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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I just want to say- it is very normal that couple's sexual desires and needs don't mesh.... this was actually just on the Today show either this week or last.
Yes, sex is important... I think that problems in the sex part of marriage is really an indicator of other problems. when there are issues- it is the first thing to be affected..
who knows- maybe he wants to have sex with you on his time, maybe he doesn't want you asking for it all the time, maybe he feels pressured.... maybe he has performance anxiety--- whatever it is- it could just have to do with the sex or it could have to do with something else.
Instead of giving him ultimatums and saying no more masturbation, try talking to him and maybe bringing up therapy to get to the bottom of it.
It is nothing to be ashamed of, a lot of couples go go therapy.. believe me... the whole key is to go before the problem gets too rooted into the relationship and resentment takes over..
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Posted 6/11/05 2:40 PM  |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
All men do it - married or not - most more than we think!
You need to communicate with your husband and not push him! Most married people do not have sex every night and maybe he is getting sick of you pushing him. I know you said you were trying to prove a point with certain things you wrote, but if in any way you are saying things to him like the things you posted here about other guys wanting you or what's wrong with you because I can get it somewhere else, I'm not surprised he's keeping clear of you.
Beauty is only skin deep. It sounds like maybe you need to work on what's inside...
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| Posted 6/11/05 5:04 PM |
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Corinne
My munchkins
Member since 5/05 5010 total posts
Name:
corinne
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
All men do it. I would be happy he wants to be with himself and you and not with some other women there are men out there that do worse stuff like beat woman, are verbally abusive and have no respect for woman. If he has been doing this since he was a teenager then whats the problem. He enjoys it! why take that away from him.
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| Posted 6/13/05 9:25 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I think we are being much too harsh on this girl - she is asking for advice because the fact that her DH would RATHER be "alone" than in bed with her is what is bothering her, and she has every "right" (not that we are here to judge anyone) to feel how she feels, justified in other's eyes or not.
Fact is, she is feeling denied and unappreciated and lots of other things I am sure. It is a totally ego buster to have this happen. It is not a matter of DH just doin' what comes naturally, it is that he forsakes HER for this. NOT normal if you ask me.
That said, your feelings are what are important, so you really need to speak with a couselor - even if just for yourself. You need to resolve this issue one way or another - either by him coming to understand how he makes you feel, or you coming to accept that he will continue to do this.
IMO he is embarassed and yes he needs to work this out with you.
My DH sometimes has to resort to this method when we are making love because he says there is just a very special pressure he needs to actually release - and this has been the same with every woman he has been with so at least I know it isn't my fault.
I hope you get some help and please do not feel that you need to defend your emotions even if you feel you have been somewhat attacked here.
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| Posted 6/13/05 10:09 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by neeniebean86
Posted by Sassyz75
Actually, it is normal to masterbate. If he ejaculates with you, but also wants to masterbate, what is wrong with that.
It sounds like you both have issues- he may have issues wtih sex, and you may have issues with self esteem.
You both need to talk to someone- a marriage counselor about this...
I don't think giving him an ultimatum about masterbating is anywhere within the realms of what a wife can require of a husband. Whether single or married, we all have the right to pleasure ourselves if we want to and we shouldn't be (nor should your future children) be made to feel that it is bad.
With that said, you obviously want to have more sex... this is an important part of a marriage and a lot of couples of problems with this. Because of this, I really think you should both speak to someone. Quite often,, these sexual problems are a manifestation of a deeper problem, either individually or as a couple.
good luck!
i agree with all of this. Also, on the topic of your daughter, i dont think kids need to know all the details of their parents personal lives. Its not like youre going to tell her 'we got divorced b/c dad walked the dog too much". That shouldnt be an issue, but (sorry for the brutal honesty) but i think with that, you're just kinda adding to the 'guilt issue' that you think he should have for doing what he does. Honestly, any guy that says that he doesnt masterbate is lying JMO. Also, most guys i know are more likely to do it the next morning after sex anyway, not b/c they werent 'fulfilled', but b/c theyre still thinking about the night before, and that arouses them.
I understand that you dont feel like he's fulfilling your needs, but if youre already contemplating 'calling up someone from your waiting list" then there's definately a chance that this problem runs a little deeper. If you both feel strongly about the marriage, you'll communicate your issues to each other, and if thats not enough, then seek some more outside help. But i like Sassy said, giving him an ultimatum is definately not the answer.
I have to agree with this all too. I also agree with another post, I don't think you should be discussing your sex life with your child - EVER under ANY situation!! NEVER do that - it is WAY WAY too damaging. My mother did this to me about my father and my stepfather and it is a HORRIBLE thing to do to your child.
On another note: I would avoid bringing up to your DH how much your exes "looooved" you.
Good luck with everything though, I hope you guys find a happy medium...
Message edited 6/13/2005 3:32:42 PM.
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| Posted 6/13/05 3:30 PM |
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MrsMaz
Best "THINGS" in my life.
Member since 5/05 2431 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I agree with Kara. This girl posted to get advice regarding the situation that she is in with her DH and she has been for the most part, attacked. I'm sure that all of us at some point in time have or will be in some unusual or weird situations with our DHs and I would think that we would want to be able to post asking for advice and support without being attacked or judged.
With that being said, I think you should definitely seek out some type of counseling for the both of you. IMO there has to be something deeper, maybe some type of trauma in both of your pasts that lead you both to what is going on right now. It's obvious that you are feeling neglected and that is probably why you've thought of moving on but give it a chance first. I'm sure that if your DH knows how much of a hurting this has put on your relationship he might try to do things differently. Don't give up on your love try to work things out.
 I pray things will turn out alright.
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| Posted 6/14/05 7:26 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by MrsMaz
I agree with Kara. This girl posted to get advice regarding the situation that she is in with her DH and she has been for the most part, attacked. I'm sure that all of us at some point in time have or will be in some unusual or weird situations with our DHs and I would think that we would want to be able to post asking for advice and support without being attacked or judged.
With that being said, I think you should definitely seek out some type of counseling for the both of you. IMO there has to be something deeper, maybe some type of trauma in both of your pasts that lead you both to what is going on right now. It's obvious that you are feeling neglected and that is probably why you've thought of moving on but give it a chance first. I'm sure that if your DH knows how much of a hurting this has put on your relationship he might try to do things differently. Don't give up on your love try to work things out.
I pray things will turn out alright.
Thank you.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:21 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
The thing is that she said she wants to leave because he masterbates who the he!! cares? She did say how hot she was and all of her friends and ex want her. Makes me think there is more to the problem then what shes saying.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:39 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by june262004
The thing is that she said she wants to leave because he masterbates who the he!! cares? She did say how hot she was and all of her friends and ex want her. Makes me think there is more to the problem then what shes saying.
I have to agree here.
Kara, had the original poster not phrased this post to say that she's considering having an affair, and will tell her child that her DH masturbates, I would have seen this in a while new perspective.
If it were "this is the issue. I am upset" and not "this is the issue. I think I will cheat. I will tell my child about this. This are the people I would cheat with. What should I do" I would have had A LOT more sympathy for the OP.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:43 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by MrsMaz
I agree with Kara. This girl posted to get advice regarding the situation that she is in with her DH and she has been for the most part, attacked. I'm sure that all of us at some point in time have or will be in some unusual or weird situations with our DHs and I would think that we would want to be able to post asking for advice and support without being attacked or judged.
I don't think she was attacked at all...
And it is natural when giving an opinion to express how you feel about it hence passing judgement.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:47 AM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I have to say that I agree with Kara also, the girl obviously is very upset and hurt, her DH would rather go it alone, then be with her. That is a big blow to a girls self esteem.
She didn't say she was leaving him because he "pleases himself" from what I read it is a little more than just that. She is not getting the attention she deserves. We all need that connection with our spouses, she's not getting it.
I think she only added that she is "sexy" to let us know its not like she has let herself go and is wondering why her DH doesn't want to be with her. This girl obviously feels very alone and insecure.
I'm wondering if her Dh is hiding in the bathroom because maybe he has other interests? I don't want to come right out and say it.
I feel sorry for this poster and I hope that she gets to the bottom of what is going on.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:57 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
but she said they "do it" and then he "does it" So its not like shes not getting any. At least thats what I thought that I read.
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| Posted 6/14/05 9:59 AM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
But I think she barely gets "it", and even when she does he still needs to pleasure himself. I thought I read that she has to practically beg for it.
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| Posted 6/14/05 10:05 AM |
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Tracey
I have to say that I agree with Kara also, the girl obviously is very upset and hurt, her DH would rather go it alone, then be with her. That is a big blow to a girls self esteem.
She didn't say she was leaving him because he "pleases himself" from what I read it is a little more than just that. She is not getting the attention she deserves. We all need that connection with our spouses, she's not getting it.
I think she only added that she is "sexy" to let us know its not like she has let herself go and is wondering why her DH doesn't want to be with her. This girl obviously feels very alone and insecure.
I'm wondering if her Dh is hiding in the bathroom because maybe he has other interests? I don't want to come right out and say it.
I feel sorry for this poster and I hope that she gets to the bottom of what is going on.
I totally agree
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| Posted 6/14/05 10:11 AM |
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Mkr09
.....
Member since 5/05 7550 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I think you should def talk to a counselor. I've been in almost the same situation before and if you want to talk feel free to FM me. I think you need to sit down with your DH and let him know how much this is hurting you, him doing this....then seek some help for yourself. I think there are other issues behind everything you say, I think you are hurt, and feel rejected and alone and that is why you made the statements you made. Please talk to someone and also your DH and feel free to FM me if you want to talk one on one. GL to you and your DH and I hope this can be resolved.
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| Posted 6/14/05 11:13 AM |
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Gdesq
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1314 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Tracey
But I think she barely gets "it", and even when she does he still needs to pleasure himself. I thought I read that she has to practically beg for it.
i read it that way too -
I think some of the responses are harsh - but the main response that is coming through is that she should seek outside help to deal with any emotional issues she has with this and how she may deal with her husbands actions. Her post came across as an extremely frustrated person who is dealing with a man that is blatantly lying to her.
Message edited 6/14/2005 12:53:32 PM.
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| Posted 6/14/05 12:52 PM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Gdesq
Posted by Tracey
But I think she barely gets "it", and even when she does he still needs to pleasure himself. I thought I read that she has to practically beg for it.
i read it that way too -
I think some of the responses are harsh - but the main response that is coming through is that she should seek outside help to deal with any emotional issues she has with this and how she may deal with her husbands actions. Her post came across as an extremely frustrated person who is dealing with a man that is blatantly lying to her.
Exactly, I agree totally.
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| Posted 6/14/05 12:56 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Gdesq
Posted by Tracey
But I think she barely gets "it", and even when she does he still needs to pleasure himself. I thought I read that she has to practically beg for it.
i read it that way too -
I think some of the responses are harsh - but the main response that is coming through is that she should seek outside help to deal with any emotional issues she has with this and how she may deal with her husbands actions. Her post came across as an extremely frustrated person who is dealing with a man that is blatantly lying to her.
I really think the harshness came from when she said she might look to her "waiting list" as alternatives...And IMO that is pathetic and was judged. IMO rightfully so. I think that..THAT part really opened some eyes to the person themselves and how they may interact with their DH. Her own statement was rather harsh in itself causing quite a reaction. I think that is normal
But at first i do agree, i think she was looking for help..AND i think there is MORE to it then a blatant lies.
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| Posted 6/14/05 12:57 PM |
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jozieb0925
Double Trouble!
Member since 5/05 4358 total posts
Name:
Josie
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Scotty-CassidysMom
Posted by Tracey
I have to say that I agree with Kara also, the girl obviously is very upset and hurt, her DH would rather go it alone, then be with her. That is a big blow to a girls self esteem.
She didn't say she was leaving him because he "pleases himself" from what I read it is a little more than just that. She is not getting the attention she deserves. We all need that connection with our spouses, she's not getting it.
I think she only added that she is "sexy" to let us know its not like she has let herself go and is wondering why her DH doesn't want to be with her. This girl obviously feels very alone and insecure.
I'm wondering if her Dh is hiding in the bathroom because maybe he has other interests? I don't want to come right out and say it.
I feel sorry for this poster and I hope that she gets to the bottom of what is going on.
I totally agree
THis is how I took it also.
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:07 PM |
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StressedNoMore
LIF Toddler
Member since 6/05 493 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
If this is the way you feel then maybe you should seek outside help.
Remember the reason why you married him.... It will help you make the right decision.
In the end I hope you and your husband end up happy, hopefully together or apart.. Good Luck..
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:44 PM |
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MrsMaz
Best "THINGS" in my life.
Member since 5/05 2431 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
it was really late and he gets up at 5am so I told him that we would both take care of ourselves together this way I knew he'd "finish"
What I get from this, is that they both masturbated together that night.
So that means that the next morning he got up and masturbated again.
I think I'd be a little upset too.
Seems like he's addicted to it.
Message edited 6/14/2005 2:59:30 PM.
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:49 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by MrsMaz
it was really late and he gets up at 5am so I told him that we would both take care of ourselves together this way I knew he'd "finish"
What I get from this, is that they both masturbated together that night.
So that means that the next morning he got up and masturbated again.
I think I'd be a little upset too.
But why?
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:52 PM |
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MrsMaz
Best "THINGS" in my life.
Member since 5/05 2431 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
The impression that I'm getting is that he did it not long afterwards. So it would seem that even though he did it with her he still wanted to do it by himself. How is someone supposed to react to something like that?
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:57 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Well I guess we have different views as long as shes getting some then who cares what he does.
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| Posted 6/14/05 2:59 PM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by What2Do
What do I do? Do I leave him already since this doesn't seem to go away? It's killling me because my poor baby doesn't deserve to end up with parents that she needs a schedule for. I've already been divorced once (no children) and this time when I married it was for the right reasons and wanted it to be the normal family setting. But had I known he had this problem I would've never married him. I've tried getting him to agree to go to counseling or therapy alone or together but he says he doesn't need it.
If you got married for the right reasons, and your baby doesn't deserve to end up with parents who are divorced, then you stand by your husband and seek help and try to solve this problem. hope it works out for you.
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| Posted 6/14/05 3:12 PM |
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