Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

I think everyone needs to parent the way that works best for them and their children.

That being said, I think that sometimes there needs to be some flexibility, it is important for babies to learn that, IMO.
I keep them to their routine pretty much every day, but every once in awhile I have to be out when they are usually napping. They sleep in the car or stroller, and they do just fine. Would I do this several times a week? Absolutely not. But for an appointment or to go to a social outing once or twice a month, I see no issue with that in the least.

And about the books, I have done my share of reading as well. What I have learned is that you can't follow every book verbatim. I take a little bit of this and a little bit of that, combine it with my experiences and those of others and come up what works for me and my babies. Even the books will tell you every baby is different and what works for one may not work for another.

I hope I didn't come off as offensive, I am trying to offer my own insight as a fist time parent myself!

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by JerseyMamaOf2

Posted by nrthshgrl

I think it's great that you research & read up on parenting. Every child is different, and what works for you, works for YOU.

It sucks to be judged not matter if it's your friend or relative. Do you think there is any truth to what they're saying?

The reason I ask is I think there is always a shred of truth in people's criticisms. I'm not saying they are right, but ask yourself if you are quoting theories (which can change often, depending on who is advocating)? Do you feel that you are too rigid at times?

I agree with this. It wasn't until I had my second and was looking back on my first that I should have maybe done a few things differently (things that people might have suggested but I just got annoyed with).

In the end you have to do what is right for you and your child but, I will say this those books sometimes aren't right either and while I think they are great tools to provide other parenting ideas that you might not have thought of, your friends and family might have some suggestions that aren't in a book that might work also.

I also notice that my son has A LOT of the same habits that my DH had as a child and I don't mind when my MIL says "oh, Chris use to do that too and I did this to help resolve it". I might have not thought of that solution and it could help me.

I hope you don't take offense to what I wrote, I am just trying to play devil's advocate here. All that matters really is that mommy, daddy and baby are all happy and healthy

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by SweetTooth

I think everyone needs to parent the way that works best for them and their children.

That being said, I think that sometimes there needs to be some flexibility, it is important for babies to learn that, IMO.
I keep them to their routine pretty much every day, but every once in awhile I have to be out when they are usually napping. They sleep in the car or stroller, and they do just fine. Would I do this several times a week? Absolutely not. But for an appointment or to go to a social outing once or twice a month, I see no issue with that in the least.

And about the books, I have done my share of reading as well. What I have learned is that you can't follow every book verbatim. I take a little bit of this and a little bit of that, combine it with my experiences and those of others and come up what works for me and my babies. Even the books will tell you every baby is different and what works for one may not work for another.

I hope I didn't come off as offensive, I am trying to offer my own insight as a fist time parent myself!

Message edited 7/2/2009 8:50:49 PM.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by imthekevinofcindyandkevin

I think what your family and friends are trying to say, and not very well, is that while you are educating yourself, and there is never anything wrong with, that you are adapting to your baby and that your baby should be adapting to you and your life style.

That raising a child in a "bubble" is only doing that child an disservice and not setting realistic goals for real life. Not everything will go according to a scheduale and when he's older he won't be able to cope with an deviations that will happen in life.

I think that if you "lightened up", for lack of a better term, a little you and dc might have more fun. Are there things that you should absolutely stick to? Of course like your MIL washing her hands after smoking and any other health/cleanliness issues.

Life is messy and you and your child have to be able to adapt to different circumstances. There's an old saying "we plan God laughs".

I'm firm believer that raising children should be enjoyable and as stress free as possible.
More of a go with the flow type I guess.

I'm sorry if anything I said was totally off base but from what you posted this is only my opinion. I just really hate to see parents stressing over what other people say.

I really do think your family and friends see that you may be a little stressed out and that they are just trying to help.


Keep doing what's right for you and your child because bottom line is you and your husband are the only opinions that matters.

Okay back to you regularly scheduled program...

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Personally, I've gotten better info from just listening to friends and family than I have from any books......

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

In hindsight two years later I realized that in trying to find a way for myself I often times ignored pretty good advice. But it was my choice to figure it out myself....and I did! I learned a lot from it.

Sometimes when I would get comments from family and I would just candidly say "well it's a good thing that you have your own children to test your own theories on but this one is mine to experiment on".

I think I am sometimes a little jealous of mother's on here who have it in them to go with the flow. And my son was an easy baby so I probably could have just winged it. But it was not easy for ME to go with the flow. I needed order and structure. That's what works for me. So I think being more laid back is easier said than done for certain personalities. Albeit, I think I created more disorder and less structure for myself in trying to achieve the opposite because I was too hard on myself.

But two years later we're all still alive and healthy. That's all that matters.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Posted by babyonthebrain

OK I am FED UP! its not just other friends but my in laws and own parents too!

They don't understand why I am so "obcessed" on all my parenting decisons. Keeping DS on a schedule for one. Not disturbing his naps to do other things and not driving him long distances in the car by myself. They all make fun of me, they all say I'm crazy, I stress myself, I'm over protective, over bearing blah blah blah....They make fun of me becuase I READ. They tell me you can't believe verythign the book says. OK all the books I've read are written by EXPERTS in their fields. people who have been studying their subject for decades....They obviously know "something" *eyeroll* It's really starting to get to me. MIL's excuse is always "My kids turned out just fine" (uhhh NO they DIDN'T, they're all screwed up in some way) Friends are always saying "But I had 3 kids, 4 kids, however many kids. OK just because you have more than 1 child it does not make you the authority/expert on parenting. Everyone has a different parenting style. Yours or mine is not better....(ok mine is better...lolol) For real though, I bit my tongue when I see a mom giving her 2 year old ice cream at 9pm so why can't people bit their tongue if I choose to skip my dr.'s appointment because I refuse to disturb my baby's sleep.
I'm tired of explaining my methods to people, I'm about to tell them to screw themselves. I'm PO'D now....

Am I wrong here for wanting to be educated in my parenting choices? I am a first time mom, how else would I learn besides trial and error? I am convinced that I am doing what's best for my baby in every single way!!!!

Message edited 7/2/2009 11:20:54 PM.

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Re: Parent friends who just DON'T UNDERSTAND

Bottom line: At the end of the day, you are responsible for your child's well-being and you are going to do what you feel is best for your child and not what other's feel is best.