Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9028479/Couple-raise-child-as-gender-neutral-to-avoid-stereotyping.html
A couple who raised their child as "gender neutral" for five years so the infant's "real personality" could shine through have finally revealed he is a boy.

By Richard Alleyne5:25PM GMT 20 Jan 2012
Beck Laxton, 46, and partner Kieran Cooper, 44, decided not to reveal baby Sasha's gender to the world so he would not be influenced by society's prejudices and preconceptions.
They referred to their child as "The Infant" and only allowed him to play with "gender-neutral toys" in their television-free home.

For the first five years of his life Sasha alternated between girls' and boys' outfits, leaving friends, playmates and relatives guessing.

But the couple have finally revealed his sex after it became harder to conceal when Sasha started primary school.
Yesterday Miss Laxton, a web editor, said that she thought gender stereotyping was "fundamentally stupid".
"I wanted to avoid all that stereotyping," she said.

"Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?

"It's like horoscopes: what could be stupider than thinking there are 12 types of personality that depend on when you were born? It's so idiotic.

"Gender affects what children wear and what they can play with, and that shapes the kind of person they become."

She admitted that their stance had led them to suffering some ostracisation and she had been branded a "loony" by other parents.

But she felt it was worth it.

"I discovered later that I'd been described as 'that loony woman who doesn't know whether her baby is a boy or a girl', she said.

"And I could never persuade anyone in the group to come around for coffee. They just thought I was mental.

"I don't think I'd do it if I thought it was going to make him unhappy, but at the moment he's not really bothered either way. We haven't had any difficult scenarios yet."

She said she early gender stereotyping was "harmful".

"My mother's very sporty and my dad was very emotional," she said.
"We'd watch The Wizard of Oz and always start crying, whereas my mum would think we were really soppy.
"So it's always seemed obvious to me that stereotypes didn't fit the people I knew."

The family, from in Sawston, Cambs., were so desperate not to prejudice Sasha's life with gender they didn't ask midwives his sex until 30 minutes after he was born.

Only a handful of immediate family members were told of the baby's gender.

Finally the secret got too hard to keep and Beck and Kieran were forced to reveal Sasha's sex when he started school.

Sasha wears a "ruched-sleeved" girl's shirt as part of his school uniform, and has been banned from sporting combat trousers.

The youngster is also encouraged to wear flowery tops at weekends.
Miss Laxton said her son would think nothing of being given flowers – a gift which would embarrass many men.
"I just want him to fulfil his potential, and I wouldn't push him in any direction.

As long as he has good relationships and good friends, then nothing else matters does it?

Mr Cooper, a computer software designer, said his son likes to play with Lego and dolls.

He said: "We wanted to challenge gender stereotypes and so if Sasha wants to dress up in girls' clothes then so be it. But we are not forcing it.
Dr Daragh McDermott, a psychology lecturer at Anglia Ruskin University, said the effect of raising a gender neutral child is not yet known.

He said: "It's hard to say whether being raised gender-neutral will have any immediate or long-term psychological consequences for a child, purely because to date there is little empirical research examining this topic.

"That being said, the family setting is only one source of gender-specific information and as children grow, their self-identity as male, female or gender-neutral will be influenced by school, socialisation with other children and adults, as well as mass media.

"As a child grows they develop their own independent sense of self that will include their own individual gender identification."

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Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

This story has always, and still, has me

I can understand the desire to protect your child and allow them to grow up to be who they "are" but I can't understand going to such length to try to produce that result.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I'm sorry, but these parents are mental and I feel bad for the child.

You can't say you are "gender neutral" and in the next breathe say you encourage your child to wear flowery tops, but more masculine items are banned? What is neutral about that????

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Posted by Cpt2007

This story has always, and still, has me

I can understand the desire to protect your child and allow them to grow up to be who they "are" but I can't understand going to such length to try to produce that result.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

that kids gonna grow up to be gay. thats my story and i am sticking to it...

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I can think of something else that's fundamentally stupid...

And whatever happened to celebrating our differences?

Message edited 1/24/2012 3:15:03 PM.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I also think he will be very confused when he is older.

I mean, it is fine when he is toddler and doesn't have to interact with others. Of course they wouldn't have run into any difficulties. It seemed like she was pretty shunned from others. But now he will be in a school setting where kids will have strong gender identities and are forced to have gender identities and start seeing forms of mass media. It will confuse him somewhat. Whether it has a big impact or not, that is debatable.

But she also says as long as he has friends and relationships... this is true and I'm sure he'd no matter what find friends who loved and supported him, but it does make me think you are limiting that interaction. Depending on how confused he is and for how long... let's say he is not gay and wants to date in college, but he is still totally fine with wearing girls clothes and prefers it. I don't think all women want their partners wearing women's blouses and female lingerie... I mean, I don't see how his relationships could be very normal after that. Some may accept that, but not all. Why make it more difficult?

Hopefully he will be introduced to things slowly at school and will be able to choose for himself who he is and what he wants. So with an "open-minded, gender-neutral" foundation and a real-world awakening, hopefully he will just be a very liberal child who is mentally and emotionally stable.

Message edited 1/24/2012 3:26:08 PM.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

so it's a boy?

I remember this story from a few years ago.

I feel bad for the kid. His LOONY mother is practically treating him as a guinea pig because of her own selfish beliefs about gender stereotypes.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

If this child was born with both male and female genitalia, I could understand why they did this, but since we now know that is not the case, and he is a boy, I feel that what they did was a form of mental abuse. I have no problem with exposing a child to all sorts of toys. But to me cross dressing your child, when the child did not express that desire themselves seem wrong. I do feel compelled to mention that I would find it different if they could not afford new clothing and this was hand me downs from someone else. But to actively dress a child in obviously gender specific clothing that is opposite of the child's gender feels very wrong to me. I think experimenting (social/physical/mental) on your kids is wrong.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I'm hoping he completely rebels against his parents' experiment, and he's as butch, masculine, and stereotypically male as anyone on this planet....

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Posted by JennZ

Posted by MrsS1976

that kids gonna grow up to be gay. thats my story and i am sticking to it...

Wow, ignorance at its finest.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Posted by MrsS1976

Posted by JennZ

Posted by MrsS1976

that kids gonna grow up to be gay. thats my story and i am sticking to it...

Wow, ignorance at its finest.

I can just imagine that kid growing up to be a VERY confused boy, esp with respect to gender roles.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

That poor kid. I see nothing wrong with letting children experiment with toys/clothes etc but to keep their gender a secret? What kind of message does that send to the child?

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I think the parents are idiots. It's a child not a social experiment.

Posted by MrsS1976

Posted by JennZ

Posted by MrsS1976

that kids gonna grow up to be gay. thats my story and i am sticking to it...

Wow, ignorance at its finest.

I can just imagine that kid growing up to be a VERY confused boy, esp with respect to gender roles.

Message edited 1/24/2012 4:03:37 PM.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Did the kid know he was a boy? People naturally model themselves after their same-sex parent.

So I'm not sure she even accomplished what she set out do do because it's hard to eliminate daddy's influence.

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

Re: Parents Who Hid Child’s Gender for Five Years Now Face Backlash

I think nothing wrong with teaching a boy to be kind, that's it's OK to cry, etc..

But NO I don't need my kid to wear a skirt to make a statement.

He was born a boy... HE IS A BOY! What is there to fight about?

I hate people using their kids as statement and experiment for their new found englightment of what they think it should be.

They are just effing up their kids.

Kids need to learn that a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. They don't learn from nature. That's part of being a parent and teaching your kids. Kids need to have to "talk" and be explained about the World. They can't just guess what is right and what is wrong. They are taught. Plain and Simple! Just like you learn to eat with a fork or that you don't push other kids.

At some point, a boy will have to learn he has a penis, and that girls don't have one. It's that simple!

Why make it so complicated and confusing for that kid just to make a point?