Pregnancy vent-sorry long

I am now 32 1/2 weeks and with my C scheduled in 6 weeks and 5 days, I see the finish line.

I really wanted to love being pregnant-really truly did!


I know people always have it worse.

I am upset because my back is horrible. Not preggo sciatica horrible, but disc compression from hell causing my whole back to spasm. I did get meds from the OB and unless it is so horrible that I can't move without crying, I don't take them.

I feel like there was always something-whether it be my horrible self image-I thought I would embrace a big belly, didn't realize I would feel like a hog and hate every single garment that touched my body because I feel so unglamorous, never thought my feet would swell so much that I cannot put on a single nice shoe or my hands would swell so badly that I cannot wear my rings starting at 13 weeks. In addition, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, so instead of getting beautiful shiny hair, I have brittle nasty hair that fell out with a great deal of frequency until 18 weeks. The RA I *thought* was supposed to stay in remission but likes to send small friendly reminders that it is there. Of course, my back feels like death.

I try to keep a positive outlook and pretend that I've never felt better, but it is hard. I never thought I would say this, but I hate being pregnant and want it over. I want to hold my baby girl who I already love more than life, cuddle her, care for her...and for me, I want to get my body back. I want to be able to take something if I need, knowing that if I have to pump and dump or supplement with formula, it won't kill her. I want to be able to walk across the supermarket without cringing from the horrible pain in my back. I want to feel well again! If I am not going to sleep, I want my princess here, not because of the excruciating back pain.

I hate myself for feeling this way. I really love my baby so much and I know I will miss feeling her. But I hate being pregnant so much. I feel like I am a big whiny baby. I told DH that I was glad that we are planning to wait until Miss Bean is close to 3 to TTC again, because I need to repress my memory and let my body recover.

I have no clue what I am expecting by writing this.

If you got this far, thanks for reading.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

awww the moment you see her face you will forget how miserable you were and it will all be worth it!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Dont feel bad. I hate being pregnant also and I feel really guilty about it. I am in such pain all the time. I just want to have my baby girl here with me too! Hang in there!!!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Sometimes it helps just to get it out.

I've heard seeing the baby for the first time makes it all worth while.

Aside from the RA- I feel your pain.

Just take comfort in the fact that the end is near- and start counting down the hours.

And then use all this to guilt Miss Bean into cleaning her room and doing the dishes someday

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

sending LOTS of

the end IS in sight, she is almost here!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Pregnancy is a HUGE strain on your body. It's totally okay to not love it or even like it.

I had a pretty decent pregnancy with #1 and I HATED being pregnant, and now with #2, I thought I would enjoy it more since I know what the beautiful outcome is, and that this is my last time I will probably get to experience this so I would appreciate it more.

But guess what? I HATE it even more that last time.

Do not feel guilty or bad about this. It does not mean that you love your DD any less or that you are not willing to sacrifice your body for her. You ARE sacrificing your body for her and it's normal to want to feel healthy and not in pain.

Hang in there!! Just a few more weeks and you will have your beautiful baby girl in your hands and your body back in control.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Posted by kahlua716

Sometimes it helps just to get it out.

I've heard seeing the baby for the first time makes it all worth while.

Aside from the RA- I feel your pain.

Just take comfort in the fact that the end is near- and start counting down the hours.

And then use all this to guilt Miss Bean into cleaning her room and doing the dishes someday

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

There is no law that says you have to love pregnancy. Some women don't, and that's fine! Heck, I am not even loving it as much the 2nd time around. But the best part is you CAN see the finish line and picture holding your amazing little baby girl inyour arms and then you'll know, without a doubt, that every single crappy symptom you suffered was 10000% worth it. It sounds so cliche, but I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Posted by headoverheels



There is no law that says you have to love pregnancy. Some women don't, and that's fine! Heck, I am not even loving it as much the 2nd time around. But the best part is you CAN see the finish line and picture holding your amazing little baby girl inyour arms and then you'll know, without a doubt, that every single crappy symptom you suffered was 10000% worth it. It sounds so cliche, but I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

ugh i feel ur pain girlie. i have been in pain since day 1 too and feel so guilty saying that i hate pregnancy and i wish i didnt. and its worse with me because they still dont even know why im in pain so theres nothing they can do to even try to make me feel better. but i keep reminding myself that the end is near enough and when our babies arrive we willl forget all about the bad pars of it and remember that we created this miracle and were so lucky to gett hat wish we waited so long and hard for!!!!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Aww Michelle I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
At 32.5 weeks you're at the final stretch but there's a cumulative "OK i'm ready to be done now..." after 8 months of hormones, discomfort/pain, never ending testing and worrying.

How you feel about your pregnancy has nothing absolutely NOTHING to do with how you feel about your baby. 2 completely different phenomena, you know like how we love our DHs even though they are physically incapable of finding stuff on their own? Kinda like that.

And I've seen your pics, you look beautiful.

Even the "easiest" pregnancy is HARD. I had nothing physically to complain about, (though I still did on here a few times )But I so clearly remember being very anxious; every test (and I had many of them, due to age stuff), led to waiting periods of huge anxiety. So many what-ifs. DH was a bit "removed" from the whole experience, he wasn't a belly-rubber or baby-talker at all and it worried me (unnecessarily, it turns out, he's been awesome).

Pregnancy is HARD. If it were easy science would've found a way to let men do it and take all the credit.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

I HATED being pregnant... I spent the first 20 weeks Vomiting 15+ times a day. I puked so hard that at 12 weeks I burst some blood vessels in my cervix and started bleeding... secretly.... and strangely I thought... " I am having another MC... oh good I won't puke anymore". I felt DISGUSTING for thinking this.

There were days I would lay on the bathroom floor sobbing and crying that it would all end... I still feel guilty for it.

At 20 weeks the vomiting stopped and I was 20 lbs LIGHTER than when I got PG. A few days later Alexa turned transverse (sideways) and pushed out 3 of my disks.

I woke up one morning covered in pee... Yeah I peed myself. She put so much pressure on some of the nerves in my back that I loss bowel control and couldn't move my legs. I called my midwife screaming because I was basically paralyzed. I spent the rest of my pregnancy going to PT 3 X a week to try and help the pain... There is NO HELP for that type of pain. My therapist kept telling me it will get better when the baby is born

Feb 11 I go into labor (38.5 weeks) I'm not prepared... I thought I had until 40 weeks darn her....


I am planing a homebirth..... after 40 hours of labor I throw in the towel and go to the hospital. After 54 hours and a failed epidural she came TEARING (literally, I had 3rd degree tears) into my world.... Oh good it will get better now....

NOPE... it got worse. For the first 20 weeks my baby SCREAMED.... nothing could soothe her. SHe couldn't Breastfeed and I was OCD on that so I pumped and we had to syringe feed her since she had issues with opening her mouth due to a pinched nerve in HER neck

I told people... "I know why shaken baby syndrome exists"... I would have to sit on my hands and take a break while she screamed cause I literally wanted to "shake the sh*t out of her"..... I know... HARSH

I felt like a COMPLETE FAILURE... as a woman, as a mother, as a human being....


But then the cloud of doom and darkness lifted and I started falling in love... No, not falling but SPIRALING into a deep love like I've never known before..


I was a new woman... I had been through more challenges physically and mentally that I NEVER in my wildest dreams knew I could handle... I was a stronger woman, a better mother a better human being.

My life now had purpose, a goal... something to strive for every day bother personally and business

Everyday with Alexa is a new journey, better than Christmas... an adventure.

Every night when I nurse her... she finally got on the boob at 8 weeks, and I look into her sweet eyes (one of which is a black eye from falling right now ) I think to myself.......

"Now I know....... why my pregnancy was so hard... why my labor was even worse... and why the first few months with you were so difficult"


It was my journey into becoming a mother, there were lessons throughout this journey that I needed to learn about myself and about life. Lessons I needed to be Alexa's Mother...


So when you sit and think about your pregnancy and how its NOTHING like you wished, hoped or thought it would be... how other women around you feel like "Mother earth" (yes, I had a friend use that term to describe her pregnancy " and you feel like "night of the living dead" how you feel guilty for wanting your body back and when your baby is screaming at night you want to send them back...... Just remember that at the end of the journey you come out a different person, a better person, a stronger person.


I believe that God, or whomever you believe in picks out the right children for us that will teach us the many lessons we still need to learn about ourselves and life so that we may become better parents and human beings.....

So, the point of my endless rambling is... don't feel bad about your experience or your feelings towards it..... in due time you will think back at that time and finally realize how much stronger you are now and what the lessons were on your journey for you to learn.....

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Posted by colette

Aww Michelle I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
At 32.5 weeks you're at the final stretch but there's a cumulative "OK i'm ready to be done now..." after 8 months of hormones, discomfort/pain, never ending testing and worrying.

How you feel about your pregnancy has nothing absolutely NOTHING to do with how you feel about your baby. 2 completely different phenomena, you know like how we love our DHs even though they are physically incapable of finding stuff on their own? Kinda like that.

And I've seen your pics, you look beautiful.

Even the "easiest" pregnancy is HARD. I had nothing physically to complain about, (though I still did on here a few times )But I so clearly remember being very anxious; every test (and I had many of them, due to age stuff), led to waiting periods of huge anxiety. So many what-ifs. DH was a bit "removed" from the whole experience, he wasn't a belly-rubber or baby-talker at all and it worried me (unnecessarily, it turns out, he's been awesome).

Pregnancy is HARD. If it were easy science would've found a way to let men do it and take all the credit.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Women who like pregnancy are not better women, nor will they make better mothers - it just means they had an easy pregnancy.

My pregnancy is a breeze so far, if I had all the stuff you complained about - I would hate it too!!!

I hope that the remaining time passes quickly and then you have the chance to be an amazing mommy!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Like everyone said, seeing her will make it all worth it. Don't feel bad about what you are feeling. As you once said to me, "Hello, have our pregnancies met?" I feel the same way with the swollen feet, carpal tunnel, not wearing my rings since 13 week, the unattractive feeling... But I tell myself it is temporary. Once she is here, I will get back to my old self. You will too! I feel bad saying I don't like being pregnant, like I am already a bad mom. But not feeling like yourself for 9 months is a valid reason to complain. Hang in there

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

my most helpful baby book is "when the miracle makes you misrable"

during my first pregnancy i felt so bad for how i was feeling.

this one, i have accepted it...i hate being pregnant, but really loved my baby, so in the end when this hell is over-its really over. once the baby comes it is so different

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

I HATED my first pregnancy with a passion. Everyone who knew me swore that I would never get pregnant again because I was so miserable. I also had INSANE swelling to the point that it got so bad on my legs that I got friggin stretch marks on the backs of my calves I also have a bad back from an accident along with moderate scoliosis that got tremendously worse as the pregnancy progressed. One time I couldn't leave the doctor's office because I could not walk since they had me laying flat on my back so long! I also had gestational diabetes and towards the end my blood pressure was a bit all over the place.

Now my daughter is 17 months old and the light of my life and guess what? I am 25 weeks pregnant. Everyone we told nearly died of shock. Do I like being pregnant better this time around? Sort of I would say. I haven't had the swelling set in yet, my back had held tremendously well so far and I am more active as a result- especially chasing after my DD! Pregnancy lasts such a short time in the grand scheme of things although it doesn't seem like it when you are going through it. Before you know it your DD will be here and you will realize it was all worth it.

Message edited 1/13/2010 11:16:51 AM.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

I hate being pregnant too and my pregnancy seems like a breeze compared to yours. But you know what, I don't feel guilty about it, not even a little bit - pregnancy is hard - it is hard work creating a human being and giving up so much of yourself physically and some people, for whatever reason, just tolerate it better than others. I'm doing the best I can and I can't wait to be a mom and I don't think how I feel now has anything to do with what kind of mom I'll be. Pregnancy is the means not the end and we're almost there - it'll be over soon enough!

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Each pregnancy is diffrent and hopefully your next is easier. It is a big strain on your body mentally and physically. I haven't had the easiest time but it will all be over soon and you will have your little budle in your arms.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

it's ok not to love being pregnant. I LOVED my 1st pregnancy. it was a dream.

This time around I cannot wait until it's over. I had bad m/s that still creeps up on me now, I have horrible pelvic pain, I can't sleep.

Once she is here none of this will matter and hopefully everything will go back to normal for you.

Re: Pregnancy vent-sorry long

Oh, I know how you feel. I have not had an easy pregnancy and I feel terribly guilty about it. Dh says maybe we shouldn't have another. My friends all say they hope it's not as bad as mine. My BFF's husband had the nerve to say "I know she will not have it like you, she's a tough girl". I am a tough girl too!! I wanted to LOVE being pregnant. I wanted to be one of those glowing, always smiling and rubbing thir bellies as they walk around like floating on air girls. I've had M/S literrally since i got my BFP at 5 weeks. That's 23 weeks of puking every single mornng. I live with broken blood vessels all over my face constatnly. I haven't been able to wear cute shoes in weeks, my rings since 14 weeks.

I know that the moment we hold our little princesses, it will all be worth it. We'll be so in love - even more than we are now. We are allowed to feel these things. Especially with underlying medical issues ( i have some too). Our bodies are not our own for 9 months. Do not feel guilty that your pregnancy isn't easy, it's not your fault. It's nothing you can control. Just think how much more we will appreciate what we have, when we struggled so hard to make it through. I can't imagine the pain you are in, but I can sympathize.

Never ever feel guilty and never ever feel ashamed to admit these things to US. We are all here for each other. Each one of our pregnancies is different. We are all here to support one another. We are here to hear your vents. And share in your joy.

I sometimes joke that is making this so hard on me because she's going to be a stubborn, hot headed, determined little diva when she gets here. We are going to have our hands full. But, I actually look forward to that. I want my little girl to have guts and fire in her heart. I want her to be someone who makes a difference.

Just to you. Because I think your brave to go through this without the meds you need for pain. I think you are doing a GREAT job so far and I don't think you complain much at all! The end is near!!