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New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

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MsMitcia
27 dresses.?.ha..TY everyone

Member since 8/06

1527 total posts

Name:
Tina

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

OMG. I had the same thing happen to me this Xmas. My wedding was in December of this year and they put together an album FROM MY WEDDING...yet the bride and GROOM (thier son) are in NO PICTURES!!! I was Pizzzzed. Still am. Now I know why they want to see my proofs so bad, not to see pix of us, it is about THEM. Ugh... I feel ya. I'm sorry. Chat Icon

Posted 12/27/06 1:17 PM
 
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tray831
Dee-licious!

Member since 3/06

5355 total posts

Name:
His Baby

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.


See, now to me, not having the pic of you in it I think........gives every right for your DH to say something.

You two are married and part of THEIR family now (just like he is now a part of yours). In all honesty, why would you put up a family portrait of your DH's family taken at YOUR wedding WITHOUT you in it. Cuz I wouldnt!

I dont care how much they hate New Yorkers. Thats fine. Noone has to like us.......but in a situation like this when one has nothing to do w/ the other, I think this is a situation that your DH needs to address with his mom and dad and the fact being.......that his wife (you) is not in it!! What is really the purpose of them doing this? It's very hurtful and I can only imagine how hurt you are over this.


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Posted 12/27/06 1:21 PM
 

LiPo
:(

Member since 9/06

1864 total posts

Name:
Lisa

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

I would be very hurt..as the person who always was asked to take the "family" pictures, I know how it feels to be excluded.

Posted 12/27/06 6:21 PM
 

evnme
My little lamb

Member since 8/05

12633 total posts

Name:
aka momma2b

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

that sux!

Posted 12/27/06 6:23 PM
 

Nicole728
My Happy Girl

Member since 7/06

8198 total posts

Name:
Me

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

Posted by tray831


See, now to me, not having the pic of you in it I think........gives every right for your DH to say something.

You two are married and part of THEIR family now (just like he is now a part of yours). In all honesty, why would you put up a family portrait of your DH's family taken at YOUR wedding WITHOUT you in it. Cuz I wouldnt!

I dont care how much they hate New Yorkers. Thats fine. Noone has to like us.......but in a situation like this when one has nothing to do w/ the other, I think this is a situation that your DH needs to address with his mom and dad and the fact being.......that his wife (you) is not in it!! What is really the purpose of them doing this? It's very hurtful and I can only imagine how hurt you are over this.


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I completely agree! You def need to mention it to your DH!!Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 12/27/06 6:25 PM
 

sirk1020
*************

Member since 9/06

3046 total posts

Name:

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

that is weird

I would be a little taken aback by that as well

Maybe it wasn't intentional. Is your husband the first of your IL's kids to get married?

Regardless, I would be upset and I would say something to my DH, because I can't hold those type of things in. I wouldn't make a huge deal, and I would even ask him not to say anything to your inlaws, but I would tell him just gage if he thought it was odd as well

Then I would chalk it up to just that...
Odd inlaws

Posted 12/27/06 6:41 PM
 

klingklang77
kraftwerk!

Member since 7/06

11487 total posts

Name:
Völlig losgelöst

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

i would say something to your DH. if that happened to me i would be saying something to my DH. i have a similiar situation. My MIL went and got a few extra pictures from the wedding printed up. she had one of DH, one of my BIL and one of me. they are close up shots. she has my DH and my BIL framed and i am not framed, but rather stuck in the side of the frame to hold up the pic. my picture is all curled up. i am always treated like i am not good enough for her son, and this is just another example.

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Posted 12/27/06 8:07 PM
 

neenie

Member since 5/05

22351 total posts

Name:

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

that is WEIRD.

i mean, its harder to eliminate pics of a bride, then to 'remember to put them in' when the pictures are from HER WEDDING... IMO.

i probably wouldve asked him straight out.. nicely, but very curious. It seems kind of deliberate to me.. deliberate enough that i would questioned his actions to see what sort of response it evoked.

still... its just Weird. weird, weird people.

Message edited 12/27/2006 8:26:03 PM.

Posted 12/27/06 8:25 PM
 

suvenR
designer mutt

Member since 5/05

4239 total posts

Name:

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

How terrible. Absolutely terrible.

I can sort of relate- my uncle (who is also my godfather) made a collage of the family for my grandmother's 90th birthday. There were tons of pictures in there- but not a single one of me. He never even realized that he left me out- neither did anyone else who saw the collage before it was given to my grandma.

Out of her 6 grandkids, I spend the most time with her. WELL, I would not shut the hell up about "the family collage". I'd walk people over to it and point to everyone "see- there's uncle Bob, there's my cousin Jim, there's my dog Ginger" until the people would say "hey, you're not in it"

My grandma moved and didn't hang it up in her new apartment. I don't feel one ounce of guilt, either. I gave her a framed family photo from my wedding and she uses that instead.

If I were you, I'd give her a new family photo- with you in it- and offer to replace the one "with people missing" with your new one.

Posted 12/27/06 8:31 PM
 

SoinLove
Making big changes

Member since 5/05

16541 total posts

Name:
Kristin

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

Wow, I'm shocked after reading some of these stories about how unaccepting families can be. I'm SO relieved that DH's family accepted me with open arms. My family didn't accept him as well and I feel so sorry for that and I'm sorry to anybody else that has to go through that. I don't have any advice. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 12/27/06 8:47 PM
 

MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug

Member since 5/05

11357 total posts

Name:
Kathy

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

WOW Chat Icon Chat Icon all I can say is how rude and unclassy was that on FILs part? Totally unacceptable IMO and YES I would def tell DH how you feel!!

Posted 12/27/06 9:09 PM
 

shell
:-)

Member since 6/06

2988 total posts

Name:

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

I'm sorry, that is terrible!!!Chat Icon

I would say something to my DH if I was in that situation. It would bother me too much to keep it in and not say anything to him.
What state do they live in that they dislike NY, just curious?

Posted 12/27/06 9:55 PM
 

nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.

Member since 7/05

57538 total posts

Name:

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

I would have to say something to DH because it would eat me up if I didn't. Actually it would still eat me up anyway but I would need to say something.

I wouldn't say anything to them, I would just continue to think poorly of them. I agree - very little would change & I would feel like the damage was done if I got them another one.

How did all of these ILs get professional photos of your wedding? I hope your photographer didn't make that montage.Chat Icon

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Posted 12/27/06 11:14 PM
 

Elizabeth
Mom of Three

Member since 9/05

7900 total posts

Name:
"MOMMY!!!"

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

Wow, I was going to say that maybe it was just one of those things where someone wants a family portrait and since most families dont get dressed up and go out to get pics done that often, it would make sense that they might have one done of the family. I mean, I dont think its that weird if a parent wants themselves and children only in a pic. But then I realized it was a montage...then I read that your BILs girlfriend was in it....weird as h*ll!!

And then for you to have a wedding portrait of your own for them must have felt like sh*t when MIL said it's "so big" -Im sorry you had to experience that, it must have been so hurtful.

I think ideally I would say something. Just be honest and say you were hurt that you werent even in a single picture and see what they say...anyone who cant be big enough to apologize and offer to make a change is truly a bigger as* than they already sound like they are. I wouldnt have a knock down drag out fight, but why not confront them rather than have it come from a buffer (their son)? it would probably be hard to do but if you speak your peace, at least you had your say and their response will speak volumes IMO.

Sorry again, seriously how mean or stupidly clueless of them!!

Message edited 12/28/2006 12:18:41 AM.

Posted 12/28/06 12:17 AM
 

jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!

Member since 8/06

4156 total posts

Name:
Nancy

Re: New to ILs. I didn't want to discuss it but now I need to vent.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and opinions. I spoke with DH last night and he too is pretty upset by the entire thing and wants to say something. (I will not let him)
I posted this to confirm I wasn't looking for a reason that they don't like me. I wanted to be certain, before "stirring the pot" with DH that I wasn't insane or out of line.

At the end of the day I think I am going to just leave it alone. My mom said that I can't hold a 10 year grudge about these sort of things. And I really only have to see these people about 5 times a year as they live 5 hours north in PA.

BTW, I am a dumb A$$. I kept saying the word montage, I really meant collage. They were digital pictures his cousins took at my wedding that were printed off and mounted at a framing place (not my photographer). The cousin sent me these pics when we were on my HM. there are about half with me in them and many had us all together as a "family"

Thanks everyone again. Like I say to my husband "there's only us" and sometimes I can't fix everything.
Best, to you
I am so happy I found this site
NancyChat Icon

Posted 12/28/06 10:20 AM
 
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