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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
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PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
I feel like DH and I are on two totally different pages when it comes to parenting. I feel like DH automatically defaults to yelling or spanking (he claims it's only a swat on the butt  )
For instance, DS JUST transitioned to a toddler bed 3 days ago. I explained to DH that there would be a transition period. For the last few nights I stayed for between 5-10 minutes until DS calmed down.
Today I went shopping (I know, how dare I leave the house) and DS was being put down for a nap. I saw him get out of bed and I just went in and put him back (ala Supernanny). He wasn't being bad or crying, he was just getting up to play with some stuff in the room. When I came in, he went back to bed. I guess it was becoming somewhat of a game to him. I explained all of this to DH. When I get home DS was sleeping. I asked DH how it went. He said DS got up three times and he went in and put him back in. The 4th time he went in and smacked him on the butt and the 5th time he smacked him again and that DS didn't get up again.
DH is actually PROUD of himself!!! He feels like he taught DS that napping is not a "game". ***?????? I am so mad I could scream - and I am so upset!!!! I don't get him at all!
Tell me I'm not crazy and tell me how to deal with this because we got into a huge blow-out fight about t his!
Message edited 1/7/2010 3:47:32 PM.
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Posted 1/7/10 3:46 PM  |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
That's rough - you are BOTH his parents, so ..........who's to say who's right and who's wrong? I'm sure he thinks HIS way is right, the same way you think your is - KWIM ??
Is it his lack of patience that bothers you? The fact that he spanks him at all? Or the fact the you feel he's too quick to resort to spanking him?
you're going to hvae to come to some kind of compromise, so I would figure out what bothered me the MOST - and start there .........
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| Posted 1/7/10 3:49 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
We do differ, BUT try to see each others way. I will smack DS hand if he reaches for the stove, or trys to bite the plugs (his new thing ). DH had a HUGE issue with the hand smacks. He will now do it with DS also. I dont agree or like for that matter how DH puts DS to bed, BUT as long as the kid sleeps Im good. Im more of a rock him to bed, DH will drop and leave. DS just this week has been fine with this method. Some things work, some dont. I DO make it perfectly clear if I dont like something. We will talk about it and take it from there.
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| Posted 1/7/10 3:51 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
Posted by MarisaK
That's rough - you are BOTH his parents, so ..........who's to say who's right and who's wrong? I'm sure he thinks HIS way is right, the same way you think your is - KWIM ??
Is it his lack of patience that bothers you? The fact that he spanks him at all? Or the fact the you feel he's too quick to resort to spanking him?
you're going to hvae to come to some kind of compromise, so I would figure out what bothered me the MOST - and start there .........
It's the lack of patience. It's also that EVERY TIME something goes wrong - he automatically yells. I think there has to be some sort of explanation first.
I'm not against spanking - like another poster said, for disrespect, touching the stove, running into the street, REPEATED misbehaviors. BUT he JUST transitioned 3 DAYS ago - he needs time to learn and adjust - what is the lesson - if you get out of bed, you'll be hit?
DS is also speech and language delayed/sensory sensitive and I'll admit that I am very protective of him, maybe too much. I want to make sure that some of what he does is not a result of his delays. For example, he won't eat most food. DH tried to "force" him to taste food because he thought he would like it. I agree that if he would just taste it, he would probably like it, but I don't want to force it on him because I'm sure he has an aversion to it because of the texture... I don't know. I don't want to fight with DH and I don't want to spoil DS but I just feel like discipline has to have a purpose.
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| Posted 1/7/10 3:57 PM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
I hope I'm not the only one having a difficult time with parenting styles
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| Posted 1/7/10 9:02 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
yes, I am a yeller and have much less patience than my DH. Also if DS cries in the middle of the night, DH goes and gets him, I usually won't get up. we argue sometimes but I give in a lot
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| Posted 1/7/10 9:07 PM |
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mrandmrs12
LIF Adult
Member since 1/07 1687 total posts
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
DH and I definitely have different styles - not just with discipline. with everything! And it's soo apparent now that we have DS.
DH thinks I am too easy on DS. I work with children from about ages 4 or 5 to 8.... not babies or toddlers, but to me the idea is the same. Be consistent, give limited choices (ones that you are happy with), etc. We BOTH feel VERY strongly that our point of view is right. It has been difficult.
DS is 21 months now, so we are working things out and things have gotten a MILLION times better. It just takes time to figure out how to work together again now that this new person is here!
What has helped me the most is that DS is growing and DH SEES that he listens to me and is a pretty good boy.....
good luck! 
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| Posted 1/7/10 10:23 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
Posted by MarisaK
That's rough - you are BOTH his parents, so ..........who's to say who's right and who's wrong? I'm sure he thinks HIS way is right, the same way you think your is - KWIM ??
Is it his lack of patience that bothers you? The fact that he spanks him at all? Or the fact the you feel he's too quick to resort to spanking him?
you're going to hvae to come to some kind of compromise, so I would figure out what bothered me the MOST - and start there .........
I agree with every word of this!
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| Posted 1/7/10 10:57 PM |
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ladybug7
LIF Infant
Member since 3/06 247 total posts
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
DH and I just had a conversation about "yelling". One of DH's employees was complaining that he constantly has to yell at his kids (5 & 6). So DH asked him, if you are always yelling about everything, where do you go from there? If a parent yells, and DC doesn't listen, then what? more yelling? hitting? what do you do?
Plus I think if yelling is a regular occurance, there is a chance DC will just learn to tune it out, and where does that leave the parent? What are your options then?
DH's employee admitted he had never thought of it that way? Maybe you could approach your DH the same way?
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| Posted 1/8/10 8:50 AM |
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mom2aidan
2 boys & 1 girl :)
Member since 11/06 1874 total posts
Name:
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Re: PLEASE HELP: Do you and DH have different parenting styles?
Posted by ladybug7
DH and I just had a conversation about "yelling". One of DH's employees was complaining that he constantly has to yell at his kids (5 & 6). So DH asked him, if you are always yelling about everything, where do you go from there? If a parent yells, and DC doesn't listen, then what? more yelling? hitting? what do you do?
Plus I think if yelling is a regular occurance, there is a chance DC will just learn to tune it out, and where does that leave the parent? What are your options then?
DH's employee admitted he had never thought of it that way? Maybe you could approach your DH the same way?
I agree!!! I'm a teacher and this is part of why I don't yell in the classroom - you don't have anywhere to go from there.
Truthfully, it's not really the yelling that gets me. I do worry because DH had virtually no relationship with his father and his dad was an aggressive yeller. I don't want him to repeat the pattern. What got me today was the hitting. I really think that if you hit, there should be a good reason/lesson attached to it and I didn't think there was one in this situation.
On a positive note, we talked about it and he said that maybe he shouldn't have hit him for not staying in bed. I know I have to really have to back off a little and let him be a parent. It's so hard - but I have to toughen up and DH has to back down a little. thanks for listening
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| Posted 1/8/10 9:17 AM |
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