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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
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Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Hopefully I can keep this as short as possible.
Brief Synopsis. My neighbor's "husband" (my DHs best friend and Im very close with the neighbor) was involved in a bad motorcycle accident 6 months ago. Before the accident he had been out of work for several months. His bosses were all A**Holes  and he kept quiting. Money was super super tight. They were behind on their rent & car payments.
He gets into the accident and things get really really bad. Life revolves around him at this point...his hospital stays, his rehab, his coming home...there were several times that he was out and out nasty to everyone around him. But we all forgave him b/c of the circumstances.
He comes home from the hospital and they get an advance on his settlement. Apparently he will eventually be getting a large settlement. I have no idea exactly how much he got but let's just say most of it wasnt spent wisely and they are once again behind on their rent. (Im thinking months behind) But that's none of my business and I understand that.
He gets a job...but b/c he is behind on his child support payments...(b/c he was dodging them)... he doesnt have a valid drivers license...he loses his job...AGAIN. He is in the process of getting a conditional license but that should take a bit of time.
DH stops over there yesterday on his way home from work to see him. He tells DH about the job situation and then tells DH that they are getting evicted on Monday..
Here is my WWYD situation...
...I see the wife on a daily bases and I know nothing of them getting evicted. Of course there is the possibility that she just hasnt told me. But that just doesnt seem like her. She usually tells me everything. She told me the last time they were having issues with the landlord and had to go to court for eviction. Why wouldnt she mention it now? She always asks me a ton of legal questions. I have several friends who are attorneys and I can usually point her in the right direction. (not legal advice just the right direction) She is stressed out of course....but no more than she has been. I seriously dont think that she knows. He is on the lease not her..and he is the one that has been home all day to get any court papers...
She has an 8 year old son that this would effect. Which is my biggest concern.....Im really really scared that he is keeping her in the dark about all of this. That she has no clue. He lost his job on Friday and didnt tell her until Monday after he was a nasty "person" all weekend..and I mean really nasty.
Would you simply MYOB? Would you out right tell her what he told DH? Would you try and bring up their housing situation? (Im privy to a lot of information so I could say something like "whatever happened with blah blah") Would you confront him?
If it werent for her DS I would probably just mind my own business. But this kid is a big part of my household. She depends on me to watch him and be there for him and her. So she can go out and work and try and support them ALL. I dont have room to put them up. DH is going to finish the basement but it's not done yet....
WWYD?
Message edited 9/24/2008 8:44:57 AM.
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Posted 9/24/08 7:56 AM  |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related..WWYD?
oh boy thats tough,
part of me wants to tell you to stay out of it, but i know i probably couldnt..
i would maybe say to her in passing, "hey, how r things going for you guys?" and see where it leads you.
I dont know if id blatantly tell her.
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| Posted 9/24/08 8:02 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by MommyAgain
oh boy thats tough,
part of me wants to tell you to stay out of it, but i know i probably couldnt..
i would maybe say to her in passing, "hey, how r things going for you guys?" and see where it leads you.
I dont know if id blatantly tell her.
I guess I could ask her about *insert landlords name*..and see where that takes me. But then what if she says everything is fine?
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| Posted 9/24/08 10:23 AM |
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
That is a tough situation...I think if it were me, I would try to bring up the topic, like you said...a "how are things going" or "So, are things okay with you and (landlord)?"
If she says "Fine" I might press just a bit with something like "I'm glad to here that - DH and I were worried after he talked to your DH" or even just a "well, good. If you do need to talk/vent, you know I am here..."
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| Posted 9/24/08 10:46 AM |
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Luv2bAmom
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1255 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
I really beleive in minding my own business, if and when she needs you, you can be there for her, but for now MYOB.
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| Posted 9/24/08 10:52 AM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by hbugal
Posted by MommyAgain
oh boy thats tough,
part of me wants to tell you to stay out of it, but i know i probably couldnt..
i would maybe say to her in passing, "hey, how r things going for you guys?" and see where it leads you.
I dont know if id blatantly tell her.
I guess I could ask her about *insert landlords name*..and see where that takes me. But then what if she says everything is fine?
True, but she might be upset about it and doesn't want to say anything. You would probably see it in her face if something was up.
Hard decision!! 
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| Posted 9/24/08 10:56 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
I would MYOB until she says something & they're actually evicted.
Then if I was absolutely sure I wanted to be involved & DH was on board, I would ask if she wanted DS to stay with us until they get their act together, so his schoolwork wouldn't get disrupted.
I would NOT have them stay with me. From what you posted, they have more issues going on than financial problems.
Message edited 9/24/2008 11:12:34 AM.
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| Posted 9/24/08 11:12 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Wow - that's a tough situation  If the decision were mine...I would not say anything to her. The mess has been cycling on and on for a while now and you can only get so involved. If things really do get so bad that they are out on the street maybe your family would consider taking the boy in? Short of that...this is something that I feel is too sticky to be involved in...sort of damned if you do - damned if you don't. You know best but if it were me...I would not say anything.
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| Posted 9/24/08 11:21 AM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by Ang-Rich
Wow - that's a tough situation If the decision were mine...I would not say anything to her. The mess has been cycling on and on for a while now and you can only get so involved. If things really do get so bad that they are out on the street maybe your family would consider taking the boy in? Short of that...this is something that I feel is too sticky to be involved in...sort of damned if you do - damned if you don't. You know best but if it were me...I would not say anything.
I think you summed it up about how I feel
"The mess has been cycling on and on for a while now and you can only get so involved"
Im such the type of person who wants to help. But you can only do so much.
I think my major concern is that he hasnt told her that any of this is going on. My fear is that she is totally in the dark on this one. In reality though...even if this is the case...there is little that I could do any way. I dont have thousands of dollars to lend them. Even if I did, I dont think I would at this point....which is tough for me to realize b/c Im so that person who would..KWIM?
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| Posted 9/24/08 1:13 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by nrthshgrl
I would MYOB until she says something & they're actually evicted.
Then if I was absolutely sure I wanted to be involved & DH was on board, I would ask if she wanted DS to stay with us until they get their act together, so his schoolwork wouldn't get disrupted.
I would NOT have them stay with me. From what you posted, they have more issues going on than financial problems.
He would go stay with his father. Which isnt the best case scenario...I'd just hate to see it come to that point. She's really really good person and mom.
I agree about not having them stay with me. You are 100% right...there are so many other issues going on.
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| Posted 9/24/08 1:15 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Personally, I would not say anything to her. It's a tough situation to be in no matter how you look at it. After they are evicted, perhaps offer to help out with DS if they need it. Maybe he could stay with you during the school week and then go home or to his father on weekends. I would not have them all stay with you though.
Message edited 9/24/2008 1:23:16 PM.
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| Posted 9/24/08 1:22 PM |
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Are you absolutely certain that they are getting evicted on Monday? Was he saying that in order to get a loan from your husband? If the eviction thing is true, is there any way your husband can convince him to tell her?
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| Posted 9/24/08 1:34 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by Kerie-is-so-very
Are you absolutely certain that they are getting evicted on Monday? Was he saying that in order to get a loan from your husband? If the eviction thing is true, is there any way your husband can convince him to tell her?
Im not 100% sure. It just seems so weird that she wouldnt tell me about this....So either it isnt true or she doesnt know about it....He says they are getting evicted but maybe he means there is a court date..would it be on the court calendar?
He knows we dont have any $$$ to loan. We owe them $875 for that motorcycle issue....or rather we need to give them $875 when we sell the bike. But that's b/c he "flucked" us when he backed out of buying the bike 3 months later. Im wondering if he was fishing for that money? But that wouldnt help them really....
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| Posted 9/24/08 1:44 PM |
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DancinBarefoot
06ers Rock!!
Member since 1/07 9534 total posts
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The One My Mother Gave Me ;-)
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
He can't "know" he is getting evicted on Monday. First, District Court in your township doesn't hold landlord/tenant cases on Monday (I'm 99% sure it's Tuesday - but I'll check at work tomorrow), and second, if he has already been to court, lost, and gotten a 72 hour notice from the sheriff, the 72 hours would be up before Monday.
Sounds more like he was fishing for $$$ from your DH.
OH, and, stay out of it.
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| Posted 9/24/08 3:38 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
Posted by DancinBarefoot
He can't "know" he is getting evicted on Monday. First, District Court in your township doesn't hold landlord/tenant cases on Monday (I'm 99% sure it's Tuesday - but I'll check at work tomorrow), and second, if he has already been to court, lost, and gotten a 72 hour notice from the sheriff, the 72 hours would be up before Monday.
Sounds more like he was fishing for $$$ from your DH.
OH, and, stay out of it.
I had totally forgot about the certain day thing. Please double check tomorrow and let me know.....
The $$$ thing really irritates the heck out of me. We could have sold the bike. BUT Noooooooooooo...he said he wanted it so we didnt sell it. Then he didnt say he didnt want it until the end of July so he said he'd put it on Craigslist...his listing was ridiculous. He told DH he relisted it..never did...told HER that people were calling which seemed bogus and then wanted us to pay to have put in a National Paper at $190 bucks!!! He will get his deposit money, as agreed, when the bike is sold...
Im staying out of it. And for even part of me to not want to help....well you know what that says about the whole situation.
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| Posted 9/24/08 5:29 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
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me
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Re: Only Kinda Sorta Parenting Related(really long sorry)..WWYD?
I would stay out of it. Too many things going on.
I think you and DH are opening doors to being the cash cow.
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| Posted 9/24/08 5:45 PM |
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