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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Tracey
But I think she barely gets "it", and even when she does he still needs to pleasure himself. I thought I read that she has to practically beg for it.
Well she got "it" enough to get pregnant! 
I guess I don't understand why it's a big deal that he does "it" on his own. Why is she constantly checking up on him? Is there no trust in the relationship? I don't know what to think...
Message edited 6/14/2005 3:21:20 PM.
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Posted 6/14/05 3:19 PM  |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by karacg
I think we are being much too harsh on this girl - she is asking for advice because the fact that her DH would RATHER be "alone" than in bed with her is what is bothering her, and she has every "right" (not that we are here to judge anyone) to feel how she feels, justified in other's eyes or not.
Fact is, she is feeling denied and unappreciated and lots of other things I am sure. It is a totally ego buster to have this happen. It is not a matter of DH just doin' what comes naturally, it is that he forsakes HER for this. NOT normal if you ask me.
That said, your feelings are what are important, so you really need to speak with a couselor - even if just for yourself. You need to resolve this issue one way or another - either by him coming to understand how he makes you feel, or you coming to accept that he will continue to do this.
IMO he is embarassed and yes he needs to work this out with you.
My DH sometimes has to resort to this method when we are making love because he says there is just a very special pressure he needs to actually release - and this has been the same with every woman he has been with so at least I know it isn't my fault.
I hope you get some help and please do not feel that you need to defend your emotions even if you feel you have been somewhat attacked here.
I was trying to think of a response to post to this thread and couldn't think of the right words. You worded it perfectly! Some of the responses WERE a little harsh. I would be scared to make a post if I needed advice, because I certainly wouldn't want to get bashed when I'm already down.
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| Posted 6/14/05 3:32 PM |
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SoinLove
Making big changes
Member since 5/05 16541 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by kelleherkm
Well she got "it" enough to get pregnant!
I guess I don't understand why it's a big deal that he does "it" on his own. Why is she constantly checking up on him? Is there no trust in the relationship? I don't know what to think...
Her problem isn't the fact that he does it. Her problem is the fact that he does it INSTEAD of having sex with her and I honestly would be worried if DH did that to me.
YES, masturbation is a natural thing. ALL guys do it and they do it frequently, but most husbands don't sneak off and do it instead of having sex with their wives.
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| Posted 6/14/05 3:35 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by SoinLove
Posted by kelleherkm
Well she got "it" enough to get pregnant!
I guess I don't understand why it's a big deal that he does "it" on his own. Why is she constantly checking up on him? Is there no trust in the relationship? I don't know what to think...
Her problem isn't the fact that he does it. Her problem is the fact that he does it INSTEAD of having sex with her and I honestly would be worried if DH did that to me.
YES, masturbation is a natural thing. ALL guys do it and they do it frequently, but most husbands don't sneak off and do it instead of having sex with their wives.
I thought it was bc he did it alone and also after they did 'it'. But regardless...you're right, it's natural. I just don't understand what the big deal is. If my DH was hounding me 3x a day I'd be telling him to go take care if it himself  NOT talking about cheating on him and telling my baby that Daddy is a big dirty masturbator! 
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| Posted 6/14/05 4:52 PM |
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dm24angel
Happiness
Member since 5/05 34581 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I tell Dh all the time...go do what ya gotta do...LOL..I see no big deal in it.
IF he is not interested in sex with her at all..then it has nothing to do with her "waiting list" ..she should stop worrying about what hes doing instead and find out what the problem in the marriage is that he doesnt want to have sex with her.
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| Posted 6/14/05 5:41 PM |
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beachbum
LIF Zygote
Member since 6/05 2 total posts
Name:
Jessq
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by kelleherkm
Posted by SoinLove
Posted by kelleherkm
Well she got "it" enough to get pregnant!
I guess I don't understand why it's a big deal that he does "it" on his own. Why is she constantly checking up on him? Is there no trust in the relationship? I don't know what to think...
Her problem isn't the fact that he does it. Her problem is the fact that he does it INSTEAD of having sex with her and I honestly would be worried if DH did that to me.
YES, masturbation is a natural thing. ALL guys do it and they do it frequently, but most husbands don't sneak off and do it instead of having sex with their wives.
I thought it was bc he did it alone and also after they did 'it'. But regardless...you're right, it's natural. I just don't understand what the big deal is. If my DH was hounding me 3x a day I'd be telling him to go take care if it himself NOT talking about cheating on him and telling my baby that Daddy is a big dirty masturbator!
I Guess if your husband was ignoring you and going into the bathroom everynight to have sex you might understand where she is coming from 
Yes, Masturbating is natural but what he is doing is not. Ihave told my husband plenty of times to take care of himself but if he rather do that then be with me I would have a problem and SO WOULD YOU! I guarantee it.
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| Posted 6/15/05 11:56 AM |
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Luvlylady
Earned My Bragging Rights!
Member since 5/05 6141 total posts
Name:
Alexandria
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I hope you find peace with this situation and come to a conclusion
Keep The Faith in yourself most of all
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| Posted 6/15/05 12:01 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by beachbum
Yes, Masturbating is natural but what he is doing is not. Ihave told my husband plenty of times to take care of himself but if he rather do that then be with me I would have a problem and SO WOULD YOU! I guarantee it.
MAYBE I WOULD but...this is not her story - she said they do both.
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| Posted 6/15/05 2:16 PM |
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beachbum
LIF Zygote
Member since 6/05 2 total posts
Name:
Jessq
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by kelleherkm
Posted by beachbum
Yes, Masturbating is natural but what he is doing is not. Ihave told my husband plenty of times to take care of himself but if he rather do that then be with me I would have a problem and SO WOULD YOU! I guarantee it.
MAYBE I WOULD but...this is not her story - she said they do both.
Have to practically beg your husband for sex is not normal. Sorry, it just isn't. Anyway, I think your comments were rude and insensitive.... JMHO
Thats all I am going to say about this.
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| Posted 6/15/05 2:39 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by beachbum
Posted by kelleherkm
Posted by beachbum
Yes, Masturbating is natural but what he is doing is not. Ihave told my husband plenty of times to take care of himself but if he rather do that then be with me I would have a problem and SO WOULD YOU! I guarantee it.
MAYBE I WOULD but...this is not her story - she said they do both.
Have to practically beg your husband for sex is not normal. Sorry, it just isn't. Anyway, I think your comments were rude and insensitive.... JMHO
Thats all I am going to say about this.
MY comments were rude and insensitive? Which comments are you talking about? Really, I don't know which comments you think were that way.
Becuase you are WAY off base. After making 2 posts of your own on LIF ever, do not come accuse me of anything. ESPECIALLY being rude and insensitive - because anyone who "knows" me on here KNOWS that I am neither.
Message edited 6/15/2005 3:14:22 PM.
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| Posted 6/15/05 3:05 PM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by kelleherkm
Posted by beachbum
Posted by kelleherkm
Posted by beachbum
Yes, Masturbating is natural but what he is doing is not. Ihave told my husband plenty of times to take care of himself but if he rather do that then be with me I would have a problem and SO WOULD YOU! I guarantee it.
MAYBE I WOULD but...this is not her story - she said they do both.
Have to practically beg your husband for sex is not normal. Sorry, it just isn't. Anyway, I think your comments were rude and insensitive.... JMHO
Thats all I am going to say about this.
MY comments were rude and insensitive? Which comments are you talking about? Really, I don't know which comments you think were that way.
Becuase you are WAY off base. After making 2 posts of your own on LIF ever, do not come accuse me of anything. ESPECIALLY being rude and insensitive - because anyone who "knows" me on here KNOWS that I am neither.
i agree 
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| Posted 6/16/05 6:30 AM |
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TheInfamousOTG
Waiting for Lil' M....
Member since 5/05 3468 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I really don't think there is a problem here.
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| Posted 6/16/05 1:01 PM |
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I just have to say this...
I'm not really giving my opinion one way or the other, but we can't really tell this girl how to feel. Some of us wouldn't be bothered by this at all and some of us would, but she is REALLY bothered by it and she is entitled to her feelings.
I think sometimes we lose ourselves in the moment.
JMO
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| Posted 6/16/05 3:58 PM |
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MrsSean
LIF Zygote
Member since 6/05 2 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by SoinLove
Posted by kelleherkm
Well she got "it" enough to get pregnant!
I guess I don't understand why it's a big deal that he does "it" on his own. Why is she constantly checking up on him? Is there no trust in the relationship? I don't know what to think...
Her problem isn't the fact that he does it. Her problem is the fact that he does it INSTEAD of having sex with her and I honestly would be worried if DH did that to me.
YES, masturbation is a natural thing. ALL guys do it and they do it frequently, but most husbands don't sneak off and do it instead of having sex with their wives.
perhaps less pressure and more trust will do wonders for him. for both of them.
I don't know how much I'd want to give it to someone I love, when they constantly peek in on me when I'm in the bathroom, and when I tell them there is nothing to worry about, and they obviously do not TRUST ME!
Pressuring your partner for sex every day, can take it's toll. Telling them you have to tell me when you masturbate is ridiculous. Maybe he wouldn't have to be so sneaky, if he was ALLOWED to do it when he wanted to!
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| Posted 6/16/05 4:34 PM |
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Kierasmom
I love my kids
Member since 5/05 2885 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I agree that some of the comments were a little harsh. Somebody is asking for advice here and she's getting some comments that are kind of telling her, get over it.
I took the problem to be as she wants some and he would rather take care of himself then be with her. I think that's a problem. Yes every guy masturbates but they don't do it in place of making love.
The comment of going to the waiting list does seem out of line but this is obviously someone who is having a big problem if she's thinking of cheating. Instead of ripping someone why not try to talk her through things?
My advice is to go for individual counseling ASAP and work through your own feelings first. Maybe over time your DH will be willing to go to counseling with you. If not you need to figure out how to be prepared for a possible divorce. Counseling can help you with that.
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| Posted 6/16/05 8:08 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Did she ever come back online after her orginial post?
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| Posted 6/16/05 8:52 PM |
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Kierasmom
I love my kids
Member since 5/05 2885 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
I think she posted on this thread a couple of times?
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| Posted 6/16/05 9:27 PM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by Kierasmom
I think she posted on this thread a couple of times?
Oh, yes, I just looked - but she hasn't been here since last Sunday.
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| Posted 6/17/05 9:28 AM |
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in-cognito
LIF Zygote
Member since 5/05 1 total post
Name:
J
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
What2Do - you have FM
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| Posted 6/17/05 10:52 AM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Posted by TheInfamousOTG
I really don't think there is a problem here.
What a surprise
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| Posted 6/17/05 11:03 AM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Did you ever think this has something to do with your feeling you are such a catch? That he's being passive-aggressive? I mean, do you tell him how guys "are just waiting for him to screw up"? Cause that's a REAL intimacy-builder.
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| Posted 6/17/05 11:39 AM |
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MrsBee
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 70 total posts
Name:
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
What to do... you haven't been on this post, and it seems as if it's done to you.
I think I understood where you were coming from. You basically are saying that you're really hurt that he would rather go and do this than be with you sometimes. Any woman would. I was when I caught mine!!!! I wasn't suppose to take the early train home, so, it wasn't as if I was suppose to be home, but none the less, it's a shock to catch him in the act!!!! Not to mention, very hurtful. After I got over the fact that my DH is normal too... I got over it. However, your situation is different.
I do think you said all the things about you being hot to explain that it's not that you've gained a lot of weight and there might possibly be a reason for him not to be attracted to you. Sad to say, a lot of men don't find their wives still attractive after some weight gain. (That's for another thread though).
I also think that you said all of those things regarding your waiting list etc... out of hurt/anger. I know I say all kinds of dumb a$$ things out of anger and I use to make threats that I didn't mean. I would say anything to get him to change or do things differently. What I've grown to realize is that, it is NOT the right approach. Threating and making insulting remarks only pushed him away further. I'm sure if you put all your hurt aside, and really approach this from a different point of view, you and your DH can come up with a solution that works for the both of you.
You were willing to accept that he does it.... I think you're going to have to accept that, and HE is going to have to make more of an effort to show you how sexy you are, by being active with you and telling you how beautiful you are more often.
I do wish the very best for you and your DH and your daughter.
It'll all work out, just remember the results you want are all in your approach to the subject. 
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| Posted 6/17/05 9:19 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
OOOOkkkk Lets just say some of us are grossed out about Catching them in the act AND
Some of us don't give a poop. And the fact that you are peeking in on him is wrong...
Thread is old 
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| Posted 6/17/05 11:02 PM |
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BabyBoy
is Skylar Elizabeth
Member since 5/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Tom
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Re: Please help. Very Long & Personal
Question: how do you peak in?
i think there is alot more then just your DH taking care of him self. I see trust, comminication, self esteem issues. both of you have issues. i would say your wrong for peaking in and he is wrong for lieing to you. he is not wrong for doing the act though.
it may be a habit for him to do this. just like any other habit, its hard to break.
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| Posted 6/24/05 2:23 PM |
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