Playgroup problems- need advice

My daughter and I go to playgroup with 6 other moms and their kids once a week. We both love it. She gets to play with her friends and I get to have adult conversation with other moms. Well with cold season coming fast and me due with baby #2 in 6 weeks I see an issue arising already. It seems that certain moms bring their kids to playgroup sick. It happened last winter and although I was always annoyed I never said anything because I did not want to be "that mom". However two days later there is my daughter with a cold and I am feeling guilty that because I want everyone to like me my child is now sick. We had someone bring their child sick again today and they used the allergy excuse. Now they had not taken their child to the doctor they self diagnosed their child and said because the boogies were clear it was allergies. My doctor says that is nonsense. Clear boogies can be a cold just as easily as green boogies.

Okay now that I have vented and rambled, how would you guys handle this if you were me? I have to see these women and their kids every week and I really enjoy playgroup so dropping out is not something that I want to do. I also don't want to make enemies or have my children getting sick. I think I am in a catch 22. Any advice would be great.

TIA

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

Honestly, I think when dealing with children, getting sick is inevitable. Plus, sometimes the most contagious time period is before any symptoms are being shown.

If you want to keep up the playgoup, I wouldn't say anything. Just get a big bottle of Purell and use it often.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

That's hard, I know it's a common thing, I mean with day care for example parents always bring their kids in if they have a cold, so the virus spreads quickly.

I would say use the excuse that you will have a newborn who is very susceptible to colds and other viruses, and that you don't mean to be rude but from now on if any of the children have a cold you will have to leave. You're not telling them they can't come if their child is sick, since like you said you don't want to anger them, but hopefully they will get the hint.

ETA: I agree with shamrock124 above, getting sick is inevitable, and you still may annoy some people if you leave thr group when one is sick. But I don't think they could fault you when you have a newborn to worry about, especially through the first 3 months (i know if our DD had even a slight fever at less than 3 months we had to go straight to the ER, any illness is really serious at that age).

Message edited 9/26/2007 2:40:06 PM.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

well, if the group isn't at your house, you could easily just leave and say you don't feel well or that you are truly uncomfortable having DD around someone that MAY be sick.

ORRRRR....

that DD cannot get sick because she is allergic to (_____) medication and if she gets even the slightest cold it's a major problem for her

once baby #2 comes, that's an easy out!

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

I guess my problem is that I do not want the easy out. I want grown moms with brains to understand that bringing their sick kid to playgroup is not fair to the other children. I should not have to be the one to leave. They should not be bringing them. I know my kids are going to get sick and if they have no symptoms then whatever but when they have coughs and runny noses you know they are sick and do not belong around other kids.

I just do not want to actually have to say that to anyone and make people think I am mean or psycho about germs.

I guess I am just venting because it irritates the crap out of me.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

I totally understand! I'd be just as pizzed as you.....

Don't MOMS groups have a hierarchy? like a president for the local chapter? Can you appeal to them or write an anonymous letter?

I'd be the type of person to tell my child to not go near so and so because they may have yucky germs. Aly is on this Yucky...Wash it kick now.

ETA: I totally thought at first reading, that you were referring to when I brought Alyson over!

Message edited 9/26/2007 2:47:08 PM.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

I am in a playgroup of 9 children and moms and this is what we do... If someone has a cold and it is clear and they have no fever according to my brother who is a pediatrician and my own ped, there is no reason for you not to bring your child out... That being said, If this occurs an email goes out to the group saying that the child has a cold and it is the mom's decision to bring the child to playgroup... usually everyone still comes... and at least you will know about it before you get there.

I would suggest doing something like that so this gives you the option of going or not..

I agree that a child is going to get sick regardless and it is getting to the season and usually you really can't blame one thing..

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

My daughter had a runny nose for multiple months last winter. While I do agree that sick kids should be home, if the kids just had a clear runny nose that just doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Coughs often last for weeks after a sickness. Sounds like you've been really lucky if every cold your child has had never had symptoms that stuck around a while...

That being said, it is worth having a group policy. I'd just approach it as "With winter coming I wanted to know what the expectation are for keeping my own daughter home in the case of a cold" and see what people say.

No colored nasal discharge is a typical guideline put out by organized groups (along with the obvious no fever, vomiting or diarrhea for 24 hours)

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

I guess I must be lucky because I can honestly say that when Abby is sick she is sick and then usually depending on the sickness she is totally fine in 5-7 days. She has never had a runny nose for months on end or a cough that lasted more than 2 weeks.

I hope I am not coming off as a psycho or maybe I am a psycho with colds and never realized it before but I would NEVER bring my daughter to playgroup at someone elses home knowing that she had a cold even if there was no fever. All kids handle illness differently. Abby has had a fever twice in her life and she has been sick a million times. I also very rarely get a fever when I am sick. I am still sick and it is still contagious but my body does not react with a fever.

The other problem is that every doctor has a different opinion. My doctor said that clear and green mucous do not have specific meanings. Clear could be a cold and contagious just as easily as green. My girlfriends ped does not even want to see the child if it is just clear mucous. They say green means infection, clear is fine.

It is so hard.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

Another mom and I at our My Gym class were talking about the same thing.

I have no shame and would say to the mom "If your child is sick, please have the courtesy for others of not bringing her/him. Besides, they probably wouldn't mind the rest anyway." But that's jus how I am and don't care if people don't like me.

Can you make an informal announcement saying some think like "With cold season approaching, please be mindful of other children and if your child is showing the slightest signs of a cold, please skip the class." Or something along tose lines.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice

Maybe it's just me. I don't think a cold is a big deal. I think if they're completely stuffed & uncomfortable, I would stay home because I don't want to spread it or deal with a secondary infection.

My kids are in daycare so there are no weekly playgroup but if we're seeing friends, I give them the rundown of symptoms & see if they still want to get together.

Kids get sick. If they're around other kids, they get sick all of the time. Both of my kids were sick all of the time when they were young. Last year in Kindergarten, Joseph was rarely out & every other kid in the class was sick. Call me crazy (or just extremely well-read on the subject), exposing your child to colds, helps them build immunities. The last article I read on eczema (which reminds me I need to post it), indicates that the reason it is so prevalent & severe in infants & toddler today is that we had little exposure to germs.

I understand you're looking for common courtesy but you're not going to get it unless you speak up. Also as the mom of a newborn who was hospitalized after getting sick at 2 weeks, none of this applies to newborns. A newborn shouldn't be anywhere near a playgroup.

Message edited 9/26/2007 4:23:21 PM.

Re: Playgroup problems- need advice