Post deleted. Thank you for your replies. Updated.

Original post deleted. Thank you everyone for your reply.

ETA: Update: For those who knew the story... We got the toy back today! I'm glad too because it was an old toy that was mine as a kid. Had I known it was that, I may not have let it leave the house.

Message edited 10/6/2011 1:49:13 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

No. You cant borrow a toy from the library, school or any other place we go. I would ever ask. To bad if ds was pitching a fit, he will get over it. If he breaks said toy, I then have to replace it.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I think its really really hard for some moms to deal with some kids tantrums. They can be brutal. At some point I would have payed you $100 for the toy, just to prevent the tantrum

But I've since learned how to react to DS. And I would do what needed to return the toy respecting him and everyone involved.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Definitely no, and I have left playdates with my DD kicking and screaming.

I don't know if my DH would answer the same as me though. DD has left her old day care with a day care toy in hand for me to bring back the next day and since DH does pick up, that's on him.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Umm personally? No.

Message edited 10/3/2011 11:38:38 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

No I would never. I would hand the toy back and tell my kid tough noggies, it isn't their toy.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

no.

I would have been leaving with one ****** off toddler.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

No. Tantrums suck but they are a part of toddler life. That mom needs to learn to deal with that another way because right now all she is teacher her child is that if you scream enough you get what you want I would be super ****** of at being put on the spot like that no matter how small the toy.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

i would never ask to borrow it, my DS is ASD so he does have hard time transitioning from place to place and leaving things behind. i have taken a toy, put DS in the car seat and then gave the toy back. i would never leave with it though.

i HAD a friend whose DS used to leave with a toy every time he came over.. when he would ask his mom if he could take it, she would be like ask Andrea and if she says OK then sure.. way to put me on the spot... i would only let him leave with a McDonalds toy or something cheap.. but it drove me crazy

edited to add the letter N

Message edited 10/3/2011 6:12:31 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Posted by headoverheels

No. Tantrums suck but they are a part of toddler life. That mom needs to learn to deal with that another way because right now all she is teacher her child is that if you scream enough you get what you want I would be super ****** of at being put on the spot like that no matter how small the toy.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I would never ask to do this, ever. Talk about confusing the child-- are they going to think you can "borrow" a toy at a toy store, or an open-play place, or a mommy and me class? And besides that it puts the mom on the spot and is unfair to the child who owns the toy, who may not feel like lending it out for some unknown length of time.

You should not be so "afraid" of your own kid, kwim?

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

nope I say it's not your toy and wouldn't think of asking to borrow, I have had friends ask to borrow my dc's toys before though

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

No way. My toddler not wanting to give back a toy is neither your child's problem nor yours -- it's MY problem as a parent and my child's problem as a child learning what's right/wrong.

We were at a BBQ last year and I had brought some matchbox cars for DS to play with (he was 2.5yo at the time). DH's friend's kid wanted to keep the cars and give them back to us later -- I looked like a nasty woman but I insisted that we leave with what we came with -- kinda the same thing, no?

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Message edited 10/3/2011 10:22:01 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I think you and this mom are going to be clashing a lot because of the extremeness of her parenting style. I understand her style but I think if she is going to hang out with other moms than she needs to be a little less extreme.

ETA: You need to come hang out here more

Message edited 10/3/2011 5:08:12 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I would not ask. I have had screaming kids leave without a toy. My solution is to ask the parent where the child got X and then say to my child do you want to put it on your wish list. Sometimes they say yes and some times they say no. It does not mean I will buy it, but merely changes the conversation so we could successfully leave.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

nope, I agree with everyone else...kid has to learn. prolonging those life lessons about not always getting what you want etc. just does a disservice to the child IMHO.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I would not, just because that's not my parenting style. I rather explain to my son that this toy belongs to his friend and we have other toys at home, so he needs to give it back to his friend. However, I know this is what works for us, because it is how I have been parenting him and he reacts well to it. It would not bother me at all if my son had a friend over and the roles were reversed, and they asked to borrow a toy upon leaving. I say this because, like you said, everyone parents differently, and you have to know what works for your child. And maybe it is a phase they are working through. Something little like that, I wouldn't judge them for, and I'd be fine with letting them borrow it.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

It would never occur to me to even ask another parent if my child could take home one of their toys because mine didn't want to let go of it. We haven't had that happen before but if my child didn't want to stop playing with something and it was time to leave I would just take it away hand it to the mom and carry my child out. I can't speak for that parent but maybe they were afraid that if they tried to take it away it would get broken? I have no idea I have never had that happen or seen that before.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

nope...dd may have left there screaming and crying but she would learn that she can't have everything she wants when she wants it especially when it doesnt belong to her.

BTW I love your Disclaimer!

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

I don't think I would, I think that I would just say 'No, this is X's toy, you have plenty of toys at home to play with."

But DD is only 3 months so she's not attached to anything yet. If it was a friend I saw everyday or something that might be different, like if it was a neighbor and I would say let me take it home, I'll bring it back in an hour or something.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Posted by headoverheels

No. Tantrums suck but they are a part of toddler life. That mom needs to learn to deal with that another way because right now all she is teacher her child is that if you scream enough you get what you want I would be super ****** of at being put on the spot like that no matter how small the toy.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

Nope. Life is full of disappointment and learning that you can't have everything you want. Teach them from the start where the limits are. Its super annoying to deal with toddler tantrums, but I'm assuming its easier than dealing with teenage tantrums when you won't let them have the car they want.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

No. Unless it was like my sister & he was just having fun with it. He can't get everything he wants at all times, certainly not at a play date, I'd fear it would become a problem and something they'd expect.

Would it bother me though (not saying it bothered you)? Nah, everyone parents differently, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about them borrowing it. Unless they start borrowing things on a weekly basis of course. ETA- Wait, she's asked more then once??

Message edited 10/3/2011 6:18:31 PM.

Re: Would you ask if your toddler could "borrow" a toy from a friend because they refused to give it up when you were leaving?

i would never ask, i would have DD give it back and tell her it is not hers...

however i recently was in an awkward situation where the older sister and DD's friend gave her a bunch of dolls to take home. they said they had a lot and didn't need them anymore. DD was thrilled, but i didn't know what to say... i didn't want to hurt the girls' feelings by saying "no" because i thought it was sweet that they were sharing.

when i got home i emailed the mother stating that if they wanted the dolls back we would give them to her next time we saw them. i explained that i thought it was sweet that the older sister really wanted my DD to have them. she agreed and said "it's nice to see her share with others because she sure as hell doesn't do it with her sister"

the mother and i are friendly though, it wasn't a complete stranger, i don't know how i would have handled it if it were someone i didn't know that well...