putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

let me preface this by saying that i love my daughter with all of my heart, i really do.

i am at my wits end. she is such a high needs baby. seriously. she cant be left alone for 2 minutes. i cant put her on her back. i cant put her on her tummy. i cant hold her b/c she squirms. she wont eat. she doesnt nap. i am crying right now b/c i was trying to cook dinner and she was hysterical in the swing, so i thought she was hungry, so i had to stop cooking, i tried to feed her and she made herself gag she was crying so hard that she threw up the whole bottle.

what am i doing wrong? i feel like a failure. i am trying to work from home and it is impossible. i am about to lose my job b/c i cant get any quality work done. as much as i love my dh, he works so hard during the day and comes home late sometimes that i dont always get some "me" time. i feel like the world is crashing down around me.

i feel like my ped is just clueless when i comes to helping us. i don think he realizes the severity of the situation and has offered no solutions.

i feel like i am the worse mommy in the world. how can i get thru this? i have been dealing with ppd and i thougth that things were getting better, but now i am afraid i am relapsing.

i am trying to have realistic expectations about my baby. i know no baby is happy everyday. but i feel like she is so miserable every freakin day. there were a few weeks were she was a joy and then it all went down hill. i dont know if its the reflux or teething or that she is still getting over a cold.

if you are still reading this, thank you. it feels better getting out. i am hoping someone can help me out and give me some advice.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Can you call a family member to help take care of her while you get out for an hour? You need to get out. Maybe your Dh can pick up dinner tonight? Maybe he can give you an hour or a half hour? You need to get out of the house and take a breather.

Maybe change pediatricans?

Have you tried putting rice cereal in her bottle?

I am so sorry you are going though this. None of us think you are a bad mother or a failure. We are here for you, vent away!

Message edited 10/6/2006 7:14:00 PM.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

First off many to you

It is OK to feel this way....please do not feel bad...you are taking care of her as best you can and listening to crying all day would make anyone ...feel like they are going to lose it

Second...Please look into a different ped for your daughter. Your doctor needs to be a friend not a foe...a good doctor can make all the difference in the world

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

First I just want to say that you are not a failure. You are doing the best you can. Here are some

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

no advice, sorry, but

Message edited 10/6/2006 7:16:17 PM.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Don't have any advice just lots of

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

First of all:

I completely understand how you are feeling. DS was the same kind of baby, and I was constantly on the verge of tears. I felt exactly the way that you are feeling, and also suffered from PPD. Max didn't sleep for more than an hour at any time until he was almost 2, and suffered from terrible reflux, among other health issues. The only thing that helped at all was when someone would hold Max for a while, or better yet, watch him for a while. Do you have friends or family who can watch your daughter for a while so that you can "get away," even if that means taking a bath or going out for a cup of coffee? You should not feel bad about asking for help. You can only be the best possible mommy if you have a little bit of time for yourself. Maybe you could have DH take DD to a "mommy (daddy) and me" class on a Saturday or Sunday, to have some quality bonding time and give you a break. Also, if you feel like your ped. is not hearing you, you should DEFINITELY get a second look from another one. That's what I did, and it really changed everything for me. I found a ped. who is also a mom with a son a little older than Max. She actually UNDERSTANDS me!

Feel free to FM if you'd like. I really do understand how you feel. It DOES get better! My heart goes out to you.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

No one is going to judge you! We have all felt this way at some point. You are doing a great job. Try to see if someone can come to your house to give you a little bit of a break. I also think you need to switch peds or get a second opinion. It sounds as if you are going through this alone and you shouldn't be.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

First off You have a high needs baby,and are entitled to feel extremely overwhelmed by just that fact alone. I would get another pediatrician, one who is supportive of you. Dr. Cavanagh in Huntington was great when I had PPD he was so supportive and gave me names and numbers of others to talk to.

It may seem like no end is in sight but it will get easier as Hannah gets older.

I know what really helped me was going back to work. Is that an option for you?

Hang in there you have a great support system right here

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

I know all too well what it's like to struggle with ppd AND have a high needs baby.
Just when I thought we were through the tunnel and seeing the light, she began teething and is miserable again.

Are you seeing someone for your PPD? It really helped me a lot to see someone and I can give you the info for my therapist. She specializes in PPD.

Do you ever get a break from Hannah? Do you have someone besides DH who comes and can take over for a bit? I was and still am reluctant to ask my family for help, but I've realized I cannot do this on my own.

Please let me know if you ever need a break. I am always available to help you out. I know what it's like, so I have no problem hanging out with two high needs babies

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

You are not a bad mommy, trust me we have all been there.

You need to ask for help, don't be afraid. It's better for you to take some time alone and then come back with a relaxed mind.

Definitely change doctors, you need to find someone that you can count and rely on.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Ok--It sounds like your baby has severe reflux and she was crying in the swing because the motion made the reflux worse...that use to happen to my daughter. 1st you should get your daughter on some medication for her reflux..maybe take her to a Gastro Doc. Their is a reason she is crying and she is uncomfortable...Maybe if she is on medication she will be more comfortable.. 2nd are you on medication for your PPD? You should talk to someone because it sucks feeling the way you are feeling and it becomes very overwhelming. It's not healthy for you to sit at home by yourself with your screaming baby feeling the way you do. You need a break and you should tell your DH to give you one.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

You are doing an AWESOME job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, the first three months with my daughter were extremely hard too, and I was SO ready to throw in the towel on SO many days.
I promise you it will get better.
I hope you can find some answers soon as to why she is feeling so uncomfortable, and I hope that YOU can get some relief, maybe have a day to yourself to just get away- it really does help.
We're all here for you.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

You are NOT a bad mom, I promise. I felt the same way when Matteo was going through his rough time the first couple of months.

I agree with the person that said to maybe try another pediatrician. I like my group if you want their info, they are in Levittown, not sure where you are. Seriously, you do need some help, is there anyone to relieve you? I am even willing to help you b/c I know how it is and it is overwhelming and just rough. Matteo is at a good point now, 5 months, but we did have a rough start.

FM me, I am more than willing to help you out.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

I don't think anybody would ever judge you for feeling that way. Is there anybody that can help you out so you can get a little break?

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Many 's - You will not be judged here. Too many of us have walked in your shoes. While my DD was not a high needs baby, we had a rough few months of her life. She had/has a milk allergy and suffered so much in the beginning. Feedings were a nightmare...nothing helped... and everyday around 6:00pm when the sun would start to go down, I got so depressed because I knew what the night had in store for me.
There are a few other mother's on here who have dealt with a high needs baby... They could probably offer you some good advice. In the meantime, stop being so hard on yourself... ASK for help - Even if it's just asking someone to watch DD while you soak in the tub. Also - Find a new ped. You need someone who can offer you practical advice.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

ok first let me tell you that you are not a bad mommy at all!!!!! my second baby was colic and all he did was cry no matter what. i remember one day i put him in his crib and closed his door and sat outside the door crying histerical because i couldn't take it anymore. if it's gas, is the food? breast milk? formula? have you tried mylicon? if it's teething have you tried tylenol? can you hire a mother's helper for a few hours in the evening so you can get things done?

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

I just want to add that I don't think it is realistic to expect any more than one or two hours a day that you could work from home for a very long time. If you need to work more than that you need to hire help to watch the baby.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

hannah is being medicated for her reflux. she went from axid to zantac, which in the beginning, it seemed like the zantac was working better, but nowi am not so sure. she has milk protein allergy and is being treated with elecare formula. my ped WILL NOT put her on a ppi (prevacid). i mentioned to him that she is still fussy at the bottle and gets hysterical during feedings and he didnt even blink an eye.

dh has been great, doing as much as he can, and so are both of our moms. they come and watch hannah when i go to work for a few hours. my mom will clean and do laundry (which i hate LOL!) and i have been seeing someone for the ppd, but i have other health issues that are surfacing that are troublesome and may be contributing to my overall anxiety.

*sigh* thanks for all of the support. it means more than you know!

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

I just want to say that you are not alone! I think everyone has felt what you are feeling to some extreme. Soem people's circumstances are more difficult then others -- but we've all had those feelings of being helpless, not being able to sooth our baby and not knowing why, and just wanting to curl up into a ball to get some REST and alone time.

It doesn't make you a bad mom at all. It makes you HUMAN. Being a mom is such an incredibly job and a difficult one at that. But you love your daughter with no end -- and as hard as it is you hang in there -- I've seen that in you through this board --- and I know you'll continue doing it.

I would definately start looking around and asking for other pediatrician recommendations. My daughter never had reflux but there are a lot of people who can probably make a recommendation for you on here.

And please know that we are all here to hear your vents. It can happen every day, once a week, whatever --- whenever you need it.

Also something that I am planning on doing soon is getting out to super suppers to cook a bunch of meals that I can just freeze so I don't really have to cook during the week. Maybe you can do something like that to just give yourself some extra time.

Please let us all know if we can help. I'd certainly make a huge pot of chicken soup for you guys if you needed me to so that at least you'd have a few days of food without having to cook and leave the baby.

Melissa

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

No advice, but lots of 's. YOu are not a bad mom.

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)

I have no BTDT advice, but I just wanted to say you are NOT a failure! Youre a wonderful mommy simply for caring so much and for showing such concern and posting such a heartfelt post to us

How is she when youre out ? Is she distracted or more calm in the stroller ? would it help to take her out, maybe to the park, for a walk, mommy group things ?

I hope things get better very soon

Re: putting this out there..please dont judge (long)