People w.kids are more unhappy

Found this on msn.com and thought it was quite interesting


Parents are less happy

"several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time with their kids. Other data cited by 2008's "Gross National Happiness" author, Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless."

What do you girls think?? Agree or Disagree?

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I didn't read the article, but here's my take on it:

Before we had DD, I would definitely have scored higher on a marital satisfaction quiz. My life was all about me and DH. We could do whatever we want, whenever we want. Life was all about us. I had no problem taking as much time to myself as I needed and hanging out with the girls without worrying about impacting our couple time- because we had SO MUCH of it. Every weekend, every evening we were doing something. My old Saturdays were filled with sleeping late, rolling out of bed to veg out in front of tv, going to the gym and then grabbing some food together, going to a movie whenever we wanted, hitting a new neighborhood to wander around and meeting friends.


Now, with DD, life is a whole lot about her. Saturdays are waking up whenever she does (6-7), making her breakfast, playing at home, going to the playground while DH sleeps (we alternate) and coming home for her lunch and nap. Now, with teaching her how to behave and with discipline- for my stubborn little girl- its a lot harder. So yeah, our marriage is definitely not as fun as it used to be.

But my LIFE is so much better with DD. When she gives me a hug or kiss for no reason, its like I won the lottery. Just watching her is a joy. And watching DH with her, makes me love him so much more.

Message edited 6/30/2008 2:12:17 PM.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I disagree.. My marriage is stronger then ever, I am even more in love and having a child makes us even closer..

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Strongly disagree.

I may have had less responsibilities & was more carefree, but if anything I have never been happier with my husband than I am now.

This is, hands down, the best time in my life and in my marriage. DH says the same thing to me all of the time. I will say the newborn stage strains a lot of marriages as you work out the division of chores, responsibilities & the sleep deprivation. As I've said before I remember taking my anger out while scrubbing the bottles. But now? Now, I can truly say I've never been happier.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

DH and I are happier with DS in the pic, but all of the responsibility does take a toll on us sometimes

e.g. saturday morning romps are non existent when DS is screaming at 6 to wake up...get my point?

However, now we make time for us and have babysitters for when we need couple time

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I will say DH and I need to make more time with each other..but that is not DS fault..Other than that, my life has never ever been better than it is right now!!

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Message edited 6/30/2008 2:40:34 PM.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

The thing with us - we never had a life "before kids" because we always had his kids. I am actually happier getting to experience the full role of parenting along with him. Is it challenging? Sh*t yeah! Do we fight? Hells yeah... but, is a quiet marriage a happy one or a repressed one?

Plain and simple, I don't even know how happy I ever could have been without Cailen in our lives!!!!

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

agree and disagree

I think the hardest time in my marraige thus far was after having my DS. IMO it is expected. There is more stress, less time together, more worry, less sleep. That isn't a good combo for anything.

But as for the rest..No i am not happier when away from my DS. I think about him 24/7 pretty much. And i often find myself rushing whatever i am doing to get home.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I wholeheartedly disagree with this article.

I love to sleep. I used to sleep 12 hours without blinking and then lounge around and nap whenever I felt like it.
I was pretty lazy...still am. I was also about 7 pounds heavier. When we decided about even the idea of a child, I knew I would be giving that luxury up, and honestly I feel a better person for having my days filled with more...and wanting to do more...and I am skinnier from running around.

Now, when Bella naps and I feel like napping...I do.
I still make sure I get the sleep I need, or feel I need.

The first year is really hard adjusting to this whole new person who is adjusting to being alive and learning every day.

I had a great DH and it was hard. I had a great, flexible job and it was hard. It opened up wounds from my own lack of a mother. I sometimes dislike not being able to just go out on a Sat night because I wanted to.

But, it has fulfilled me more than I ever thought possible. I pause before I get on the elevator to go home from work to smile at what I am going home to. I have a mostly patient and lovely DH that challenges me to be more understanding and we discover how to make each other happy in different ways now (me, by being able to sleep...him by being able to go to a Met game on a weeknight)

I am a happier person because of Bella. Her quips and constant comments make DH and I laugh out loud every night. Sparring with her is a challenge as I attempt to discipline in a way that gets the message across for years to come.

We are a happy trio. She said it best as we all laid in bed yesterday morning. I love our family and put an arm around each of us as we did a "group hug". DH are a better couple for it as it showcased our capabilities as parents and also our flaws so we can support and work through them.

Now, being foursome....that scares the crap outta me.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I also agree and disagree.

We arent married yet (DD's father and I) but I think she has brought us SO much closer together. The first year was a little rough, but now we have our routines, our nights out

Sure we fight.. but I def. dont think he or I is more unhappy with her. I would say we are much happier

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I disagree. We couldn't be happier. Yes there are some difficult times with a baby and ahead of us but the pure joy she brings to us is at times overwhelming.

Our marriage is even stronger and happier than before DD was born. I can't imagine being happier, or going through our lives without having a child/children.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I agree and disagree with the article also. My marriage is definitely going through a very rough patch now--some has to do with DS, some has little to do with him. Before DS was born and we bought our house, we really had few responsibilities other than work. And these days, we have no time for each other. DH works long hours, I've been sick lately and exhausted from caring for our baby. So while I think we'll make it through this, we are not the happiest we have ever been now. Many days, we barely talk about anything except the house and DS--there is just no time.

But having DS has changed my life in so many positive ways, and I think it's safe to say it has changed DHs too. I really can't imagine not having DS--he has been such a joy for both of us. A challenge too, but overall a joy.

So yes, in some ways we were happier before he was born, but our lives were a emptier too.

I do wish I could get more sleep! That's my fantasy weekend lately--time to sleep all I want.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I remember reading this article a while back...

The thing about the article is that it focused a lot on the less than desirable chores that come along with having a child as opposed to the things you really look forward to...

I overall disagree wholeheartedly with the notion that people with kids are more unhappy. I love and adore our little family and cannot wait to add to it.

I love the traditions we've started..I love seeing things all over again from a childs point of view...

I know that for myself and DH, we would not feel complete without kids...not everyone feels the same way and that is perfectly fine. But I can honestly say that life before DS was great and life with him now is even better.

Message edited 6/30/2008 6:58:17 PM.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

Since DD my marriage and life have been taken to a new level. No it's not the same and there are days that are tough b/c we are sleep deprived and we are still learning how to take care of a new baby and still take care of ourselves and eachother - but like other posters have said - that's not DD's fault - it's us learning how to rebalance our lives... like when we graduated college and started our first jobs, it's an adjustment but after a while you can't remember life before. I'm sure the carefree college days were more "fun" than waking up for all the less rewarding jobs we had to tolerate before we got to where we wanted to be and I'm sure we'll be much happier when we retire and don't have to deal with work anymore. Point is that balance is hard to attain and happiness is a choice. Life with children means sacrificing some things and putting others first, but I think it's totally more fulfilling - as long as at some point you remember that you MUST take care of yourself and your marriage. How happy would my kids be if our marriage failed anyway is how I look at it.
So by taking care of it, I'm helping my kids. No one I know personally would trade having kids for anything else. I also think that it would be incredibly rewarding to see your youngest off and to know that you've done a good job raising responsible, independent children who know can leave the nest and start their lives for themselves. JMO on this topic. I think DH and I do have to work on making time to just be alone... part of that issue is that we don't have family close by - but we plan on moving to Suffolk so that will eventually change.

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Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I think I agree with it. Maybe not for me personally. But I see sooo many of my friends and family get divorced, drink more etc after having kids. I do see the truth in it.

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I somewhat agree with the article. I think alot of people here are still in the "honeymoon" stage of children. And while babies are cute and fun....they do not stay this way and it just gets harder and harder.
Sorry to be debbie the downer but people are NOT told about the "down" side to parenting-everyone just wants people to have "A Baby".

Re: People w.kids are more unhappy

I don't agree at all.
I think people who are unhappy with their situation are going to be unhappy whether there is a baby or not.
Is parenting challengin? Of course! But that doesn't mean life is terrible.
Since becoming a mother I have truly learned the meaning of not having time for anything anymore. I thought my schedule was packed before...and now I really know. But it thrills me to have such a busy life. I can't imagine going back to a life without Lily.

I don't think people are unhappy because of the kids they have...I think they're unhappy because that's who they are!