Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

When did you start the process of having your DC diagnosed?

How did you go about it?

Can you share your story?

A little back story, my 10 year old seems to be showing signs of having ADD. I think he always had signs. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Now I feel like I failed him as his mother. I should have been there fighting for him and instead I refused to believe it and now here I am.

Here are some things that pop out at us and the teachers.

DS lacks self control and focus during class. He gets distracted so easily. Always messing around in his desk, talking, forgetting things, disorganized. Writing in his journal is hard for him. he can't focus or concentrate on it.

He isn't hyper but just likes to talk. He isnt rough or a fighter, hes a good kid, lots of friends. He was just chosen to be the Bee student in his class. A person who is entrusted to show new students around the school and show them the rules. He is always on safety patrol for his bus. He is super sensitive but can be very mellow go with the flow.

He doesn't listen very well or follow directions easily. He needs constant reminders and help refocusing at home and in school.

Sometimes it's almost as though he lacks common sense. God that sounds so horrible. The thing is it's true. Simple task take forever because i have to explain them out in super simple terms and repeat them over. Which gets me because hes so smart. Nothing but As in school, plays the trumpet on advance level, self taught himself how to play the keyboard. His behavior is the only thing that keeps him back.

Just today I told him that is was dark in his room and he needed to raise the shade. I come back and he lowered the curtain. I said why is it still dark in here? He said you said to lower the curtain. Now I know what I said and yet he believed that I meant curtain and for the life of me he couldn't figure out that lowering the curtain would make it darker in the room. The opposite of what I told him to do. He seriously thought that when I shade I meant curtain. He wasn't doing anything that would have distracted him or made him not hear me right. He was sitting on his bed. Sitting on his bed because he came home with a horrible note from his teachers. Again. So I sent him to his room.

I don't know what to do. Obviously I haven't gotten into every single detail but this is just the top. We've tried talking it out, taking away things, rewarding for good behavior, grounding, yelling. I have no more. I feel defeated and like a failure as a mother to my son. My son who I love so much but get so frustrated at. I am so confused.

Please. If you can lead me in the right direction I will be forever grateful. My son and I need this. Our relationship is crumbling. I dont want him to look back in life and say God my mother was a horrible person because all she did was yell or ground me. I am done denying something isn't quite right. I want to fight for my son till I can't fight anymore.

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

Do not put yourself down. You sounds like a wonderful parent.

I would start by calling the school psychologist. In our building (I'm a teacher) they give the parents and the teacher an assessment called a Connor's Scale. It has a list of behaviors that you may or may not notice in your child, it is scored by the psychologist to determine severity and then our psychologist usually makes recommendations based on the score. I would also contact your son's pediatrician.

I wish I could be more help. Good luck!

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

Don't put yourself down. My daughter has ADD. I got her diagnosis from a neurologist. Talk to your pediatrician tell the Dr. what you think. Ask the for a recommendation for a neurologist. My neurologist started my daughter on a path that has lead to such success for her. Hugs! If you have anymore questions, feel free to FM me.

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

My younger son is 9 and I have just been asking people about ADHD/ADD.

Like you, I think I kind of had some 'clue' that this might be an issue for him. In my case I convinced myself that I was simply comparing him too much to his older brother and I needed to stop having similar expectations for both of them.

Noah gets distracted easily, can't focus on things for long and has a terrible time controlling his emotions. For the longest time it was mostly at HOME that these issues came up. This year they have started to bleed into his school life and I finally have come to the realization that he may need a little more help.

For our part, we have been implementing techniques to assist him in learning to focus little by little. Like.. 'Do 3 questions.. and then we can do a dance together..' or something that will give him a mini goal to work toward when doing work that he considers 'boring' (for him that's anything that doesn't involve him being physically active.). We also try really hard to help him burn off his excess energy. A lot of pent up energy sometimes leads to explosions of anger or just complete chaos with him. We go bike riding, hiking, walk the dog, play soccer, set up obstacle courses, etc..

Next step.. we're going to the neurologist. I need to discuss more traditional alternatives with a doctor - I want to assess the risk/benefits involved with medications for ADD/ADHD. I also need a professional opinion with relevance to if they actually do feel he is ADD or ADHD rather than going with my own colloquial opinion.

Good luck on your journey! And you are NOT a bad mom or a failure in any regard. Kids don't come with instructions and you are feeling your way just like all of us.

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

If you don't think he needs services (speech - receptive for ADD/ADHD) or resource room,, etc) than you do not need to go through the school.

You can go to a neurologist or a developmental pediatrician. The reason we chose a dev ped for our diagnosis was that our pediatrician wanted the drs to look at many possibilities, rather than only neurology.

Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

My son has severe adhd and tourettes. He started with the tics at 2 years old. I thought he was just a VERY difficult child and he was my first so I knew no different. When the teachers in nursery school told me I might want to get him tested I spoke to his neurologist. They gave us check lists for the teacher etc. The neurologist noticed it as well. Over the years we have tried reward systems, medicines etc. Its been really rough. Mixed with tourettes he is very sensitive, has social issues, lacks common sense for sure. My child is the one thay you tell over and over again not to talk to strangers... and then they do it. I feel as though my son does not learn from h is mistakes. Whats worse is I have 2 younger ones who copy him, whether its good or bad. Id say the best thing you can do is deal with it, dont ignore it. We finally found a medicine thats helping without side effects. Thats Intuniv. We also liked Strattera but couldnt keep his weight up. Good luck! Hugs!

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

My son has ADD. ADD & ADHD are very different. I can see the difference between him, his friends that don't have the issue & his friends with ADHD.

It became apparent to us at an early age that something was amiss. He was fine one on one, could sit for hours playing with legos, puzzles, reading, watching a movie, etc. The problem was when there were other stimuli (read: kids) around. It was like there was no stillness in him. He couldn't settle down. He was the one that would never be paying attention.

He had issues in daycare & then later on in elementary school. Mainly with not listening because he was distracted, but other times impulsivity was an issue. Impulsivity for him, meant he acted out towards kids. He started coming home saying he was a "bad kid" (something we never would say). He was learning the term from his classmates. I remember by heartbreaking when he went into a party & someone said "oh, it's the mean Joseph". School was very difficult & his self esteem was impacted. After meeting with the school counselor on a displinary issue, we decided we needed to act.

We made an appointment at a neurologist who did the testing. This past year, I switched to his primary physician because I felt the neurologist was just handing out pills & not addressing our concerns.

Everyone has their opinion as to what works & what doesn't. For us, what worked best was to medicate & to put him on a behavior plan. It was a game changer for him & the response was immediate. He's on Adderall. Our biggest concern was that it would affect his personality. But I'm happy to say he still has his "Josephness".There are downsides (he's not hungry so his pediatrician checks his weight). At times he's moody, but I've read that goes hand in hand with ADD.

I hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to FM me.

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

FM

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

I am finally able to get on. Thank you everyone for sharing yours and your DC stories.

Reading them I saw a lot of my DS in almost all of your stories. I am much more confidant now that this is the right path we are on. Although still very scary and emotional. I worry for him. I worry that the meds may alter his moods or make him sick.
He is such a happy kid but I can see him struggle and I don't want that for him either. It's all so much, so confusing. I am glad to have the support of this community. Thank you for that.

Right now the teachers at his school have him on a behavior plan. 1 through 5. 5 being best behaved. For a while he was getting 4s and 5s but last week before Thanksgiving break it was all 1s. He just couldn't focus, sit still.

His school is trying a new thing where the 5th grade is switching to different classes for each subject to get them prepared for middle school next year. He was doing so well in the beginning of the year but it has gone down hill. Forgetting his books for each class. Handwriting is worst.
And now his grades are paying the price. Report cards come home tomorrow. Today i have a teachers meeting with all the teachers. We are going to discuss my plans to see a neurologist and where to go from there.

I hope and pray we find what works for him.

We made a appt with his ped from there we are going to make an appt with a neurologist.

Right now we don't have one in mind so if anyone has one they can recommend that takes insurance and is in the Suffolk area that would be great. FM if you want to keep it private.

Re: Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

My sons have adhd - inattentive type. They are very easily distracted unless they are doing something they enjoy, then they are hyper focused into it. They were both never finishing independent work, needed constant reminders and can not handle multiple directions at once. Telling them to go upstairs, get your socks, brush your teeth and come back down will end in them going upstairs and never coming down, and they will start reading, or playing in their room.

One of my sons' teachers thought he had a processing disorder because he would take a long time to formulate an answer, would just stare at you til you asked him again, but the dr's said that was more of him not paying attention so he couldn't answer a question he wasn't paying attention too. First we went to a neurologist and then went to behavioral pediatrician for a second opinion.

We started them on meds and got great results, but also had some side effects so we switched it up and finally we found a dose and a med that works for them both. Is has made such a difference in homework, and in their school work.

Good Luck - don't feel like you did anything wrong, you are looking into it now and will figure out what to do from this point forward.

Parents of DC w. ADD/ADHD

I work for the psychiatric hospital of LIJ in the child and adolescent outpatient clinic. We evaluate kids all day long for ADHD. Many of the symptoms you describe sound like he could have ADHD. If you want information about how to set up a appt here, please FM me. Generally the best treatment for ADHD is behavioral interventions and medications.

ETA: I apologize, just realized you wanted some place in Suffolk. We are located on the Queens/Nassau border. If you have any questions though, please feel free to FM me!

Message edited 11/28/2012 7:42:04 PM.