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KateDevine
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NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
This isn't really parenting related (well kinda is b/c it involves my DS) but this is where I am most comfortable and I think I get the best feedback
So I've posted about my MIL and her lack of involvement with my our family. Well, we are going to my SILs for Thanksgiving this week. We have been planning this since July, MIL has known since JULY that we were planning to go to SILs. They just built a house down there and my SIL is excited to host the holiday.
So, my MIL says she does not have $1 to her name (total lie, but whatever) and she cannot afford to come. My SIL has been pricing tickets and she found fares that are $54 each way and offered to fly MIL up for the holiday, MIL would only need to get to the airport and then my SIL would cover everything else. MIL again says no, can't afford it.
Now, my MIL has a girlfriend, they have been together for 10 years and live together and my SIL is only offering to fly up my MIL, not Conny. I am thinking that MIL maybe is saying no so that Conny doesn't have to be alone for the holiday.
So, here is my question, should we offer to buy Conny's ticket if SIL buys MIL's? Or should we just stay out of it?
My fear is that MIL will still say no and then SIL and DH will be very upset.
I mean, we don't have a lot of money either, but I could scrape together the $150 for the ticket if maybe my husband could share this holiday with this whole family...
WWYD? Advice please?
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Posted 11/23/08 3:27 PM  |
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patti08
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Patti
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I'd make the offer and be sure to say how we want the whole family together and you and Conny are part of our family.
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:30 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
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me
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I am a meany!!! I would not do anything for someone who did not care about my child/family. Some people are always "poor me" but always find an excuse to get out of the help offered. As if they never had an intention of doing it anyway but make everybody else miserable in the process. IMO!!!
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:36 PM |
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Celt
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colette
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I wouldn't offer, but only because you noted that the "no money" excuse is a lie. If she has the dough but doesn't want to spend $150 to be with her own kids and grandkids, I'd just accept that and enjoy the holiday I suppose...
Now, if the money issue were true and there was a real financial burden going on- but you knew she desperately wanted to be with all of you (and her partner)- I'd happily offer to pay for Conny to attend as well..
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:46 PM |
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saraH
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I think I'd just stay out of it altogether. Not worth it to me. Seems to me even if you did offer, she'd have other excuses not to go. Too crowded, doesn't have enough time to pack, etc. etc.
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:50 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Is Conny invited for Thanksgiving at your SIL's if she comes to NY? If your SIL is excluding her, than I'd have an issue with Thanksgiving at her house, in general. If I were MIL, I probably wouldn't ditch my partner of 10 years for Thanksgiving. If Conny is invited, as much as it would be nice to have them both there, I wouldn't fall into the trap of having to buy tickets.
If your MIL does have the money as you said, then she's using money as an excuse & for whatever reason, coming up here isn't a priority to her.
If your MIL truly doesn't have the money & it's important for her to come up for Thanksgiving but she doesn't want to leave Conny alone, then I'd pay.
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:54 PM |
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KateDevine
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Is Conny invited for Thanksgiving at your SIL's if she comes to NY? If your SIL is excluding her, than I'd have an issue with Thanksgiving at her house, in general. If I were MIL, I probably wouldn't ditch my partner of 10 years for Thanksgiving. If Conny is invited, as much as it would be nice to have them both there, I wouldn't fall into the trap of having to buy tickets.
If your MIL does have the money as you said, then she's using money as an excuse & for whatever reason, coming up here isn't a priority to her.
If your MIL truly doesn't have the money & it's important for her to come up for Thanksgiving but she doesn't want to leave Conny alone, then I'd pay.
Oh of course she is invited. But my SIL just built a house, has two kids in daycare and is hosting a holiday, I don't think she can pay for both tickets.
I agree with you, I said to Chris "leaving Conny home would be like me saying 'tough noogies, I am going to my family and you have to stay home".
I really think she won't take us up on the offer. When my nephew was born in June, my SIL's IL's called MIL and offered to fly her up since she was crying poverty then too (but then bought a MAC and numerous other things) and she said no until my BIL called and reamed her and she came.
I don't think they like to travel, but have done it.
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| Posted 11/23/08 3:59 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by nrthshgrl
Is Conny invited for Thanksgiving at your SIL's if she comes to NY? If your SIL is excluding her, than I'd have an issue with Thanksgiving at her house, in general. If I were MIL, I probably wouldn't ditch my partner of 10 years for Thanksgiving. If Conny is invited, as much as it would be nice to have them both there, I wouldn't fall into the trap of having to buy tickets.
If your MIL does have the money as you said, then she's using money as an excuse & for whatever reason, coming up here isn't a priority to her.
If your MIL truly doesn't have the money & it's important for her to come up for Thanksgiving but she doesn't want to leave Conny alone, then I'd pay.
ITA
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| Posted 11/23/08 4:00 PM |
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EmmaNick
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Member since 12/06 16001 total posts
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I wouldn't bother since she has done nothing to be part of her grandson's life.
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| Posted 11/23/08 4:10 PM |
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nbc188
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C
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
This is a tough one. Do what your gut says I guess, since you guys know the situation best. It's easy for me to say you should offer to pay for Conny's ticket, but if they wouldn't really appreciate it or want to be there, then maybe don't offer.
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| Posted 11/23/08 4:33 PM |
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Kate
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Kate
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I wouldn't do it. If they wanted to come, they would be there.
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| Posted 11/23/08 5:53 PM |
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littlejoy06
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by patti08
I'd make the offer and be sure to say how we want the whole family together and you and Conny are part of our family.
ITA!! I would at least put it out there is it mean a lot to your DH and your SIL.
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| Posted 11/23/08 6:12 PM |
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Palebride
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Lori
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I would offer to fly Conny. Not for MIL...but for her children. It means something to them to have her there, and I would feel better at least putting the offer out there...so that I knew I did everything I could to have the family together. 
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:24 PM |
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twinkletoes807
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Gabi
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by colette
I wouldn't offer, but only because you noted that the "no money" excuse is a lie. If she has the dough but doesn't want to spend $150 to be with her own kids and grandkids, I'd just accept that and enjoy the holiday I suppose...
Now, if the money issue were true and there was a real financial burden going on- but you knew she desperately wanted to be with all of you (and her partner)- I'd happily offer to pay for Conny to attend as well..
ITA
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:28 PM |
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lovemy2boys
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
no I don't think I would offer. I feel like if they really wanted to come , they could come up w/ the money
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:30 PM |
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dm24angel
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by krissy888
no I don't think I would offer. I feel like if they really wanted to come , they could come up w/ the money
thats kinda how I feel. Like shes doing this more for attention? Not sure why.
Can you call her out on it? Or will that make it worse?
Its a shame shes doing this at holiday time 
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:35 PM |
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Sweets13
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Me, I would offer to pay for Connie's ticket. If she declines my offer, then I would assume she really doesn't want to spend the holidays with the family and I would never offer again.
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:36 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by dm24angel
Posted by krissy888
no I don't think I would offer. I feel like if they really wanted to come , they could come up w/ the money
thats kinda how I feel. Like shes doing this more for attention? Not sure why.
Can you call her out on it? Or will that make it worse?
Its a shame shes doing this at holiday time
*I* can't do anything.
But Chris has, he always does. He says it all the time and she just glosses over the whole thing
I agree that she should be able to come up with the money, I mean, WE could and we are living on 1/2 of what she makes and we pay 4x the rent she does but it makes me sad that both my DH and my SIL really would want her there and she won't do it
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:37 PM |
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cantbelieveit
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
I feel that it seems she is just making excuses. If that wasn't the case I would offer but only if she truly wants to be there. I can understand her not wanting to leave her bf but why not say so?
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:56 PM |
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Melissa77
Mommy of 3
Member since 8/08 2872 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: NPR: WWYD (sorry long)
Posted by Summerrluvv
I wouldn't bother since she has done nothing to be part of her grandson's life.
I agree wth Summer on this but probably more b/c I have heard the stories.
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| Posted 11/23/08 8:58 PM |
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