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vegalady
Love my family
Member since 6/06 4546 total posts
Name:
SNV
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Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
So the ladies that work do you feel any resentment towards your DH for not wanting to be the main supporter of your family?
Like do you want to stay home but your DH would never go for that which in turn makes you feel resentful?
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Posted 5/15/08 11:34 AM  |
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nylisa
My Children
Member since 5/05 7905 total posts
Name:
MaMa
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I wish I could stay home but I know financially we would not be able to do it.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:37 AM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
If my DH had the ability to make more money, then I could stay home...but right now he's just not at a point where he could make enough money to support us. So I don't feel resentful of him, I do kind of feeling resentful of the fact that it's so expensive to live that I have to work.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:37 AM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Nope not at all. I am the breadwinner in the family and I would never want to stay home. DH wants to stay home and would if I could make his salary plus mine, but at this point he is home at 1:00 and they are with a sitter for 4 hours a day, so we have the best of both worlds.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:37 AM |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Posted by merri221
If my DH had the ability to make more money, then I could stay home...but right now he's just not at a point where he could make enough money to support us. So I don't feel resentful of him, I do kind of feeling resentful of the fact that it's so expensive to live that I have to work.
ita
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:39 AM |
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nbc188
Best friends!
Member since 12/06 23090 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Posted by ziamaria
Posted by merri221
If my DH had the ability to make more money, then I could stay home...but right now he's just not at a point where he could make enough money to support us. So I don't feel resentful of him, I do kind of feeling resentful of the fact that it's so expensive to live that I have to work.
ita
Me too. DH works so hard and his days are pretty maxed out, I could never resent him. I wish I could stay home, but I can't, and I get that...it's so expensive to live these days.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:41 AM |
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lbelle821
Arghhhhh
Member since 2/06 5285 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
i never felt resentful towards my DH for having to work. I make more money in the relationship so without my salary we wouldn't make it. But that is our choice. If we decided to change our lifestyle dramatically than we could live on DH's salary. But, I wouldn't want to stay home anyway.
However, I will say this on along this topic, DH is a teacher. He's home by 3:30 and has summers off. That makes me resentful.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:42 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I wish more than anything that I could stay home with DD. But I'm not resentful of my DH for it. It's not that he doesn't want to be the main supporter of the family, it's just that in his line of work he is unable to earn the amount necessary to support all of us. It's just not a possibility but I knew this when I married him... He's never going to be Rockerfeller.
I look at it this way... I could have married someone with more $$$ but I'd be divorced by now and then I'd have to work anyway. 
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:48 AM |
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pmpkn087
Life is good...
Member since 9/05 18504 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Nope. I actually WANT and LIKE to work.  ((gasp))
DH can stay home, but he doesn't want to. Since DS stays with my mom and DH works for my dad, it's fine. If we had to put him into daycare and DHs salary would basically go to that, then he would stay home.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:48 AM |
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JChia
Mom of 2 Princesses
Member since 9/07 2540 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Posted by merri221
If my DH had the ability to make more money, then I could stay home...but right now he's just not at a point where he could make enough money to support us. So I don't feel resentful of him, I do kind of feeling resentful of the fact that it's so expensive to live that I have to work.
ITA - I'm more interested in finding ways that I could earn the same money for less hours or while working from home, so I can be with DD.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:49 AM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Posted by nbc188
Posted by ziamaria
Posted by merri221
If my DH had the ability to make more money, then I could stay home...but right now he's just not at a point where he could make enough money to support us. So I don't feel resentful of him, I do kind of feeling resentful of the fact that it's so expensive to live that I have to work.
ita
Me too. DH works so hard and his days are pretty maxed out, I could never resent him. I wish I could stay home, but I can't, and I get that...it's so expensive to live these days.
ITA. What I do resent is that sometimes he wants me to be Martha Stewart or June Cleaver. Which IF i stayed home, I would not mind, BUT I work p/t. HE is in school, works in the city, his days are maxed out. I don't resent him. When he starts in with "how come you did not do laundry today? or how come dinner is not ready?" and he does this on the days I work. Then I get pizzed.
I have said "ARE YOUR ARMS BROKEN??" many times and he gets it. We have a list of chores that we each do, but sometimes if I work late or he has a school project due, they fall by the wayside. I know he wishes he made enough $$$ to keep me home & that living expenses were not so astronomical. I wish we did not have so many bills, medical debt, and CC debt resulting from my surgery that are financially crippling us. We want the same things, sometimes we are at each others throats about it b/c it is just so frustrating, KWIM? I have a lot of gulit about putting my family in this position b/c of my surgery. It is very hard to live with that.
Message edited 5/15/2008 11:51:42 AM.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:50 AM |
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Belladonna219
HOT MAMA
Member since 2/07 2642 total posts
Name:
Belladonna219
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
To answer your question: If my husband didnt want to be the main bread winner of course I would be resentful esp if he had the opportunities to make more money but didnt want the responsibilities.
Luckily I am not in that situation as my husband works very hard and makes pretty good money as do I. But if I wanted to become a SAHM my husband would be very supportive and would def. welcome that idea.
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:53 AM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I am a SAHM but I think that today it is so so hard to put all the pressure on the dad to make a certain amount of money...
I couldn't be a SAHM without working PT to supplement our bills. Do I wish I didn't have to work on top of staying home? Of course. I wish my only job were to watch my son and keep up with the house stuff. But like they say "wish in one hand.." lol.
And i think the question would prob be better phrased "Question for moms that work but want to be a SAHM". Not all working moms work because of needing to, some prefer it!
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| Posted 5/15/08 11:59 AM |
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GenLCSW
Baby # 3 is here!!!
Member since 7/05 21138 total posts
Name:
Genna
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I wouldnt want to stay home even if I could. Maybe I would like work part time but I would still want to work.
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| Posted 5/15/08 12:13 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I am not the SAHM type......I am okay with that
In a perfect world, I would have loved to stay home for the 1st year and then go back to work
I NEED to work
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| Posted 5/15/08 12:17 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I work because I want to, not because I have to. My life would be totally different if I did quit, but we did the numbers and we could swing it.
I torture myself over the decision all the time, but I just like working. I like the social aspect, I like the actual work, and most of all, I like making money.
Right now, I love my daycare situation and going to work makes me feel like a good mom and I don't feel guilty about it at all. When #2 comes along, DH wants me to stay home and I am not sure I want to. I would like to find a less demanding job without commuting into NYC. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!
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| Posted 5/15/08 12:21 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Absolutely not.
I work to make things more comfortable for us. If I didn't work, he'd have to work as much OT as he can get & possibly Saturdays. IMO that doesn't give me a break except on Sundays, leaves him exhausted & not up for doing something on the Sundays he is off. Not a good scenario in my book.
I also feel that at one point in my life, I'm going to have to support myself. Marriages end in either death or divorce. If it's not me dying, it's me being the one that's supporting myself & my kids. It's foolish for anyone to think otherwise.
I envy SAHMs in that they can do stuff with their kids during the day & have more time to befriend other moms with kids the same age. It is hard to make those connections when you get home just in time for dinner. Ideally a partial work schedule would be best, but to do that I'd have to leave my company - and wouldn't get the vacation & benefits I have now. I do think I PERSONALLY am a better mom because I work. I know my limitations & SAHM isn't for me.
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| Posted 5/15/08 12:36 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I work because I choose to work and because I like the adult interaction. It's a happy medium for me. We don't depend on my income at all. Never have. It's just extra (excellent) money coming in.
DH has always wanted me to stay home and be with the kids but I have always been the reluctant one to do so.
The only way I'd give in to DH and be a SAHM is if I had something to do PT. (Which really wouldn't make me a SAHM, would it? lol)
When I was pregnant with DD (DC#2), DH mentioned that I should not go back to work after I had her and we decided to look for someone to help me out at home with the 2 kids, regardless of whether or not I was going to go back. I was blessed to have found someone that watches my children and loves them and us to pieces and cleans and runs my home, so that gave me the incentive to go back to work.
I'm able to go home after work and not have to lift a finger and can just enjoy my children. I consider myself very lucky in that regard.
Now that I'm pregnant with #3, the talk of me staying home has come up once again. I think that I may take him up on it this time around, but I also have a few things in the works so that I can fullfill my need to have my adult interaction that I need.
Sorry to ramble on and on. lol 
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| Posted 5/15/08 12:43 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
In this area, I think it is unrealistic for most families to live on one salary. We might be able to live on just DH's salary if we stayed in our apartment. But, if we ever want a house, to send DS to college and retire before we are 80, I have to go back to work. I also have the better benefits and a pension, so it doesn't really make sense for the family for me to quit working. I'd rather be happy with my DH and go back to work, then marry someone who makes more money and stay home full time with DS.
Also, instead of feeling resentful, I appreciate DH so much. Because he has been a great saver for many years, I am able to take a whole year off for maternity leave, much of it unpaid.
Message edited 5/15/2008 1:14:58 PM.
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| Posted 5/15/08 1:13 PM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I feel absolutely no resentment at all about working, and my husband has nothing to do with it. This is 2008...not 1955.
I work because I want to, and I bloody well enjoy it, not to mention making my own decisions, spending my own money, paying my part of the mortgage etc....
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| Posted 5/15/08 1:17 PM |
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NK926
LIF Adult
Member since 6/05 1140 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Nope, not resentful at all. I only work 3 days a week, make a great salary and am able to pretty much spend whatever $$ I want.
That said, if I did want to stay home, we could "afford" it but not without certain sacrifices. As it is, DH is only home on Sundays with us...if I were home all the time, he may have to work 7 days a week and to me, that's not a sacrifice we're willing to make.
I guess it just depends...for me, there's definitely no resentment.
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| Posted 5/15/08 1:41 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
At times I felt like that. But I married DH knowing that I made a lot more than him and that this would not be a luxury I could afford. My choice was dh working 2 jobs and never seeing him or me working and having or weekends and summers together. I married him to be with him, not a picture of him so I work. I don't love it but it's our life.
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| Posted 5/15/08 1:43 PM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
As usual, I totally agree with Barb.
I need to work, I like to work. We could technically afford for me to be a SAHM, but we couldn't live in the manner we are used to living.
I think being a working mom makes me a better mom.
DH wanted me to stay home and I actually resented him for that.
I felt it was an old-fashioned mentality for him to feel it was MY place to stay home with the baby.
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| Posted 5/15/08 1:48 PM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
Posted by leighla
I felt it was an old-fashioned mentality for him to feel it was MY place to stay home with the baby.
That I agree with! Although, it was never even an option for me to stay home because I make more money .
I could never resent my husband for not making enough money to support us all on his own though....I never even thought to resent him for it.
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| Posted 5/15/08 2:03 PM |
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Erica
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 11767 total posts
Name:
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Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic
I went back when DS#1 was 20 months b/c a position fell into my lap and I was happy to do it. My son's language exploded and they taught him so much in daycare it was a win-win. I have summers and school vacations - so that lets me be a tiny SAHM
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| Posted 5/15/08 2:12 PM |
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