Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Athan is 9 months old and we have him used to the terrible habit of being rocked to sleep at night before we put him in his crib (sound asleep). Last night we "tried" CIO and I cried my *^#)*^$* eyes out. He was hysterical. I couldn't do it. Chris was trying - sitting on the floor in his nursery by his crib... talking to him... trying to soothe him with his voice.. and Athan has HYSTERICAL. He hasn't cried so much IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I had to go in there to rub his back a few times, and he would just stand in his crib and reach out for me crying to the point where he would start choking and coughing. I ran out in tears and locked myself in the bathroom and cried on the bathroom floor for 15 minutes. Chris finally picked him up and Athan fell asleep on his chest 10 minutes later. I cannot go through that again but I know I have to. I thought I was going to die. I am crying here just thinking about it. What do I do? How do we do this? We haven't read any books or anything but would ove some tips. Please. I am desperate

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. unfortunately I dont have any advice because I have not personally gone through it but I wanted to send you some hugs. I hope it gets better!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Unfortunately i don't have any advice for you.

But i will say this... if you're going to do CIO, it sounds like your son gets more upset with you guys in there and trying to calm him. Therefore, i would just walk out, close the door and let him CIO that way. I know that with my son, the ferber method would never work because it p*sses him off even more.

I feel for you though.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Oh Maria!!!!!

First off, .

CIO was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I also cried my eyes out listening to Frankie cry the first few nights. Even DH couldn't take it.

BUT, it does get easier and better. I know this sounds harsh, but the cries affect you so much less after the first week.

If you truly feel like you want to give CIO a shot, you have to stick to your guns.

For me, I COULD NOT go in. Once he knew I was accessible, he would scream even harder, and like you said, reach for me and grab my arm when I went in there.

I found it was best to not go in at all. You said you had the video monitor, right?

I used to turn the volume all the way down and the screen off. If the screams got insane, I would pop it back on and make sure he was okay, and then put my pillow over my head.

I truly believe it works, but you have to stay strong!!

Good luck and feel free to FM me if you need to vent!!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Maria
I can't offer too much advise b/c lucky when I did let Ryan cry a little - it was very short lived. But I will say that it's better to stay away - try 15-minutes. When I rush into Ryan and he sees me - that's it - hysteria.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by jambalady

Oh Maria!!!!!

First off, .

CIO was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I also cried my eyes out listening to Frankie cry the first few nights. Even DH couldn't take it.

BUT, it does get easier and better. I know this sounds harsh, but the cries affect you so much less after the first week.

If you truly feel like you want to give CIO a shot, you have to stick to your guns.

For me, I COULD NOT go in. Once he knew I was accessible, he would scream even harder, and like you said, reach for me and grab my arm when I went in there.

I found it was best to not go in at all. You said you had the video monitor, right?

I used to turn the volume all the way down and the screen off. If the screams got insane, I would pop it back on and make sure he was okay, and then put my pillow over my head.

I truly believe it works, but you have to stay strong!!

Good luck and feel free to FM me if you need to vent!!

Message edited 12/10/2008 1:21:55 PM.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by SweetCaroline

Maria
I can't offer too much advise b/c lucky when I did let Ryan cry a little - it was very short lived. But I will say that it's better to stay away - try 15-minutes. When I rush into Ryan and he sees me - that's it - hysteria.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by SweetCaroline

Maria
I can't offer too much advise b/c lucky when I did let Ryan cry a little - it was very short lived. But I will say that it's better to stay away - try 15-minutes. When I rush into Ryan and he sees me - that's it - hysteria.

Jessee it was awful. But maybe if we leave him alone and he doesn't see us it will be better like you said. I just didn't want him to feel "abandoned" if that makes sense. How long does this go on for? Are we talking weeks here? If he gets the "going to sleep" on his own... what happens if he gets up in the middle of the night again? He does that once or twice. Just let him cry?

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by SweetCaroline

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by SweetCaroline

Maria
I can't offer too much advise b/c lucky when I did let Ryan cry a little - it was very short lived. But I will say that it's better to stay away - try 15-minutes. When I rush into Ryan and he sees me - that's it - hysteria.

Jessee it was awful. But maybe if we leave him alone and he doesn't see us it will be better like you said. I just didn't want him to feel "abandoned" if that makes sense. How long does this go on for? Are we talking weeks here? If he gets the "going to sleep" on his own... what happens if he gets up in the middle of the night again? He does that once or twice. Just let him cry?

I know. Like I said, Ryan took to it well so I didn't have to go through much drama, but the 15-20-minutes that I did do it weren't fun. I found if I let it go it went from SCREAM to whine - alternating and helped me get through it. Luckily, it worked for us in a few days. Each night was progressively better. 20 minutes the first, 15 the second and by day 4 or so just a few minutes and out. I have always put him to bed awake though, so it might take Athan a little more time to adjust to that. But honestly, going in makes it SO much worse. I can see how you'd want to go in if it went on for a long time and felt he was in harms way (which he won't be) but try to stay strong.

Does he have anything in the crib with him? Ryan gets a few pacis and a little soft rattle - they keep him entertained for a bit until he decides to go to sleep.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Most firm CIO believers will tell you to stick it out a lot longer than 20-minutes. I say give that to yourself as an initial goal. If you make it to 20-minutes and it's necessary, you can reevaluate, "ok, let's add another 5" and take it from there. At his age, you'll probably have to hold out longer but I'm no pro on this so I can't say at what point you should go back in. The problem with going in is that you've then taught him to cry for 20-minutes and you'll return. Then you have to start all over again.
I've heard from a friend that her ped told her to say goodnight, close the door and not return til morning - no matter what. Now that's willpower! I think if I had to do that I'd be sleeping in a tent outside so I didn't have to hear it.

Try to hang in there as long as you can for a few nights. I really do think you'll see it gets progressively better.

ETS: And happy 9 months to Athan! My goodness how is this happening??!!

Message edited 12/10/2008 1:38:56 PM.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

The one piece of advice I can give that helped a tiny bit (not sure it will work for you though) is when I go in to the room (this was for both DDs) I DON'T TALK AT ALL. I don't shhhhsh them, I don't say "it's ok", I say NOTHING. I give the paci, rub the tummy a tiny bit and walk out...

I do the 5 min, 10 min, 15 min thing...it is so painful and I really feel for you and I'm living it right now too...

The first night is the worst for all of you...if you can, try to keep it up and you may just see a difference sooner than you think!!

Best of luck to you!!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by jambalady

Oh Maria!!!!!

First off, .

CIO was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I also cried my eyes out listening to Frankie cry the first few nights. Even DH couldn't take it.

BUT, it does get easier and better. I know this sounds harsh, but the cries affect you so much less after the first week.

If you truly feel like you want to give CIO a shot, you have to stick to your guns.

For me, I COULD NOT go in. Once he knew I was accessible, he would scream even harder, and like you said, reach for me and grab my arm when I went in there.

I found it was best to not go in at all. You said you had the video monitor, right?

I used to turn the volume all the way down and the screen off. If the screams got insane, I would pop it back on and make sure he was okay, and then put my pillow over my head.

I truly believe it works, but you have to stay strong!!

Good luck and feel free to FM me if you need to vent!!

Oh my gosh. I literally almost grabbed my car keys to run out of the house in my pajamas. I know we have to do this. We have to, right? How else will he learn to g oto sleep on his own??

So what do we do? Just put him in his crib, close the door... and walk away? That's all? For how long? Does he just pass out from all the crying eventually??? Oh man. And we do this every night till he "gets it?" Sorry for all the questions...

Message edited 12/10/2008 1:44:10 PM.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

We rocked Lucas to sleep until he was about 10/11 months old...here's what worked for us...

We started rocking him for no more than 10-15 minutes. We would then get up and walk over to the crib and say good night. He went down awake. We would then leave the room and make sure that he heard the door close.

The first night he jumped up before I could even leave the room and screamed. Hard as it was I went down stairs and DH and just went about our evening routine. He cried for 45 minutes. We did not intend for him to go past an hour so I was almost ready to go up to him. But we never entered the room while he was away. I did check on him 15 minutes after he stopped crying.

The second night same thing and he only cried for 15 minutes.

The third night he cried for 5 minutes.

The fourth night he laid down and only lifted his head to watch me leave.

So he took to it well...and so did we. I should say that the first time I tried CIO (months prior) I failed. It's just that by 10 months I decided no more rocking and I guess my resolve was firm enough to get me through the crying. But it was very hard.

Now at 18 months he takes his bath, gets dressed and we say good night to everything in our path (I started this routine at 3 months) and head upstairs. He sits in the rocker while I get his room ready (close blinds, move blanket, etc) and then we sit together and read. When the story ends we toss the book on the floor and he turns around - hands around my neck - to be carried to the crib. I say good night...we give kisses and he lays down. Most night he doesn't even move...other nights he looks at me while I leave (those are the nights he then talks to his bear for a few minutes ).


Maybe this will help

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

We did something similar to Ang. We also rocked DS to sleep for a while because he was a colic baby and the habit started then. We would rock him for less and less time and put him down awake. He cried at first and then it tapered off. I don't think DH staying in the room was a good choice, because Ds felt he had an out. He would probably cry for less time if you simply kissed him goodnight, say goodbye and walked out.
I know it's tough, but you can do it!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by Ang-Rich

We rocked Lucas to sleep until he was about 10/11 months old...here's what worked for us...

We started rocking him for no more than 10-15 minutes. We would then get up and walk over to the crib and say good night. He went down awake. We would then leave the room and make sure that he heard the door close.

The first night he jumped up before I could even leave the room and screamed. Hard as it was I went down stairs and DH and just went about our evening routine. He cried for 45 minutes. We did not intend for him to go past an hour so I was almost ready to go up to him. But we never entered the room while he was away. I did check on him 15 minutes after he stopped crying.

The second night same thing and he only cried for 15 minutes.

The third night he cried for 5 minutes.

The fourth night he laid down and only lifted his head to watch me leave.

So he took to it well...and so did we. I should say that the first time I tried CIO (months prior) I failed. It's just that by 10 months I decided no more rocking and I guess my resolve was firm enough to get me through the crying. But it was very hard.

Now at 18 months he takes his bath, gets dressed and we say good night to everything in our path (I started this routine at 3 months) and head upstairs. He sits in the rocker while I get his room ready (close blinds, move blanket, etc) and then we sit together and read. When the story ends we toss the book on the floor and he turns around - hands around my neck - to be carried to the crib. I say good night...we give kisses and he lays down. Most night he doesn't even move...other nights he looks at me while I leave (those are the nights he then talks to his bear for a few minutes ).


Maybe this will help

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by nferrandi

We did something similar to Ang. We also rocked DS to sleep for a while because he was a colic baby and the habit started then. We would rock him for less and less time and put him down awake. He cried at first and then it tapered off. I don't think DH staying in the room was a good choice, because Ds felt he had an out. He would probably cry for less time if you simply kissed him goodnight, say goodbye and walked out.
I know it's tough, but you can do it!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by jambalady

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by jambalady

Oh Maria!!!!!

First off, .

CIO was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I also cried my eyes out listening to Frankie cry the first few nights. Even DH couldn't take it.

BUT, it does get easier and better. I know this sounds harsh, but the cries affect you so much less after the first week.

If you truly feel like you want to give CIO a shot, you have to stick to your guns.

For me, I COULD NOT go in. Once he knew I was accessible, he would scream even harder, and like you said, reach for me and grab my arm when I went in there.

I found it was best to not go in at all. You said you had the video monitor, right?

I used to turn the volume all the way down and the screen off. If the screams got insane, I would pop it back on and make sure he was okay, and then put my pillow over my head.

I truly believe it works, but you have to stay strong!!

Good luck and feel free to FM me if you need to vent!!

Oh my gosh. I literally almost grabbed my car keys to run out of the house in my pajamas. I know we have to do this. We have to, right? How else will he learn to g oto sleep on his own??

So what do we do? Just put him in his crib, close the door... and walk away? That's all? For how long? Does he just pass out from all the crying eventually??? Oh man. And we do this every night till he "gets it?" Sorry for all the questions...

It took us about 4-5 days. And yes, I let him CIO if he gets up in the middle of the night also.

I give myself a time frame. if it's after 5AM I will go in. Anything before that I will not.

You are NOT abandoning him. That's the thing, he's smart. he knows that if he cries, you will come in and rescue him, so he will cry harder.

If you go in, you are reinforcing the fact that, eventually, if he cried hard enough, you WILL come in, so he will keep crying. and harder.

I put Frankie in, give him his stuffed animal, a kiss, say goodnight and walk right out, doors closed.

I know it's tough. It's heartbreaking, but it does, does, does get easier.

You just have to stay strong!!

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by jambalady

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Posted by jambalady

Oh Maria!!!!!

First off, .

CIO was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I also cried my eyes out listening to Frankie cry the first few nights. Even DH couldn't take it.

BUT, it does get easier and better. I know this sounds harsh, but the cries affect you so much less after the first week.

If you truly feel like you want to give CIO a shot, you have to stick to your guns.

For me, I COULD NOT go in. Once he knew I was accessible, he would scream even harder, and like you said, reach for me and grab my arm when I went in there.

I found it was best to not go in at all. You said you had the video monitor, right?

I used to turn the volume all the way down and the screen off. If the screams got insane, I would pop it back on and make sure he was okay, and then put my pillow over my head.

I truly believe it works, but you have to stay strong!!

Good luck and feel free to FM me if you need to vent!!

Oh my gosh. I literally almost grabbed my car keys to run out of the house in my pajamas. I know we have to do this. We have to, right? How else will he learn to g oto sleep on his own??

So what do we do? Just put him in his crib, close the door... and walk away? That's all? For how long? Does he just pass out from all the crying eventually??? Oh man. And we do this every night till he "gets it?" Sorry for all the questions...

It took us about 4-5 days. And yes, I let him CIO if he gets up in the middle of the night also.

I give myself a time frame. if it's after 5AM I will go in. Anything before that I will not.

You are NOT abandoning him. That's the thing, he's smart. he knows that if he cries, you will come in and rescue him, so he will cry harder.

If you go in, you are reinforcing the fact that, eventually, if he cried hard enough, you WILL come in, so he will keep crying. and harder.

I put Frankie in, give him his stuffed animal, a kiss, say goodnight and walk right out, doors closed.

I know it's tough. It's heartbreaking, but it does, does, does get easier.

You just have to stay strong!!

Oh yeah- he has me trained well alright... one little crying peep and I am in there so fast swooping him up. I think I will let Chris tackle this again tonight I will have to literally leave the house for a few hours. Not that HE is much better at letting him cry but at least he holds out longer than I do...

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Oh Ang - I love your bedtime routine now

But your first line said you rocked Lucas till he was 10/11 months.... SO CAN I KEEP ROCKING MY BABY FOR ANOTHER MONTH BEFORE I TRY THIS AGAIN??????

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

THANK YOU LADIES FOR ALL YOUR RESPONSES AND ADVICE!!!! Hopefully Chris can attempt this again tonight... I will be conveniently out of the house and at the mall

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

It is so hard to do!

I tried to physically distance myself so I hear the crying less. Try to do anything, dishes, laundry even ear plugs. It does get better.

Re: Please help - how do I get him to sleep/CIO?

i just did CIO with my son and it worked wonders. he went from being up hysterically crying 1-2 times a night to sleeping 8pm-7am.

it's hard on mom and dad. ultimately it will be the best thing for all of you that he is sleeping well.

we learned the hard way not to go in his room at all. we just closed his door and our door and let him cry. and he would CRY and SCREAM bloody murder. but we knew he was safe and okay and we let him cry. he would cry for 2 hours straight.

it got worse before it got better. but then it started to get BETTER!!! and then 3 nights ago he slept through the night and he's never been happier.

you can do it!! be consistent!! once you start, don't stop. if you can't listen to him cry, leave the house or go to another part of the house. he's not dying when he's crying. he's seeking attention. once he realizes you won't be coming, he'll start to self soothe and then won't cry anymore.

you can do it!!!