to someone was the best thing I've ever done. You might want to consider it.
As for the pumping, it turned out that Ava has a severe milk protein allergy and had to be put on prescription formula, anyway. As soon as I stopped pumping, I immediately felt better. My hormones began to level off and I was able to actually get some sleep. So, if you really want to pump, keep it up and it won't always be around the clock, but if it's making you nuts, maybe rethink the idea

Re: Need your advice mommies

You'll be fine. I know just how you feel. I pumped every 2-3 hours for two weeks and was very depressed. I gave up on the breastfeeding and pumping after two weeks because I wasn't producing much, she wasn't latching and I just couldn't take it anymore. It does get better. Be prepared to be very upset when DH goes back to work but you will be fine. I was very anxious when DH would leave me with the baby. It just felt better knowing I wasn't the only one responsible for her when he was home. For the first month or two DH would come home from work and ask me if I was ever going to be happy again. Believe me, its hard but it does get better and your feelings are normal. Try to get out of the house even if you just walk around the mall. The more you get out and do things the more confident and happy you will feel. Take care and congratulations.

Re: Need your advice mommies

It will get better. I didnt do a thing around the house for at least a month and I was lucky if I took a shower every other day. I would say I had a rough time adjusting but I didnt know how to fit the baby into my life yet. He also nursed every 1.5 hours and each feed lasted about 30-40 minutes. I wouldnt worry about anything except the baby and everything will fall into place. I also pumped and I wash all the parts and sterlize it when he would nap and it was usually just enough time to do that because he took cat naps. They also have microwave sterling bags for the breast pump parts which you may want to look into or buy double parts that way you have a little longer to clean the first set you used.
Adjusting to a new baby takes time and I would put a time limit on how long it takes and just enjoy him for now. They get so big so fast.