Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

OK I am FED UP! its not just other friends but my in laws and own parents too!

They don't understand why I am so "obcessed" on all my parenting decisons. Keeping DS on a schedule for one. Not disturbing his naps to do other things and not driving him long distances in the car by myself. They all make fun of me, they all say I'm crazy, I stress myself, I'm over protective, over bearing blah blah blah....They make fun of me becuase I READ. They tell me you can't believe verythign the book says. OK all the books I've read are written by EXPERTS in their fields. people who have been studying their subject for decades....They obviously know "something" *eyeroll* It's really starting to get to me. MIL's excuse is always "My kids turned out just fine" (uhhh NO they DIDN'T, they're all screwed up in some way) Friends are always saying "But I had 3 kids, 4 kids, however many kids. OK just because you have more than 1 child it does not make you the authority/expert on parenting. Everyone has a different parenting style. Yours or mine is not better....(ok mine is better...lolol) For real though, I bit my tongue when I see a mom giving her 2 year old ice cream at 9pm so why can't people bit their tongue if I choose to skip my dr.'s appointment because I refuse to disturb my baby's sleep.
I'm tired of explaining my methods to people, I'm about to tell them to screw themselves. I'm PO'D now....

Am I wrong here for wanting to be educated in my parenting choices? I am a first time mom, how else would I learn besides trial and error? I am convinced that I am doing what's best for my baby in every single way!!!!

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I would start opening my mouth about stuff they do

Really though sometimes they may have some good advice.
Even these "experts" are human and human beings make mistakes

I would listen with one ear and then do what YOU decide is best for your child

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I get it all the time also ,and I just had #3 ! Everyone has their opinions ,and can't keep them to themselves...I have learned throughout my 10 yrs of being a mother to just ignore them ! I don't give them my reasons anymore , I just go about my buisness !

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I don't care about eyerolls, comments, etc.... I do what *I* feel is right for my kid. They don't know DS as much as I know him and once the day is gone I AM the one that has to put up with a toddler completely out of schedule, crancky, etc... So my attitude is to "could not care less about what you have to say".

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Honestly I think you should say something. Just say "This is how I am choosing to do it. Please respect my choices." If they continue to go on just repeat "Please respect my choices." as many times as they continue.

Maybe in some instances someone does have feedback that works better than something read it the book but you still have every right to not be criticized for how you want to do things.

I am lucky I think bc I have no one in my family or circle of friends who has ever really done that, but I know it's common.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

No, you definitely are not wrong in educating yourself, and keep doing it. Ignore your family and friends who have comments about this.

A couple of my friends don't understand why I very rarely take DS to outings or gatherings that will make him miss his nap. They keep saying, "Oh if he's tired he'll sleep wherever he is," Uhm, no. He will get overtired, cranky, and drive DH and I crazy, so it's just not worth it to us most of the time. I know some people would find this too rigid, but from personal experience, I know DS and as a very active little boy, he desperately needs that morning nap.

I think you should make your own decisions (with SO input of course) and ignore these people. I will say that for me, I can read too much at times, so at some point, I have to put the computer down and mull over what I have read. It's easy for me to get obsessed with research, but that's me.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

my mom actually said to me one day that i was "neurotic" about some of the ways i choose to raise DS.

um, not letting him CIO at 3 months old and warming up his formula instead of giving it to him cold is neurotic?

i was SO pizzed at that. and when i asked her for "clarification" i was met with silence. of course i elt it go but i wish i said something more.

someone on here said that you should always tell those people "you had the chance to raise your children, now it is my turn."

i would say something before it eats away at you anymore

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Find comfort in the fact that you know that you are doing what you think is best. I am sure it is very frustrating though to be questioned in that way.

Message edited 7/2/2009 1:37:26 PM.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I think it's great that you research & read up on parenting. Every child is different, and what works for you, works for YOU.

It sucks to be judged not matter if it's your friend or relative. Do you think there is any truth to what they're saying?

The reason I ask is I think there is always a shred of truth in people's criticisms. I'm not saying they are right, but ask yourself if you are quoting theories (which can change often, depending on who is advocating)? Do you feel that you are too rigid at times?

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I'm the same way, except that I don't read and read and read about things. I've come to our routines/schedules by trial and error and know my daughter pretty much inside and out and know what works and what doesn't.

I am a schedule/routine cop, I will admit it. But DD is the happiest kid I know at 5 months old. Am I too rigid...yes, I know I am, but it works for us. I don't care what other people think or say about how I am raising my daughter, it works for us, I'm happy and more importantly SHE is happy.

They think I'm crazy at daycare because I tell them she needs to be swaddled for naps, they don't like doing it.. it's too hard...they said. IMO the Swaddle Me is easy as pie to use, but whatever. I told them she does not sleep well or at all if she is not swaddled. She has not been napping well at daycare, which is a HUGE issue for me. I went to see her yesterday at lunch and she was just waking up from a 20 minute nap (she naps for 3 hours at home), and they barely had her swaddled. I told them if they swaddle her tightly (I also don't swaddle her arms), she will sleep better. Well lo and behold, she took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon because they FINALLY listened to me.

I stand by this: "Mommy Knows Best" forget what others say, they are not his mommy!

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Everyone busts my chops about my sons naps but at 3 months he is on a schedule and he is happy as can be. I love the comment "Don't let his naps interfere with your life." Ummm, I thought having a child meant sacrificing a little bit. If it means that I cannot do what I want to do exactly when I want to do it, then so be it. I really don't care. All I care about is that my son is well rested and happy, and he is.

Tell them to kiss your you know what.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by lakadema

Everyone busts my chops about my sons naps but at 3 months he is on a schedule and he is happy as can be. I love the comment "Don't let his naps interfere with your life." Ummm, I thought having a child meant sacrificing a little bit. If it means that I cannot do what I want to do exactly when I want to do it, then so be it. I really don't care. All I care about is that my son is well rested and happy, and he is.

Tell them to kiss your you know what.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

That's why I don't generally discuss my choices with anyone. I have no desire to hear those types of comments, I don't agree with many of the choices many people make. So I am not looking for comments from the peanut gallery.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

you and dh are the parents- you two make a decision- and as long as its not harming the kid(like hitting them) then they should butt out.......

my family never had a sick baby... they didnt understand why my baby who was born into nicu with pneumonia was being sheltered til he built immunity... they thought it was fine to take the newborn everywhere since their kids were part of the statistic that didnt get sick from it.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by JerseyMamaOf2

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think it's great that you research & read up on parenting. Every child is different, and what works for you, works for YOU.

It sucks to be judged not matter if it's your friend or relative. Do you think there is any truth to what they're saying?

The reason I ask is I think there is always a shred of truth in people's criticisms. I'm not saying they are right, but ask yourself if you are quoting theories (which can change often, depending on who is advocating)? Do you feel that you are too rigid at times?

I agree with this. It wasn't until I had my second and was looking back on my first that I should have maybe done a few things differently (things that people might have suggested but I just got annoyed with).

In the end you have to do what is right for you and your child but, I will say this those books sometimes aren't right either and while I think they are great tools to provide other parenting ideas that you might not have thought of, your friends and family might have some suggestions that aren't in a book that might work also.

I also notice that my son has A LOT of the same habits that my DH had as a child and I don't mind when my MIL says "oh, Chris use to do that too and I did this to help resolve it". I might have not thought of that solution and it could help me.

I hope you don't take offense to what I wrote, I am just trying to play devil's advocate here. All that matters really is that mommy, daddy and baby are all happy and healthy

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Message edited 11/29/2011 6:46:09 PM.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Bottom line, she is allowed to parent her child however she sees fit. And it's not right for people to constantly "know better" and say so. It's overstepping, whether it's family, friends, anyone.

I think it's safe to say that everyone on this site is a conscientous parent - it's evident from the posts. Whether we agree or disagree, I do think everyone here wants what's best for their child. Plenty of times I've seen people do things here and IRL that I think are "mistakes" in parenting (based on my experience with my own children not bc I know 100% that it's a mistake) but I don't feel the need to push my parenting beliefs on anyone. If they ask for advice or opinions, fine. Otherwise, I would never tell someone how they are doing something in wrong and how they should do it. What works for one parent doesn't work for another. And having a few kids, I've learned that some things that worked with one child doesn't work with another one of my children.

If someone makes a mistake (parenting or otherwise), isn't it their right to make it? We all make them.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin

I think what your family and friends are trying to say, and not very well, is that while you are educating yourself, and there is never anything wrong with, that you are adapting to your baby and that your baby should be adapting to you and your life style.

That raising a child in a "bubble" is only doing that child an disservice and not setting realistic goals for real life. Not everything will go according to a scheduale and when he's older he won't be able to cope with an deviations that will happen in life.

I think that if you "lightened up", for lack of a better term, a little you and dc might have more fun. Are there things that you should absolutely stick to? Of course like your MIL washing her hands after smoking and any other health/cleanliness issues.

Life is messy and you and your child have to be able to adapt to different circumstances. There's an old saying "we plan God laughs".

I'm firm believer that raising children should be enjoyable and as stress free as possible.
More of a go with the flow type I guess.

I'm sorry if anything I said was totally off base but from what you posted this is only my opinion. I just really hate to see parents stressing over what other people say.

I really do think your family and friends see that you may be a little stressed out and that they are just trying to help.


Keep doing what's right for you and your child because bottom line is you and your husband are the only opinions that matters.

Okay back to you regularly scheduled program...

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

i believe that parenting is something everyone has to figure out for him/herself.

i can already see that some of my parenting choices with DS were a little... over the top. neurotic, some might say.

the reason why i can see that now is because i'm already making different choices for my daughter, and she's not even born yet! i'm MUCH more lax about many things, just in preparation for her birth. i imagine she'll experience quite a different babyhood than DS did!

BUT... i had to go through it MYSELF. nothing anyone could have said to me (even closest friends and family) would have changed my mind about what i was doing.

and you know what? it's really no one else's business anyway. everyone should be allowed to pave his/her own way as a parent.

if i were you i would tell all of them to go away. it's YOUR child.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin

I think what your family and friends are trying to say, and not very well, is that while you are educating yourself, and there is never anything wrong with, that you are adapting to your baby and that your baby should be adapting to you and your life style.

That raising a child in a "bubble" is only doing that child an disservice and not setting realistic goals for real life. Not everything will go according to a scheduale and when he's older he won't be able to cope with an deviations that will happen in life.

I think that if you "lightened up", for lack of a better term, a little you and dc might have more fun. Are there things that you should absolutely stick to? Of course like your MIL washing her hands after smoking and any other health/cleanliness issues.

Life is messy and you and your child have to be able to adapt to different circumstances. There's an old saying "we plan God laughs".

I'm firm believer that raising children should be enjoyable and as stress free as possible.
More of a go with the flow type I guess.

I'm sorry if anything I said was totally off base but from what you posted this is only my opinion. I just really hate to see parents stressing over what other people say.

I really do think your family and friends see that you may be a little stressed out and that they are just trying to help.


Keep doing what's right for you and your child because bottom line is you and your husband are the only opinions that matters.

Okay back to you regularly scheduled program...