Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

i am not resentful at all. i wouldn't ever want to be a sahm mom. I would like to work only PT though. But living on LI isn't easy, we could squeek by but I never want to live that way . So I CHOOSE to work. Nobody forced me to

Message edited 5/15/2008 2:15:42 PM.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

This is something that I struggle with daily. I stayed home with my son for 18 months and lived off my savings because all I ever wanted to do was to be a mom. I was unhappy in my career. I fell in love with my Dh not for the money though and unfortunately he doesn't get paid very well. I had to go back to work full time when my son was 18 months because we ran out of savings. To a certain degree I resent DH for not trying harder in school and life to have a better career. He works really hard and doesn't get paid enough for it. I did give up a part of my dream of having children close in age to go back to work and I still dont know when the right time to have # 2 is because of finances. I do like the social aspect of working and all but I wish that I didn't HAVE to work and especially now with me making significantly more than DH I don't think will be ever home again.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Not at all...I would never place any blame or responsibility on his shoulders like that. He works so hard and makes triple of what I make. And I know he'd take on a side job to make more if I really wanted to stay home. He's completely selfLESS and would do anything for me...knowing that and my love and respect for him would never allow me to take advantage. He does want to be the main supporter and in reality he is. But I want my son to see him (and not have him out of the house so much working) and I want my house (and unfortunately that comes with a heafty mortgage).

But your post asked would there be resentment if I wanted to stay home, could stay home but he wouldn't allow it....in that case I might very well be very unhappy...and so this makes me realize even more how fortunate I am to have a partner that has and will put me first.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Why do you think the man is the one who should be supporting the househould? and why would resentment be even a questions?

Why can't he want to stay home rather then you?

hmmmmmmm

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Nope. It was always a given, never a question in my mind ever since I was a little girl, that I would pursue my own career. It is fulfilling to me in many ways more than just my paycheck. In fact, the pay is just a nice little perk

Granted, I'm not exactly the primary breadwinner in our house, I make half of what DH makes, which is sad considering I'm an attorney. But, if at anytime I had to become the primary breadwinner I'd never in a million years be resentful. He and I have just as much a right to stay home and/or pursue our dreams, and we are both committed to doing whatever we can for one another to achieve that goal, even if that means DH making less money than me at any point.

I think those old roles that men and women used to fit into just don't apply anymore in this world.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

A year before I got pregnant, DH started a new business. Its doing very well, but not enough to support us.

I knew I had a choice, I could wait until the business more established and then start a family. But I didn't want to wait. I knew I would have to work. I have the steady paycheck, and its a pretty decent paycheck.

eTA: So while I wish I could work part time or SAH, I knew it wasn't an option when I chose to start my family, so no- not resentful.

Message edited 5/15/2008 2:26:47 PM.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I think that living in NY today in this day and age - most people cannot afford to live on one salary. They make it almost impossible to do.

That being said, not all moms want to be SAHMs - and regardless of how much money they bring in - they are helping their family out financially and doing what is best for their family.

We aren't all cut from the same cookie cutter. What works for one will most definately not work for another.

I am on the other end of the spectrum as a SAHM (who works but not as much as I should/could) - I feel more resentment towards myself that I don't bring in as much money as we need or would like and ALL of the responsibilty is on my DH. We do not have a small mortgage by any means and we have at least two parties every weekend which add up to ALOT of $$. I wish I could bring in more money to lighten his load alittle. BUT - for right now - we are making it work and I will go back to working more once Jack is older and in school.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Posted by pmpkn087

Nope. I actually WANT and LIKE to work. ((gasp))
QUOTE]

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I wish I could stay home 2 days of the week

At first I didnt want to work at all, but I think I like being out in the world---however, I would like to only do this 3 days


when I married DH I knew he wasnt able to support an entire family on his salary...this was my decision (and I dated guys that COULD have done it)...therefore, I cant resent him because of it

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

not at all, i am so happy and grateful i only have to work part time. When i met DH he only had an associates, now he has a bachelors, has a great job/benefits, and is going for his CPA soon. I am so proud of him and how hard he worked so that we could have a good life. I def think its crazy though how expensive it is to live and have a family this day and age. I have friends who are SAHM and i know what their husbands make and cant figure out how they do it, but i guess they find a way somehow

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I had a really long maternity leave, and you know what, lots of days I was resentful that it was my husband who went out to work and I had to stay at home.

Everyone wants something different...

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Nope not at all..... DH is an attorney who started his own practice 9 months ago. He is actually making money now and paying himself, but not enough for me to even consider not working or cutting back my hours.

I actually have no desire to be a SAHM. I enjoy working, I love what I do. My job gives me a really good work life balance. I was home with DS#1 for a year and I was actually miserable. I love my son but I felt the overwhelming need to contribute financially and get some adult interaction.

When I was home, DH made very little effort to help out. I guess his thinking was that if I'm home I should be able to do everything. Now that we both work, he helps out a little more.

Message edited 5/15/2008 3:14:36 PM.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I LIKE to work too, I dont have any negative feelings towards my boyfriend. I think working makes us appreciate eachother more and makes us both feel we are contributing equally.
IF I had the choice I would work part time but I like our lifestyle and need to work full time in order to keep it.

What does your hubby say when you bring this issue up?

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

It my fault we have to work- we could move somewhere else and not have the lifestyle we enjoy and I could quit.

BUT we would not be near ANY family(right now we have DH's brother, my brother and SIL, and my neice and DD are best buds), we would have NO social network and I think I would be incredibly lonely. I also love my job.

But DH would love it if I said, yes, lets move tomorrow to someplace cheap.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

My situation is different because for the past 6 months I have been working from home. But prior to that, no I did not feel resentful. When I chose the career that I did I knew that realistically I would be making more money than most husbands so in order to continue to live in the manner that we are accustomed to I would have to work. Now, fortunately, I have the best of both worlds.

I suppose it would have been nice if DH had come with a nice trust fund...

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

not at all. I don't resent him- he makes enough money for me to stay home- I just don't want to. I like my job and I like the freedom of contributing to our household.

I compromised and I work 2-3 days a week.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

No way - not at ALL.

DH would love it if I did stay home... but honestly, even if we could afford it, I couldn't be a full-time SAHM. I need to work.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I have no resentment towards DH. We knew before even having children that I would be a working mom if we wanted a house. So we chose this situation.

I do wish that I could stay home more than anything in the world and am jealous of SAHM's. Luckily, my job does allow me to have a more flexible schedule to be available more, but I would give anything to stay home full time.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I'm not resentful toward DH at all, he busts is booty to make the $$$. Now if he were they type to let me worry about the $ and had no motivation, I could see being resentful. I could stay home, BUT we have free day care (family) so to me it doesn't make financial sense for me to stay home. we are very comfortable now. things would be pretty tight if I were to stay home.

I AM resentful of the outragous utility bills, the insane gas prices, the over priced housing, and the high taxes in this area.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

I'm more angry at myself in a lot of ways. Had I started my sales career 10 years ago when the opportunity first presented itself instead of going to grad school out of state - I would have had a savings of my own that could have helped us at least for a few years. DH makes a good salary, but I have a lot of student loans and other bills from the past... and unfortunately waiting to have kids till everything was paid would mean waiting until I was 50. My concern is now the cost of childcare. We still aren't 100% who is going to help us when I go back to work 10 weeks from now. I will get on that more in about 3 weeks, I needed some time to heal from the c-section and to bond with my new DD. As for resentment of DH, I guess I've had passing feelings from time to time, but I know he'd prefer for me to be home too and he has offered to move us out of state to have a lower mortgage/taxes and I've told him "no". In his industry he'd make the same money too as he does here so we'd live pretty well. Our families are so in love with DD - I couldn't imagine raising her isolated from everyone we love. So I guess I can't have everything. It would be nice though.

Message edited 5/15/2008 6:30:28 PM.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic

Posted by Palebride

Posted by leighla

I felt it was an old-fashioned mentality for him to feel it was MY place to stay home with the baby.

That I agree with! Although, it was never even an option for me to stay home because I make more money .

I could never resent my husband for not making enough money to support us all on his own though....I never even thought to resent him for it.

Re: Ok Question for Moms that work????? Hot Topic