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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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? re: a parent watching your children all day
My sister has our mother, who watches her children for 8hrs/day (a 2 y/o & a 2mo old) also:
cook dinner every night
do the laundry (including all weekend laundry)
make their bed
empty the dishwasher from the day before
bathe the children
Plus, if my sister has off from work, she still makes my mother come 99% of the time to help out
?
I feel its too much for her, she is 61. Now granted, my mother took it upon herself to do many of these things to help out but I just feel like my sister is treating her like a maid and taking advantage. She is lazy! I feel she should tell my mom that she doesn't have to do all that stuff. What do you think? It bothers me soo much!!
eta: my mother is paid well but still!!! All the extra stuff wasn't included the "job description."
Message edited 1/22/2009 11:25:59 AM.
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Posted 1/22/09 11:20 AM  |
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jmf423
:)
Member since 5/05 6372 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
It would bother me too!!! If your Mom is willing to watch her 2 children full-time that is wonderful, but she should not be doing all that extra stuff!!
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:21 AM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
i think it's up to your mom if she wants to do those things or not.
when i go back to work in a week, my mother told me she'll help with
grocery shopping
laundry
dinner
cleaning up
especially until i get into a routine with going back to work. she's happy to do these things for me and she's going to be 61 in a few months.
it's all about what they talked about ahead of time. if your sister is just expecting her to do these things and your mom doesn't want to, then that's not right.
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:33 AM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
my Inlaws do a lot for DH and I and they are not paid either  I told them they don't need to make us dinner, but they wait for me to come home from work, then they cook. my DH comes and we all eat dinner together, then take DS home.
Maybe your mom likes doing it?
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:35 AM |
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jambalady
Is it summer yet?
Member since 8/06 7392 total posts
Name:
Holly
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Posted by browneyedgirl
i think it's up to your mom if she wants to do those things or not.
when i go back to work in a week, my mother told me she'll help with
grocery shopping
laundry
dinner
cleaning up
especially until i get into a routine with going back to work. she's happy to do these things for me and she's going to be 61 in a few months.
it's all about what they talked about ahead of time. if your sister is just expecting her to do these things and your mom doesn't want to, then that's not right.
ITA. My mom watches my 9 mo old and my brother's 7 & 4 yr old. She will sweep, do dishes if there are any in the sink, make dinner for my brother's family, and just generally pick up in the house.
She is 63 and I've told her time and time again that she does not need to do these things but she wants to.
If your mom is okay with it, and is offering to do so, I see no problem.
If however, these are things that your sister expects but your mom doesn't want to, then it's a different story.
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:37 AM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
my mom watches DD 3 days a week now at her house. My mom does DD's laundry for me- it is a huge help- and on Monday nights- when my DD is there, we all eat over together...
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:38 AM |
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TwoGirls4Me
Treasure what you have
Member since 5/05 1839 total posts
Name:
Marie
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
we pay my mom (who just turned 58) to watch our almost 2 1/2 year old and 8 week old. The only thing I EXPECT from her is to watch the girls! She usually empties and/or loads the dishwasher, does laundry, straightens up etc. When she doesnt get those things done she actually apologizes and I am CONSTANTLY telling her not to! Her "job" is to watch the girls, period.
Its really up to your mom if she is up to doing those things, but your sister definitely should expect it.
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:40 AM |
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XcalystaX
Sooo Sleep Deprived....
Member since 7/06 2742 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
I take my 6 month DD to my mom's house everyday from 8am-6pm while I work. She also packs up a dinner for DH and I. She does not bathe DD or do any grooming duties but obviously feeds her, changes her and plays with her all day. AND she won't let me pay her and have argued MANY times about this. Its so bad that she won't tell me when she is running out of wipes, food or diapers so instead I have a huge box shipped regularly from diapers.com....
I can understand why you are annoyed for sure, but sometimes our parents are so happy to help and they won't take no for an answer.
Can you believe that on top of all that my parents are always asking when my DD can sleep over on the weekends??? When I am off from work I am so happy to be with her that I never let her go anywhere without me, so my parents always have weekends off at least, but if it was up to them I think they would steal my child and leave the country .  
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:49 AM |
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dapnkap
Our 3 angels
Member since 7/07 4824 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
That does seem like a lot for your mom. My mom and my MIL watch DD, but they don't do chores or anything like that.
I'm sure if it gets to be too much for your mom that she would say something.
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:51 AM |
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chikita315
Love
Member since 8/06 7945 total posts
Name:
M-lo
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
I pay my MIL and she doesn't do half of that! Tell your mom I'll give her a raise and I only have 1 baby!
Seriously though, have you spoken to your mom about it? Maybe she's afraid to say something to your sister?
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| Posted 1/22/09 11:52 AM |
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Bklyngrl
luvmyfamily
Member since 9/06 5307 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
i wish i had a quarter of that help! your mom does alot and you know her best. I dont think your sister should "expect all these things done if it wasnt part of the agreement". Maybe you can casually mention to your sister that you are worried about your mom and gently explain why.
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| Posted 1/22/09 12:28 PM |
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shellybean
Love my Baby Boy!
Member since 4/07 5191 total posts
Name:
mich
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Well I see both sides...on one hand shes doing a lot...but on the other shes paying her mother like anyone else...
My mom watched DS free of charge...Personally I woulndt pay my mom to watch DS, I would just stay home if I didnt have her...I dont make that much...LOL
How are you feeling BTW?
ETA does she just ask her to do it or does she do it on her own?
Message edited 1/22/2009 12:40:39 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/09 12:39 PM |
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Annie91606
Brotherly love
Member since 12/07 1816 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
My Mom watches DS for us (age 1 year) at our house while we are at work.
She will only take gas/transportation money that we give her.
I feel she is doing us a big favor, and therefore watching DS is the only thing she should do. I try really hard to do everything while I am home, so she doesn't have to do anything during the day other than watch DS. I do the laundry, cleaning, bathing and feeding DS at night, etc. We do share the cooking, we rotate nights (DH was supposed to help, but somehow dropped out of the rotation so he does dishes).
I would feel horrible asking her to do all of those other things- and I know she would if I asked. I also would not ask her to come over at all while either one of us are off..
ETA- my Mom is 59 years old.
Message edited 1/22/2009 12:50:18 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/09 12:49 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
I told my Mom she's not 'allowed' to watch the baby at our house (she'll only be doing 1 day a week) BECAUSE I know her, and I know she'll do all of those things, and I don't feel that it's her responsibility - Regardless of how much my Mom WANTS to do, my Mom would do ANYTHING for me .......so I feel like 'letting' her do it is selfish on my part - I KNOW she's going to do it -
Watching the baby once a week is help enough - KWIM?
IMO it's very nice of your Mom to do ALL of that for your sister - Mine would do the same - but is your sister paying her the equivalent of daycare + a maid + a personal chef ?? I doubt it - I agree w/ you, I would feel like your Mom is being taken advantage of -
BUT, I don't think it's your place to say anything -
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| Posted 1/22/09 1:37 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
That would bother me too.
Whenever my MIl watches DD for a few hours, she is always asking what she can do to help. I tell her there is nothing to do.
I feel like you are there to watch DD, not clean my house.
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| Posted 1/22/09 1:43 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Well, I think that is a lot to expect your mom to do while she watches your sister's DC, but at the same time, i don't think it is your place to get involved either
But I know that my mom does stuff like that when she watches my DS and I do not pay her...
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| Posted 1/22/09 1:50 PM |
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MrsG41307
LIF Adult
Member since 11/07 936 total posts
Name:
Dyanne
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
My mil watches my dd and we do pay her, and she was doing our laundry and they dd's laundry. I told her that was too much to do and that watching dd was enough. I didn't want to take advantage of her. she helps out so much and I'm so grateful to her.
I understand your frustration with your sister and mother...but sometimes you can't tell mothers what to do...if you mom likes doing all that stuff for your sister..there is really nothing you can do until your mom speaks up or your sister tells her to stop...
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:08 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
When I was working my parents would watch DS for free. They would always cook us dinner so we would all have a nice meal for when we came home from work. Sometimes they ran the dishwasher too. I never asked them to do it but my mom said to me that she really liked doing it and enjoyed having a family meal. On occassion she would do our laundry but I told her to please stop doing that. She said she liked having things to do. My parents are your parents age. I will say that I made sure to purchase fillet minon or really expensive cuts of meat so that they would eat really well. They refused to accept any payment.
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:15 PM |
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Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
My parents watch DD but they do it at their house. We don't pay them (they say this is so we can save money) but they do a lot. They wash DD's laundry, make dinner for us sometimes and generally just give us a good support system.
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:17 PM |
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itkocak
Member since 7/07 7639 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Message edited 11/22/2011 10:19:05 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:27 PM |
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Faithx2
All good things in 2016!!
Member since 8/05 20181 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Posted by KateDevine
Well, I think that is a lot to expect your mom to do while she watches your sister's DC, but at the same time, i don't think it is your place to get involved either
I agree with it not being your place to say something. Would it bother me?? Absolutely!! but I would refrain from commenting. That could turn into a huge family blowout
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:51 PM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
My mother in my house doing all those things is my worst nightmare!!! I would hate her looking at everything, and doing those things for me, its a little bit like being a child.
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| Posted 1/22/09 2:54 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
This would bother me so much.. To me, I just think, who is the parent there? And why would you involve your parent so much that they are practically LIVING what should be your life? And yes, your life includes doing all the above chores, EVEN if you work.
I know my brother is going to rope my mom into doing many of these things when he has a baby. What bothers me most is when people just EXPECT it and don't seem to appreciate it or take the parent into account.
Unfortunately I think the moms who do this get a payoff somehow mentally in order to do all these things and not say NO.
ETA- THey pay your mom? My mom would not even get a dime, she would do it all for free. Ugh.
Message edited 1/22/2009 3:14:15 PM.
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| Posted 1/22/09 3:05 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Posted by racheeeee
My mother in my house doing all those things is my worst nightmare!!! I would hate her looking at everything, and doing those things for me, its a little bit like being a child.
This is how I feel as well so I rather struggle and not take help. I really am not a fan of taking so much help from a parent, at all. I feel it can totally backfire, in addition to me not thinking it's fair to make a parent work like that.
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| Posted 1/22/09 3:09 PM |
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DanaRenee
Fitness Junkie!
Member since 6/06 6470 total posts
Name:
Dana
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Re: ? re: a parent watching your children all day
Posted by krissy888
Maybe your mom likes doing it?
my mom likes helping but things get out of hand...like, the weekend laundry is left piled on the washer for her or my sister throws things in the sink in the morning when she knows my mom bathes one of them right after...so then my mom will have to wash her dishes first!
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| Posted 1/22/09 3:23 PM |
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