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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
If you didn't know I just got married this past October. For Xmas this year I gave each set of parents our "family" portrait framed as their big gift. I was super excited about this as I felt it would be a great keepsake for all.
On xmas eve we spent the holiday with DH's parents. Just as I were to give them the portrait, FIL comes in and hands each of us a framed picture of him and MIL at the wedding (ok weird but whatever)
Then he walks up to her and hands her this professional montage of the entire immediate family (all of DHs siblings, the parents, dh, etc) from the wedding.
It was engraved "Our Family 2006"
There was not one picture of me in this montage. I am really upset by this and apparently the hurt must have shown on my face as she opened it. I feel like I was completely excluded from this "family" portrait and it was MY FREAKING WEDDING PICTURES.
I try so hard to get close to these people. They live far away and we don't see them that often, but now I really truly feel I am not one of them. They always make comments about how they hate NY'ers (I was born here DH moved here 5 years ago) Should I say something to DH? He knows I was upset but I also dont want to cause family drama.
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Posted 12/27/06 10:41 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
NewlyMrs
Laugh-Live-Love LIFE!
Member since 10/06 14432 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I have to agree with your uneasy feelings! I am set against giving wedding photos that do not include the bride and groom in them!
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| Posted 12/27/06 10:45 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Oh, Nancy, that's rough....
I remember someone else posting the same type of scenario, and my response will be the same, THAT IS MESSED UP!!!!!!!!
Regardless of the fact of whether you are blood or not, you are now a part of Jim's family!!!!!!!
There is absolutely no reason why you should have been excluded, however, his family probably saw no harm in doing what they did.
IMHO, if they wanted to have formal family pictures taken, then they should all get together and go to a studio to take them, not at your wedding and leave you out.
It is in poor taste, however, you will do more harm than good if you say something, so my advice would be to let it go and choose your battles. This one is not worth fighting over. Trust me, ILs can be a BIG PITA, so there will be many other times to decide to get upset.
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| Posted 12/27/06 10:47 AM |
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AnnBrunoXO
2 Girls For Me!
Member since 5/05 4377 total posts
Name:
MaMMa
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
That is soo odd. How could they include pictures of the family at your wedding and not include a pic of you even with your husband!?
i would definitely mention it to DH - I wouldn't do it to cause drama and I wouldn't want him to bring it up to his parents - but i would want him to know how I felt - does he think its strange of them to do that? Maybe he can nonchantely mention it to his parents when he sees the frame hanging in their house - and ask them "where is <your name> in these pictures" just to get a reaction out of them.
Sorry this happened!
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| Posted 12/27/06 10:48 AM |
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Lucky09
2017!
Member since 1/06 7537 total posts
Name:
DW
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by jxnoscar
If you didn't know I just got married this past October. For Xmas this year I gave each set of parents our "family" portrait framed as their big gift. I was super excited about this as I felt it would be a great keepsake for all.
On xmas eve we spent the holiday with DH's parents. Just as I were to give them the portrait, FIL comes in and hands each of us a framed picture of him and MIL at the wedding (ok weird but whatever)
Then he walks up to her and hands her this professional montage of the entire immediate family (all of DHs siblings, the parents, dh, etc) from the wedding.
It was engraved "Our Family 2006"
There was not one picture of me in this montage. I am really upset by this and apparently the hurt must have shown on my face as she opened it. I feel like I was completely excluded from this "family" portrait and it was MY FREAKING WEDDING PICTURES.
I try so hard to get close to these people. They live far away and we don't see them that often, but now I really truly feel I am not one of them. They always make comments about how they hate NY'ers (I was born here DH moved here 5 years ago) Should I say something to DH? He knows I was upset but I also dont want to cause family drama.
I am so sorry they are acting like that towards you!
It is definitely an adjustment when you 1st get married. That was so wrong of them not to include you in one picture of your OWN wedding.
That being said, the montage is framed and the damage is done, so I don't think I would say anything / make a big deal about it now. Sometimes I would rather see people for their true colors than speak up and have them modify their actions because they upset me (if that makes any sense).
It is what it is, and frankly, it $ucks that you have to deal with IL's with that.
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| Posted 12/27/06 10:49 AM |
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Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I think that's awful, and I'm so sorry
I hate family drama, but I don't think it would be out of line for you to say something to your DH. Your FIL should be aware that what he did was hurtful to you.
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| Posted 12/27/06 10:59 AM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Message edited 12/27/2006 11:03:07 AM.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:02 AM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Although I would find it odd if my MIL put up a pic from our wedding without me...they had a life before me. It is hard to include a new person into a "family" over night. As long as you love DH and he loves you, then anything can be accomplished. I would say something to DH before I ripped his family a new one. JMHO
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:08 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
that's wrong and I would have DH say something.
They wouldn't have those pictures if it wasn't for your wedding.
And when people come over and look at the montage they will ask, where's the bride? That's what I would do.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:12 AM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I think it's wrong, and I can see why you're upset, however, I would think that he probably just wasn't thinking. I mean, let's face it, a man put it together. They don't always have the best judgement! I do think that it's worth you saying something to DH about how you feel left out of the family. He needs to know you feel that way. Since that is the bigger issue, I'd tackle that one and just let the whole picture thing be an example of how you feel left out, but I wouldn't tell DH you're just upset over that.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:16 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by Blu-ize
that's wrong and I would have DH say something.
They wouldn't have those pictures if it wasn't for your wedding.
And when people come over and look at the montage they will ask, where's the bride? That's what I would do.
It's not even the fact that the photos are from my wedding (that just adds to it I guess). It's that the irony of me handing them our "new" family picture as a token of love and family and them making a family montage that has no pictures of me in it. There was even a photo of DH's brothers GF.
So right then after I handed her my "surprise" pic. She was happy and was like, I don't know where I will hang this, it's so big (it was an 8X10)
When I gave my parents theirs on xmas, my mom cried. She said to Jim, Our family is complete now. It's just different I guess. My family adores him. My dad even says he doesn't remember life before him. I guess I am overreacting, but it's been with me now for 4 days.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:16 AM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
WOW, I'm sorry, Nancy. That is weird, and I would feel just as you. I would say something to him...maybe he can find out why you were not in it? But I am also uneasy about "stirring the pot"--but that's my own insecurities as the DIL.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:19 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I think it is definitely harder for a mother to share her son then for a mother to share her daughter. I dunno, that's what I see.......
As for the GF being in the pic, that's not cool. Is Jim the type that would defend his family and say you are overreacting, becuase that's what happens every time I have something to say about my ILs.
Tread very lightly, that's my best advice.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:22 AM |
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veeandrich
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 325 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
That is so wierd, to have a picture with no bride? I would just mention it to DH. I would say that it bothered you. He is your husband now and he should know how you felt. Tell him you don't expect him to do anything about it, you just wanted to get it off your chest.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:22 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by Blu-ize
that's wrong and I would have DH say something.
They wouldn't have those pictures if it wasn't for your wedding.
And when people come over and look at the montage they will ask, where's the bride? That's what I would do.
It's not even the fact that the photos are from my wedding (that just adds to it I guess). It's that the irony of me handing them our "new" family picture as a token of love and family and them making a family montage that has no pictures of me in it. There was even a photo of DH's brothers GF.
So right then after I handed her my "surprise" pic. She was happy and was like, I don't know where I will hang this, it's so big (it was an 8X10)
When I gave my parents theirs on xmas, my mom cried. She said to Jim, Our family is complete now. It's just different I guess. My family adores him. My dad even says he doesn't remember life before him. I guess I am overreacting, but it's been with me now for 4 days.
You are sensitive and giving and that comes from your upbringing. They need a reality check. They are really missing the big picture. No pun..
8X10 is too big? Well maybe she should wear it around her neck!
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:23 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I would be extremely hurt and i would have DH say something to them. And an 8x10 photo is not too large to not know where you could hang it.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:24 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by curliegirl
I think it is definitely harder for a mother to share her son then for a mother to share her daughter. I dunno, that's what I see.......
As for the GF being in the pic, that's not cool. Is Jim the type that would defend his family and say you are overreacting, becuase that's what happens every time I have something to say about my ILs.
Tread very lightly, that's my best advice.
He does defend them sometimes, bc let's face it, I tend to be a drama queen, but when I finally told him this morning why I was upset, he did truly feel bad. He didn't even realize it.
He asked me if I wanted him to say something, and of course I don't want him to. I am just upset and I don't understand it.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:25 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I would be EXTREMELY hurt, and I really do think your husband should say something, because everytime you see the montage it will remind you of how you feel.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:26 AM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by curliegirl
I think it is definitely harder for a mother to share her son then for a mother to share her daughter. I dunno, that's what I see.......
As for the GF being in the pic, that's not cool. Is Jim the type that would defend his family and say you are overreacting, becuase that's what happens every time I have something to say about my ILs.
Tread very lightly, that's my best advice.
He does defend them sometimes, bc let's face it, I tend to be a drama queen, but when I finally told him this morning why I was upset, he did truly feel bad. He didn't even realize it.
He asked me if I wanted him to say something, and of course I don't want him to. I am just upset and I don't understand it.
I dont know exactly what kind of relationship you have with your in-laws, but I would need something to be said in this situation, or else every time I saw that picture i would get upset all over again.
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:29 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I would be hurt. At first I was thinking.... They had a family before you and that is there close family (even though you are FAMILY and should be INCLUDED) but then I saw they had a Girlfriend in the picture W T F is that. I would be hurt and tell my DH but would not want him to say anything.
My SIL and I have an awesome relationship so honestly I'd probably say something to her and she would make a big deal to her parents making them feel like crap  
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| Posted 12/27/06 11:34 AM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
I think you should say something to DH. Whether it was intentional or not, what his parents did was disrespectful to you both. I would not keep your feeling in about this because it will just build up and might blow up later. Say how you feel! YOU are your DH's family now.
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| Posted 12/27/06 12:02 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Well, coming from someone whose MIL STILL has a picture in a "Family" frame with DH's Ex-Girlfriend in it from 8 years ago prominently displayed in her living room, my advice is to let DH know what you feel about it, but don't expect anything to change.
Unfortunately it seems like there is no way they did this "accidentally" so they knew exactly what they were doing.
I'm continually hurt by the damn picture in MIL's living room and DH has spoken to her about it, but it remains there.
Just try to take it in stride and be the bigger person.
Sorry you have to go through this.
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| Posted 12/27/06 12:38 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by leighla
Well, coming from someone whose MIL STILL has a picture in a "Family" frame with DH's Ex-Girlfriend in it from 8 years ago prominently displayed in her living room, my advice is to let DH know what you feel about it, but don't expect anything to change.
My MIL left pictures of my husband and his ex-wife up for over a year after we started dating. I thought I was the only one that experienced this! 
You should just pick up the picture one day and say "I'm glad you still have this picture up because it reminds me how much DH's taste in women has improved over the years".
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| Posted 12/27/06 12:47 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
my sis went through this with her mil. when picking her album, her mil only chose shots of herself and her family, hardly any of my sis, the bride. when they took the pics to the photographers to make the album, the woman changed the album, added more shots of my sister. she was hurt orignally, but got over it.
its a sucky feeling to say the least.
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| Posted 12/27/06 12:49 PM |
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beautyq115
New Year!
Member since 5/05 13729 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.
Posted by jxnoscar
Posted by Blu-ize
that's wrong and I would have DH say something.
They wouldn't have those pictures if it wasn't for your wedding.
And when people come over and look at the montage they will ask, where's the bride? That's what I would do.
It's not even the fact that the photos are from my wedding (that just adds to it I guess). It's that the irony of me handing them our "new" family picture as a token of love and family and them making a family montage that has no pictures of me in it. There was even a photo of DH's brothers GF.
So right then after I handed her my "surprise" pic. She was happy and was like, I don't know where I will hang this, it's so big (it was an 8X10)
When I gave my parents theirs on xmas, my mom cried. She said to Jim, Our family is complete now. It's just different I guess. My family adores him. My dad even says he doesn't remember life before him. I guess I am overreacting, but it's been with me now for 4 days.
Say something to Jim about it...Um and the fact that your BIL GF is in it is effed up....have you had problems with them before??? what the hell is with these people????
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| Posted 12/27/06 1:11 PM |
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