Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

With all the talk about Palin's daughter, I find myself wondering if I would want my child to get married if he ever got a girl pregnant. I know Bristol and her boyfriend decided to get married before telling their parents about the pregnancy.

At this age, I would prefer he did not get married. If he and the girl wanted to keep the baby, I would support them as best I could, but I would prefer they didn't get married immediately (same if I had a daughter). I just think they are very young and might be making a mistate. After a few years, fine.

All this would depend on their relationship before the baby came along, how well they knew each other, their maturity level, etc. but in general, I don't think I would push this.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I don't have children, but I don't think I would push it either. you don't want to compoun the mistake. I would definitely give as much support as possible, and if they still want to get married after the baby arrives and some time has passed, then it would be appropriate.

As you said it depends on the relationship, age, etc. If they are 19 and have been dating for 3 years, it's different than 6 mos at 17 or whatever.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

Oh God, I don't even want to think about that !!!

I'd never push anyone to get married OR have a baby - I wouldn't want to push my child into something that would ultimately make him or her miserable .........

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I wouldn't push a child to marry just because they are or got someone pregnant. Simply because its like they are starting their marriage with 3 strikes against them and will probably wind up resenting one another and a baby doesn't need a mom & dad that are fighting and unprepared for what comes with such a committment. Let them mature some more and decide on their own if this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, vs. the person they just happened to get hot & heavy with and produce a child.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I would not force them to marry, unless they wanted to. I would hope/pray she was never in this situation and if she was I would lay out ALL of her options and educate her about ALL of the physical and emotional stuff that happens with each "choice" there is out there. I would force them to look at ALL options and make informed choices.

I would tell my daughter WHAT actually happens to her body and the baby when you abort it. I would show her what they do in the abortion clinic/office. I would show her what will happen during childbirth too. I would have her speak to a psychologist who deals with women who have had abortions and tell her what she is in for IF she makes that choice.

I would have her talk to my friend Beth who's teenage mom gave her up for adoption and now as an adult has a GREAT relationship with her birth mother and her real mom (the adoptive mother). Beth has a masters and 3 beautiful kids of her own. She is an awesome person.
I would also have her speak to girls who have gotten abortions, teenage mothers who raise their children, and mothers who gave up their children for adoption.

After all that it is her choice (if she is not a minor). I would be praying my heart out that she would choose life. I love her with all my heart and would support and love her; even if I strongly disagreed with her decision.

Message edited 9/3/2008 10:42:29 AM.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I wouldn't push them to marry but if they wanted to, go ahead. They are about to be parents. Now it my non pregnant son/daughter that was 17 wanted to get married I would HIGHLY discourage it.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

This isn't the Middle ages. Forcing someone to do anything life changing will only cause resentment. Too many people's lives are affected by forcing them to marry....

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

This isn't the Middle ages. Forcing someone to do anything life changing will only cause resentment. Too many people's lives are affected by forcing them to marry....

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

This isn't the Middle ages. Forcing someone to do anything life changing will only cause resentment. Too many people's lives are affected by forcing them to marry....

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

This isn't the Middle ages. Forcing someone to do anything life changing will only cause resentment. Too many people's lives are affected by forcing them to marry....

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I got pregnant at 18, soon after grauduating HS, with my bf of 2 years. I decided to keep the baby and my family was Fully supportive, shocked, but supportive. Marriage never even crossed my mind at that point, sure it was talked about between my sons father & I, but it was a FUTURE plan. I couldn't imagine all of those changes occuring so closely in time. Becoming a mother was enough work for me, never mind becoming a wife at that point too. Either way, I'm glad marriage was never really an option for us at that point in time, because we broke up almost 2 years ago, after a 5 year relationship. We have come to realize that we are MUCH better friends and it's not only better for us, but for our son too!

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I try not to say anything about Palin or her daughter regarding that subject... Ever since it came out that she is pregnant I'm so afraid to even say anything that may come off as a judgement b/c she could be ME one day - my daughter could get pregnant at a young age and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

So, I can't even say what I would do - I think you don't really know until you are in that situation. I feel bad even 'looking down on' or saying 'she should do...' or 'she really should NOT be doing..." b/c who am I? This could totally be me one day.

I also know the pain of having a difficult, or somewhat embarrassing situation happen... my brother has a child and was never married. Now, granted, he was MUCH older than 17 - he still had my nephew, and he was not planned, when him and my nephew's mother were dating (they had been dating about a year). It happens - but I saw what my mother went through firsthand and it was hard for her. You think "where did I go wrong?" and then you realize that you didn't go wrong anywhere, it has nothing to do with you and it happened. My mother urged them to get married - my brother wanted that also. My nephew's mother did not want that and they ended up breaking up when Christopher was around a year old. Since then, they live in the same area so Chris can get the school bus from either Kenneth's place or his mother's place - they both work to raise Christopher - and my nephew is a WONDERFUL child surrounded, at all times, by two extremely loving Grandparents, two Aunts who think the world of him, an Uncle who will do anything for him, a caring Mother and - well - I don't think you can ask for a better Father than my brother. Christopher's whole life is my brother - and vice-versa.

Did I ever think I would be saying this when Kenneth first, reluctantly, told us what happened? NEVER.

But, when life gives you lemons you try your best to make lemonade.

And that is the first and last time I am commenting on this!

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

I think at a young age you should try to see how it goes just being a couple after the baby comes. There is no "need" for marriage just because you are bringing a baby into the world. PLENTY of people have babies on their own, and they turn out fine. I don't get the whole "we have to get married because a baby is on the way". It just doesn't make any sense to me. A baby is no reason to spend your life with someone who you may not be meant to be with.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

Message edited 9/3/2008 2:45:05 PM.

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage

It was a little mention in today's Newsday, which I just tried to locate on their website, but I'm not finding it. The headline is "Boyfriend to the Convention." The source quoted is his mother, so it may not be accurate at all--this could be the familiy spin.

This is the quote:"Johnston's mother, Sherry, said there had been no pressure on her son to marry Bristol Palin, 17, and the two teens had made plans to wed before it was known she was pregnant. "This is just a bonus," Johnston said."

So who knows?

Re: Question: Teens, Pregnancy and Marriage